Weekly Randoms 3/11

moon1417 · March 2019

What is up fellow bumpies!!?? Did you all make it to work on time this morning?

ash0625 · March 2019

I absolutely did not make it to work in time. Sorry I've been MIA. My entire household caught all the flu types at once and I'm just now crawling out from under that disaster. My house is a mess. My email inbox is a mess. Send coffee.

mrosek91 · March 2019

I did make it to work on time today, but it helps that I'm working from home. I was only working for an hour before leaving for DS#1's 3yo check-up. We've been talking about it for a few days to prep him, and he seemed excited, this morning he couldn't stop talking about how mommy was taking him to the doctor. And then as soon as the doctor walked into the room he burst into tears, and became a clingy uncooperative mess. I do not understand toddlers.
Now I am back at work, and cannot concentrate...
@ash0625 Hugs! The flu is awful, and having to deal with a sick household while pregnant should be illegal. Good luck catching up!!

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

Actual conversation with DS2 yesterday (he’s 6, but wise beyond his years...)

Me: I used to be really thin before I had you.
DS2: like that lady (random lady in Target parking lot)?
Me: yes, but I don’t think I’ll ever be that thin again.
DS2: maybe if you stop having babies

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

#heisnotwrong
#counterproductive

mrosek91 · March 2019

I don't want to scare new moms, but is there interest in a breast feeding horror stories thread?

grangerhp37 · March 2019

@mrosek91 I’d be interested in reading other people’s experiences, maybe also with some positive stories?

Twinkiedoll · March 2019

@mrosek91 I don't have horror stories per se, but I was definitely not successful in breastfeeding for my first. Went EP and had a torn nipples and chafe marks for over a year to show for it.

WinchesterGirl · March 2019

@mrosek91 Maybe not horror stories alone. But an all around BF discussion would be good!

mia8263 · March 2019

Did not make it to work on time. Dropped off my oldest at school and watched this jerk almost hit him because she came flying into the SCHOOL parking lot not caring for anyone else. Next time I will call the police. Then the dr called to tell me the lab didn’t get enough fetal blood for the maternity 21 test so they have to draw my blood again. She said she’s not worried but I am. Anyone know anything about this?

WinchesterGirl · March 2019

@mia8263 Maybe ask on the NIPT thread? I believe several of us had to have a repeat blood draw.

jrm_14 · March 2019

@mrosek91 Maybe a BF: Good, bad, & ugly?

@ash0625 Much coffee & lysol wishes being sent your way. And maybe a laundry fairy to help with the aftermath.

wabash15 · March 2019

@mrosek91 I would not phrase it as horror stories... maybe BF challenges? That way you can talk about how you dealt with them. I will say BF is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but I also love that bond with my kiddos.

jrm_14 · March 2019

@wabash15 I like the challenges suggestion! I have inverted nipples & have been reading everything I can about BFing with them.

moon1417 · March 2019

I would love a discussion on BF! I also agree not horror stories - but more discussion/challenges

I did struggle with it for DD and HOPE it goes smother this time

mrosek91 · March 2019

Ok, thank you all for the feedback. I have started the discussion, let me know if you think it needs any changes.

wabash15 · March 2019

@jrm_14 I think a nipple shield can help to evert them. I will say a good LC (lactation consultant) is worth their weight in gold. Don't hesitate to see one as often as you need. BF seems like it should be the most natural and simple thing in the world, but man it can be everything BUT. There can be a steep learning curve for mom and baby.

mkrel · March 2019

@jrm_14 My nipples are basically flat, and when they do stick out, they are SO tiny in diameter. I would make sure you have the correct flange size on hand for pumping before you deliver just in case. I googled and measured my nipples and had to order compatible flanges from amazon. Surprisingly the post partum nurse at the hospital would not have even caught onto that so it was lucky I already knew. Also, because my nipples were so small I did have a hard time with my daughter latching at first and she would get frustrated even when I tried to sandwich everything into her mouth. We supplemented for a few days per the LC recommendation so that she would be satisfied already when trying to latch and not frantically hungry. Then she would latch for a while, then I would pump to continue stimulating my supply. By the time my milk came in we were basically exclusively BFing and never had any further issues. It's awesome that you are researching it already! I'll go in and post more in the BFing discussion about my challenges and successes, but I wanted to at least answer what you mentioned now.

Twinkiedoll · March 2019

I thought this was relevant for FTMs. My opinion is that the mother is the one who has a final say as to who visits at the hospital after birth and when. Labor and delivery is a major medical procedure and the mother and baby are the patients.

I went through this same battle with DH for my first. He eventually saw how important it was to me to have some peace and quiet after giving birth. We told everyone when I was going into labor, but we specifically asked for no visitors. Best decision I ever made. DH eventually agreed because when we weren't sleeping, we were meeting with lactation consultants who showed up unannounced whenever they had time. Our delivery room was tiny. It would have been stressful trying to fit my in laws in the room (my mom lives out of state and came later).

AITA I don't want to tell our families when I go into labour

aecm · March 2019

@Twinkiedoll - that’s SUCH a good point. With DD I told my husband that I didn’t want family at the hospital until several hours after I delivered, he disagreed with me, and we never settled the debate. It resulted in my in-laws being present when my water broke (awkward) and in my recovery room when we returned from an emergency c-section (thereby delaying my desired skin-to-skin even longer). It makes me upset to think about it to this day, and I will definitely be putting my foot down about visitors for this delivery. My advice for FTMs is to set the boundaries early and make sure every relavent person knows (and respects) those boundaries. If you don’t think someone will respect them, then make sure they don’t find out you’re in labor.

olivemomma · March 2019

DH and I will be flying in a couple of weeks on Southwest - the largest owner of Boeing 737 Max 8s in the country. I spent about 30 minutes last night trying to figure out what model plane was assigned to our flights. I’ve never been so relieved to be relying on older technology.

mkrel · March 2019

@Twinkiedoll I will be limiting the amount of time visitors stay at the hospital this time too. I delivered my daughter at almost 8pm so by the time we were settled into mother/baby it was too late, which was fine with me. The next day people stayed for a while and it unfortunately coincided with the times my daughter was sleeping, which meant zero sleep for us. We were both so tired, my husband literally broke down crying the second night in the hospital because my daughter wouldn't sleep and between our family visitors and doctors, nurses, LCs, random hospital staff etc we did not get any rest during the day and she was crying all night. I have never seen him so defeated in my life. So this time depending on what time baby comes, we will probably let family come for 30 min- one hour and meet her and then wait until we get home from the hospital for any longer visits. And again no visitors in L&D. That was just a special time with me and my husband and I don't want anyone else there.

EmilyA724 · March 2019

@mkrel I love the idea of limiting visiting hours. With DD we had to stay an extra day and DD was under the bili lights the whole time so we said no visitors, my ILs were so outraged that they couldn't come at all (they're local, it's not like they traveled). It was obnoxious.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

Re: Visitors at the Hospital

I am soooooo thankful that MIL and SIL moved almost 1,000 miles away since the last kid and haven’t visited since (I would seriously doubt they are making the trip to see this kid). The only family we have in town are my dad (who will be keeping the older kids) and brother. My dad is super easy about this sort of thing and will bring the boys when I ask and leave when I ask, so I’m not anticipating issues. I’ve already put him on a travel ban from mid-July to mid-August since DS2 was three weeks early 😂😂. Did I mention how thankful I am that my in-laws moved?!?

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

We live overseas from all family. We were in the hospital 2 nights after my c section and had zero visitors. Ohur pastor offered to come visit knowing we had no family and didn't want us to feel alone in such a special time and I said "thanks but no thanks" lol. Not having any visitors was bliss.
This time I'm hoping the in laws are visiting when the baby is born so care for DS is easy peasy but who knows what will happen. I'd also be fine if baby is born before they get here and we have a few days to be just us. We'll see.

wabash15 · March 2019

+1 to loving not having visitors... and this may be a FFWC but I fully intend on keeping all out of town guests away for the first month...

mrosek91 · March 2019

All of these stories make me realize how incredibly lucky I got in the MIL department. She called before she came to visit. Basically walked in, held the baby for a few minutes, asked if I needed anything, and left.

Maybe she should offer lessons.

BigBadWolf12 · March 2019

@wabash15 you go, girl! I hope they don't push back if you want the first month (are grandparents out of town?) If we said no visitors for the first month they'd have to wait until Christmas to meet baby. So we are asking them to come for 2 weeks as late in august as they can before the school year starts in Canada.

P.s. I also have a fantastic mother in law. Not worried about their visit at all.

wabash15 · March 2019

@BigBadWolf12 we have no family within 1000 miles. With the last one I caved and said yes to guests around the time of the birth (it was Christmas) If I had it all to do over again I would have stood my ground. I just want to recover in peace especially if I struggle with pelvic floor weakness again.

Amdogger82 · March 2019

I have great in laws too, but I still had tell DH to politely decline their offer to visit during my induction. Everyone is so different--SIL wanted them there during labor, personally I wanted DH and no one else. I think people were generally pretty respectful about visiting for short periods of time, but only our parents came to the hospital.
@wabash15 seriously, good for you. I had more frustration with people dropping by unannounced (seriously, my ILs are great...but), like my MIL dropping by on like our second day home with a friend of hers I'd never met. For real, MIL?

Twinkiedoll · March 2019

@aecm My hospital was very supportive that they would do whatever *I* wanted when it came to visitors (and most other things). That made me feel more confident about putting my foot down.

My main motivation for posting it is that it was not something I thought about with my first pregnancy until I was ready to pop. But it's definitely a conversation to have with your significant other and family members ahead of time so everyone is on the same page. My in-laws were definitely disappointed about not being able to visit, but it all worked out in the long run. There was so much going on that no one really remembers that we didn't let anyone visit. And honestly, if someone is going to hold a grudge about it, he/she is not the type of person I want in that room after I just gave birth anyway so I wouldn't even feel bad.

jrm_14 · March 2019

@amdogger82 I’m afraid my SIL will be okay with the ILs & visitors from the first step into the hospital (she’s due around the same time). I told my parents (in front of MH) that we may choose not to notify people until the baby is born & it isn’t to hurt feelings, it’s to give us time to bond with our child we waitred for & paid for 😹 (holy run in sentence).

My family is about 3-5hrs away. ILs are in the town I’ll deliver. I want my BFF to visit, but no extended family. I’m sure I’ll catch crap for that.

mrosek91 · March 2019

Happy Pi day everyone!

MamaK225 · March 2019

@wabash15 - Since my sister has already had 2 kids by the time I had my first, I had a better idea of what *my* parents visiting would be like. I told everyone no visiting until after the first month, too! It was perfect, actually. DD1 and I got into our rhythm, I was figuring out her cues and we got into a schedule and it was fabulous. Plus, then I was less anxious/hormonal when family DID come to visit, so there was less chance of conflicts or anything like that.

Our closest family is my mom about 600 miles away, so we have that ability. DH's dad is wonderful, but waited 2-3 months to visit, which I thought was really nice. His mom waited closer to 5-6 months and was - self-admitted - pretty useless with baby, but she was helpful with most everything else and was on her best behavior (not a common occurrence), so it all worked out. I'll probably do the same with DD2, especially knowing I'll be having a scheduled section.

I like the idea of the BF Challenges thread, can we start it as we move into the 3rd tri so some of the FTM have a better idea of what to expect (or to identify potential issues - and solutions! - more quickly)? There's a lot of good information out there, but there is also a bunch of crap out there ... I think we're all pretty honest and transparent when talking about this stuff, so it would be a great additional resource for those who choose to go that route. (Personally, I was 90/10 for the first month, then it slowly transitioned to full-formula by about 6 months ... with support of my friends, I was so happy to have made it that far; women in my family just don't/can't - between production and the prevalence of strong PPA)

Beauxbaton · March 2019

Man the heartburn today is real. Ugh.

Avrilmai · March 2019

@olivemomma I saw a headline last night that the FAA grounded all boeing 737 Max planes immediately. hopefully you weren't assigned to one, but it seems like it shouldn't be an issue.

RE: the visitors talk. This is a real concern of mine. My MIL has already said she plans to be here "the day you go in labor." DH and I haven't even discussed it yet. I really don't want to have to deal with my mother and his immediately after becoming a mother myself. I think this is a conversation I'm going to have to approach delicately, I think DH will push back a bit on this one. ugh.

@jrm_14 I have similar concerns my SIL is due about 2 months before me and last time she had her parents at the hospital almost immediately. Like they were in the labor and delivery room and in the waiting room. Her mom was in the room when she delivered...We will deliver at the same hospital too...

mkrel · March 2019

@avrilmai The prepared childbirth class that my husband and I went to touched on visitors during L&D, the "golden hour" after baby is born and how important that is, and visiting rules in the hospital. If you're taking a class, it may be helpful for him to hear some of the concerns over visitors from someone else, then you can have a discussion. I know for my husband, he doesn't really think about things the same way I do. I never wanted it to come off to him that I didn't want his parents there or they weren't allowed to visit when the baby was born, but it was a good starting off point for those discussions and where I did want boundaries drawn. They also discussed BFing and needing to be on baby's schedule with feedings etc and how having visitors can make that difficult.

Avrilmai · March 2019

@mkrel that is a great idea. I hadn't even consider that. I will hold off until after we take our classes. Thanks!

Twinkiedoll · March 2019

@mkrel Honestly, that last sentence in your post rings true. Between the baby's feeding/sleep schedule and the lactation consultants, having visitors would have been near-impossible for those two days I was in the hospital.

EmilyA724 · March 2019

It's hard when people have to travel. Our rule was that we wanted a chance to sleep after the birth and that we will call when we wake up. Not that people listened because my ILs just showed up as soon as visiting hours started and didn't call first, so we're going to have to be firmer on that this time. Because no matter what time you deliver, you'll want to bond/relax/sleep so it's a pretty good rule.

We'll call my parents when I'm admitted because they are 3 hours away and they will need to come watch the dogs. Also, when I'm not in active labor I don't mind if they stop by, but my ILs are not invited to that. I see it as a time for them to look after their daughter, my ILs don't need to do that.

It will be the same rule for both, we'll text you when the baby is born and then call you when we're ready for visitors. It will be a bit different this time since DD will be with my ILs. We've also already stated that DD gets to be the first person besides us to meet her sibling and we'll do it just the 3 of us, then everyone else can come it. It's hard though because my FIL works at the hospital so he feels a little too comfortable there.

wabash15 · March 2019

@Avrilmai those first few days post partum when you are recovering, sore, bleeding, wearing a diaper... stick to your guns about needing some time before visitors. One other thought, a lesson I learned the hard way, visitors are only allowed if your going to make my life easier. Much of our family expects to be waited on, so it was still on me to cook, clean, feed the baby, change the baby and take care of guests. Nope, Nope, Nope.

aevan011 · March 2019

I’m blessed with great ILs as well but with DS, I was very clear that I wanted no one but DH with me during labor & delivery. Luckily there were no arguments but I was prepared to battle. We lived states away and by that point I also was not on speaking terms with my mom so no push back.

However, when they induced me, MIL said she had to get FIL under control. Of all people, I didn’t expect him to be the anxious one. Apparently he had a bag packed and was trying to book flights. 😂

The entire IL immediate fam visited 3 weeks later for Christmas and while it was nice that they stayed in a hotel, I won’t be hosting anyone that fast this time.

MIL will come to Germany 2 weeks before my EDD and stay about a month to help with the kids. This time around I’ll probably be ok with her coming to labor room, but mostly with DS or to give DH a break if needed.

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Weekly Randoms 3/11

Re: Weekly Randoms 3/11

AITA I don't want to tell our families when I go into labour

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