W/O 1/23: PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in

eme520 · January 2019

This check-in will be posted every Wednesday. Welcome all new members. No TW needed here for loss discussions, but please use a TW to discuss living children.

How far along are you?
Current mood?
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs?
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why?

eme520 · January 2019

So much extra love for our members who are going through limbo or potential losses. Please do whatever you need to do to protect your heart, but know there's a group of us thinking of you and hoping for the best or, at least, some peace and healing.

How far along are you? 8w1d
Current mood? Starting to feel optimistic after my unofficial scan yesterday
Loss history: 3 losses at 8w3d in Feb '13, May '15, July '16, and a 4 week loss May '13. Negative RPL testing.

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? My official appointment is this am. I really hope I get good news.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I think Colorado is the most beautiful state in the US, almost everywhere you are, it's like being in a postcard. I would love to live there, but if I move again (I've moved several times in last 10 years) it will be back home to AZ.

klpv415 · January 2019

How far along are you? 5w1d
Current mood? Bleh. Yesterday was a crappy day at work and I still haven't got over it, which isn't like me at all but I'm blaming hormones.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. CP Dec '17, MC at 11w April '18.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Impatiently waiting for my next U/S appt on Feb. 7th to hopefully see this little monkey burrowed in the right place (I have a horror of having an ectopic pregnancy), and hear a heartbeat.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? St. Augustine, FL is my favorite city I've ever been to. It's beautiful, fun, and so full of history!

blitzybee · January 2019

How far along are you? 6wks, 1 day

Current mood? Indifferent

If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC 7 wks Oct 2016, CP January 17, MMC 8 wks Oct 2017

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First ultrasound tomorrow 😬

GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I like escaping to AZ in the winter for some warmth

lfrank12 · January 2019

Finally jumping in here...

How far along are you? 6w3d

Current mood? Exhausted. In and out of anxious states of mind depending on the day

If you haven’t already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable: CP in Dec 2018. Some days this seems too close for comfort

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? My first appointment isn’t until 2/21. I’ll be just shy of 11 weeks. It literally feels like torture to be so far away

GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what’s your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? Hilton Head, SC. So relaxing and I have a lot of great memories from vacations we took over the last several years with extended family

MsBeachNJ · January 2019

How far along are you? 6 weeks 3 days
Current mood? Optimistic as I've had some really strong symptoms over the last week, and this is the week that things started to go south last time.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MC at 8 weeks 3 days in November 2018. Around 6 weeks I started to feel a complete decline of symptoms, it was over 2 weeks of waiting, scans, appointments full of false hope etc, until it was confirmed.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First appointment 1 week from today on the 30th!! Can't wait to be done with that!!
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I'd say Nashville because I love to visit there & I love all the live music and fun!

@eme520 good luck at your first official appointment today!!! Fingers crossed!

eme520 · January 2019

@klpv415 I’m sorry you had an incident at work. When I’m stewing on something, I like to really immerse myself in my feels and then mentally put it away in a box and promise to come back later. Hope you feel better soon!

@blitzybee Eek! Everything crossed for tomorrow. Please keep us updated. I’m glad you enjoy visiting my home state!

@lfrank12 Welcome to the check-in and thanks for jumping in! Waiting until 11 weeks does seem like forever. We’re here to support you however we can.

@MsBeachNJ Our losses were at the exact same gestation so I know how you feel right now. I’ll be 8w3d in two days and I’m really stressed. I love Nashville too! Almost took a job there, a great place.

My update is that I just got done with my US. Happy news. All looks wonderful. Since pretty much all my losses were at 8w3d, she’s having me come back Monday for a repeat US to hopefully give me more good news.

dpchickens · January 2019

*sigh* I'm out. Again.

Started cramping last evening, went to the ER and my beautiful doubling betas plummeted and the ultrasound did not go well. Beta Monday morning was like 1478... beta last night was 1080.

This fucking sucks.

klpv415 · January 2019

@dpchickens Wow. I'm so so sorry. I know there are no words that make this better, but do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Praying for peace and comfort for you

eller-2 · January 2019

I am so sorry, too, @dpchickens. Thinking of you, and the others who have been getting hard news.

zuuls_mom · January 2019

@dpchickens I am so sorry! My stomach dropped when I saw your comment. Sending you so much love right now.

kagesstarshroom · January 2019

@dpchickens so so sorry to hear this. love to you in this moment & moving forward.

@lfrank12 This may be a dumb/newb question, but does your ob/whatever dr yr using know about yr prev. loss? Mine has been seeing me earlier/more frequently bc of mine. I'm not sure if I think that's helped or hurt my anxieties, though,TBH, but when I called to schedule a 1st appt I told the receptionist about my prev. loss & she connected me to a nurse who scheduled something earlier bc of it. I'm only sharing this bc 11 weeks seems like a million weeks away to me too! If they know and still want to see you at 11 weeks ahhhhh. I would need, like, at least 6 excellent shows to binge watch during ANY down time.

@eme520 glad to hear yr good news!

@MsBeachNJ I've only been to Nashville once but really loved it--did you ever watch the contemporary TV show called Nashville? With Connie Britton?

How far along are you? 6w5d, according to FF (I hope to get an update on how behind/on track I am at my appt this week!)
Current mood? Slightly grateful to be slightly nauseated; cold. Super ready for it to be Friday already. Hopeful but trying to remain realistic? I'm in limbo & feeling the pull in all directions. Figuratively.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. CP in Oct. 2018.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Friday is my "let's do another u/s so we can compare it to last week's u/s" w/ my first appt to follow--I am PRAYING everything looks good, and I keep telling myself "You just have to make it to Friday." (I also have a u/s & 1st appt scheduled for 2/4, though I have a feeling depending on what happens Friday that one won't really be necessary? I have no idea, though, as I'm a FTM PGAL so I feel like I'm not sure what they'll want to do or what's normal and how much of normality will/could still apply.)
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? It feels like I am cheating so I can answer twice lol but really, I don't know whether NJ or Louisiana should count as my home state and that changes my answer! I am not sure if I should consider NJ my home state since I grew up there OR Louisiana my home state since I live here now. If NJ is my home state, Louisiana is my fave state bc it truly is the "foreign country or America"--I love the food, I love the culture, I love (many of though not all of)the people. It's specific but still huge and inclusive, and New Orleans is a phenomenal city but Acadiana is rad too and... it's GoRgEoUs. // If Louisiana doesn't count bc I live here now, I would say... Philly. I love and miss Philly so so so so much (I also lived there.) Great city, great art and lit scene, (mostly) great traditions and history and architecture and street layout and people, and of course I love my Eagles.

zuuls_mom · January 2019

@eme520 so happy for good news!! I hope things keep trending that way. Also, I totally agree with you on CO being the most beautiful. I never want to live anywhere else

@blitzybee eeek! I can't wait to hear about your u/s! Crossing everything for you!

@lfrank12 ughhh yeah that sounds like torture! I hope time flies by for you and everything is a-ok when they see you.

@MsBeachNJ appt buddies! I have one on the 30th too and will be sending you lots of love that day that yours goes well!

How far along are you? 6w 6d
Current mood? Slightly on edge. The high of seeing the HB at my last appt has worn off and I am back to being anxious and nervous about everything falling apart.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @13w back in Oct.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? 30th for my 8w scan. I have a feeling they won't want to see me again until 12w, but I don't think I can wait that long since I'd likely find out the sex again in that time and I was so excited only to have it ripped away a week later. I will beg for a 10w scan if I have to.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? This is going to sound weird, but Binford, ND. I don't think I'd ever want to live there full time (especially in the winter), but H's family owns 100 acres of land there and it is sooo beautiful in the summer! We go every year. We're hoping to keep the land in our family for generations to come since the farm is over 100 yrs old already and build a tiny house out there to stay in when we visit.

40momma · January 2019

hi ladies, I hope it's ok that I'm introducing myself here first rather than the main part of the board, Im just not fully ready to join in all of the excitement over there yet as I'm still holding my breath. I've been over in the TTCAL board for 2 years.

How far along are you? 5w1d
Current mood? Scared, anxious, nervous and cautiously excited
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. 3 losses in 2017. First at 7w4d, second at 5w3d and third at 6w3d. I've had all kinds of tests and they've found slightly elevated cardiolipins which means baby aspirin and a daily needle of a blood thinner which I began when I got my BFP. I'm 42 with 3 previous losses and no living children so I know this won't be easy but I so badly want this. And I bloody well deserve it.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? just got my first beta back at 789. Having next draw in a week and then they will schedule u/s. Why oh why does this take forever.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? well I'm up north, living on the west coast of Canada but originally from Nova Scotia, where my heart lies. It's hard to be away from home sometimes but at this stage in my life, I love living on the west coast. But there's really no place like home

zuuls_mom · January 2019

@40momma It is SO good to see your name pop up here! I will keep everything crossed for you and am thinking of you!!

MsBeachNJ · January 2019

@dpchickens I am so very sorry. My heart is with you. Please take care of yourself.

@kagesstarshroom I did love that show when it was on abc - once they moved it to a cable network I stopped watching, but I was a big fan for a long time!

@zuuls_mom the 30th can not come soon enough! Hoping for a great appointment for you as well!!

@40momma Welcome! I'm so sorry for your loss history, prayerfully this is your rainbow!! The time between appointments does take forever, at least we can all commiserate together!

kgg2241 · January 2019

@dpchickens My heart is aching for you. I am so so sorry. I wish I had comforting words, but I know they won't help much. You are right, it just fucking sucks and it is so unfair. I'll be thinking of you and your husband.

@40momma Welcome. I followed your story a bit on TTCAL. I hope this is your rainbow!

eller-2 · January 2019

@eme520, such great news! I'm glad they're bringing you back Monday for some additional peace of mind too.

@klpv415, I love St. Augustine! I went often as a child and just took a day trip there in December while I was visiting family in Florida. Also, my first ultrasound is 2/8, so right there with you...

@blitzybee (I like your name

), hope the ultrasound goes well tomorrow!

@lfrank12, welcome! I really just jumped in myself. I'm sorry you have to wait so long until that first appointment.

@MsBeachNJ, glad you're feeling optimistic! The 30th is not so far away, though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way!

@kagesstarshroom, I hope you have a perfect follow-up ultrasound Friday. It's tough with those first early ultrasounds, because they can give you such peace of mind (at least temporarily), and/or they can make you overthink things (even if everything is going perfectly - I have been there!).

@zuuls_mom, I live in CO (and love it) too

Slightly on edge sounds about right - these early weeks (heck, maybe all of pregnancy) are such an emotional rollercoaster. I hope that next ultrasound gives you longer-lasting peace of mind.

@40momma, welcome! Echoing what @MsBeachNJ said, praying this is your rainbow.

How far along are you? 5w3d
Current mood? Still cautiously optimistic (and trying to stay out of my head). Some moments of anxiety but not much yet, somehow.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. My first baby was stillborn around 22w gestation.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First ultrasound on 2/8. Much as I love those moments AFTER a good ultrasound, the lead-up gets me (as I'm sure you all understand). So I both can't wait and I'm glad it's a few weeks away and not totally top-of-mind.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I haven't spent much time there, but I've loved what I have seen of Oregon.

lfrank12 · January 2019

@kagesstarshroom I’m not sure if it’s different because I see a midwife instead of a normal OB? I did request betas right after I got my BFP and once those 2 labs looked on track she just wrote “things look promising, keep your scheduled appointment”. I was also in the ER last weekend due to a stabbing pain (went to rule out ectopic) and they found out I have a dermoid cyst but I never got a follow up from my office they wanted to see me earlier. Typing all of this out makes me think I should call them again and try to get an earlier appointment

kagesstarshroom · January 2019

@eller-2Thanks for the kind words! I can't believe it's still Wednesday (yes, I know, it was only a few hours ago when I checked in here & it was originally also still Wednesday...) The waiting!

@40mommaThe waiting is so hard, I know, but they'll be drawing that next vial of blood before you know it & I hope the #s do an awesome thing. / side note: one of my dogs is named Nova, and I call her, affectionately, "Scotia" and "Scoshee." She wasn't named after Nova Scotia, like, in any way on our part--she was a rescue & came w/ her name. I had a million nicknames for her when we first got her (mostly Philly related haha: VillaNova! Nova Care Complex!) but those are the ones that stuck.

@MsBeachNJ omg same. watched up until it moved & never kept watching. tho i enjoyed it when it was on ABC!

@lfrank12 Ohkay whew I feel better now that you got those betas, which if my memory were better I probably could have known from prev PGAL posts on here.

I feel like if you really FEEL like you want something earlier, they'd give it to you as long as they weren't like totally booked forever? (Again, FTM newb here, learning as I go along, but if I were to guess...) I mean, despite their telling you everything is all good, which is fair/awesome, I feel like you can likely call the shots. The cyst mustn't be a worry either, though that ER visit/pain sounds traumatic when we're already weighing and measuring every pinch & pucker. I bet there's no right answer though: the knowing, the not knowing, we're still gonna be paranoid on some days and calmer on others.

justhereforthemusic · January 2019

How far along are you? - 5 weeks in an hour so let’s go with 5 weeks haha
Current mood?- Had some anxiety earlier this week but pretty optimistic now.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. - M/c at 4w5d in December. This pregnancy happened right away.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? - 9/26 EDD. Dating ultrasound Feb 11.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? - Can I use Canada although I’m in the US? Vancouver ❤️

Edited to add so many hugs for @dpchickens and @keikilove. I’m so, so very sorry

keikilove · January 2019

Well, friends, this is it for me too. Exactly 3 months to the day after my first loss. Maybe we did this too soon... My 3rd beta came back at 60 after getting only to 67. I was somewhat prepared since the doc had been so honest, thank God. The cramps came on like bad period cramps and I’ve already made peace with it. It also validates for me that my late loss in October wasn’t a ”fluke”, as almost every doctor has tried to say. F that. Something is wrong, I don’t care how normal my bloodwork looks.

The only thing lingering in my mind is that after my last loss I found just *one* doctor willing to prescribe me injectable medicine for my new-found blood-clotting disorder. But my current MFM just said last week that my BW showed that the clotting tests were looking great & didn’t warrant meds & it was too great a risk. I couldn’t get in to see the willing doctor until next week. So now I’m left wondering if the meds would’ve saved this baby or if there were chromosomal issues... This whole thing definitely has me wondering “At what point does one throw up the white flag & just surrender to whatever will be?” I’m not ready yet, but pondering these thoughts.

Thank you all for your prayers, positive energy, and kind kind words. It’s meant a lot to have this support group. I wish you all the best with your pregnancies!

keikilove · January 2019

@dpchickens I am sooo sorry for your loss. Your frustration and disappointment is felt through your post, and rightly so. I am so sorry. Big hugs to you.❤️

@zuuls_mom I hope you’re able to relax into this. I know you’ve been on the rollercoaster too, hoping nothing but good news continues for you!

@kagesstarshroom I’m praying that your big day gets here ASAP & that everything is wonderful!

@eme520 So good to see your great updates!!! Also praying for you that everything keeps improving beautifully. Thank you for your lovely words & kind thoughts for all of us in your post here this week.❤️

@40momma Congratulations and h*** yes, you deserve this! Thank you for sharing your story—what a victor you are. We are about the same age, don’t let that dampen your dream at all. Everyone deserves a happy ending.❤️ Praying all continues beautifully for you till your sweet little bundle is in your arms.

maserrano714 · January 2019

@dpchickens and @keikilove I'm so sorry and my heart breaks for you both. Sending you lots of love and strength. I know there's nothing we can say to make it better but just know we are always here for you.

blitzybee · January 2019

My heart is reaching out to everyone going through a hard time right now. It shouldn’t have to be so hard😞 Just know there are many of us out there thinking of you. Please do something wonderful for yourselves, and reach out anytime. ❤️

And for those that are having better luck this time, I’m celebrating with you as well! Such a rollercoaster and I just wish I could hug everyone in this group!

maserrano714 · January 2019

How far along are you? 7w3d
Current mood? Super tired. I'm at a conference in Puerto Rico and I have zero energy. Trying to stay awake is tough. I also have no energy to do anything like sightseeing. Totally sucks. I'm going to force myself to do something tomorrow.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 8wks in Aug 2018.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Have an ultrasound appt on 1/30.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I love New Orleans, La. Love the people, the food and the fun.

kagesstarshroom · January 2019

@keikiloveso much love to you, sister. good luck w/ navigating the drs & hope to see you a bmb again soon.

thank you so much for your words of support for my appt tomorrow.

@maserrano714 yesss nola yesss

kgg2241 · January 2019

@keikilove I am so sorry to see your update. You have been such a supportive friend on here and I'm so sorry things didn't work out this time. Listen to your gut and if you think something is wrong, then push for more testing. I'll be lurking when/if you start posting on TTGP again.

MsBeachNJ · January 2019

@keikilove I am so very sorry. Don't give up hope & keep pushing for a doctor that will listen to you and give you the attention you deserve. Please take care of yourself

I'll be praying for your rainbow soon!

omg1108 · January 2019

How far along are you? 6 weeks + 2 days
Current mood? Very moody in general. I think my anxiety is just starting to spill over. I am actually feeling pretty well overall & it scares the crap out of me! I bought a beautiful pregnancy journal in a moment of really trying to enjoy my pregnancy & be positive, but I am scared to start writing in it. A huge part of my anxiety is that my loss was a MMC with no symptoms. I had no idea that my little nugget was lacking a heartbeat. So each day, I dread that when I go to my ultrasound it is going to be scary instead of joyous.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC 9/25 @ 9 weeks
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? 1st appt 2/6
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? I live in Cleveland, Ohio & honestly haven't traveled too much within the state. I went on a road trips to Frankenmuth, Michigan and Pittsburgh, PA this past year. In my 20s I visited Chicago, Niagara Falls, and Las Vegas; I went to California as a child. Other than that...so, I guess California is the best weather.

@40momma I am 41 & have no living children either. So I am really praying for this miracle. I am so excited to be a mom.

@keikilove and @dpchickens I am truly sorry to hear about these losses. I feel like following each other's stories has been therapeutic. I am saddened that this time did not end well. I am confident that we will get our rainbow babies.

Sending positive vibes to each of you waiting on test results. I will be scanning for updates.

kagesstarshroom · January 2019

@omg1108I was very scared to start writing in mine, too, even though it was one of my first "you're going to be a mom!" purchases, but even despite my anxieties and uncertainties throughout and currently, I decided to let loose with the pen in it because...even if I wound up documenting something different than what I thought I was documenting, it was still good to check in and keep track in that way. I relate it to my fear of joining/participating in this board, which as you can see, I can't keep away... I also decided if something *does* happen (tomorrow's appointment, I think, will be my big tell day) I would just write to the publisher of the journal I bought and ask if they could send me one on the house or updated pages for when (writing "when" bc optimism) I needed it again. Let me know which one you got! Mine is called "The Nine."

knottiea087517f467f84d4 · January 2019

Introducing myself here, not ready to join other boards yet. Had a surprised BFP 1/17, beta 1/17 1862. beta 1/21 6442. Repeat Betas tomorrow due to bleeding since Saturday. Cautiously optimistic and praying for good numbers.
How far along are you? 6w2d had my first ultrasound today and measures 6w1d with a HB of 110. Dr said that was a good rate for this stage in gestation (normal at 6-7 weeks being 90-110)

Current mood? Relieved after appointment, but hard to get excited, feeling guarded especially since I have been spotting since Saturday and she said she could see some blood in my uterus but the lining around baby looked good.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC at 10w baby only measured 6w. D&C 7/21/15
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Ultrasound #2 1/31 to follow up on bleeding.
GTKY: Outside of your home state/province, what's your favorite state/city/province in your country and why? Anywhere with a beach.

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zuuls_mom · January 2019

@keikilove I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and hugs. You will be missed from this group

suzycupcake · January 2019

dpchickens Oh honey

I'm so sorry

sunshine2417 · January 2019

@dpchickens and @keikilove we will be thinking of you! Take care of yourselves and know that we’re sending you as much love as we can! It sucks so much 😔

sunshine2417 · January 2019

We have our first US tomorrow and I’m a massive ball of anxiety. Yesterday I had ALL the morning sickness all damn day, thought I wasn’t going to make it through work—it was AWFUL, but I was remembering to be grateful because that should be a good sign of hormone progression. Today—nothing. Feeling fine. No issues. Terrified it’s a bad sign. What gives, body?!?! Can’t we meet in the middle?

So so so so nervous for tomorrow. My appt is during the work day too and I will be going right back to work, so hopefully it’s good news 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

dpchickens · January 2019

keikilove So sorry for your loss as well. It totally sucks. I hate the feeling that something is wrong, but not knowing what it is because all the tests say you're fine. We know it's not fine, but it seems that medical science hasn't caught up to our issues yet. Prayers.

MsBeachNJ · January 2019

@sunshine2417 Good luck at your appointment! It is normal for symptoms to come and go, but I know what you mean about wanting a happy medium!! Will be thinking of you & sending great vibes for a great update!

eller-2 · January 2019

@keikilove, I am so very sorry too. I think you are pretty incredible for continuing to love on the others you’ve gotten to know (here and on other threads) even as you are going through such a hard thing. I did not get the chance to know you well, but I can relate to your first loss ❤️ and am wishing you as much peace as possible through this journey (and a healing experience with a happy ending before long).

eller-2 · January 2019

Hard for me to tag at the moment, but I’m thinking of those of you with ultrasounds today.

kagesstarshroom · January 2019

sunshine2417 what @MsBeachNJ said! it is normal for symptoms to come & go. my ob reiterated this to me today. i feel like it... was good to hear her say it.

Update: had my follow-up u/s today &...we are on track! new EDD though. we saw a heartbeat. there's some implantation bleeding inside me, so they said to call ASAP if it comes out rather than gets absorbed. DH cried a lot.

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W/O 1/23: PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in

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