Baby shower/gender reveal talk

horsesvirginia · January 2019

Baby shower

Vs.

Gender reveal???

Maybe both???

Post below excited to see what everyone comes up with!

suzycupcake · January 2019

@horsesvirginia I think this is exactly the kind of thing to turn into a board community thread. Maybe you could change the thread title to "Let's talk about baby showers!" so that everyone can talk about it on a group level. I for one have been having thoughts similar to this too to the point where I'm not even sure if I want to have one.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

I don't know if you have any other kids but i don't think you should let the negative Nancy's ruin your celebration of your baby. Honestly I invited a bunch of guys to my shower too I dont mind times are changing and things arent what they used to be anymore

olivemomma · January 2019

So have you made your registry already @horsesvirginia? That seems so soon! But I think any pregnant women should enjoy her pregnancy the way she sees fit, including her shower!

horsesvirginia · January 2019

It isnt my first pregnancy so I have pretty much everything besides clothes and toys for the baby and maybe some extra wipes since DH has a son. But thank you for the support. I appreciate it.

sourlemon · January 2019

Will you even know by then? Most anatomy scans aren't until about 20 weeks.

I'm more traditional in how I think of showers/parties, so I won't say more on that aspect. You do you, just go in knowing some of your friends and family may not agree.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

Yep we find out beginning of feb. Doing the ultrasound w the blood draw my anatomy scan will be the 18th of march so about 2 weeks after the party. But honestly if thats how they feel I would rather them stay home anyways. Personally my own mother is nagging me and it puts a fire in my chest because I want people to be happy about this its a new member of the family and its her grandchild and she is not supportive. Never really has been but that is an entirely different topic. I just want anyone who comes to be happy and have a good time.

database6 · January 2019

I agree with @sourlemon, you do you, no hate here.
If you are asking for my thoughts though, I find it slightly tacky to host your own second baby shower, or any baby shower for that matter. You shouldn’t ask for a shower or ask for gifts IMO, but rather if someone offers to throw you a shower you could graciously accept. Maybe you could tell a friend or family member that you would like it early to put hints out there. If you are asking for gifts at the gender reveal, realize that you can’t get any gender-specific gifts, since no one will know the sex of the baby until the party.
Either way don’t let the negativity impact your day!

horsesvirginia · January 2019

It will be my first baby shower this is big for me as I have had 3 miscarriages. Never have I gotten to the point where I could even think about this as Ive never made it past the first trimester. I am trying to be optimistic im not actually asking for gifts per say I have a few registries yes and have shared them and i will be giving take home bags with cards to share links to them yes but that is mostly because I want to have people mail them to me after the party rather than before. If they choose to at all that is. I added the title "baby shower" because a lot of people dont know how to approach the term "gender reveal party". As far as my opinion on hosting your own baby shower I am planning to spend probably about 300+ dollars on this party because it is my first baby because it is important to me. I could never ask someone else to spend that kind of cash on a party for me that is a lot of money for my family around here.

deecherise · January 2019

For me, the baby shower and gender reveal party will be two separate events. One of my friends has already asked to throw the gender reveal party at the end of March, during my university's spring break. I'll already know the gender due to NIPT, but I don't plan to share until after the anatomy scan at the party, just in case (I have heard of NIPT being wrong).

I'm not starting a registry until I'm safely in the second trimester, but I've been bookmarking ideas of what I want. I'm guessing that my mom will probably throw one since it's my first child, and she likes hosting events.

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

horsesvirginia said:

To be honest I am doing my baby shower rather early on I dont really want a "baby shower" per say I want to have a gender reveal party for my baby. I am a bit of a control freak to boot so I want to do my own shower and I'm rather flustered people find it "tacky" and not "appropriate" to host your own shower. First off I am not the type of person to ask someone else to throw a party for me. Secondly I want to celebrate my child I want to have gifts yes but I'm not by any means asking people to go to extravagant lengths to do this I looked up a duel shower/reveal party I would do mine the 2nd of March putting me at about 16 weeks I am aware it is very early but we want to tell people the gender. Second off I dont agree with waiting till your 7 or 8 months pregnant to have a shower because I dont want to be sitting there in 80 degree heat trying to be nice to everyone when I know myself and all I'm going to want to do is sit myself down and not move because Im so pregnant I will feel miserable. These people shamed this woman and I really am sick of the judginess. Honestly I get being honest and all but you dont have to be so mean. Sorry I needed to rant. Anyone have any thoughts?

I am a traditionalist. I do find it tacky to host your own shower, and I would see it as gift grabby. As far as waiting, if you are uncomfortable waiting until you are so far along, I think it's ok to do it say around 6 months, but the shower before you have the bump would also be a little odd in my circles.

Although I'm a little confused by your post. Are you being "shamed" for this idea, or at the end you mention someone else being shamed for doing this? Is this a somewhat common thing where you live? Traditions do vary by region I suppose.

Also, as a friendly reminder we don't recommend starting one-off posts only about ourselves. As many moms in here will likely have shower and/or gender reveal parties, it would be better if this were a thread where others could participate also.

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

horsesvirginia said:

It will be my first baby shower this is big for me as I have had 3 miscarriages. Never have I gotten to the point where I could even think about this as Ive never made it past the first trimester. I am trying to be optimistic im not actually asking for gifts per say I have a few registries yes and have shared them and i will be giving take home bags with cards to share links to them yes but that is mostly because I want to have people mail them to me after the party rather than before. If they choose to at all that is. I added the title "baby shower" because a lot of people dont know how to approach the term "gender reveal party". As far as my opinion on hosting your own baby shower I am planning to spend probably about 300+ dollars on this party because it is my first baby because it is important to me. I could never ask someone else to spend that kind of cash on a party for me that is a lot of money for my family around here.

Ok I just saw this after I already replied to the main post. So I'm sorry to double up. Re: the bolded section. I'm sorry, but now I'm extra confused. You are trying to somehow control when and how people give you the gifts? I think the point of the shower is people celebrating the baby, yes. But this just screams ungrateful to me. Maybe I'm way too southern in my sensibilities here, but not everything in life can be controlled.

sourlemon · January 2019

The more I read the more I cringe.

sourlemon · January 2019

Off topic but if having 2 kids has taught me anything, it's been to let go of the control freak. You have no control over what is about to happen. Pregnancy and birth and babies then kids are just that way. Maybe this party could be used as practice for letting go.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

Okay well as I said I really dont care about the gifts they would be nice but not necessary. Second, as I mentioned above I plan to spend 300+ dollars on this event between decorations and renting a hall. So for me to "hint around" and expect someone to throw me a baby shower is just wrong. Plain and simple if someone offers great! But personally I cant do it. I am a small figured person and I am going to be doing PT probably twice a week soon and I'm only 10 weeks. Yes someone was shamed on the bump back in 2013 by many women and it angered me. I will share the link below. Not only that but all this proper etiquette crap. Im not going to sit around "hoping and wishing on a star" for someone to throw me a shower its my first baby I want to celebrate MY child and if someone has a problem with that they dont need to be there. For all I care they dont need to be in my childs life if they have that sort of attitude. This woman do I agree with her plan entirely? No, however it seems recently no matter where I go someone always has to have an opinion about something or how people should parent. I dont think its right if you cant say nothing nice dont say nothing at all. Furthermore women can share what they are doing as you can see above it is to get a general thought of how everyone is doing it not to be told by someone else how they should do theirs! @WinchesterGirl

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9055024/combined-baby-shower-gender-reveal

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@sourlemon I understand where your coming from but, it isnt just control it is about not expecting someone else to foot MY bill

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@WinchesterGirl love how you stopped right before the quote "If they choose to at all that is."

horsesvirginia · January 2019

WinchesterGirl said:

horsesvirginia said:

It will be my first baby shower this is big for me as I have had 3 miscarriages. Never have I gotten to the point where I could even think about this as Ive never made it past the first trimester. I am trying to be optimistic im not actually asking for gifts per say I have a few registries yes and have shared them and i will be giving take home bags with cards to share links to them yes but that is mostly because I want to have people mail them to me after the party rather than before. If they choose to at all that is. I added the title "baby shower" because a lot of people dont know how to approach the term "gender reveal party". As far as my opinion on hosting your own baby shower I am planning to spend probably about 300+ dollars on this party because it is my first baby because it is important to me. I could never ask someone else to spend that kind of cash on a party for me that is a lot of money for my family around here.

Ok I just saw this after I already replied to the main post. So I'm sorry to double up. Re: the bolded section. I'm sorry, but now I'm extra confused. You are trying to somehow control when and how people give you the gifts? I think the point of the shower is people celebrating the baby, yes. But this just screams ungrateful to me. Maybe I'm way too southern in my sensibilities here, but not everything in life can be controlled.

deecherise · January 2019

@horsesvirginia girl...chill TF out. I shared what I was doing to try to start the tide of making this a thread for everyone and not just about you. It's a free country, and I think it's a fairly common opinion that hosting your own baby shower is tacky. Paying for it yourself seems kind of counterintuitive

Now there are cultural traditions that allow for the celebration of a new child that are not the same as throwing your own baby shower. In some cultures, families host a naming celebration for the new baby:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naming_ceremony

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

horsesvirginia said:

Okay well as I said I really dont care about the gifts they would be nice but not necessary. Second, as I mentioned above I plan to spend 300+ dollars on this event between decorations and renting a hall. So for me to "hint around" and expect someone to throw me a baby shower is just wrong. Plain and simple if someone offers great! But personally I cant do it. I am a small figured person and I am going to be doing PT probably twice a week soon and I'm only 10 weeks. Yes someone was shamed on the bump back in 2013 by many women and it angered me. I will share the link below. Not only that but all this proper etiquette crap. Im not going to sit around "hoping and wishing on a star" for someone to throw me a shower its my first baby I want to celebrate MY child and if someone has a problem with that they dont need to be there. For all I care they dont need to be in my childs life if they have that sort of attitude. This woman do I agree with her plan entirely? No, however it seems recently no matter where I go someone always has to have an opinion about something or how people should parent. I dont think its right if you cant say nothing nice dont say nothing at all. Furthermore women can share what they are doing as you can see above it is to get a general thought of how everyone is doing it not to be told by someone else how they should do theirs! @WinchesterGirl

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9055024/combined-baby-shower-gender-reveal

I'm too tired to argue with you tonight (I'll leave that to anyone else who'd like to take up the charge), nor do I honestly care that much. You are perfectly entitled to handle your own party however you want, but you shouldn't be shocked that everyone doesn't agree or if others find it tacky. But again, if the bolded is directed at me... I only responded honestly as you asked for opinions in your OP. My opinion was given above, feel free to ignore it.

Quite frankly this is the most polite response to this sort of thing I've ever seen on TB, my last BMB would've roasted someone for this.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@deeanneharris yes I saw thank you I appreciate it. Its why I started the post, that is an interesting way of doing things. Not everyone understands things in the same light as others just very frustrating is all.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@horsesvirginia Nope. I don't have any children other than the one in my Ute. I'm curious. Is it that you don't really get support from the family and friends that you currently have so you're afraid that nobody will initiate tradition? If so, I can kind of understand that. Or maybe this kind of "control freak" as you called it stems from having experienced RPL? I'm very very sorry for your losses. Stranger hugs.

Afm; I personally don't know anything about proper etiquette when it comes to this stuff. I'd feel weird having a baby shower in general simply because we can afford all that our baby will need. I'd probably still feel strange about it if we couldn't. The other thing is, from my perspective, I'd just feel strange throwing my own baby shower for the same reason and because it's not like I have a super close connection to people outside of my immediate family. I mean, I have a few that I'm really close to, but I'm an introvert so.... My husband said that his sisters and mom will probably want to throw me a shower. I hope to God he doesn't ask them to! Lol I really do think that my sister will initiate one though or maybe my church community. But anyways, I wouldn't feel hurt if nobody did. Maybe I would and I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'd get over it because I'm just so Fng happy to have a baby in my Ute today!

As for a gender reveal, well, IVF and PGS testing already told us we are having a boy. Everyone already knows because there is no way I could keep that a secret for that long. Also, I'd feel weird not having my husband at a baby shower if someone threw us one. He has been involved in our IF journey the entire 7 years and has been like the most amazing support. He's my person. I'd want him to experience the joy too! Once the baby is born, if we are so fortunate, I will not feel weird if people want to send him cards or presents for his birthday, but I would never ever expect anything.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@suzycupcake Thanks for sharing with me. I dont feel like it is so much a "shower" rather than a celebration of the baby. I am an introvert as well and yes I am but also dont want to ask that big of a task on someone else I enjoy hosting and throwing events so this is very exciting for me and I wouldnt want someone else to do it for me. I too am so excited to have a baby on the way that I just want him or her to be happy and healthy. I want people there who are happy for us to celebrate and I think maybe that is what you, yourself are looking for as well. Thank you for sharing @suzycupcake

hillaryo14 · January 2019

Since this is baby 2, I don't really want a full out shower. I know that my coworkers will throw one, but I think I'll just ask for it to be a diapers and wipes shower, especially if this LO is a girl (DD has a TON of clothes she's grown out of). If my friends or family want to do one, I'll be thrilled, but I don't expect it.
We have most of the big stuff (swings, walkers, infant carseat, etc), so I'll start a registry for certain things I can get the discount on after LO arrives.

sourlemon · January 2019

@hillaryo14 my mom threw me a surprise diaper party for my second. It was such a surprise that I was actually putting up Christmas decorations outside when DH said my mom needed help with her computer so we went over there. I hadn't showered in 2 days and looked the part. And that is why surprise parties are not always the best idea haha.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@horsesvirginia I was just looking back at your people wouldn't know how to approach the title "gender reveal party" They might think you had a little more to tell them than about a baby

I know you didn't ask for advice per say, but I was thinking, What about "New Life Celebration" or maybe "My Last Year of Sleep"?

Then instead of doing the cards in the bag with the registry link, you could just pass the info along to the people who ask. I've only ever been to one baby shower. It was co-ed. We naturally asked if she had a gift registry. I think that the people who can afford it will ask. There are going to be people who cannot afford it and people who just don't get it until they have a baby themselves.

Just a little story and completely unrelated: One time, we were invited to a wedding. I purchased a gift card from Madewell because the Bride adores that place! Well when we got to the wedding, it said please no gifts at the checkin table, but there was a big jar/basket (cannot remember the container material) where they were asking for money to buy a house. My husband and I looked at each other and cringed. I still have the gift card. What? I didn't know what to do with it.

hillaryo14 · January 2019

@sourlemon oh no! I don't think my mom would do a surprise party, at least I hope not. I generally don't like being the center of attention of parties, and much less a surprise one! Plus, all I'd have to do is stalk her Pinterest boards to see if she was planning anything lol!

zamoraspin · January 2019

I never had a wedding shower because we had most of what we needed and the idea of opening gifts as the center of attention kinda freaks me out. I might have a baby shower if someone wants to throw one for me, but it would be third tri just to be very sure everything is ok.

@horsevirginia Why don’t you just throw your own gender reveal party (technically it’s a sex reveal party given that gender is a social construct, but I’ll continue with the more commonly used term)? Gender reveals are not present giving occasions - I mean people might bring a small something but it’s not expected. So if you wanted to throw yourself a gender reveal and, as @suzycupcake recommended, give registry info to anyone who asked, that would be totally fine. Maybe I’m totally weird but I buy people shower gifts even when I’m not invited to the shower. Like, when friends who are far flung announce their babies/engagements I internet stalk and find their registries and buy them something.... even people I haven’t seen in years as long as we are or once were close emotionally. So I guess I’m saying people who want to buy you gifts will buy you gifts.

I agree with the general sentiment that throwing your own shower is gift-grabby. If you want to do it anyway, that’s up to you.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@zamora_spin Thank you! This is the type of thing I was looking for and I guess I could agree with "gift-grabby" I think its the word tacky I dont like... I don't like the idea of someone calling me "tacky" cause I am a perfectionist and I already spent hours planning this thing and I just came up with the idea for it 2 days ago lol.

@suzycupcake yeah I could understand that about the wedding shower. But those are the sort of things a Jack and Jill are for you pay an entry fee at the door instead of bringing gifts to "help the bride and groom with wedding expenses" I just hate the idea of a "shower" tbh I want it to be about the baby and celebrating the baby. Not having me as the center of attention. But overall I dont feel like I could ever ask someone to pay for my party I know how tight money is for everyone and I feel like it isnt something that should be hinted at or asked if you want one just do it yourself. But I am going to change up this post a bit to make it more about the shower and moms experiences make this post hopefully a success

heml · January 2019

@horsesvirginia A lot of people here that don't do showers here will host a sip and see at their homes, so people can come over and meet/celebrate the baby. That may be an option, if you don't mind waiting until the baby is born.

This is our first and we plan to have a co-ed baby shower hosted by family and friends. We did a co-ed stock the bar party for our wedding a few years ago, and it was a lot of fun. We're both getting a baby, so it makes sense for both of us to celebrate. (Also, I've found it incredibly awkward to go to female only baby showers of people where I really only know the mom, it's nice to be able to take someone you know... And, I figure if we do joint, I don't have to play any of those ridiculous games.)

hey_clever_girl · January 2019

@horsesvirginia I was about to suggest what @heml did—a sip and see once your baby is born. If you're wanting a party to celebrate baby versus a shower, I think that a sip & see would be perfect!

@zamora_spin thank you for pointing out the gender/sex difference! I was going to say the same thing.

AFM, this is my third kid. I have a registry, but it's not for other people—it's for me, because I see things I want to buy and then forget about them unless I bookmark them. But I do I believe in celebrating every baby, so if someone wanted to throw us a small "diaper party" or something like that I wouldn't say no. One can never have too many diapers. We had baby showers for our daughter (1st kid) and a sex reveal for our son (2nd kid; he was also born almost 7 years after his sister), but we didn't plan those ourselves. I wouldn't have done the sex reveal if my best friend hadn't insisted on throwing it for me. I'm glad we did, though, she threw a Game of Thrones themed party and it was badass.

horsesvirginia · January 2019

@heml thanks I will have to look into that because ive never heard of it. It wouldn't be till the baby got their first vaccinations so after about a month though...

@runningisrad never can have to many diapers #truth I currently have a whole closet full of them however lol and yeah I am sharing my registry but it is more so for me so I remember the exact brand name and model etc plus I like signing up to a few places so I can get free stuff from the company lol

mrosek91 · January 2019

So my culture is paranoid about giving an unborn baby the "evil eye." There are varying levels to it depending on how you grew up and how religious you are, but the general consensus is absolutely no baby shower. Some people won't buy anything until the baby is born. We only bought a car seat, then once DS#1 showed up we ordered a pack 'n' play from Amazon 2 day shipping, and it showed up by the time we were released from the hospital. Also, the day the baby was born both my mother and MIL went out and bought him a ton of clothes.
Also most people don't reveal the gender, (some people don't even find it out, but I don't think I could do that.) With my first we mentioned that we had found out, and then my brother kept pestering me to reveal it, even though he knows I wouldn't, so with our second we pretended we didn't know. Not sure what we're going to do this time.
Other ways this manifests is you don't wish an expecting mother congratulations. You say "b'shaah tovah" which basically means the birth should be at an auspicious time.

moon1417 · January 2019

@horsesvirginia I will probably host my own sex reveal party. I did for my first and no gifts were expected (no one brought any to my DD1s). I think my SIL already talked about throwing me a "Sprinkle" so that sounds fun!

You mentioned a baby shower at 16 weeks - I probably wouldn't want to have one before 6+ months just because I wouldn't want anything to happen with the baby even though you are pretty much in the clear at 16 weeks. I forget - did you say you had most everything? why do you need registries then? just for a few specific cutsie items? Would you want them to be girl/boy specific?

I know you said you plan to spend $300 and wouldn't want anyone to have to take on that financial burden but in my opinion usually its a few women who decide to throw you a shower and then they split the costs or find cost effective ways - like having it at someone's house and bringing potluck food. These showers are still very nice in my opinion. Or do you just have a vision of your celebration you just don't want to leave to someone else?

ETA: I wanted to add - they would do this for you so that you start your new baby life in a better financial position. You get gifts so that you don't break the bank on buying all the babies items. I agree spending your own money on a shower vs. just buying gifts your self does seem counterintuitive.

If you do end up throwing your self one - go for it, it doesn't really matter what we think. My Nephews girlfriend (my brother is 15 yrs older than I am) threw her own shower, but the invite didn't make it seem that way. She was pretty much the MC of the whole thing that's how I noticed.. and I asked and she had done most of the things for the shower her self. It's not entirely unheard of but I think you may be surprised that the people in your life that love you might want to have a part in throwing you a celebration. Good luck!

jmesue1030 · January 2019

Has anyone seen the gender/sex reveal idea where the couple takes turns smashing eggs on their foreheads? 6 eggs are blue, 6 are pink, all are hard boiled except one. It’s super suspenseful and fun! Beats cutting a cake IMO

kaylaef · January 2019

My family does a sip and see. It was nice because I didnt have to pack up the baby or keep my house clean everytime someone wanted to meet him. We didn't find out the sex for my two sons, and are on the fence about it for this one. But if we do...I kinda want to do a small gender reveal! Mostly for myself so we get that lovely surprise. But...I mean after labour and birthing I super loved hearing..."here's your baby boy" for the 1st time...

hey_clever_girl · January 2019

@jmesue1030 I saw a video of that, I thought it was really cute and suspenseful!

agpandme · January 2019

I likely will not have a BS or GRP. I don't really celebrate my birthday. I hate to be the center of attention and to talk about my feelings LOL so the idea of a party centered about me and my bulging body just makes me cringe. With that said I'm sure someone will want to organize a party. I think its great for other people, I've enjoyed BS and GRP that I have been to and I don't want to come off as if I'm judging them in any way. Personally I just feel that celebrating myself is awkward.

I do have a baby announcement planned for facebook though. I'm going to line up my dogs and place speech bubbles above their heads saying funny things. In my head its a riot so I can't wait

baby3ob · January 2019

This is my 3rd so I’m not expecting anything. Given I haven’t had a baby for 4.5 years I wouldn’t be surprised if someone threw me a ‘sprinkle’ but I’m all good if I don’t have one. we will probably do gender reveal for my small immediate family /cousins.

Baby shower/gender reveal talk

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