Ask A STM+ w/o 12/31

suzycupcake · December 2018

FTMs, ask away! Google ain’t got nothin on these STM+s. Totes magotes.

labby18 · December 2018

HOW DO YOU DO BEDTIME WITH MORE THAN 1 KID!?!? totally panicked about this last night while putting DD to bed. Like how am I supposed to do this with 2? DD is 15m old and is still BFing and DH is military so at some point after baby #2 is born he will be gone sooo yeah. HOW!?

elizabeth_1985 · December 2018

I usually put my younger one to bed first. And have my older one (5 yrs) look at a book in her bed until I'm done with her sisters bedtime routine. My kids are further apart in age, though...

With our third addition, my two will have to share a room. This scares me!

wabash15 · December 2018

@labby18 its not so bad... you find a routine... for us its actually easier to get the older ones (3yrs) in bed first... mostly because if the twin-nados are left unattended it can spell trouble. I get them all dressed than read books. (also i can nurse the little while reading to the older ones) then close the door on the older ones and get the little to sleep.

elizabeth_1985 · December 2018

@labby18 I should add that my older one is scared to get out of her bed. So, she makes it easy for me.

cato99 · December 2018

@labby18 I’m with you, and my DD will be sharing a room when we move this upcoming baby out of our room and I have no idea how that will work!

database6 · December 2018

Oops, I started this thread earlier today too! I’ll clear that one and make it another gif party!

my question: how long do they keep you in the hospital for your second, as long as there are no complications?

suzycupcake · December 2018

I’m sorry again @database6 Mobile had no trace of that other thread when I looked.

Beauxbaton · January 2019

@database6 I was GBS+ so I was in for 48 hours maybe a little longer because my daughter was born at like 1140pm. I really enjoyed my time in the hospital because it meant we got to spend time with just that baby. I was never one to want to rush home.

@labby18 you get into a routine. When my second kid was born my oldest was only 15 months old. My husband is usually home so we double teamed it. But when he was gone I put the baby in a bouncy chair thing and put him in the room with me and DS1. Once DS2 was a older I would just rock both of them at the same time and read a book. Then DS1 would get in his bed and I'd put DS2 in his crib, and then I'd go back to tuck DS1 in.

Word to all those planning to have older siblings share a room, transition them together way earlier than you think you need to. It took our boys probably like, 9m to a year to actually get used to being in a room together and stop trying to play at bed time.

database6 · January 2019

@suzycupcake I can’t stand mobile sometimes! It never lets me “love it” on anything. I may just change it to the January appointments thread tomorrow. 💕

sourlemon · January 2019

@database6 I had c sections and was in about 36 hours with the first (born right after midnight) and 48 with my second (born about 7am). It was the same number of "days" for insurance and my hospital released at a specific time of the day.

missbmama · January 2019

For those planning to have kiddos share rooms... My 3 all sleep in the same room. My advice is to do it as soon as possible and without fanfare. Also I put them all down at the same time. So my 5, 3 and 1 year old all lay down in their beds. Then I cover them each up and give them each kisses goodnight. They get a movie on and lights out. Since it’s routine for them it’s pretty simple. What I’ve noticed is consistency is key. They come to expect the routine and don’t bat an eye at needing to go to bed. Even my one year old complies most nights.

vvitchhazel · January 2019

@labby18, I agree with everyone else. You'll find your routine. We have dinner, clean them up, and put jammies on. Then we let the girls play for a little while and then change into nighttime diapers. DD2 gets a bottle of milk and we watch three lullabies on YouTube. When that's over, DD1 gives us hugs and kisses, and one of us takes her up and the other takes DD2 up. If either of us are alone, we all go up together and DD1 gets her room ready (she turns her sound machine and humidohumi on) while we put DD2 down. She's easy though. Sit her in her crib and throw her "toys" in her lap (she has a couple bedtkem stuffed animals and wubbanubs), and leave. DD1 has a very long, drawn out routine, but then she gets in bed and we're good for the night!

@database6 They kept me 48 hours, almost to the minute, after I had DD2.

suzycupcake · January 2019

What trimesters do you need the most help? I’m trying to figure out when to have my Mom or other family come help out.

Also I was thinking about this yesterday. When you have an infant, what do you do with the baby when you want to take a shower? Maybe that’s a silly question. We have a shower with glass doors so I envisioned the baby in his bassinet or something in the bathroom while I shower to be able to see that he’s okay.

deecherise · January 2019

suzycupcake said:

What trimesters do you need the most help? I’m trying to figure out when to have my Mom or other family come help out.

Also I was thinking about this yesterday. When you have an infant, what do you do with the baby when you want to take a shower? Maybe that’s a silly question. We have a shower with glass doors so I envisioned the baby in his bassinet or something in the bathroom while I shower to be able to see that he’s okay.

Regarding the shower thing, my brother and his wife shower with the baby. I don't know if it's recommendable, but she's 6 months old and healthy.

sourlemon · January 2019

@suzycupcake with my first pregnancy I didn't ever feel like I needed help. My mom stayed with me for a week towards the very end because dh went out of town for work and I had been hospitalized the week before for preterm labor. So it was an abundance of caution and she lives 10 miles from me, so NBD. Second pregnancy I mainly needed help with my older kid when I ran into being hospitalized again in the 3rd trimester. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have needed help during the pregnancy. The first pregnancy was actually really relaxing compared to life since!

For showering, if I was home alone, I'd shower during the first morning nap. The baby in the bedroom but not bathroom. Even if they wake up, 10 minutes of fussing isn't going to hurt them. So my recommendation would be to try for nap time when they are little.

sourlemon · January 2019

@deecherise I bathe with both of my girls (2 and 4.5) a few days a week. They love it, it's easy to wash their hair, and we have some great discussions. I've been bathing with them since they were tiny. Obviously some days I bathe/shower alone and they get a bath for just the 2 of them, but the big baths are more fun for everyone.

lilmamabebe3 · January 2019

I shower during baby’s nap time.

bedtime is a shit show in my house and I do it alone a few nights a week. My oldest will not fall asleep by himself so we lay with him. I don’t need any opinions, advice, etc this is just my life. But he has special needs and every single one of his therapists (OT, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, school partners, pedi, etc etc) agree that its best for now. Even with that, I let him watch tv while I put the two year old to bed. I read him three books, get him in his crib, watch the Daniel tiger goodnight song on my phone, give kisses and leave. He puts himself to sleep.

then I grab the older one and read him a chapter or two of a book, he reads me a book, and I snuggle with him until he’s asleep. It’s a routine that works and they go to sleep so you will figure it out! It’s tough at first. But it does get easier.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@deecherise

deecherise · January 2019

@suzycupcake I know lol, I'm so paranoid about everything.

@sourlemon that sounds sweet 😊 Definitely something I'll implement then.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@deecherise I was referring to your being a FTM and answering a STM+ question

BigBadWolf12 · January 2019

@suzycupcake a lot of my friends showered while the baby napped. For my baby, he was so content when he was awake and I never knew how long he would sleep when he was little that I actually preferred to shower with him awake and in sight like you mentioned.
1) bouncer/recliner
2) sit me up chair or tummy time if I was feeling brave (he was really good at tummy time though, a lot of babies hate this)
3) sitting on a padded blanket

Once he got mobile i either showered during nap time (predictable by then), when DH was home, or put LO in his high chair outside the door with a snack and some toys.

You figure out the best spot in your kid's routine

denma2015 · January 2019

Same here... with showered when DH was home, when baby was napping or when he was little in his little bouncy chair that was easy and portable. He actually loved that chair more than anything else we had. When he outgrew that we hung a jumpy seat in the bathroom doorway and he would jump like a madman while I showered.

https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/fisher-price-reg-baby-39-s-bouncer-in-geo-meadow-trade/1045808357?skuId=45808357&&mrkgcl=611&mrkgadid=3287485202&enginename=google&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_travel_online&product_id=45808357&product_channel=online&adtype=pla&adpos=1o2&creative=262562852103&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0pS5o5LP3wIVFttkCh2wcAC9EAQYAiABEgLQSfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://m.kohls.com/product/prd-2791512/graco-bumper-jumper.jsp?skuid=79493954&ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=EC%20BABY%20NON-APPAREL&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=79493954&CID=shopping15&utm_campaignid=196833572&pid=googleadwords_int&af_channel=CSE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrpWqypLP3wIVAqhpCh0HiA_wEAQYBiABEgLquvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

labby18 · January 2019

@suzycupcake when she was itty I would have her in the bouncer or rock n play in the bathroom while I showered or I would just do it while she was sleeping and had the monitor in the bathroom. As she got more and more mobile I shower during naps only or when hubs is home with her.

hey_clever_girl · January 2019

@labby18 @elizabeth_1985 my 2-year-old always goes to bed first, but we also have a large age gap between our oldest and youngest—my daughter is almost 9. But like you, @elizabeth_1985, when this new one comes it's going to eventually have to share a room with our 2-year-old. I'm not real sure how well that's going to work out.

@database6 it depends, with my 2nd I would have been able to go home after the first night BUT I tested positive for Group B Strep so with that, it's required you stay 2 nights/48 hours for baby monitoring. I had a vaginal delivery w/ no complications.

@suzycupcake I needed the most help the week I got back from the hospital/the week after. And by help, I mean come watch the baby so I can sleep or shower. Or bring me food. Like, don't you dare come and hold my baby without bringing me food. When you have an infant and you want to shower, stick it in a swing/rock and play/pack and play/etc. They can't go anywhere

It's when they become mobile that things get interesting.

mrosek91 · January 2019

We moved #2 into #1's room as soon as he was sleeping through the night. Didn't make a huge deal, just "look! [DS#2] is in your room isn't that exciting!" And then bedtime. We do a joint routine. They both get into crib, we read a book, kiss goodnight, and then we put on a playlist of lullabies and walk out.

It worked perfectly until we switched #1 to a bed, but that's a story for another thread.

suzycupcake · January 2019

@deecherise Okay that’s my snark. How’d I do?

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

I am going to add a layer to the shower discussion. I had a C/S with my first & had a long unpleasant recovery (skin infection). My DH and I had a spat about showering. When the baby was so little, I felt GROSS by the end of each day. There are all sorts of things all over you. Milk, spit, and much grosser at times.

My DH somehow did not grasp at first that I needed a shower. Every. Day. To feel human. He got very frustrated and didn't understand why I couldn't "just shower tomorrow" on a few occasions where our help didn't come through. After some very tearful conversations, he figured out how I was feelings and had no further issue.

I said all that to say.... a shower is a small thing. Until it isn't. Make sure you prioritize to your partner, helper, or whoever is around if you strike on of those things that you NEED to "feel human". They are not mind readers, but your care is still important, not just the baby. Their needs are the most immediate, yes. But you are still important after you have the baby.

*climbs off soapbox*

deecherise · January 2019

@suzycupcake pretty good, pretty good 😜

hey_clever_girl · January 2019

@WinchesterGirl YES. All of what you said!

bluebonnet15 · January 2019

Ummm, What exactly IS a birth plan? Why do I need one? When do I need one?

(In my mind I’m picturing the detailed itineraries I do for vacations but I feel like that’s not right...)

elizabeth_1985 · January 2019

@heml I've had two births and zero birth plans. The only thing I decided was that I wanted ahead of time was the epidural. My first was induced at 41 weeks. My second came super fast...Three hours from check-in to baby. I personally think it's good to just be open minded and go with whatever happens. Each birth is different.

mrosek91 · January 2019

@heml a birth plan is to tell the doctors and nurses (and maybe even your SO) what you do and don't want to happen in the L&D room. If you google it you will find a lot of samples, but basically it will have things like I definitely want/don't want an epidural. Who you want in the room, who you DON'T want in the room. I have even seen ones that go so far as to mention if the baby should be circumcised or not if a boy. The more opinionated you are the more likely it is you will need/have one.

But what I found much more useful is having an advocate. For my first we made a birth plan because every one told us we should, and then we forgot to bring it with us. I had a doula, and I told her the only thing that was important to me was not getting an epidural. She was amazing, I used her for both births, and plan on using her again. She made sure that I got what I needed and was listened to when I said something worked or didn't.

The thing you hear, is that each birth is different, and it's true I only have 2 so far, but both experiences were so different. For the first I spent most of transition (the worst stage of labor) in the shower (at the urging of my Doula). It helped so much I said I'm totally doing that again, but then the second was so quick I spent most of transition in the car. By the time I had a shower available it was time to push.

Twinkiedoll · January 2019

@heml For my first pregnancy, when the nurse's asked me if I had a birth plan, I said, "Yes. Give me all the drugs." That was the extent of my birth plan.

Many people have their labor and delivery mapped out: drug-free, using a ball, standing up, water birth, at home with a doula, etc. It's a very personal thing. It's something you discuss with your SO and your doctors/doula/midwife ahead of time so everyone knows what you want to happen. For some people, it is comforting to know that there is a plan in place. For others, they just don't want to have to answer a million questions when they're dealing with contractions. My advice is to be prepared for the possibility that your plan will go to sh*t because L&D is unpredictable. Even with my "no plan" approach, things did not go as I expected (though everything was fine in the end).

moon1417 · January 2019

@heml your birth plans are nice to make sure everyone knows your wishes. I had a birth plan for my first but I don't think I hit anything on it. One thing I learned from my first, because of complications I had, is that the end goal is a healthy baby. So if that means I had a C-section to get to her OK, if that means I didn't get to exclusively breast feed because she had latching problems and lost too much weight, its OK because she is the most important thing. She is here today. You will remember your experience sure, but ultimately all you will want is your baby.

hillaryo14 · January 2019

I didn't get a chance to use my birth plan, LO came so quickly. It didn't have a lot on it. I did say I wanted an epidural, and they were prepping it, but she decided she was going to make her appearance before they could administer it.

ElcaB · January 2019

@heml I did not use a birth plan with Pickle, but I made sure to ask questions later in my pregnancy about what options would be available to me.

Birth plans are nice, but I agree with @mrosek91 that having an advocate is most important. It's also important to go into birth open-minded. There are lots of things that can happen and birth plans might not take those things into account. So, rather than write up a plan, I'd ask lots of questions beforehand and go in with your support person having a good idea of how you'd like to do things --- all while keeping in mind baby may dictate the way some things might have to be done, even if they aren't as you prefer.

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

Birth plans are basically what everyone said above. My tips are keep it to one page max. Bullets or a list, easy to read quickly as hospital staff are busy.

Include your names, if you have a doula or any other person important to contact (in case of emergency).

If you take a Bradley class they have an exercise that tells you every possible thing you might want on there & help you fill it out.

cato99 · January 2019

@Twinkiedoll lolll we were birth plan twins. “All the drugs. Yes, that one. Also that one too. Sure yes throw in that one as well.” I had some other guidelines, like laboring at home with an exercise ball as long as I could, but getting the epidural was the only aspect I felt super strongly about and had to advocate in the delivery room (after like 24 hours of labor they wanted to start pitocin before the epidural and I was like no way).

I want to echo @moon1417 in that birth plans are a great way to structure your thoughts and desires and research into birth possibilities, in particular so that you or a proxy can advocate for your choices, but do allow some mental room for deviation on the spot. I know women who were really hung up on X or Y and really mourned the fact that things didn’t come out as planned, even though they had a healthy baby. I think some mental preparation that things could be different would have helped.

BigBadWolf12 · January 2019

I've seen birth plans with little images.

My first was breech so I ended up with a planned cs, which was pretty routine. I'm in Sweden where the default is what I wanted anyways (delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, breast feeding support, baby stays with you, etc) so that made me really comfortable knowing they weren't going to go against any of those unless it was a true emergency.

Ex of image based birth plan

peachy0709 · January 2019

I am very pro birth plan, just as long as you understand the why of what you're asking for, not because the internet tells you pitocin is bad (For the record, I had no pitocin in my birth plan for DD1, and guess what we ultimately had to use after 36 hours of labor....). I didn't have a birth plan for DD2 and I won't for #3 either.

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