@suzycupcake - I agree with @Allycat11, it is definitely hormones and something to monitor. I don't remember having it during pregnancy with DD (I mostly remember pregnancy feeling like I was taking Xanax's ... my anxiety and impulsivity just kind of melted away), but I most definitely had it after. New codification and studies have linked anger and aggression to be previously-unrecognized symptoms of Depression, which could very much be brought on by hormones. If you find that you cannot predict nor control it in a way you feel comfortable, it might be worth seeking out a professional who can give you some cognitive therapy and some methods to help rein it in a little. I know once I deliver this dear, sweet baby ... I will be getting some assistance because The Anger hung heavily around me for over a year after DD and I would not wish that on anyone (and certainly not put my family through that again).
**History in Spoiler**
Me-35, DH-36 - TTC since 08/10 Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil) ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day) FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok) FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
Has anyone had a relative such as a SIL due within a month of you? How did you handle your expectations for grandparents & other family members vs the other pregnant person’s?
SIL is due near me. I’m worried that it will be “but SIL was fine with us at the hospital” “but SIL lets me do xyz with baby”, etc.
TBH, after struggling w/ multiple losses & IF, I’m bummed there’s another baby due so close. I want to do things my way without being in her shadow of how she wants to do her things.
TLDR: Any tips on managing expectations set by other babies close in age?
@jrm_14 My SIL was due 2 weeks after me, but ended up having her baby 5 days before me. My in laws are out of state, and live near my SIL, but I was very worried about this. My SIL is very timid and I'm not, so I was worried about the comparison because I knew I would speak my mind and she would probably let them do whatever they wanted. When the time finally came, I honestly didn't care at all what they thought and what she did/didn't do. They got here the day my daughter was born after spending the previous 5 days with my SIL and her new baby.
There were a few comments made by my FIL about how much I was gone breastfeeding and things of that nature, but thankfully my husband and my mom put him in his place. They ended up being very respectful overall even though I did things differently than my SIL. Even now, they spend a lot more time with my nephew since they live close by so when I see them I always wonder what they'll say, but it really hasn't been an issue.
She lets them give him popcorn and I'm paranoid about choking, so I don't. If they want to judge my parenting, they are more than welcome to do it silently lol. I breastfed for 17 months, and she did for 3. She introduced solids at 4 months, we waited until 6. Sometimes they would say things like "Oh SIL and nephew do this" and I just say well my pediatrician recommended "x" so that is what we are doing. She is also a lot more laid back about bedtime and naps, but her kid has always been a good sleeper, where my daughter needs to follow a schedule these days or else guess who is up all night with her? Sometimes I wonder if they think I'm crazy or overbearing or rude, but as I said, you just kind of get into mom mode and it doesn't matter what other people think.
I ALMOST sent an email to everyone about expectations before my daughter was born, and I'm glad that I didn't because even my own expectations changed the second we had her. The other thing to keep in mind is that emotions are on overdrive in those first weeks postpartum, so if there is something you are sensitive about, it helps if your husband or mom or someone else can help communicate things for you.
Sorry if this is all over the place, but this was a GIANT concern of mine for months before our daughter was born, and in hindsight, I wish that I had spent less time worrying about it.
@jrm_14 - Fortunately/Unfortunately, we live very far away from EVERYONE. So it's an intentional trip if anyone wants to come and visit (we have an open-/revloving-door policy at our house, and specifically bought a larger house to be able to accommodate such guests). And - even though me and DH are the oldest of our siblings - we were the last to have children (thanks IF!) so there wasn't much overlap. I would also have a second or third person that understands your wants and needs, so that they can communicate them as they arise, if you feel uncomfortable being the one who "always" tells them No or Stop, etc. It is YOUR child, and you and DH have every right to set out any rules, regardless of how silly or small or divergent they are from anyone else's. Set those expectations clearly and early.
**History in Spoiler**
Me-35, DH-36 - TTC since 08/10 Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium) FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil) ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day) FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok) FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used) FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
@jrm_14 My SIL was due a month after me. I was induced late and she had hers early, so they are 2 weeks a part.
ILs are a little annoying with the comparisons, but not so bad now the kidsare 5 (and boy and girl). When I was still in the hospital right after the induction, my MIL told me my SIL was already dialated and giggled. That was a little cruel because inductions are rough.
Re: Ask A STM w/o 2/4
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
SIL is due near me. I’m worried that it will be “but SIL was fine with us at the hospital” “but SIL lets me do xyz with baby”, etc.
TBH, after struggling w/ multiple losses & IF, I’m bummed there’s another baby due so close. I want to do things my way without being in her shadow of how she wants to do her things.
TLDR: Any tips on managing expectations set by other babies close in age?
There were a few comments made by my FIL about how much I was gone breastfeeding and things of that nature, but thankfully my husband and my mom put him in his place. They ended up being very respectful overall even though I did things differently than my SIL. Even now, they spend a lot more time with my nephew since they live close by so when I see them I always wonder what they'll say, but it really hasn't been an issue.
She lets them give him popcorn and I'm paranoid about choking, so I don't. If they want to judge my parenting, they are more than welcome to do it silently lol. I breastfed for 17 months, and she did for 3. She introduced solids at 4 months, we waited until 6. Sometimes they would say things like "Oh SIL and nephew do this" and I just say well my pediatrician recommended "x" so that is what we are doing. She is also a lot more laid back about bedtime and naps, but her kid has always been a good sleeper, where my daughter needs to follow a schedule these days or else guess who is up all night with her? Sometimes I wonder if they think I'm crazy or overbearing or rude, but as I said, you just kind of get into mom mode and it doesn't matter what other people think.
I ALMOST sent an email to everyone about expectations before my daughter was born, and I'm glad that I didn't because even my own expectations changed the second we had her. The other thing to keep in mind is that emotions are on overdrive in those first weeks postpartum, so if there is something you are sensitive about, it helps if your husband or mom or someone else can help communicate things for you.
Sorry if this is all over the place, but this was a GIANT concern of mine for months before our daughter was born, and in hindsight, I wish that I had spent less time worrying about it.
@jrm_14 - Fortunately/Unfortunately, we live very far away from EVERYONE. So it's an intentional trip if anyone wants to come and visit (we have an open-/revloving-door policy at our house, and specifically bought a larger house to be able to accommodate such guests). And - even though me and DH are the oldest of our siblings - we were the last to have children (thanks IF!) so there wasn't much overlap. I would also have a second or third person that understands your wants and needs, so that they can communicate them as they arise, if you feel uncomfortable being the one who "always" tells them No or Stop, etc. It is YOUR child, and you and DH have every right to set out any rules, regardless of how silly or small or divergent they are from anyone else's. Set those expectations clearly and early.
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
ILs are a little annoying with the comparisons, but not so bad now the kidsare 5 (and boy and girl). When I was still in the hospital right after the induction, my MIL told me my SIL was already dialated and giggled. That was a little cruel because inductions are rough.