I am excited to hear how you guys want to grow your families or if you feel complete.
I have five right now and we will try for one more, but timing is something I am really struggling with right now. My four youngest are all around 18-19 months apart, but this time I want more of a gap. My two year old commands a lot more attention than the others, which I don't mind, but it sometimes overwhelms me when Samantha needs me too. I would like for him to be a bit older before I go through morning sickness and the newborn stage again. However, I am already 36 and don't feel like waiting too long. I know I should avoid being newly pregnant during the summer with all of them home and needing my full attention, so August/September seems to be the best time to TTC next. I haven't started my cycle again yet and it usually takes a few months to regulate, so mother nature might be making more of a decision than my heart. We'll see. I just know I don't feel like we are complete yet.
My husband wants two more, but I feel like next time will probably be my last pregnancy. I try to be respectful of his wishes regarding our family, as I would want the same consideration if it was me wanting more, but I am not sure my body could handle four to five more years of being pregnant and even more nursing. We'll see.
I think we've always thought two kids would be a good fit. MH is firmly in the one and done right now. LO was a challenge for us in the beginning and still refuses to STTN (ive called him my perpetual teether). I know I want another one but right now I don't see it in our immediate future, its always abstract. I think once life settles with me working and no school we will talk more seriously about trying. We did have issues getting pregnant but I dont want to factor that into our timing and have it be super easy this go around lol (id like it to just be easy when we decide we are ready lol life works that way right?)
As for age gap? Who knows, but I'd prefer it be about 2-3 years.
It’s weird - I have the fever to be pregnant - but I had a really easy pregnancy so I’m sure that plays a part. I also looking forward to being a second time mom because I’m hoping I’ll enjoy those first months more instead of being worried about milestones. As for how many and when - I’m just taking it as it comes. We’re trying for number 2 and we’ll see how it goes from there. I forgot how long it took with all the testing and shots and scans to even make Maeve so for us it’s all up in the air. Good luck to everyone anywhere in the process - at my scans I always tell the dr “it’s amazing how our bodies work”. I want to say too - I’m not really a super private person so sorry if I overshare - it helps me process things to get out what I’m thinking - so thank you all for listening. It’s great here because I don’t feel judgement or pressure so wanted to let you all know I appreciate you. 💜💜
Also - I’m so stinking excited for Maeve to open her gifts because I really think for her unwrapping the paper will be the best thing ever.
Four seems like a nice number to us - it's pretty arbitrary, but it's the number that's in both my husband's and my heads. Although I was originally the one that wanted a bigger family, my husband seems more open to the idea of having more than four (especially if we had all girls, I could see him wanting to keep trying for a boy). I'm less keen on the idea for a bunch of reasons, one being I'd like to have all our kids by 35 (I'll be 30 next month): our losses hit me so hard, and while I know no magical change happens in your body between when you're 34 years and 364 days old and then turn 35, I don't know if I've got the wherewithal to endure the changing odds. But in fairness, at the same time, I don't know what it will feel like to know we're "done," especially because being a mother has always been the driving force in my life.
This baby will come 14 months after Nora - and after that, I just want to give my body a break for a while! It will have been 3 solid years of my body being in turmoil (TTC, losses, pregnancy, post partum, ACL surgery, pregnant again, postpartum again soon): I just want to have some time to eat salad and jog and drink the occasional glass of wine with my husband and not have to think about my body 24/7 (and to not feel like my vagina wants to fall out of my body every time I even THINK about having sex, but that's a whole 'nother story!). We've talked about waiting at least 1.5, maybe 2 years after this one before going for the next. TTC is not a fun process for me (so in a lot of ways, getting pregnant unexpectedly with this LO was a super big blessing!) and it took us a while for N, so we'll consider that as we time it all. And as nice as four would be, I know how little all of this is truly in our control, so we will be happy with the family we can build. I've always been open to adoption - my husband is not currently, but it's an additional thought for our future.
@shoretobe I'm with you in feeling like an oversharer, but I so appreciate having this space! Most of my friends are happily unmarried and childless and look at us like we have five heads when we talk about wanting a big family - it's nice to have a place to talk about this all freely.
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRISTMAS! Every morning when I bring Nora downstairs, we check under the tree to see if Santa came and she points around the living room so we can go check out each Christmas decoration one by one. I'm SO excited to see her reaction on Christmas morning. My husband keeps trying to gently talk me down - he thinks she won't care and I'll be heartbroken.
@ashtuesday, As usual I also don’t mind over sharing about our family planning plans. After a somewhat difficult pregnancy with DD1 (pre-e coupled with preexisting migraines), we weren’t sure if we wanted another. I got the arm implant at 6 weeks PP but started having problems less than 2 years later- absolutely terrible migraines and constant bleeding. So I got the implant out. Around that time, we were on the fence about having another. DH went to see his dr and had even gotten a referral to a urologist- they never called. We kinda took it as a sign so decided to let nature take its course (with a time limit of trying for only one year). Obviously, we have DD2 now as a direct result. But I signed my consent for a tubal as soon as the OB/insurance would allow and it was performed during my CS. For us, it boils down mostly to finances and health (with the pree with DD1). My upbringing was not terrible but difficult (strictly below the poverty line most of my childhood). We want to be able to provide comfortably for our children (which actually is still kind of a stretch due to high childcare and living costs). Realistically speaking, if I were to have another, especially before DD1 is in full time school, I’d be working to pay for childcare and DH doesn’t make enough to cover all our expenses only on his salary. Yeah, we probably live a bit beyond our means (both have newer cars, the girls are spoiled, go out with decent regularity,etc) but IMHO, it’s better than living with the bare minimum. I’ve been at the bare minimum (and sometimes less than)- I don’t want my kids to ever experience that unless it’s a situation of their own making when they’re an adult. I love my girls and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but unless a miracle happens and the TL fails, we’ll forever be a family of four.
Day after Christmas cleaning fun... Where the heck do we put all of this and crying about putting old toys that don’t ever get played with in the basement. This is why I ask for experiences and no one listens. We don’t need stufff for the sake of stuff.
Sorry it's been so long, I've been thinking of you all, I just don't get online much when we travel. I've been trying to catch up but probably missed something. Glad to hear you're feeling better @megpeg. Vinny did get over her stomach flu just in time for travel.
Happy holidays to everyone! and yes, OMG the amount of stuff this child has before she's even 1yo is ridiculous.
re family planning, I've talked about it a little before. (and trigger warning I guess.) DH and I agreed early on that 3 would be perfect, but after the two miscarriages, V was born when I was 41. So my midwife has said we could try again as early as 9 months after her birth, which is right now! I'd like to take January to get a bit healthier and then start trying. If I get pg right away, it's possible I'd still be 42 at that birth. yikes. I don't think I can handle a third pg, but we'll see how the next one goes. We saw my bf a few days ago and she has a 5 yo and a 6 yo, and she said "Don't wait. watching them play together is great. they're best friends." And both those kids were sooo adorable, I got the itch back LOL.
@mccurleya I was always told to wait for my first period after then go for it. Ive heard of others trying the day they stop pills and some waiting 3+ cycles though. I cant really see an issue with trying right away (in theory) so im not sure of the reasoning behind it when they say to wait.
Honestly, I would wait one full cycle before trying, but I don’t think there is a rule. You want to make sure that you ovulate within in a healthy time frame to ensure good egg quality, plus have a sufficient luteal phase. However, you might be a rock start and can conceive easily directly off birth control.
Hmm. I wasn't sure if there was a time frame. I think we want to maybe try again after Nate is 1 but I'm not 100%. I have an appt with my new doctor at the end of January and I guess I'll see what she thinks too!
@mccurleya, I always thought the suggestion of waiting a couple/few months was to help you get an idea of your cycle timing. But didn't really think something bad would happen if you happened to try earlier.
I am going to whine a second. I have been excited for the last couple of weeks because we were supposed to go out tomorrow night for DHs friends birthday party- party bus to dinner, the casino, and home. I got a cute new outfit and the kids were going to my moms over night. At about 9pm tonight DD who is 5 started puking. I feel terrible for her don’t get me wrong and am sleeping with her on the couch but really needed this to help me mentally just a night to myself. Whining over, back to being a mom and toughing it out. My praise of the whole thing is that DH cleans up puke. He doesn’t bat an eye- gets up, grabs the cleaning stuff and just does it. He’s bummed too- it’s his friends 30th and they haven’t gotten to see each other much lately.
Update- my mom said she would come here and watch them- she already had it so she said she doesn’t care.
Merry belated Christmas to all! Hope it was extra fun with all the LOs - spending the day with Nora made it one of the best of my life.
@maelily15 I totally get what you're saying. Planning on a big family, there are a lot of things that my husband and I know we and our kids are going to have to do without, but there's a big difference between willingly making the choice to do that and being forced into that situation, especially since we both came from relatively stable homes financially and didn't have the bare minimum experiences you mentioned. I respect where you're coming from.
@mccurleya In my recent experience, after stopping birth control, it takes roughly 4 minutes before you can conceive again Pre-N, I remember talking to my doctor, and she had said most people don't get pregnant in the first month off of it - it's a matter of your cycle regulating, like others have said, and it's about knowing when you ovulated so you can accurately date your next pregnancy. I had to do an extra dating ultrasound for this LO since things were so uncertain. My doctor definitely emphasized that even though MOST people don't get pregnant in that first month, if you go off the pill and aren't using any other method of BC, you ARE TTC and could very well get pregnant. But yay to starting this whole conversation!!!
@megpeg I'm sorry to hear your daughter is sick, but yay to a date night salvaged! Mom FTW!
DD was up until 3:30 this morning but was fine after that. She woke up starving and Declan woke up at 7:30. My mom showed up at 8:30 and took them to her house so I could sleep and clean and shop. I wore makeup and did my hair and went bra shopping. It was glorious and we had a good night out. I feel human again and can’t wait to get my kids back.
We finally got discharged at midnight. He's on a 48 hour heart monitor. Apparently his heart isn't sending signals the way it's supposed to and he's having arrhythmia. We have no idea what caused it though because he has no history of this. Thank you for your support and prayers.
@mccurleya thinking of you all and sending lots of love your way. Will there be more testing now? Good luck if there is - I hope they find answers for you all.
@megpeg that’s great you had a day for to get things done. so happy for you. 🤗
mccurleya I've been thinking of you. is the 48 up today or tomorrow. I hope everything is ok.
@megpeg After Vinny's stomach flu, I feel for you! I have heard it's going around. poor kiddos
We get to go out NYE. We are still at my mom's house, baby will stay home with grandparents and we will go out for dinner and then meet up with a few others for drinks. I might actually put in ear rings!
We returned the monitor today and it could take up to 2 weeks for results. We call the cardiologist tomorrow to make an appointment. They don't work over the weekend. Thinks are okay for now. All we know is his heart isn't sending the electrical signals correctly and it's causing an arrhythmia but we don't know why. We're wondering if maybe when he went through the police academy and got tased if that set it off or something.
We're really angry with urgent care though. The doctor there told us he had a blockage in his heart and made him go to the hospital by ambulance. She was not keeping her composure and freaked us out. We both thought he was going to die or be rushed into surgery the way she was acting. We will never go back there.
We're also worried he's going to get kicked out of the military if it's serious. You can't be in with heart problems and we can't afford insurance with the school system. You really can't beat military insurance. I don't know. I'm trying to give it all to God and not worry.
We have the tv on all the time. I sleep with it on and everything. I’m want to start trying having it off when LO is playing from like 6p-8p - just not sure how that is going to work but I’m starting to feel guilty how much it’s on.
@mccurleya, I hope the results aren’t so bad that your DH would have to medically retire. That urgent care lady was way out of line! Probably new or just not trained enough to handle a (hopefully only potentially) serious situation.
There were a lot of people in my nursing classes that were panickers. But in all seriousness, panicking does nothing but further upset the patient and make you look incompetent. Im sorry that they scared you guys and i hope everything turns out to be a simple fix and you guys can move on.
Re: December Randoms
I am excited to hear how you guys want to grow your families or if you feel complete.
I have five right now and we will try for one more, but timing is something I am really struggling with right now. My four youngest are all around 18-19 months apart, but this time I want more of a gap. My two year old commands a lot more attention than the others, which I don't mind, but it sometimes overwhelms me when Samantha needs me too. I would like for him to be a bit older before I go through morning sickness and the newborn stage again. However, I am already 36 and don't feel like waiting too long. I know I should avoid being newly pregnant during the summer with all of them home and needing my full attention, so August/September seems to be the best time to TTC next. I haven't started my cycle again yet and it usually takes a few months to regulate, so mother nature might be making more of a decision than my heart. We'll see. I just know I don't feel like we are complete yet.
My husband wants two more, but I feel like next time will probably be my last pregnancy. I try to be respectful of his wishes regarding our family, as I would want the same consideration if it was me wanting more, but I am not sure my body could handle four to five more years of being pregnant and even more nursing. We'll see.
I don't know how weird this will sound but we've always said, "2. 3 on accident"
We want them around 2 years apart I suppose.
As for age gap? Who knows, but I'd prefer it be about 2-3 years.
I want to say too - I’m not really a super private person so sorry if I overshare - it helps me process things to get out what I’m thinking - so thank you all for listening. It’s great here because I don’t feel judgement or pressure so wanted to let you all know I appreciate you. 💜💜
Also - I’m so stinking excited for Maeve to open her gifts because I really think for her unwrapping the paper will be the best thing ever.
This baby will come 14 months after Nora - and after that, I just want to give my body a break for a while! It will have been 3 solid years of my body being in turmoil (TTC, losses, pregnancy, post partum, ACL surgery, pregnant again, postpartum again soon): I just want to have some time to eat salad and jog and drink the occasional glass of wine with my husband and not have to think about my body 24/7 (and to not feel like my vagina wants to fall out of my body every time I even THINK about having sex, but that's a whole 'nother story!). We've talked about waiting at least 1.5, maybe 2 years after this one before going for the next. TTC is not a fun process for me (so in a lot of ways, getting pregnant unexpectedly with this LO was a super big blessing!) and it took us a while for N, so we'll consider that as we time it all. And as nice as four would be, I know how little all of this is truly in our control, so we will be happy with the family we can build. I've always been open to adoption - my husband is not currently, but it's an additional thought for our future.
@shoretobe I'm with you in feeling like an oversharer, but I so appreciate having this space! Most of my friends are happily unmarried and childless and look at us like we have five heads when we talk about wanting a big family - it's nice to have a place to talk about this all freely.
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRISTMAS! Every morning when I bring Nora downstairs, we check under the tree to see if Santa came and she points around the living room so we can go check out each Christmas decoration one by one. I'm SO excited to see her reaction on Christmas morning. My husband keeps trying to gently talk me down - he thinks she won't care and I'll be heartbroken.
For us, it boils down mostly to finances and health (with the pree with DD1). My upbringing was not terrible but difficult (strictly below the poverty line most of my childhood). We want to be able to provide comfortably for our children (which actually is still kind of a stretch due to high childcare and living costs). Realistically speaking, if I were to have another, especially before DD1 is in full time school, I’d be working to pay for childcare and DH doesn’t make enough to cover all our expenses only on his salary. Yeah, we probably live a bit beyond our means (both have newer cars, the girls are spoiled, go out with decent regularity,etc) but IMHO, it’s better than living with the bare minimum. I’ve been at the bare minimum (and sometimes less than)- I don’t want my kids to ever experience that unless it’s a situation of their own making when they’re an adult.
I love my girls and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but unless a miracle happens and the TL fails, we’ll forever be a family of four.
This is why I ask for experiences and no one listens. We don’t need stufff for the sake of stuff.
Glad to hear you're feeling better @megpeg.
Vinny did get over her stomach flu just in time for travel.
Happy holidays to everyone! and yes, OMG the amount of stuff this child has before she's even 1yo is ridiculous.
We saw my bf a few days ago and she has a 5 yo and a 6 yo, and she said "Don't wait. watching them play together is great. they're best friends." And both those kids were sooo adorable, I got the itch back LOL.
My praise of the whole thing is that DH cleans up puke. He doesn’t bat an eye- gets up, grabs the cleaning stuff and just does it. He’s bummed too- it’s his friends 30th and they haven’t gotten to see each other much lately.
Update- my mom said she would come here and watch them- she already had it so she said she doesn’t care.
@maelily15 I totally get what you're saying. Planning on a big family, there are a lot of things that my husband and I know we and our kids are going to have to do without, but there's a big difference between willingly making the choice to do that and being forced into that situation, especially since we both came from relatively stable homes financially and didn't have the bare minimum experiences you mentioned. I respect where you're coming from.
@mccurleya In my recent experience, after stopping birth control, it takes roughly 4 minutes before you can conceive again
@megpeg I'm sorry to hear your daughter is sick, but yay to a date night salvaged! Mom FTW!
@megpeg that’s great you had a day for to get things done. so happy for you. 🤗
@megpeg sometimes all you need are a few hours to yourself to recharge. So glad it was fun.
@megpeg After Vinny's stomach flu, I feel for you! I have heard it's going around. poor kiddos
We get to go out NYE. We are still at my mom's house, baby will stay home with grandparents and we will go out for dinner and then meet up with a few others for drinks. I might actually put in ear rings!
We returned the monitor today and it could take up to 2 weeks for results. We call the cardiologist tomorrow to make an appointment. They don't work over the weekend. Thinks are okay for now. All we know is his heart isn't sending the electrical signals correctly and it's causing an arrhythmia but we don't know why. We're wondering if maybe when he went through the police academy and got tased if that set it off or something.
We're really angry with urgent care though. The doctor there told us he had a blockage in his heart and made him go to the hospital by ambulance. She was not keeping her composure and freaked us out. We both thought he was going to die or be rushed into surgery the way she was acting. We will never go back there.
We're also worried he's going to get kicked out of the military if it's serious. You can't be in with heart problems and we can't afford insurance with the school system. You really can't beat military insurance. I don't know. I'm trying to give it all to God and not worry.
That urgent care lady was way out of line! Probably new or just not trained enough to handle a (hopefully only potentially) serious situation.
@maelily15 She's the owners daughter 😒 the paramedics and the people at the ER said she needs a new profession.