I would honestly try not to worry about it and just be 100% enthusiastic when you tell her. I used to be a psychology junkie and it’s amazing what our own fears/worries can project onto other people and how they react to us. TW - I missed my best friend from college’s wedding in Bali this past summer because I was supposed to be welcoming a new baby a couple weeks after the wedding. I actually miscarried on her birthday and never told her about that or brought up changing plans even though there was plenty of time to make travel arrangements and go. I was so worried she would be upset that we didn’t and I let it drive a wedge. When we announced this pregnancy a month ago she reached out and was so supportive and it was not even a thing.
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married: 2012 BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
@bdesterhouse Will you see her in person? Maybe you can say you wanted to wait and share the happy news in person? I did that with a couple of friends that I don’t see that often.
Count me in as a Bumpaholic and one that will be bringing makeup, etc with her!
@bdesterhouse Don't beat yourself up! You were trying to be sensitive to your friends feelings and what she was going thru. I'm sure she would have still been very happy for you, but if you guys haven't talked much or seen much of each other...then it's hard to share to news. But I get the needy friend part. Knowing that, I know makes it worse because they take everything to heart.
@mamakate1616 I'm with your on a the shopaholic part! MH has a huge family and it's hard to be trying to save $$ when there are a million people to buy for plus I know for me...all I can think of is the baby stuff I should be buying. lol
TTC #1 since April 2015 June 2016 - CP 2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's IVF w/ PGS - January 2018 FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN ERA Cycle May / June 2018 ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change) FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410 U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166 Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19 EDD March 28, 2019 Baby Girl born 3/26/19
I definitely just bought a pint of ice cream and plastic spoons, so I could eat it, on my weekly grocery run... and ate the ice cream while I pumped gas...
@lelkcot you’re my new role model! I actually got McDonald’s before doing my grocery shopping last week. I was afraid what I would buy if I went while I was starving
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married: 2012 BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
@bdesterhouse I wouldn’t worry too much. Like someone else said if you haven’t seen or talked to her in a bit, then I’m sure it will be fine. I haven’t seen one of my best friends in over a year and she didn’t find out until everyone else knew. She was slightly hurt by it but understood that we haven’t been as close as of recently.
@meggyme Thank you for the tag. I'm been MIA for couple weeks. My husband was sick Saturday and Sunday but he knew that I had wanted to talk to him about something so Monday morning at 7 am as I was walking out the door he asked me point blank if the baby was his. I couldn't lie and said no. Three days later he had already met with 4 attorneys, selected one and got the ball rolling on filing for divorce. The papers were filed with the court on 12/14, this past Friday. Needless to say, my entire life has been shocked and I am at a loss.
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
@violetmarie61516 definitely sorry to hear that, but echoing everyone else, we are here for you. hopefully you have people around you to love on you as well.
Thank you all for the love and support. Honestly I had a couple really bad days where I had thoughts of ending my life but I have moved past that now. I'm getting help and have a large support system that I'm utilizing. I was in labor and delivery for severe dehydration and malnutrition but again I'm doing better. I will try to participate more but I'm also just trying to get through one day at a time.
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
Please, please, please talk to someone if you ever have such scary thoughts again. Your life might be complicated right now but it is worth it. It will get better.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@violetmarie61516 I hope you’ve found a good therapist to help you work through those dark thoughts and help you move forward in a positive direction. Like meggy said, your life is so worth it, especially with a little girl and another little love on the way. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
@violetmarie61516 I’m so sorry this has been so terrible for you. On the practical side, do you have a lawyer? You are entitled to child support and I know lawyers get a bad rap, but the support could be invaluable during this tumultuous time.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Short update: I had an appointment with the same therapist my husband has been seeing for his depression but decided to cancel that. I have been speaking with multiple social workers and have also had a consultation with my hospital's perinatal psych clinic who is helping me with some anxiety medication and also a list of local therapists who are familiar with perinatal patients. It's going to be an uphill battle but I'm trying to just take it day by day.
I did obtain and attorney a little over a week ago and she is working with me on a few things already. My husband has become a completely different person, a side I've never seen in the 10 years we've been together. He is doing irrational things and walked a fine line of abuse on Christmas Eve. I will not tolerate abuse no matter what and I will immediately remove my daughter from the house if it becomes an issue.
Christmas was SO incredibly hard. We are trying our best to keep it normal for our daughter but I know she is affected already. I know she won't remember any of what's happening right now but it still breaks my heart at the moment. It just makes this all so much worse.
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. I'm definitely needing all the support I can get right now. I know flat out I was wrong and I can't go back. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be, I just want what's best for my children.
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
@violetmarie61516 I’m glad you’re getting the support you need and I’m sorry YH is being irrational about it. Hopefully he’s just still working through his feelings and won’t be this crazy to co-parent with in the future.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@violetmarie61516 even if you were wrong, that doesn’t mean you deserve abuse. Hang in there. As a divorcee I understand what you mean, I learned so much about my ex getting divorced, and it only convinced me that I had made the right decision!!!
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
@3rdtime_charmed You don't know how much better this makes me feel! I only know one person who just recently got divorced and her son is 2 months older than my daughter. There situation was very different but knowing that I'm not alone helps so much.
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
@violetmarie61516 you will look back on all this awfulness someday and will be amazed. Feel free to DM. The other thing I like to tell people is that it can work out ok. Been with my husband 5 years ago, and he is my soulmate. We truly have a partnership others envy. Never would’ve found him had my first marriages not crapped out so spectacularly. I’m not prodivorce by any means but it’s very possible to survive it.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Re: FFFC 12/7
TW - I missed my best friend from college’s wedding in Bali this past summer because I was supposed to be welcoming a new baby a couple weeks after the wedding. I actually miscarried on her birthday and never told her about that or brought up changing plans even though there was plenty of time to make travel arrangements and go. I was so worried she would be upset that we didn’t and I let it drive a wedge. When we announced this pregnancy a month ago she reached out and was so supportive and it was not even a thing.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
@bdesterhouse Don't beat yourself up! You were trying to be sensitive to your friends feelings and what she was going thru. I'm sure she would have still been very happy for you, but if you guys haven't talked much or seen much of each other...then it's hard to share to news. But I get the needy friend part. Knowing that, I know makes it worse because they take everything to heart.
@mamakate1616 I'm with your on a the shopaholic part! MH has a huge family and it's hard to be trying to save $$ when there are a million people to buy for plus I know for me...all I can think of is the baby stuff I should be buying. lol
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
I actually got McDonald’s before doing my grocery shopping last week. I was afraid what I would buy if I went while I was starving
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
I did obtain and attorney a little over a week ago and she is working with me on a few things already. My husband has become a completely different person, a side I've never seen in the 10 years we've been together. He is doing irrational things and walked a fine line of abuse on Christmas Eve. I will not tolerate abuse no matter what and I will immediately remove my daughter from the house if it becomes an issue.
Christmas was SO incredibly hard. We are trying our best to keep it normal for our daughter but I know she is affected already. I know she won't remember any of what's happening right now but it still breaks my heart at the moment. It just makes this all so much worse.
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. I'm definitely needing all the support I can get right now. I know flat out I was wrong and I can't go back. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be, I just want what's best for my children.
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]