also, @MRDCle I push back at the babies all the time! Who do they think they are sticking their head up my ribs and simultaneously kicking me in the bladder
Another +1 for the village. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have family help out. My family is all close by though.
My sister is my full-time babysitter when DH and I are working. But I pay her what I would pay if my kids were in daycare. I wouldn’t expect her to do it for free. On on the weekends though it’s a little different. When her kids were younger I use to babysit, sleepovers and all, for free so that she’s get to go in date nights with her DH. Now that her kids are older she’ll watch ours for free as well.
We’re also very lucky because my in-laws live less than 15 minutes away. Both of my boys love to spend time there and my in-laws will ask if the kids can sleepover, usually once a month. They actually had a sleepover last night. DH and I went out with friends and were able to sleep in late this morning!
My FFC is that I don’t like chocolate cake. Chocolate yes, cake no.
No village here, but its because I moved to do college, then grad school, then my postdoc, and now my job (which I enjoy). Nearest family is my parents who are 4 hrs away. I'm definately going to need to find a babysitter though. DH and I need a night out before this little man makes his appearance.
@tumblefluff wow, that sounds like a great support system! My parents are a 4 hour flight away and DH's are a 12 hr car ride. But as I mentioned before, we'll be moving soon, although itll be farther away from most of our family! I really hope we find some good friends to make a village.
I’m late to the discussion but I concur. I didn’t have a village after DD and since she didn’t sleep without being held, wouldn’t let me put her down, and wasn’t gaining weight well, I was on the verge of a breakdown, stuck on the couch under a constantly nursing newborn, not sleeping, not able to take care of myself or my house. I ended up calling a former coworker at my church and saying “please help!” A bunch of church ladies ended up bringing me food and holding DD so I could shower and stuff. DH had a short paternity leave but shortly after was working 70-80 hours a week and I was alone. I know my MIL would have driven the four hours to help at the drop of a hat, but she didn’t want to impose and I didn’t want to ask.
This time, I have a group of friends in my MOMS club, MOPS, and my church small group we joined who will probably bring diapers and food, plus I’ve learned some things since then about joining a lactation support group and regularly attending to meet people. I know how much difference that will make and I know I’m really blessed in that way.
Also, when DD was 11mos, my SIL moved to our city from 1000 miles away, and has been an occasional babysitter, which has been helpful for things like the 3 hour glucose test I did NOT want to take DD to.
I know I resented DH for deciding to pursue a job and moving us hours from family, since I agree that the old way of living near family and knowing all your neighbors probably made a huge difference in helping raise kids. Plus I think it’s a big deal for kids to spend a lot of time with older generations, but that’s kinda a separate topic.
I do think people can abuse this, but it’s kinda on their village, IMO, to be able to say no when they’re being taken advantage of, so the abuser in this case can grow up and learn to be reasonable. Overall it’s less and less common for people to have that village, it seems.
Re: UOs/FFCs 2/21
My sister is my full-time babysitter when DH and I are working. But I pay her what I would pay if my kids were in daycare. I wouldn’t expect her to do it for free. On on the weekends though it’s a little different. When her kids were younger I use to babysit, sleepovers and all, for free so that she’s get to go in date nights with her DH. Now that her kids are older she’ll watch ours for free as well.
We’re also very lucky because my in-laws live less than 15 minutes away. Both of my boys love to spend time there and my in-laws will ask if the kids can sleepover, usually once a month. They actually had a sleepover last night. DH and I went out with friends and were able to sleep in late this morning!
My FFC is that I don’t like chocolate cake. Chocolate yes, cake no.
This time, I have a group of friends in my MOMS club, MOPS, and my church small group we joined who will probably bring diapers and food, plus I’ve learned some things since then about joining a lactation support group and regularly attending to meet people. I know how much difference that will make and I know I’m really blessed in that way.
Also, when DD was 11mos, my SIL moved to our city from 1000 miles away, and has been an occasional babysitter, which has been helpful for things like the 3 hour glucose test I did NOT want to take DD to.
I know I resented DH for deciding to pursue a job and moving us hours from family, since I agree that the old way of living near family and knowing all your neighbors probably made a huge difference in helping raise kids. Plus I think it’s a big deal for kids to spend a lot of time with older generations, but that’s kinda a separate topic.
I do think people can abuse this, but it’s kinda on their village, IMO, to be able to say no when they’re being taken advantage of, so the abuser in this case can grow up and learn to be reasonable. Overall it’s less and less common for people to have that village, it seems.