@mrosek91, thank you for saying that. I’ve read a lot of stories on the other side saying how bad it was that I was stressed and worried about it. I am very happy that she will be here but was getting worried from all the stories I’ve read about it going wrong. She will be here for nearly a month (Aug 23-Sept 21). I mainly worry about having one bathroom to share.
@sw1122 I agree with @mrosek91 My parents stayed with us for 3 weeks after my daughter was born and it was a HUGE help. I think it depends on your relationship with your family, but it worked well for us. They bought food, cooked dinner, cleaned up, did laundry. It was just a lot when my in laws were here at the same time, but overall my memories of the time are very positive. I cried when my husband went back to work and when my parents left, but it was a nice time to adjust and have help and be able to take a nap between feedings etc.
ETA My husband only had one week off and during that week we were in the hospital and his parents were here too, so it was hectic. Having the help after he went back to work was amazing. We were both exhausted and he didn't have to worry about taking care of me and working since my parents were able to fill in. It made the transition easier for me for sure. By the time my parents left I was ready to tackle being a mom on my own.
I’ve experienced help both day of bringing baby home and waiting a week to bond. I definitely agree there is no right or wrong answer and whatever your comfort levels are (weather it’s immediate, 1 week out, or even a month) should be respected and are fair. It’s your baby and your house.
i will say having immediate help my second go was a little more pleasant because I needed more help with my older one and making sure she was still getting plenty of attention since my attention and energy suddenly had to go elsewhere. My in laws also stayed at a hotel when they came same day instead of staying with us which was a nice balance of help and still time alone.
Re: long distance visitors I had a planned cs on Tuesday, left the hospital Thursday, mom arrived Friday and stayed 6 weeks (last 10 days my dad was also here and then they went back together). It was great. She didn't overstep, she took the "adult bedtime till midnight" shift so dh and I could get a chuck of solid sleep before LO was hungry, she helped with chores, etc. I didn't feel like I couldn't bond with LO bc she was there or anything.
Edit: @akuzreve hopefully the one bathroom will be fine. We have 1.5 baths here, and I know the extra half can make a big difference, but when we visit the in laws they had 1.5 for 7 adults and 1 baby when we are all together.
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
@mrosek91@mkrel@olivemomma@BigBadWolf12 - thanks so much for this. While we're both particular and stubborn and have our own 'right way of doing things', my mom and I have a good relationship. My father is also coming to stay with us, and while I'm not as close with him, I'm curious to see how he'll interact with the baby (he's not a very affectionate or emotional person). I can just see myself being overwhelmed and I'm not sure how long my husband will be able to take off, so I know I'll appreciate the help, especially from my parents since I feel the most comfortable with them (besides my husband).
@sw1122 Nope. Your mother doesn't count in this situation.
My mom saved MY LIFE after DD1 was born. I NEEDED her. My MIL, on the other hand, was completely useless. I will never regret having my mom there immediately and keeping my MIL away.
@sw1122 - don’t feel like a baby at all! If you have a good relationship with your family and you want them around - DO IT. The newborn phase is all about doing what works for YOU.
With my first, my mom came and stayed for 6 weeks (my dad was here for part of that, but he was...less helpful). Then when my mom left DH took his 6 weeks of paternity leave. So I had help until my kid was almost 3mo old! This time, with the twins, my mom is planning to arrive in mid-July so she can help with DD while I have limited mobility, and is planning to stay until sometime in October, at which point my aunt and uncle are going to come for a bit.
So yeah...I’m all about having help if you want it 😜
@peachy0709 - I honestly feel like I will NEED my mother. I know that she'll be understanding and helpful. Lol about your MIL - I actually told my husband that I hope MIL doesn't visit anytime soon (he agreed).
@aecm - it's so great that you had/have that kind of support! My parents are planning on staying for a week depending on how I'm doing and feeling, so maybe I can guilt them into staying longer
@suzycupcake - I think that's perfectly acceptable! My sister had two children before my first came along and I saw how overwhelmed she was (both of our parents - who've been happily divorced for 30 years, but get along like BFFs - are in their 2nd teenagehood, so aren't the *best* of post-partum guests) ... and I very clearly told EVERYONE with DD1 that no one was allowed to come before she was 5 weeks old. I wanted to have a routine down, have a good understanding of her needs and cues, and I really just wanted to try and enjoy what little time I would have with just the two of us. Highly recommend it, even if mom/MIL/father/FIL are very helpful. It will be very similar with DD2 this summer.
@lilmamabebe3 - First of all, I laugh when others have opinions about people's personal family decisions. DD1 is most definitely going to daycare (it's right around the corner from our house) without interruption because she will have enough craziness going on in her life. And it'll give us some bonding time without worrying about too much jealousy, etc.
**History in Spoiler**
Me-35, DH-36 - TTC since 08/10 Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil) ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day) FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok) FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
My sister recommended having her come with my husband goes back to work but honestly, it just wouldn’t feel comfortable without my husband every day. I love my MIL but don’t feel close to her in that regard.
Im an introverted person and enjoy my privacy but certainly I don’t want to make anyone feel like they can’t see the baby either. Thanks ladies for validating my decision. Appreciate you.
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Minor correction: I think we deleted the deliberation thread even if we eventually voted no. It made people feel more comfortable about being honest if they knew the thread wouldn't persist forever (and wouldn't case drama if a later added member is friends with someone that didn't get in).
@sw1122 thank you! Haha I was beginning to think I was crazy for looking forward to visitors meeting baby and coming over in the first month. Now with everyone's response to your post, I feel a lot better! Haha
I live in Hawaii. My mother lives by herself in Massachusetts. It's really hard for her to be so far away from the grandkids and me. I basically told my mother that she can come when she wants and stay however long she wants when Bean #2 comes. She wanted to be here when the baby turns 30 days old. Given we are so far away, I don't have it in me to deprive her of the limited time she gets with her grandkids. She stayed for nearly a month for the first baby for the same reason. She'll do the same this time around. I figure that at worst, she can help with DD when the new baby comes.
I haven’t done much housework this whole pregnancy, at least not much at one time, DH and the boys have definitely done the majority. So I’m feeling pretty good today and just spent about two hours straightening up, dusting, vacuuming, and doing laundry. DS2 (6) says “how does it feel to be up and working?” I guess they’ve seen a little too much of me sitting on the couch lately. 🤦🏻♀️
My mom is amazing and welcome right away after the baby is born. I had an emergency CS after hard labor, and I was just wrung out and hurting and needed all the help I could get. DH had 2 weeks off, but my CS recovery was much longer due to infection. So my mom saved our bacon big time.
MIL on the other hand we do not have a good relationship with, and it showed. She was not helpful, made derogatory comments about my appearance on more than one occasion, and basically didn't lift a finger except to hold the baby so I could use the bathroom.
So, depending on your relationship you probably already know who you want there. Trust your gut!
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/18
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
My parents stayed with us for 3 weeks after my daughter was born and it was a HUGE help. I think it depends on your relationship with your family, but it worked well for us. They bought food, cooked dinner, cleaned up, did laundry. It was just a lot when my in laws were here at the same time, but overall my memories of the time are very positive. I cried when my husband went back to work and when my parents left, but it was a nice time to adjust and have help and be able to take a nap between feedings etc.
ETA My husband only had one week off and during that week we were in the hospital and his parents were here too, so it was hectic. Having the help after he went back to work was amazing. We were both exhausted and he didn't have to worry about taking care of me and working since my parents were able to fill in. It made the transition easier for me for sure. By the time my parents left I was ready to tackle being a mom on my own.
i will say having immediate help my second go was a little more pleasant because I needed more help with my older one and making sure she was still getting plenty of attention since my attention and energy suddenly had to go elsewhere. My in laws also stayed at a hotel when they came same day instead of staying with us which was a nice balance of help and still time alone.
I had a planned cs on Tuesday, left the hospital Thursday, mom arrived Friday and stayed 6 weeks (last 10 days my dad was also here and then they went back together). It was great. She didn't overstep, she took the "adult bedtime till midnight" shift so dh and I could get a chuck of solid sleep before LO was hungry, she helped with chores, etc. I didn't feel like I couldn't bond with LO bc she was there or anything.
Edit: @akuzreve hopefully the one bathroom will be fine. We have 1.5 baths here, and I know the extra half can make a big difference, but when we visit the in laws they had 1.5 for 7 adults and 1 baby when we are all together.
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
My mom saved MY LIFE after DD1 was born. I NEEDED her. My MIL, on the other hand, was completely useless. I will never regret having my mom there immediately and keeping my MIL away.
With my first, my mom came and stayed for 6 weeks (my dad was here for part of that, but he was...less helpful). Then when my mom left DH took his 6 weeks of paternity leave. So I had help until my kid was almost 3mo old! This time, with the twins, my mom is planning to arrive in mid-July so she can help with DD while I have limited mobility, and is planning to stay until sometime in October, at which point my aunt and uncle are going to come for a bit.
So yeah...I’m all about having help if you want it 😜
@aecm - it's so great that you had/have that kind of support! My parents are planning on staying for a week depending on how I'm doing and feeling, so maybe I can guilt them into staying longer
@lilmamabebe3 - First of all, I laugh when others have opinions about people's personal family decisions. DD1 is most definitely going to daycare (it's right around the corner from our house) without interruption because she will have enough craziness going on in her life. And it'll give us some bonding time without worrying about too much jealousy, etc.
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
Im an introverted person and enjoy my privacy but certainly I don’t want to make anyone feel like they can’t see the baby either. Thanks ladies for validating my decision. Appreciate you.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
MIL on the other hand we do not have a good relationship with, and it showed. She was not helpful, made derogatory comments about my appearance on more than one occasion, and basically didn't lift a finger except to hold the baby so I could use the bathroom.
So, depending on your relationship you probably already know who you want there. Trust your gut!
https://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/post/183620061767/i-covered-up-his-cry-for-help-so-other-concert