My specific comment was in regards to anti doctor rhetoric that I think is extremely detrimental to the health of mothers and babies. There’s a lot of it and it wasn’t specifically related to home birth. Yes birth is natural and lots of women can birth at home and it’s this everyday event blah blah blah. But lots of women and babies didn’t make it out of labor and delivery alive and I think we need to realize that doctors are making the decision they feel will result in the best outcome for mother and baby.
Are there exceptions? Probably. But to say, “I’ve heard such stories and I’ve seen such things!” Doesn’t change my mind. Anecdotal evidence isn’t necessary scientific evidence.
@lilmamabebe3 I agree. I don't understand why people would risk the life and health of their baby. Yes, it's a natural process. And yes, women have done it for thousands and thousands of years without hospitals. However, many of them or their babies died. Things can and do go wrong. And in those cases, seconds count.
Here We have this (theoretically) great facility called the birth centre. Staffed by midwives, and apparently it's an amazing place to labour and deliver. However, it's a 7 min drive, lights and sirens to the nearest L&D hospital. So, by the time the midwife realizes there's a problem, calls 911, an ambulance is dispatched and responds, it could be 15 min before we arrive on scene (could be shorter or longer. Depends where the closest available unit is). Then even if we literally just grab and go, it's another 10 min to get you out of the centre, into our ambulance. Then a 7 min drive, and at least 5 min to get through the hospital up to the L&D floor. So you're looking at potentially almost 40 min to get you to the OR.
Or, you could deliver at the hospital, where when the nurse/doctor/midwife realizes there is a problem, you are wheeled 1 minute down the hallway to the OR.
I dunno. Maybe I've just seen too many things go wrong. I don't know statistics on complications, But we get called pretty much daily to the birth centre...
"I don't understand why people would risk the life and health of their baby. So, if I am risking the life and health of my baby that is sort of someone saying I am a pretty shit mom, huh? I'm not putting any words in anyone's mouth. I could say the same thing about people who get epidurals. The rate if complications goes up with medication. So, I'm not sure why those people would risk the health of their baby to avoid some pain. But, I think we can all agree that is a pretty shitty thing to say. So, you don't assume I am putting my baby at risk and I won't assume you are putting your baby at risk.
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
My specific comment was in regards to anti doctor rhetoric that I think is extremely detrimental to the health of mothers and babies. There’s a lot of it and it wasn’t specifically related to home birth. Yes birth is natural and lots of women can birth at home and it’s this everyday event blah blah blah. But lots of women and babies didn’t make it out of labor and delivery alive and I think we need to realize that doctors are making the decision they feel will result in the best outcome for mother and baby.
Are there exceptions? Probably. But to say, “I’ve heard such stories and I’ve seen such things!” Doesn’t change my mind. Anecdotal evidence isn’t necessary scientific evidence.
I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm tell you why I made my decision. Lots of doctors are doing exactly as you say. They are not all monsters. The vast majority are doing what they do because they love moms and babies. There are some that are not though, so they are still humans that should be questioned at times instead of blindly followed at all times. Also, anecdotal evidence is being used here against home birth. I agree that it is not scientific evidence. So, lots not use it to promote either opinion. (Not that you are necessarily doing that, but some others are in this thread)
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
Devil's advocate, @olivemomma, *TW death and terrible things for moms - the maternal death rate in the U.S. is on the rise and my understanding is that is due to hospitals, not home births. There are also bad things that can and do happen in hospitals that are unlikely to impossible at home. Things like staph infections and other dangerous infections are very common at hospitals. It's also not a given that at a hospital you will receive high quality care - it's not uncommon for doctors and nurses to miss the early signs of HELLP, even when a loved one is advocating for the mom. end TW* As a FTM with a family history of difficult births I'm not planning a home birth. However, for low risk pregnancies, especially for moms who have histories of uncomplicated deliveries, I can see why home birth is more appealing and even arguably safer. eta words
@mrsstuessy You’re having a hard time with opinions that were literally made in a thread titled “unpopular opinions”. You’re right, there are all kinds of risks and when it comes to labor and delivery and as a parent we can choose which risks we feel comfortable with and which ones we don’t. And you can have personal opinions about other risks. No one attacked other choices, all comments stayed within personal opinions based on research, feelings, and anecdotes.
Youre right, no one should blindly follow advice that we don’t feel comfortable with. If someone is choosing a hospital birth, it is so important to find a doctor and hospital they feel comfortable and safe with. Just as someone would choose a midwife and/or doula they feel comfortable with. Because not all doctors are created equal and not all midwives and doulas are created equal.
However, I do agree with other comments, that a blanket mistrust in all doctors can have some dangerous results, which extends beyond pregnancy.
Me 31 DH 34 TTC #1 5/13 BFP #3 5/2/14 DD born 1/19/15 NTNP #2 8/17 BFP 12/13/18 ED 8/21/19
Devil's advocate, @olivemomma, *TW death and terrible things for moms - the maternal death rate in the U.S. is on the rise and my understanding is that is due to hospitals, not home births. There are also bad things that can and do happen in hospitals that are unlikely to impossible at home. Things like staph infections and other dangerous infections are very common at hospitals. It's also not a given that at a hospital you will receive high quality care - it's not uncommon for doctors and nurses to miss the early signs of HELLP, even when a loved one is advocating for the mom. end TW* As a FTM with a family history of difficult births I'm not planning a home birth. However, for low risk pregnancies, especially for moms who have histories of uncomplicated deliveries, I can see why home birth is more appealing and even arguably safer. eta words
Your opinion is skewed here. There are more complications in a hospital setting because there are far more births in a hospital setting. also, you are more likely to already be in the hospital for complicated births, or transferred from a birthing center for complications. I am not sure where you got your understanding from.
I think we can all agree that pregnancy and birthing a baby is no small task and complications can arise no matter where you choose to give birth. I don’t think anyone here has argued otherwise. And well I may feel very strongly one way, I also believe it’s your body, your baby, and your choice. We have to agree to disagree.
However, To advocate for @chillycanadian - it seems she has first hand witnessed what can go wrong when away from a hospital. And I completely agree with her that moments count. That’s not to say hospitals and doctors are perfect - of course they aren’t. But to completely deny you aren’t taking some risk by choosing to remove yourself from that environment is naive. And because you have had a previous uncomplicated birth is no certainty your next birth will be the same. Every birth is different. I also think it is dangerous to assert it is safer to give birth at home.
but we all have to make that choice for ourselves and our babes and I hope everyone has a safe delivery no matter where you are...
The good news is that (here, at least) where and how to birth is a personal decision. I for one am just happy we can all birth in whatever location feels safest and best to us. I don't get mad whatever you ladies all choose, your experiences are different than mine.
I personally am on the "least interventions I can get at a hospital train", but that's up to me.
Thanks @olivemomma. I didn't mean to make anyone feel like a "shit mom". I can understand why someone would prefer to be in their own setting for labour and delivery. For my last pregnancy, we had planned a midwife delivery at a hospital (though I'm too high risk now and midwives won't come near me). Because I also would ideally like to do this with as few interventions as possible.
I respect that everyone has the right to choose how they go through this journey. And I believe everyone will choose what they feel is best.
*TW I have just had to do CPR on too many dead newborns. Rushed a woman to the hospital as she bleeds to death from abruption, and then find a place to hide as I cry after finding out their baby didn't make it. (And it STILL haunts me 5 years later). Ive just seen, and know how much can go wrong, and it's terrifying. So I have decided the best choice for me is to do my best to limit my risks.
It doesn't mean I judge people who make other choices. For example, I don't want an epidural, but I 10000% understand why someone would! When my friends have chosen out of hospital birth, I don't try to talk them out of it. I just keep my increased anxiety for them hidden, and keep my fingers crossed that things go smoothly and they have a good experience.
We all have the right to gather information and options available to us, and make the choice about what we feel is best, based on that. Just because someone makes a different choice, even one I don't understand, doesn't mean I think poorly of them. It doesn't mean they don't love their baby. It simply means their life experiences have led them to make the decision they feel is best. I want everyone to have a healthy baby, and the best labour/delivery experience possible.
Devil's advocate, @olivemomma, *TW death and terrible things for moms - the maternal death rate in the U.S. is on the rise and my understanding is that is due to hospitals, not home births. There are also bad things that can and do happen in hospitals that are unlikely to impossible at home. Things like staph infections and other dangerous infections are very common at hospitals. It's also not a given that at a hospital you will receive high quality care - it's not uncommon for doctors and nurses to miss the early signs of HELLP, even when a loved one is advocating for the mom. end TW* As a FTM with a family history of difficult births I'm not planning a home birth. However, for low risk pregnancies, especially for moms who have histories of uncomplicated deliveries, I can see why home birth is more appealing and even arguably safer. eta words
Your opinion is skewed here. There are more complications in a hospital setting because there are far more births in a hospital setting. also, you are more likely to already be in the hospital for complicated births, or transferred from a birthing center for complications. I am not sure where you got your understanding from.
Not sure you are understanding my opinion... my opinion is that most births are safer in a hospital setting. However I was pointing out there are bad things that happen in hospitals, and for a small subset of patients they are *arguably* safer not in a hospital. I was presenting an argument as to why it’s possibly not true all that *all* births are safer in a hospital, which is what I interpreted olivemomma to be saying.
Maternal deaths have risen in the US and that is a fact. Some states, like California, have reversed that trend due to what they are doing differently in hospitals... so that tells me many hospitals are not doing what they should or could to prevent the rise.
Eta - just to add I am not trying to scare people away from hospitals. Personally, give me all the doctors. I’m just saying (1) you need to be prepared to advocate for yourself at a hospital or have someone there to advocate for you and (2) it’s not irrational for a certain subset of moms to choose not to have a baby in a hospital, whether at home or otherwise.
In terms of the birth conversation, again, we are speaking anecdotally but my issue was specifically with anti-doctor rhetoric that I think is dangerous. I think birthing your baby in a warm pool with no doctor present sounds amazing. But I also think that woonatics are causing dangerous trends with vaccinations, anti-doctor and hospital speak, and it's causing a lot of problems. I don't think anyone that births outside of a hospital is a "shit mom" nor do I think women who get epidurals are only trying to "avoid a little pain" or are also "shitty moms". That's really fucked up to say and escalated quickly.
Birth wherever you want, because it is your body, your baby, and your choice. But spreading false claims against doctors and hospitals is what I took offense and issue with and I still have a problem with it. I don't have a problem with women making informed decisions about their births. It's the most monumental event in a woman's life and you should have some control over it. But don't be contrarian just to be so. That's absurd.
@zamora_spin I wasn’t trying to advocate that all births are safest in a hospital setting. Honestly, I have to think about how I feel about that statement. Obviously I’m a proponent of a hospital birth, but I’m sure there are instances in hindsight where a mother did catch some infection she may not have caught at home or a birthing center (or a different hospital for that matter).
and birth definitely isn’t just a little pain - I loved that epidural. Mad props to moms who go without, seriously I consider that rock star status and then some, but there is no shame in needing some relief either!
I'm really annoyed that someone who never even introduced herself dedicated one of her first posts to kicking up drama about birthing choices. #sorrynotsorry
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
My bad, @suzycupcake. Let me rephrase and say that I resent that she's been inactive except to start drama.
I don't think home births are wrong. I don't think hospital births are wrong. I think it's down to making a choice that makes sense for you and your family. I'm having a low intervention hospital birth because this is my first child and I don't currently have the resources or support network necessary to have a home birth. But if I ever have the opportunity to have a home birth, I just might. The only "shit moms" are those that neglect and abuse their children. I don't feel birthing choices play into that dichotomy.
@olivemomma You are right - I apologize, I was misremembering the context of what you said. You were sharing an opinion from another thread that “of a million things can go wrong during childbirth that can threaten both the baby and mom so why would you purposefully place yourself away from the immediate help you or your baby may need??” You didn’t say that was your opinion. Implied in that (agin, not necessarily yours) opinion is that hospital births are safer. It’s like saying sure you could have someone other than a dentist remove your tooth, or go skydiving without a parachute, etc, but why would you? Again - not saying that is what you are saying, that’s just what that opinion is implying and that is what I was responding to.
And the first time I heard someone I know was having a home birth my reaction was similar to that above opinion, but I’ve since listened more to what motivates people to consider non-hospital births and I can see their points.
@suzycupcake Good study find, always presenting the facts!
@mrosek91 I don't even think this is that big a deal. Someone just stirring the pot and twisting everyone's words and then insinuating epidural moms are shitty. Whatever girl, bye. (not you, you please stay).
Here is a new confession: I am about to go to the dentist and I've been dreading it because I will likely have to tell them I'm pregnant. My dental hygienest has struggled with infertility for years and years but told me she doesn't want to seek treatment because it's god's will (meanwhile we did IVF). All of it makes me so uncomfortable that I have thought about changing dental practices to avoid the situation.
Yes, clearly this is not the place for me. It's disappointing because I am so close to my April 2017 group and they have been so supportive and wonderful for over 2 years now. I wish that had worked out again for me. But, crying over my computer in the morning because apparently people think I am a horrible mom isn't good for me or my baby. So, I will wish you all the best and excuse myself. Also, I absolutely DO NOT think that moms who get epidurals are shitty. I was trying to prove a point and I regret stooping that low. I apologize. I promise I am not twisting words though. Your words were incredibly hurtful and truly caused me so much sadness over the last 24 hours. I just wanted to share another view, because honestly there are an awful lot of us out there these days. Also, I am not naive. I have spent the last 3 years studying, reading and attending births as a doula, friend and mom. I understand there are risks from every angle because pregnancy, birth and life has unavoidable risks. I am able to see risks on both sides though. Home has risks and hospital has different risks and then there are some risks that are unavoidable no matter where you are because life is a little scary. I am confident in my decision, but it is still sad to be treated as a crazy lady who is naive and doesn't get how things work.
Again, best of luck to all of you.
Me: 28 year old SAHM/Birth Doula DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
Married: October 8, 2011
DD1: September 24, 2013 BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016 DD2: April 16, 2017 BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
@mrsstuessy no one here thinks your a bad mom. no need to GBCB but to each their own. It was just a discussion on a topic everyone feel passionate about. In the end my interpretation of the discussion is everyone acknowledges there are risks on both sides and that everyone has a choice and no one is a bad person for choosing what they choose, it just might not be what others choose.
*TW*
TTC 1/2012 Diagnosed : unexplained infertility 6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015 TTC #3 5/2016 Restarted Fertility tx IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@mrsstuessy no one thinks you are a bad mom. I hope we can all agree to disagree, no need to panic and jump ship. No one said you were crazy either. If those are your thoughts on this, stand up for what you believe in, don’t let the fact that no one agrees push you down. We may have very different opinions on this topic, but I’m sure we relate on others. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we just all agreed with each other all the time? No one would get to see another opinion, or think about things another way. Sorry you feel this way, not sorry for disagreeing.
@peachy0709@lilmamabebe3 My mom and and a couple cousins are convinced I'm carrying a girl, for whatever reason. So much so that they are irritated with my gender neutral approach to everything that I've purchased/put on the registry. "Why is everything gray and seafoam?" "You could get a couple dresses, just in case."
I may have this baby in prison because it is so f***ing irritating. Even if the child is a girl...I'm not super into frilly stuff, and my main priority for newborn clothes is comfort/washability.
My MIL keeps saying that she knows this is a boy and has started picking out boy names. Every time I see her now she gives me boy names, asks how her grandson is doing, and ask if my shirt is maternity. She is driving me crazy.
There has not been a girl in my husbands family in 3 generations (FIL one of 3 boys, DH one of 6 boys, current son/nephew count 5). My SILs and I are all in a silent competition to finally give my MIL a girl even though she says she doesn't need/want one.
Even with all that I hate when it comes from other people. Either "of course it's a boy this time." or "are you finally going to have the girl?" No one knows I'm pregnant yet, and I've still gotten it a ton from people when I mention we are planning on having more kids. My favorite - "Oh, so your having more because you want to try for a girl." NO!! Not that it's any of your business, but we're having more because we want a big family.
@zamora_spin I am actually switching dental practices d/t similar conversational tions around loss/IF. I just can’t face saying something, so clearly the logical thing is to switch practices altogether.
@database6 My MIL is doing the exact same thing. She only likes boys, and I'm hoping so hard it's a girl just for that reason (we're fine with either).
@deecherise Why, why, WHY do people assume they are the god of baby sex identification?! It's so annoying.
@jrm_14 I'm glad I'm not alone. Part if it is I hate telling someone who is struggling ttc I am pregnant. I know how that news feels, even when it's someone you don't really know. The reason it even came up was I kept coming in every six months for my cleanings and being pregnant and then pregnant but never really any more pregnant and I finally was like "this is the thing and we are seeing a specialist and maybe doing IVF". She generously shared she and her husband have struggled for (I want to say over 5 years), but said she won't see a specialist because it will happen when/if it is "god's will". Which is obviously her decision and I'm not sure she was judging me or not but it definitely felt weird and also made me sad for her. I did go today and got it over with and the first thing I had to do was fill out a form that asked if I was pregnant. She said "yay" when she saw that and I said we're still very nervous about it, and other than her giving me some special "pregnant people's gums get sensitive" advice we didn't really talk about it.
Now I also have to answer a text from a friend who has been struggling with IF for nearly 4 years who knows we were transferring in December and was asking how my new year is... So, more survivor's guilt for me!
@database6 my MIL asks me that about every single thing I wear, too! “Is that maternity?” Another thing she always does is refer to the baby as “my baby” as in, HER baby. I love her but she drives me nuts when I’m pregnant.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Re: FFFC 1/11
Are there exceptions? Probably. But to say, “I’ve heard such stories and I’ve seen such things!” Doesn’t change my mind. Anecdotal evidence isn’t necessary scientific evidence.
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
Youre right, no one should blindly follow advice that we don’t feel comfortable with. If someone is choosing a hospital birth, it is so important to find a doctor and hospital they feel comfortable and safe with. Just as someone would choose a midwife and/or doula they feel comfortable with. Because not all doctors are created equal and not all midwives and doulas are created equal.
However, I do agree with other comments, that a blanket mistrust in all doctors can have some dangerous results, which extends beyond pregnancy.
TTC #1 5/13 BFP #3 5/2/14 DD born 1/19/15
NTNP #2 8/17 BFP 12/13/18 ED 8/21/19
However, To advocate for @chillycanadian - it seems she has first hand witnessed what can go wrong when away from a hospital. And I completely agree with her that moments count. That’s not to say hospitals and doctors are perfect - of course they aren’t. But to completely deny you aren’t taking some risk by choosing to remove yourself from that environment is naive. And because you have had a previous uncomplicated birth is no certainty your next birth will be the same. Every birth is different. I also think it is dangerous to assert it is safer to give birth at home.
but we all have to make that choice for ourselves and our babes and I hope everyone has a safe delivery no matter where you are...
I personally am on the "least interventions I can get at a hospital train", but that's up to me.
I respect that everyone has the right to choose how they go through this journey. And I believe everyone will choose what they feel is best.
*TW
I have just had to do CPR on too many dead newborns. Rushed a woman to the hospital as she bleeds to death from abruption, and then find a place to hide as I cry after finding out their baby didn't make it. (And it STILL haunts me 5 years later). Ive just seen, and know how much can go wrong, and it's terrifying. So I have decided the best choice for me is to do my best to limit my risks.
It doesn't mean I judge people who make other choices. For example, I don't want an epidural, but I 10000% understand why someone would!
When my friends have chosen out of hospital birth, I don't try to talk them out of it. I just keep my increased anxiety for them hidden, and keep my fingers crossed that things go smoothly and they have a good experience.
We all have the right to gather information and options available to us, and make the choice about what we feel is best, based on that. Just because someone makes a different choice, even one I don't understand, doesn't mean I think poorly of them. It doesn't mean they don't love their baby. It simply means their life experiences have led them to make the decision they feel is best. I want everyone to have a healthy baby, and the best labour/delivery experience possible.
Maternal deaths have risen in the US and that is a fact. Some states, like California, have reversed that trend due to what they are doing differently in hospitals... so that tells me many hospitals are not doing what they should or could to prevent the rise.
Eta - just to add I am not trying to scare people away from hospitals. Personally, give me all the doctors. I’m just saying (1) you need to be prepared to advocate for yourself at a hospital or have someone there to advocate for you and (2) it’s not irrational for a certain subset of moms to choose not to have a baby in a hospital, whether at home or otherwise.
Birth wherever you want, because it is your body, your baby, and your choice. But spreading false claims against doctors and hospitals is what I took offense and issue with and I still have a problem with it. I don't have a problem with women making informed decisions about their births. It's the most monumental event in a woman's life and you should have some control over it. But don't be contrarian just to be so. That's absurd.
and birth definitely isn’t just a little pain - I loved that epidural. Mad props to moms who go without, seriously I consider that rock star status and then some, but there is no shame in needing some relief either!
I'm really annoyed that someone who never even introduced herself dedicated one of her first posts to kicking up drama about birthing choices. #sorrynotsorry
In other news, I'm breaking my own UO by posting in here wayyyy after Friday
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
I don't think home births are wrong. I don't think hospital births are wrong. I think it's down to making a choice that makes sense for you and your family. I'm having a low intervention hospital birth because this is my first child and I don't currently have the resources or support network necessary to have a home birth. But if I ever have the opportunity to have a home birth, I just might. The only "shit moms" are those that neglect and abuse their children. I don't feel birthing choices play into that dichotomy.
And the first time I heard someone I know was having a home birth my reaction was similar to that above opinion, but I’ve since listened more to what motivates people to consider non-hospital births and I can see their points.
@suzycupcake Good study find, always presenting the facts!
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
Again, best of luck to all of you.
DH: 30 year old pneumatic electrical engineer
BFP: June 25, 2016 and MC: July 3, 2016
DD2: April 16, 2017
BFP: November 30, 2018 EDD: August 14, 2019
TTC #1 5/13 BFP #3 5/2/14 DD born 1/19/15
NTNP #2 8/17 BFP 12/13/18 ED 8/21/19
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
I may have this baby in prison because it is so f***ing irritating. Even if the child is a girl...I'm not super into frilly stuff, and my main priority for newborn clothes is comfort/washability.
Even with all that I hate when it comes from other people. Either "of course it's a boy this time." or "are you finally going to have the girl?" No one knows I'm pregnant yet, and I've still gotten it a ton from people when I mention we are planning on having more kids. My favorite - "Oh, so your having more because you want to try for a girl."
NO!! Not that it's any of your business, but we're having more because we want a big family.
@deecherise Why, why, WHY do people assume they are the god of baby sex identification?! It's so annoying.
@jrm_14 I'm glad I'm not alone. Part if it is I hate telling someone who is struggling ttc I am pregnant. I know how that news feels, even when it's someone you don't really know. The reason it even came up was I kept coming in every six months for my cleanings and being pregnant and then pregnant but never really any more pregnant and I finally was like "this is the thing and we are seeing a specialist and maybe doing IVF". She generously shared she and her husband have struggled for (I want to say over 5 years), but said she won't see a specialist because it will happen when/if it is "god's will". Which is obviously her decision and I'm not sure she was judging me or not but it definitely felt weird and also made me sad for her. I did go today and got it over with and the first thing I had to do was fill out a form that asked if I was pregnant. She said "yay" when she saw that and I said we're still very nervous about it, and other than her giving me some special "pregnant people's gums get sensitive" advice we didn't really talk about it.
Now I also have to answer a text from a friend who has been struggling with IF for nearly 4 years who knows we were transferring in December and was asking how my new year is... So, more survivor's guilt for me!
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17