Maybe I should save this for tomorrow's FFFC, but there are so many people on this board that I can't always keep track, even of the regulars. Someone will post after a few days, and I will be "Oh, right, you belong here, I hope everything was ok." And then other people will be missing for like a day, and I'll start to wonder where they are. But I feel guilty posting "are you ok posts" because I know I'm missing people...
@mrosek91 I know what you mean. There are a lot to keep track of. Sometimes I'll see someone that I think I remember seeing, but then not actually sure if they are actually a participating member, or just someone who randomly posts once a month. There was someone I noticed disappeared, but didn't know if I could say something. But then it turns out there was a bunch of drama I missed haha.
As far as the visitor discussion.... I am trying to go into everything with an open mind and flexible. I told DH that if he needed a break during labour, we could call my mom or his mom to come for respite. (I'm worried I will be super cranky in pain, and taking it out on him). I don't want anyone but DH there for delivery, but I know labour can last a looong Time. And if labour takes a long time, I'll have to get my sister to go take care of our dog. Otherwise, I might not tell people we are heading to the hospital. But we will advise parents and siblings as soon as baby is born and things are ok/somewhat settled. But we are very lucky it seems. Both of our families are amazing and supportive. I have no worries about overstayed welcomes, or extra work created. I'm sure once home, visitors will end up changing diapers, doing dishes and walking the dog for us haha.
@olivemomma since I've already outed myself as the local stalker... @WinchesterGirl was on this morning, she posted on the BF thread. I'm worried about @AKuzReve her last post was only Monday, but it sounded like she was having a hard time.
Oh now the wheels in my head are turning about visitors. I’m grateful that husband will be even more on board than me regarding not having MIL come visit/visit immediately. That combined with the fact that we’ll be in a birth center where we only stay for around 8hrs after will help eliminate visitor issues. Im perfectly happy for my parents to be there. I know my dad won’t want to be in the room, neither would I want him to be. But I am on the fence about having my mom in there for L&D. On one hand I want her there, and on the other I want the time just with my husband. How have you decided past/ present? I’ve talked to my mom a little and told her I just wasn’t sure yet, and she’s wonderful of course and has said she’ll do and be there for whatever I want her to. But I also feel odd about having to, in the moment, say ok you need to go now!
Also, can we start a thread at some point about after birth? Specifically, what to expect from our bodies physically and emotionally? I feel a little uneducated about what happens in the minutes, hours and days immediately following delivery. Just an idea!
@emqbee I think deciding to have your mom with you while your during labor / delivery is very dependent on the relationship you have with your mom. Personally I feel that I have a very good relationship with my mother...but I also know how she acts and treats me when I’m sick, which is basically telling me to “suck it up.” I also didn’t want her telling the story of her own horrible / insanely long labor experience while I was in the middle of dealing with contractions 😂. So I decided not to have her in the room with my first. I may have actually reconsidered for this pregnancy, now that I’m fully aware what I’m getting into, but b/c I’m having twins I’ll have to deliver in the OR and DH will be the only visitor allowed per hospital policy.
So I just bought a sister-in-law of the groom gown on Amazon for $40! Looking at the pictures I'm worried it's too causal, but my mom and sister think it's great. We'll see what it looks like when it shows up on Sunday. The bride choose emerald as her color, and I was having a hard time finding maternity options on the typical sites. In our tradition the whole family wears the color, but who walks down the aisle differs wildly based on personal preference. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm pretty sure we're not on the list (which I am very happy with.) If anyone is curious it's this in the hunter green color.
@chillycanadian this may be an UO but DH's shouldn't get breaks during labor... you don't get breaks, so your SO should be by your side the whole damn time. there is no way they are going to be more tired/hungry/sore than you.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@wabash15 haha you are very right. But I might actually need a break from him 😂 I love him to death, and he is amazing and supportive. But when I'm hurt or suffering, it kills him if he can't make it better. So then he feels bad and helpless, and it stresses me out and pisses me off to be asked every 2 minutes what I need, how I am, what can he do. Which makes me bitchy. So I might need to have a few min away from that stimulus so I can stop being annoyed. But I know he won't leave me alone in the room, even for 10 min. I do get over stimulated easily, and sometimes just need a few min and some space to chill out. So the compromise would be to send in someone new for me to be bitchy around 😂. There are very few people I'm comfortable being bitchy around.
I don't imagine he will leave my side at any point, even if labour is 40 hours. But we wanted a plan just in case. Cuz who knows....with my luck, he will get food poisoning or something. But you're totally right. We don't get a break, and they shouldn't either haha.
@chillycanadian have you thought about a doula? My DH gets really stressed if something is "wrong" or someone is in pain. A doula is as much for you as it is for him. They help explain what is normal and help guide him to give the best support for you.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
To the whose in the room discussion, I'm very old-fashioned, and up until I went into labor I said that labor is woman's work, I want my doula and my mom in the room, and that's it. DH can sit in the waiting room like they did in the 50s. Everyone kept telling I'd feel different once it started, and they were right. But once I hit transition, I didn't let him anywhere near me. He stood in the corner and said Psalms. I was really happy to have my mom and doula as my cheering squad, but I'm lucky to have a great relationship with my mom, and she's always very supportive of me.
@chillycanadian - I had the same situation with DH. Before I got the epidural, I was having very clearly painful contractions (thanks pitocin!) and DH kept asking if I was ok, what he could do, etc. I was - miraculously - able to keep my cool and explain to him that I appreciate his concern, but there's nothing he could do re: pain. I'm normally very snappy and mean when I'm in pain, but I knew that being that way wouldn't be productive and we had many more hours yet to go. He did feel extremely guilty for eating a sandwich at lunchtime (I hadn't eaten since 10p the night before) and then later at dinner, but he did ask if both times if it was ok beforehand.
ETA: Is anyone else having the really big ad/video appearing at the top of the August 2019 Moms page? It's causing some sizing and scrolling issues. Just wondering
**History in Spoiler**
Me-35, DH-36 - TTC since 08/10 Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil) ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day) FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok) FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
Awww @MamaK225 that's so sweet of him! I imagine I would have been super jealous of his sandwich haha
@wabash15 we did actually talk about hiring a doula. One of my closest friends highly recommended it. But it's expensive ($1000+ here) and their websites all seem to emphasize 1) they explain medical terms (totally unnecessary for us) 2) advocate for you (unnecessary for us since DH is the best possible advocate.
My friend said hers was great for massage during labour, which sounds very appealing. And I also thought it could be someone to take some of my bitchiness away from being directed at DH. Also, apparently they are useful for post partum check ins (although most services charge extra for that).
However, while I'm sure I won't care about strangers being in the room while I deliver, I'm not keen on strangers around when I'm labouring in pain. If I'm sick or in pain, I always feel like I have to hide it. The only people I can be around and just relax and be in pain, are DH, sister, Mom and MIL. I'm not sure how 2, 30-60 minute meetings prior to labour, will get me comfortable enough with the doula to be able to let her see that I'm in pain. I'm worried I will expend so much extra energy trying to fake it and hide the pain. (Even though yes, I know that's ridiculous and I don't *need* to hide from her. It's her job. But I've never claimed to be logical or reasonable when it comes to these things)
So I'm torn. If it was like... $2-300, it would be worth trying. But I hesitate when our household income is essentially 70% what it should be right now, since I'm off work, and we have new house, new baby, Reno and moving expenses coming up. And if I don't get cleared to work by the end of April, my income will be $0 until mat leave starts when the baby is born.
(Plus *TW* I was also concerned that they require booking far in advance, and payment up front, and I'm high risk. So shelling out $1000 while fearing MC is scary).
@chillycanadian I interviewed several doulas and some I hit it off right away and instantly felt comfortable with them, others not so much... plus its not like you have spent hours and hours with the folks who actually deliver your baby.... In my experience the doula would walk the halls with me, would direct DH in ways to massage or comfort me, hand him things I might need before I even thought to ask... They can advocate for you but I didn't find that was something I really needed either but it was good to have someone to bounce things off of. The MW were pushing for pitocin since my labor was not progressing, I was really reticent but talking it through with them and other labors they had seen on pit and that they all were not nightmares and extreme pain helped me feel better about the decision. She also kept a log of my labor and how things were going. Its sweet to look back on because it was such a blur. She was also a big source of comfort to DH since this was our first experience with vaginal delivery. Also all the doulas I talked to would give a refund if they did not attend the birth for what ever reason. YOu do have to book ahead of time but you still have time. I get that its not an insignificant cost but having that dedicated cheerleader for you and DH is nice
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@chillycanadian I debated a doula for a while as well and have opted against hiring one for similar reasons. I’m not sure I can get comfortable enough with a stranger to have them there for that in such a short amount of time of getting to know them, I’m already kind of freaking out about having my husband in there and him seeing me do things that I think will be embarrassing, but that’s non negotiable because I know he’ll be my biggest supporter. My maternity leave will also be unpaid so I’m cutting costs everywhere I can and trying to gear up for the lack of income right after we introduce LO to the family. My opinion is that I’ll have my husband, mom if I choose, and an awesome team of midwives and nurses with me, I don’t really feel like the added expense would be worth it. If you feel like you have other family members that would help make up the support system/team you need, I wouldn’t stress adding another financial concern. But that’s just me! You’ve gotta do you! As for the massage, that’s something I’ll be discussing with my husband. I know he’ll do whatever I want/need as long as I communicate it to him.
ETA: How has it gone for those of you that have introduced baby to pets? Specifically young dogs? Doggo has not been around children since we adopted him last May @ 4 months old and I was discussing with a coworker friend how we thought it’d go....
@chillycanadian I know it's a very personal decision but I will second @wabash15 that I think doulas are amazing. For me it was the comfort of having someone in the room who had been through it before, and I knew was 1,000% on my side. I said something to DH about how I wasn't sure if we should use her again, I wanted to but since I'm "experienced" I wasn't sure I could justify the expense. He looked at me like I was crazy and said he wasn't sure what the question was, there was no doubt that we got way more than our money's worth the first 2 times, and if it helped me in any way it was worth it. For mine I wrote 2 checks, one was a down payment, and the other was the balance. She said that she would deposit the down payment but refund it if she was not at the labor, and the balance wouldn't be deposited until after delivery.
@emqbee we havent introduced a young dog to a baby, but have introduced 7 dogs to our 2 kids (4 were mine, 3 were my moms...Im not THAT much of a crazy dog lady). The first baby we brought home my dogs were 7, 4, and 3 years old and all was great until the baby was about 9 months old and discovered the "button" under the 3 year old's tail. She snapped towards the baby and she's been an issue snapping at the kids ever since. The older dog would sit near the baby but not really show interest and the 4yo dog was scared to death of the baby and keeps her distance (even now, she's just a scaredy dog). My parents had a 9 year old and 5 year old dog when my first was born and there were no problems there at all. All the dogs lick a lot and will wait at the base of the table for food, but besides from that its no big deal (except my middle dog, she's a jerk).
By the time the second kid was born it was the same dogs but they were older. Same basic reactions. They would all lay on the floor near the new baby, sleep nearby during the daytime naps, react when the baby cried (usually check on the baby), but no issues.
In the last 18 months, my mom lost her old dog and i lost my old dog. We each got new younger dogs to bring into the family. She adopted a nearly 1 year old dog and I adopted a 4 month old dog. They are both far more energetic than the other dogs ever were around babies, and had issues knocking the kids down when running around, but are super friendly. Too many kisses from both dogs is the biggest complaint my kids have. My puppy will be about 18 months old when this baby is born. I'm not concerned about anything except him being too excited and accidentally stepping on the baby...but during floor play time we will just keep him out of the room to avoid that. I dont see behavioral issues popping up since he's been around my older kids since we got him.
My recommendation since yours hasnt been around kids is to take the dog to a dog park and hope that there are kids there. Just to get him used to seeing little people running around. It was amazing each time bringing a new baby home that the dogs just "knew" they needed to be careful and calm around the baby, even they were running and being nuts outside. Anytime they got in the same room as the baby they were calm and quiet and protective. Before kid 1 was born we asked my friend who had a toddler to come over a few times to see the dogs. I dont know if it helped or not, but I'd like to think it couldnt hurt!
@emqbee our pups weren’t young, but neither had been around babies/kids. It was suggested to me to work with a trainer but we didn’t have the money.
When setting up the nursery, I let them check stuff out but didn’t allow them to hang out in there. When in hospital, though, I had DH bring home blankets that smelled like baby. When we brought him home I was nervous but let the dogs sniff him while he was in the swing or lounger. As he grew I guess we just got lucky that the dogs never seemed to react much - one isn’t a fan and tends to keep his distance from DS, and the other tends to only go near if he has food or is calm. We’ve mostly concentrated on teaching DS to not mess with the dogs.
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/11
As far as the visitor discussion.... I am trying to go into everything with an open mind and flexible. I told DH that if he needed a break during labour, we could call my mom or his mom to come for respite. (I'm worried I will be super cranky in pain, and taking it out on him).
I don't want anyone but DH there for delivery, but I know labour can last a looong Time.
And if labour takes a long time, I'll have to get my sister to go take care of our dog.
Otherwise, I might not tell people we are heading to the hospital. But we will advise parents and siblings as soon as baby is born and things are ok/somewhat settled. But we are very lucky it seems. Both of our families are amazing and supportive. I have no worries about overstayed welcomes, or extra work created. I'm sure once home, visitors will end up changing diapers, doing dishes and walking the dog for us haha.
@WinchesterGirl was on this morning, she posted on the BF thread.
I'm worried about @AKuzReve her last post was only Monday, but it sounded like she was having a hard time.
Also, can we start a thread at some point about after birth? Specifically, what to expect from our bodies physically and emotionally? I feel a little uneducated about what happens in the minutes, hours and days immediately following delivery. Just an idea!
The bride choose emerald as her color, and I was having a hard time finding maternity options on the typical sites.
In our tradition the whole family wears the color, but who walks down the aisle differs wildly based on personal preference. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I'm pretty sure we're not on the list (which I am very happy with.)
If anyone is curious it's this in the hunter green color.
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
But I might actually need a break from him 😂 I love him to death, and he is amazing and supportive. But when I'm hurt or suffering, it kills him if he can't make it better. So then he feels bad and helpless, and it stresses me out and pisses me off to be asked every 2 minutes what I need, how I am, what can he do. Which makes me bitchy. So I might need to have a few min away from that stimulus so I can stop being annoyed. But I know he won't leave me alone in the room, even for 10 min.
I do get over stimulated easily, and sometimes just need a few min and some space to chill out.
So the compromise would be to send in someone new for me to be bitchy around 😂. There are very few people I'm comfortable being bitchy around.
I don't imagine he will leave my side at any point, even if labour is 40 hours. But we wanted a plan just in case. Cuz who knows....with my luck, he will get food poisoning or something.
But you're totally right. We don't get a break, and they shouldn't either haha.
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
ETA: Is anyone else having the really big ad/video appearing at the top of the August 2019 Moms page? It's causing some sizing and scrolling issues. Just wondering
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
@wabash15 we did actually talk about hiring a doula. One of my closest friends highly recommended it. But it's expensive ($1000+ here) and their websites all seem to emphasize 1) they explain medical terms (totally unnecessary for us) 2) advocate for you (unnecessary for us since DH is the best possible advocate.
My friend said hers was great for massage during labour, which sounds very appealing. And I also thought it could be someone to take some of my bitchiness away from being directed at DH. Also, apparently they are useful for post partum check ins (although most services charge extra for that).
However, while I'm sure I won't care about strangers being in the room while I deliver, I'm not keen on strangers around when I'm labouring in pain. If I'm sick or in pain, I always feel like I have to hide it. The only people I can be around and just relax and be in pain, are DH, sister, Mom and MIL.
I'm not sure how 2, 30-60 minute meetings prior to labour, will get me comfortable enough with the doula to be able to let her see that I'm in pain. I'm worried I will expend so much extra energy trying to fake it and hide the pain. (Even though yes, I know that's ridiculous and I don't *need* to hide from her. It's her job. But I've never claimed to be logical or reasonable when it comes to these things)
So I'm torn. If it was like... $2-300, it would be worth trying. But I hesitate when our household income is essentially 70% what it should be right now, since I'm off work, and we have new house, new baby, Reno and moving expenses coming up. And if I don't get cleared to work by the end of April, my income will be $0 until mat leave starts when the baby is born.
(Plus *TW* I was also concerned that they require booking far in advance, and payment up front, and I'm high risk. So shelling out $1000 while fearing MC is scary).
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
ETA: How has it gone for those of you that have introduced baby to pets? Specifically young dogs? Doggo has not been around children since we adopted him last May @ 4 months old and I was discussing with a coworker friend how we thought it’d go....
For mine I wrote 2 checks, one was a down payment, and the other was the balance. She said that she would deposit the down payment but refund it if she was not at the labor, and the balance wouldn't be deposited until after delivery.
I had some really bad visitor experiences in the hospital, so +1 to avoiding that if at all possible.
My recommendation since yours hasnt been around kids is to take the dog to a dog park and hope that there are kids there. Just to get him used to seeing little people running around. It was amazing each time bringing a new baby home that the dogs just "knew" they needed to be careful and calm around the baby, even they were running and being nuts outside. Anytime they got in the same room as the baby they were calm and quiet and protective. Before kid 1 was born we asked my friend who had a toddler to come over a few times to see the dogs. I dont know if it helped or not, but I'd like to think it couldnt hurt!
When setting up the nursery, I let them check stuff out but didn’t allow them to hang out in there. When in hospital, though, I had DH bring home blankets that smelled like baby. When we brought him home I was nervous but let the dogs sniff him while he was in the swing or lounger. As he grew I guess we just got lucky that the dogs never seemed to react much - one isn’t a fan and tends to keep his distance from DS, and the other tends to only go near if he has food or is calm. We’ve mostly concentrated on teaching DS to not mess with the dogs.