I’m currently waiting for the moment DS goes to bed in which I am going to go get a burger and fries to eat. I’ve been sick for over a week now and it is the ONLY thing that sounds appealing.
@MRDCle I fed my kid burger and French fries for dinner. I had cereal and milk, and now that he’s asleep I’m about to go have a huge bowl of ice cream. Also sick. Ice cream is the only thing that sounds good to me. Lol
FFFC: ended my February shopping-moratorium yesterday to buy some sale T-shirt’s from madewell. About to go buy some nursing bras and converse sneakers next. Basically, my impulse control just went to zero.
@professormama what nursing bras do you like? I hated the ones I had with my last pregnancy – unsupportive and made me feel super frumpy.* I don't remember the brand. I switched back to my regular bras as soon as I could.
* autoCorrect changed that to grumpy. Yes, they made me feel grumpy too
@sister_c I didn't like the ones I had during my last pregnancy either. This time I'm buying some bravado for casual / sleep, and then once things calm down a little I might buy a Natori one. I have this wireless bravado that I've been wearing during pregnancy and I like it fine, and I'm going to buy this bravado for sleeping. Natori Feathers is my favorite regular bra in the whole world, but it's not cheap, which is why I'll probably wait at least 6 months before I bother buying that one in nursing style. My boobs changed size a LOT over the course of my nursing last time.
@professormama and @sister_c, I haven't worn them while nursing yet obviously, but I bought the Bamboobies nursing sports bras and they are so comfy! Plus they send a bra extender too in case size changes. I'm normally a 34C (probably closer to a D right now...) and the mediums fit me well.
Also, I'm totally having ice cream tonight as well. Impulse control, what's that? My sweet tooth has been insane this pregnancy and all this talk of mint ice cream (plus McDonald's shamrock shake ads...) has me craving some mint chocolate chip....
My little sis relies on my parents and her inlaws (for babysitting/overnights and $$) constantly and if they say no to something, she gets offended. My middle sis expects my parents to take off work and fly halfway across the country to watch my neice if her and her husband have work schedule issues. 'It takes a village' seems to be their way of shrugging off their responsibilities.
@tmblickley I agree some people take advantage of their village(my little sis 101%) but it’s nice to have family and friends around who support you and love your kids like their own. My sister expects my parents to drop everything the second she needs anything. Even though they gave her a 2 year warning that they were retiring and moving closer to me (only 1hr 20min away) she still couldn’t be responsible and arrange after school care for her son
@tmblickley I agree that that’s horrible behavior, but I think that’s a misuse of the phrase. It takes a village is me running a friend’s car from the shop back to the ferry dock so she and her kid can make it to practice, or my friend taking DD for a few hours while DH and I do some moving (or y’know, have a baby), or DD’s godfather babysitting during a funeral. It’s rides home from school and keeping an eye on your kid so you can pee in peace, and telling said kid that it’s not very nice to say that to the barista.
Your middle sis needs to find a local village. Your little sis needs to have back up plans so she doesn’t need to get offended when people reasonably say “no, not this time.”
I'm in the same place as @blueberrymomma. My brother is 100% taking advantage of my parents at the moment, which is obnoxious, however, I know I also rely on DH and I's village, but we also give back to our village. We swap babysitting date nights with BIL/SIL, a different SIL used my pump for over a year when hers was crummy, DH cleans and checks everyone's furnace before winter comes etc. And for us, my MIL or mom comes to each ultrasound so that if something comes up with the boys I won't be alone, and my third SIL is taking our son for the weekend so we can work on stuff at home. It sucks when people take more than they are willing to give.
Funny my sis is the same way @mrdcle@blueberrymomma@tmblickley . Her kids are over at my moms for sleepovers on the weekends at least 2 times a month so sis and BIL can go out. My kids have never stayed overnight at my mothers because I don't think that's fair to her. It's a lot of work (we each have 2 girls) I think grandparents should be fun and able to be carefree and spoil the kids, not have to parent them. I feel guilty asking my mom to babysit because I know how much she watches my nieces.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
Oooooh see I do ask my parents to do overnights with DS but they also only see him once or twice a month and have no other grandkids. They let him stay up late and eat junkie food and do fun activities. On the other hand, my MIL used to watch DS (for pay!) daily so we almost NEVER asked her to watch him in the evening or on a weekend.
We love having a "village" and try very hard not to abuse their generosity. The reality is, I don't think parenting alone is possible or reasonable. Throughout history people lived in close-knit communities (aka villages) that had social structures in place to support parenting. Older children watched younger children, or women helped each other. People lived in multi-generational homes where grandparents provided reliable assistance with children, etc. It's only since the industrial revolution that American's have this idea of parenting sans a "village." In fact, the general lack of a village is one of the contributors to postpartum depression, low levels of parental happiness, and increased stress/pressure on mothers. Now we are expected to either work or stay home with our children all day, then give them stimulating activities and attention in the evenings, provide nutritious meals, avoid too much screen time, maintain a romantic relationship with our spouse, keep an instagram-worthy home, etc. etc. etc.
I have really strong feelings about this because a year and a half ago we moved away from our home town to a new city. My spouse and I both work full time, and frankly, it's exhausting. We almost never go on dates (maybe 2 in the last year?) and we both feel a lot of pressure on our time - yes, we keep our house in decent condition, but it ends up taking one full day of our weekend. I often work on weekends as well, which means I frequently get zero days "off" to fully relax. And, when not working, keeping up with the house, packing lunches, cooking, and basically doing regular chores, then we are playing with our kiddo because we have limited time with him when he's in school all day. I miss our village so much. I miss the occasional Saturday night date night with friends, where I knew my kid was safe, well cared for by someone he REALLY loved and who we trusted completely. Yes, we could hire a babysitter, but it's hard to trust a stranger alone at home with your kid (especially when you read all the abuse stories in the news recently), and my kid has major separation anxiety at bedtime. Even when we get my sister (a busy college student who lives in our town) to babysit, we have to be home by bedtime because she can't get him to sleep. Only my parents have successfully achieved that feat. And we are thankful even to have my sister in town, she completely saved my ass when my car broke down last time my husband was out of town. No idea what i'd do without her too, if we were totally alone here. So basically villages are amazing and everyone should have one. *End Rant*
@professormama I do agree with you. I miss my "village" which consisting mostly of all my single friends with pets lol (this was before marriage). But I could always count on my friend to watch my dog when I was out of town, and I would do the same for her. When it's reciprocated, I think it's necessary and wonderful.
I live in an area now where the "it takes a village" is a whole different ball game. And - I'm very sorry if I offend anyone of this religion because I know I'm making a blanket statement which isn't true for everyone - but the LDS culture is extremely strong where I live, and each ward is a pretty tight-knit community. Problem is, we are not LDS nor in a ward and as such, we don't really intermingle with our neighbors, but yet still my neighbor lets her kids out in the front yard and just expects that I'm watching her 1 year old waddle around near the street. It's infuriating, and it really stresses me out. So I think it just depends on the kind of rapport you have with the village around you. I guess the village that I live around isn't really my village, and because of the exclusivity of the neighbors (ie: my stepdaughter has been excluded from parties and such because she is not LDS) it's hard to find my village where we live. Ok, my turn to "End Rant."
Whoooooa @rennie1108 I would not be OK with that. We are also not close with our neighbors (the couple we were close with moved a few blocks away last summer) so I definitely don't consider them to me my village. My family and close friends are.
I wish I had a better village. Because what @professormama said is absolutely true.
We have my parents close by but they are the only ones who will/can watch DD and that’s complicated by the fact that I have 2 younger siblings I don’t want around her. We basically get almost zero time away from our kid and it definitely takes it’s toll. It’s even more depressing since everyone I know seems to have some sort of support system or village to rely on. Even my mom only technically part time parents because she shares custody. My SILs drop their kids off at with MIL/FIL every weekend. My sister doesn’t want and absolutely isn’t a “kid person,” and I have no local mom friends.
I don’t know anyone who spends as much time with their kid as DH and I do with ours. Even when I go see a friend for lunch on the weekend (on the rare occasion we can get together) I have her with me. Now obviously we choose to have another kid and this will probably get worse but it’s our reality. It’s obviously not ideal and it’s something we are working on but it’s not easy to build that village, especially these days.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@MRDCle It's pretty obnoxious. I think I'm also a tad jealous, though, of the fact we aren't part of the community we live in, but we don't have the same beliefs and I would never conform just so I could have more support. I'm really, really glad we are moving out of state next year! I really hope I can find a good group of friends because we still won't be near family.
@thatbaintforbetty I hear you on bringing DD with you to like, lunch dates and stuff. With DHs on call schedule (which thankfully got cut back this year now that he's been with the company longer) there were very few days a month that I could meet up with friends WITHOUT having DS with me. That, coupled with most of my friends not being in their "having kids" phase yet means my social circle shrunk down A LOT.
Plus, I just flat out don't like my neighbor. She actually told me she gets annoyed when people wish others a Happy Mothers day if they "didn't birth the child out of their vagina." I mean, what in the actual fuck?
Plus, I just flat out don't like my neighbor. She actually told me she gets annoyed when people wish others a Happy Mothers day if they "didn't birth the child out of their vagina." I mean, what in the actual fuck?
@MRDCle I really only have one friend who I’m regularly in contact with and she’s a single Pringle. Thankfully she’s also pretty understanding that DD is always with me and DD loves the heck out her. But she’s still not somebody who can watch her as she has really no experience with kids and a crazy work schedule. Most of my other friends do not have kids or if they do they moved/live too far away. DHs friends are even worse. They are all still very immature and mostly single. They often call or text last minute and want him to hang out or go out late at night. It drives him nuts.
He’s actually really paranoid about going out this late in the pregnancy especially since he doesn’t drive (he loathes driving in CA, lol). He always super worried something will happen and he will be at the mercy of someone else to get back. None of his friends get that despite him explaining. It’s super frustrating for him to have them constantly text and him constantly telling them.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
My closest friends (think wedding party level) are from my time in the Navy and live out of state/country. We’re in the kid phase of life together, but they can only be an emotional village. DH’s bffs that are still in town are in the coupled but partying phase, so not really great support, plus DH feels like it’s an imposition to even ask (even when people say yes). ILs are in town and willing but not able, so it’s up to me to build my mom friend relationships to have a physical, local village. I really have to work on that.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like we do a disservice when we encourage teens to get out of Dodge and go to the school halfway across the country, go live in the big city, go follow their dream job to a new state. It totally discounts the importance of a lasting social support network.
@rennie1108 I have an extended cousins wife who believes you don't really give birth if you have a c-section. Needless to say, I haven't talked to her in oh, about 2.5 years because I would have nothing nice to say to her because if she dared tried to tell me I didn't birth my daughter, I would have a meltdown to end all meltdowns.
We are lucky to have our village close. We have good friends but don't rely on them often. Both of my parents and both of my brothers and their wives (who are having babies this year too) all live in the same town as we do and my ILs live about 25 minutes away. So even though sometimes, it gets a little overwhelming, it's so nice to have them here. (Like when I needed to call my mom on Christmas Eve because we got home way late, DD was having some kind of weird nightmare thing and wouldn't go to bed and we had done absolutely nothing for Santa, my mom came over in 5 minutes and helped. She is my calming voice).
@lyse01 yep a majority of my closest friends are sprinkled throughout the country and we're lucky to see each other once a year or so. There is a nice contingent of people from my college since locally since it's only about an hour away but most of them are a bit younger than I am. So...I have two of my close HS friends (the third lives about 2 hours away) and a smattering of others that I see rarely. We socialize more with my in-laws or my cousins than friends for the most part.
@thatbaintforbetty I think that is so sweet of your DH. I wish mine was more concerned about being away from me this late in the pregnancy! He travels for work and has a meeting with his boss Monday. He's supposed to let her know when he has to stop traveling out of state, and I'm not sure what he's going to tell her. He'll probably be like, well, she's due April 12 so maybe a week before? And then I'll totally be stressed!
Oh, another FFFC - I push on these babies a lot. They go in all sorts of weird uncomfortable positions and I give em a little nudge. DH last night was like "They have no room! Stop pushing on them! They're squished enough!" But...I'm probably gonna continue to push and poke.
@MRDCle I do the same thing. When baby is up in my ribs especially. Or if she's pushing her butt really far outward and I try to push it back in so my skin doesn't feel like it will explode. DH is very concerned that I'm going to "dent her," but all in all, I think we're both good. Babies are durable, and you need to be able to find some sort of semblance to comfort...
@rennie1108 Yep, he gets super protective and paranoid when I’m pregnant. It’s totally sweet, he’s actually been overwhelming supportive of me and my anxiety and all the issues. He’s always asking if I’m okay or right there offering help if I’m trying to get up or get to something that is now more difficult.
That would stress me out too. I don’t think a lot of men get the whole due date thing. Maybe have your doc give a recommendation or explain more about how it’s more of a window of time than an end date?
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I don't know how to explain the mental load of parenting in better terms than that. I wish my husband understood it from my perspective. Lately I've felt completely overwhelmed and definitely like I haven't had any days "off," even though I only work 4-5 days a week. And it'll only get harder with a newborn! I'm so grateful for my village, even though it's taken me years to find one. I agree though that there are definitely people who take advantage of that kindness. Especially family members it seems. I try to be especially sensitive when asking family to do things, since I don't want to just assume they will (like other members of my family do).
+1 to the has no village. My mom lives close but we don't really get along and she is mental issues of her own so she maybe comes over for an hour or 2 a week and it usually while I cook everyone dinner and then she eats and leaves. We have family that visits but NO ONE to help. We are 1000% on our own. I really want to figure out how to hire a babysitter
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Having a baby with no village is hard. Ok, hard is a complete understatement. Having a baby with no village led to severe depression, anxiety, and just general burnout for me. We had no one around when we had DD. We were the first people in our friends group to have a baby and everyone kind of drifted away. We were 200 miles away from any family. I was so so isolated and miserable. I absolutely believe we need the village!
@MRDCle@kate_e_nb DH also tells me to stop pushing on LO so much. I think he’s convinced that’s one of the reasons behind why I get kicked so much. But this kid spends most of his time in my ribs and pushes his butt out so far that I’m so uncomfortable and feel the need to encourage him to shift a little. I also do it on occasion if I haven’t felt him move for awhile, I just poke around (gently) with my fingers for a bit and he eventually seems to get annoyed with that and gives me a solid kick that makes me feel relief.
@professormama Great post about villages. Modern expectations for where life takes you and how to approach work/childrearing has slowly eroded so many people’s villages. DH and I have moved 10 times and lived in 3 different metropolitan areas since we’ve been together, and leaving the last one for our current area (grad school-> job) was really tough on our support network. Most of our very close friends are still back there. Thankfully my parents were willing and able to move kind of near us, but the expectation that we would move for work made life difficult. If I had stayed in my home town, I probably wouldn’t have much of a job. DH wouldn’t have one at all.
We also lucked out in that we have *amazing* neighbors here, but that was purely luck and not really common anymore to have a street that happily functions together (partially because people are stuck moving so often- why get attached?).
@wildcosmiclove Sorry you went through that, that sounds incredibly difficult.
I'm loving this village discussion! I have lived far away (7+hours) from my family for basically my entire adult life, and after spending 4,5 years abroad my emotional support village is about as scattered as can be. I think one of my favourite moments of our wedding here in Sweden was looking down the aile and seeing all the faces of friends and family that had travelled from near and far just to be there to celebrate with us (I cried all the way to the chuppah...). It also made me really wish that I would someday get to have all these people living in one and the same place... which will never happen. I'm just happy that I've been able to keep these people close despite the distances, and try to constantly keep building on my collection of awesome people .
Since both DH and I work in academia, you kind of have to get used to people coming and going at quite the high speed. Especially with PhD/postdocs lasting only 2-5 years here, and people having to move on to new places. Right now most of my colleauges are from a lot of different countries and in different stages of their lives. Not many of them have kids yet, so they are very excited for the twins to join our group of friends, but we'll have to see how much we can still join in activities etc.
In the city we live, I also have some long term friends who aren't colleagues of which most of them have babies, and one of them expecting her 2nd in March, so we're excited to get to spend some maternity leave together. However, most of these friends have their families around, so they feel less like family and are often busy seeing their siblings/parents.
With the little ones arriving, we probably won't rely on friends & family to baby sit much, but try to bring them along in our lives or take turns to do things with our friends separately unless we go up to visit my parents. I'm hoping to get to know some of the parents in my parenting/twin/mom groups a bit better too. Maybe there'll be some nice other couples to hang out with as well.
also, @MRDCle I push back at the babies all the time! Who do they think they are sticking their head up my ribs and simultaneously kicking me in the bladder
Re: UOs/FFCs 2/21
FFFC: ended my February shopping-moratorium yesterday to buy some sale T-shirt’s from madewell. About to go buy some nursing bras and converse sneakers next. Basically, my impulse control just went to zero.
* autoCorrect changed that to grumpy. Yes, they made me feel grumpy too
Also, I'm totally having ice cream tonight as well. Impulse control, what's that? My sweet tooth has been insane this pregnancy and all this talk of mint ice cream (plus McDonald's shamrock shake ads...) has me craving some mint chocolate chip....
My little sis relies on my parents and her inlaws (for babysitting/overnights and $$) constantly and if they say no to something, she gets offended. My middle sis expects my parents to take off work and fly halfway across the country to watch my neice if her and her husband have work schedule issues. 'It takes a village' seems to be their way of shrugging off their responsibilities.
Your middle sis needs to find a local village. Your little sis needs to have back up plans so she doesn’t need to get offended when people reasonably say “no, not this time.”
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
I have really strong feelings about this because a year and a half ago we moved away from our home town to a new city. My spouse and I both work full time, and frankly, it's exhausting. We almost never go on dates (maybe 2 in the last year?) and we both feel a lot of pressure on our time - yes, we keep our house in decent condition, but it ends up taking one full day of our weekend. I often work on weekends as well, which means I frequently get zero days "off" to fully relax. And, when not working, keeping up with the house, packing lunches, cooking, and basically doing regular chores, then we are playing with our kiddo because we have limited time with him when he's in school all day. I miss our village so much. I miss the occasional Saturday night date night with friends, where I knew my kid was safe, well cared for by someone he REALLY loved and who we trusted completely. Yes, we could hire a babysitter, but it's hard to trust a stranger alone at home with your kid (especially when you read all the abuse stories in the news recently), and my kid has major separation anxiety at bedtime. Even when we get my sister (a busy college student who lives in our town) to babysit, we have to be home by bedtime because she can't get him to sleep. Only my parents have successfully achieved that feat. And we are thankful even to have my sister in town, she completely saved my ass when my car broke down last time my husband was out of town. No idea what i'd do without her too, if we were totally alone here. So basically villages are amazing and everyone should have one. *End Rant*
I live in an area now where the "it takes a village" is a whole different ball game. And - I'm very sorry if I offend anyone of this religion because I know I'm making a blanket statement which isn't true for everyone - but the LDS culture is extremely strong where I live, and each ward is a pretty tight-knit community. Problem is, we are not LDS nor in a ward and as such, we don't really intermingle with our neighbors, but yet still my neighbor lets her kids out in the front yard and just expects that I'm watching her 1 year old waddle around near the street. It's infuriating, and it really stresses me out. So I think it just depends on the kind of rapport you have with the village around you. I guess the village that I live around isn't really my village, and because of the exclusivity of the neighbors (ie: my stepdaughter has been excluded from parties and such because she is not LDS) it's hard to find my village where we live. Ok, my turn to "End Rant."
We have my parents close by but they are the only ones who will/can watch DD and that’s complicated by the fact that I have 2 younger siblings I don’t want around her. We basically get almost zero time away from our kid and it definitely takes it’s toll. It’s even more depressing since everyone I know seems to have some sort of support system or village to rely on. Even my mom only technically part time parents because she shares custody. My SILs drop their kids off at with MIL/FIL every weekend. My sister doesn’t want and absolutely isn’t a “kid person,” and I have no local mom friends.
I don’t know anyone who spends as much time with their kid as DH and I do with ours. Even when I go see a friend for lunch on the weekend (on the rare occasion we can get together) I have her with me. Now obviously we choose to have another kid and this will probably get worse but it’s our reality. It’s obviously not ideal and it’s something we are working on but it’s not easy to build that village, especially these days.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Solidarity to all the mamas out there wishing for more of a village. I'm glad I'm not alone, but I'm sorry you all are going through the struggle too.
He’s actually really paranoid about going out this late in the pregnancy especially since he doesn’t drive (he loathes driving in CA, lol). He always super worried something will happen and he will be at the mercy of someone else to get back. None of his friends get that despite him explaining. It’s super frustrating for him to have them constantly text and him constantly telling them.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Honestly, sometimes I feel like we do a disservice when we encourage teens to get out of Dodge and go to the school halfway across the country, go live in the big city, go follow their dream job to a new state. It totally discounts the importance of a lasting social support network.
We are lucky to have our village close. We have good friends but don't rely on them often. Both of my parents and both of my brothers and their wives (who are having babies this year too) all live in the same town as we do and my ILs live about 25 minutes away. So even though sometimes, it gets a little overwhelming, it's so nice to have them here. (Like when I needed to call my mom on Christmas Eve because we got home way late, DD was having some kind of weird nightmare thing and wouldn't go to bed and we had done absolutely nothing for Santa, my mom came over in 5 minutes and helped. She is my calming voice).
That would stress me out too. I don’t think a lot of men get the whole due date thing. Maybe have your doc give a recommendation or explain more about how it’s more of a window of time than an end date?
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I don't know how to explain the mental load of parenting in better terms than that. I wish my husband understood it from my perspective. Lately I've felt completely overwhelmed and definitely like I haven't had any days "off," even though I only work 4-5 days a week. And it'll only get harder with a newborn! I'm so grateful for my village, even though it's taken me years to find one. I agree though that there are definitely people who take advantage of that kindness. Especially family members it seems. I try to be especially sensitive when asking family to do things, since I don't want to just assume they will (like other members of my family do).
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
We also lucked out in that we have *amazing* neighbors here, but that was purely luck and not really common anymore to have a street that happily functions together (partially because people are stuck moving so often- why get attached?).
@wildcosmiclove Sorry you went through that, that sounds incredibly difficult.
I have lived far away (7+hours) from my family for basically my entire adult life, and after spending 4,5 years abroad my emotional support village is about as scattered as can be. I think one of my favourite moments of our wedding here in Sweden was looking down the aile and seeing all the faces of friends and family that had travelled from near and far just to be there to celebrate with us (I cried all the way to the chuppah...). It also made me really wish that I would someday get to have all these people living in one and the same place... which will never happen. I'm just happy that I've been able to keep these people close despite the distances, and try to constantly keep building on my collection of awesome people
Since both DH and I work in academia, you kind of have to get used to people coming and going at quite the high speed. Especially with PhD/postdocs lasting only 2-5 years here, and people having to move on to new places. Right now most of my colleauges are from a lot of different countries and in different stages of their lives. Not many of them have kids yet, so they are very excited for the twins to join our group of friends, but we'll have to see how much we can still join in activities etc.
In the city we live, I also have some long term friends who aren't colleagues of which most of them have babies, and one of them expecting her 2nd in March, so we're excited to get to spend some maternity leave together. However, most of these friends have their families around, so they feel less like family and are often busy seeing their siblings/parents.
With the little ones arriving, we probably won't rely on friends & family to baby sit much, but try to bring them along in our lives or take turns to do things with our friends separately unless we go up to visit my parents. I'm hoping to get to know some of the parents in my parenting/twin/mom groups a bit better too. Maybe there'll be some nice other couples to hang out with as well.