May 2019 Moms
missmcgonnagal
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Babies and Social Media Security
missmcgonnagal
member
Came across this today (thanks Reddit).
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/01/03/my-daughter-asked-me-stop-writing-about-motherhood-heres-why-i-cant-do-that
Naturally the woman writing is off her rocker, but I hadn't thought about social media posting and baby pics as a FTM yet. Right now the baby doesn't care what I post of/about her but some day she will. As a former social media communications consultant (yes it's a real thing lol) I used to host classes about how you can never be 100% locked down and safe. Social media accounts can be hacked. People with access can take screenshots of a picture and send it places you never intended it to go, even with the best of intentions. And someday my kid might come up to me and ask me why I thought it was ok to share this cute/embarrassing picture of her with the world, where all the other shitty middle school kids can now see it.
At the same time, my kid is going to be a huge part of my life. I'm going to want to share pictures of her. Yet I don't want her to come to me, years down the road when she is aware of her own autonomy, and ask me why I shared so much of her when I'm so careful with sharing myself.
Right now hubs and I are talking about a rule that only pictures in which the baby is with other people can go onto the "public" internet. Grandma and kid taking a selfie; auntie and kid on a boat; family friend and kid watching a parade. Other pictures can be taken/saved/shared privately/hung on the wall but for some reason, to me, pictures of group activities seem less exploitative. I can't really articulate why.
Any other parents tackled this, or found other ways to deal with this? Would love to hear thoughts.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/01/03/my-daughter-asked-me-stop-writing-about-motherhood-heres-why-i-cant-do-that
Naturally the woman writing is off her rocker, but I hadn't thought about social media posting and baby pics as a FTM yet. Right now the baby doesn't care what I post of/about her but some day she will. As a former social media communications consultant (yes it's a real thing lol) I used to host classes about how you can never be 100% locked down and safe. Social media accounts can be hacked. People with access can take screenshots of a picture and send it places you never intended it to go, even with the best of intentions. And someday my kid might come up to me and ask me why I thought it was ok to share this cute/embarrassing picture of her with the world, where all the other shitty middle school kids can now see it.
At the same time, my kid is going to be a huge part of my life. I'm going to want to share pictures of her. Yet I don't want her to come to me, years down the road when she is aware of her own autonomy, and ask me why I shared so much of her when I'm so careful with sharing myself.
Right now hubs and I are talking about a rule that only pictures in which the baby is with other people can go onto the "public" internet. Grandma and kid taking a selfie; auntie and kid on a boat; family friend and kid watching a parade. Other pictures can be taken/saved/shared privately/hung on the wall but for some reason, to me, pictures of group activities seem less exploitative. I can't really articulate why.
Any other parents tackled this, or found other ways to deal with this? Would love to hear thoughts.
Re: Babies and Social Media Security
I, on the other hand, will be the obnoxious mom that will over share pictures of this LO. I am so excited to be a mom and want to share that excitement with all of my friends and family. Obviously, no naked pictures or anything like that. I’m an over-sharer in general though, so it would be unusual if I didn’t post pictures all the time.
So the last time I was pregnant, there were a bunch of stories going viral about "digital kidnapping" and that freaked me out. I didn't announce that pregnancy on social media, and I haven't announced this one yet either. I don't know if I will. This story is a super extreme scenario with what could happen with digital kidnapping, but it does happen. **TW it's pretty creepy and awful** https://cyberscout.com/education/blog/digital-kidnapping-one-familys-story
Separate of that, DH has always felt very very strongly about not sharing photos of DD, especially any of her alone, and clear images of her face on social media. I have posted a few, but she's wearing sunglasses or a hat or her face is obscured in some other way or it's just the back of her head. Other people have posted pics of us in group shots on their Facebook and I have my settings so that any photos other people post of me need to be approved by me before appearing in my newsfeed. I just don't accept the tags if DD is in the photos. That way they are not tied back to my FB account/digital breadcrumbs shouldn't be there. DH feels that because we were basically adults at the advent of social media, we have always been in charge of our online presence. We didn't have to deal with our parents plastering our images all over the internet because it wasn't an option for them. He doesn't feel it's our right to do that to our child(ren). He would prefer to wait until DDs are old enough to be informed about how the internet works, that the internet is forever, and sharing things to your friends doesn't mean that only your friends will see them. He'd prefer they have their own say in their online presence and history.
TBH, if he hadn't felt this way, I'd be the mom posting pics of DD every single day. But I understand all of these concerns and I'm fine with my extremely limited sharing of her. I mean, obviously I think DD is the most beautiful and smartest child in the world and I would love to brag about her and her amazingness all day every day, but my life is rich and full of joy without a bunch of social media likes. My mental state is also probably better off, TBH.
Oh yeah, and we use the Apple products' PhotoStream or shared albums or whatever it's called now to share pics with immediate family only.
We do post photos almost daily on TinyBeans, an app where we only share with family. I think I have like 6 people that see the photos that way, but they have to be specifically invited by contact information.
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I think I’ve mentioned that DH has an aunt who is an actress who has a ton of social media followers and she has posted 3 pictures of herself with DD that have gotten 5k+ likes. She’s posted without our permission, but we were fine with it in theory. Part of me feels a rush of dopamine about how many people commented about how cute she is (especially if it’s other famous people). But then DDs day care teachers came across the post bc they follow her and were using it to try to communicate with his aunt. And it got weird. On the one hand, if they are truly fans- I understand the excitement, but the teachers started posting where they taught and DH did not like that all of a sudden all 100k+ followers know where our daughter goes to daycare. We had the comments removed and will probably ask to be notified next time she wants to post something.
The teacher was very apologetic and she’s so young, so I don’t think she thought about what she was posting.
Yesterday a woman on my FB posted pics of her new grandson before the parents did. That just bothers me.
Fortunately the only family we see regularly are open to rules, so for them we are just gonna say "We've decided on a social media rule where XYZ." From there we are going to soften the blow with all the things they CAN do (Take pictures! Text them to people! Hang them on the wall!) and end by reiterating the boundry (Just don't post them on social media).
My brother was very anti sharing photos of my niece and I feel like we miss out. He will send photos in text messages but I won't get them all of the time.
He told us he didn't want pictures shared and we respected his wishes. He told us all before birth and we shared it with extended family.
I don't think my in laws will be as understanding. I have a private Instagram with close people and I don't use Facebook, but I reactivated it for when we cross over. I posted a photo announcing the pregnancy on Instagram and my SIL copied it and shared it on Facebook and tagged me. I was not ready to share on Facebook at the time and it was too late to untag by the time I noticed it. The damage had already been done.
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
@lovelybabybumpz definitely in the “babies and social security” boat! 😂