Couple doozies so far today. First I went to the lab for my glucose test and while waiting another patient asks if I am due any day now. When I reply no she proceeds to say I must be having a large baby then. I told her I actually make small babies. Then I went to fuel up my vehicle and another costumer starts walking towards me with a concerned looked, trying to get me to stop pumping E-85 in my vehicle....because for some reason I didn’t know what I was doing?! I just looked at him and said that I did know what I was doing and he walked away.
@meggyme that was us on Wednesday. I just didn't understand why once wasn't enough, lol. it went off about 3 times. added to the fact that i work in a call center so it was also blaring in my customers ears as well. It was fun times.
@lelkcot Ouch, not fun! I hope you're not in pain! I had bad dental pain at 39w+5d last time around and I had to go to urgent care for stronger painkillers since Tylenol was not cutting it. It turned out the tooth died, so 2 weeks after delivery I got a root canal and yet another crown.
@mihaelams1 ouch - that sounds miserable! Luckily it’s only a little irritated (I popped the crown right back on and it’s staying in place thus far 🤞🤞) so hopefully it will just be something I need to be careful with until Monday!
Oh my word. I mean, yea, technically it's possible if she conceived with fertility treatments. (Never seen the show, but isn't that the whole plot on Jane the Virgin?) But somehow I doubt that's what happened.
It is kind of an interesting question, though. Because if she's never had sex and conceived through fertility treatments, yes, she'd still be a virgin!
So I just thought I'd put this here, because I didn't want to revive a really old thread, but if I should let me know. I would be happy to. I did go and reread it all over again. Also, not trying to create waves as this can be a hot topic. So DW and I are team green and neither felt strongly about circumcision. After doing some reasearch, we discussed not doing it. My mom brought it up about a month ago, so I told her our decision and thought she'd drop it. No such luck, she has been telling me stories of people we know who know someone that had to get the procedure later in life because of xyz. Also has gone as far to say the circumcised is more attreactive. Any ideas on how to get her to drop it?
@Kenneylynn3 I say you stick to your guns. Just say “we’ve done our research on the issue and have made our decision.” The end. Don’t engage her anymore. If she keeps going just keep repeating that until she figures it out. Or tell her that her personal opinion on penis shape is not of interest to you. *Shudder*
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@3rdtime_charmed I'd love to see a nursery show and tell thread! We just painted ours so I'm pretty excited now I haven't figured out how to post a pic on The Bump yet but would love to see other people's' nurseries and maybe figure out how to share my own!
ETA: just saw that @lelkcot started a thread - can't wait to see the pics!
@Kenneylynn3 I don’t have any advice, but I think @meggyme has a good approach. I’m sorry she is trying to insert herself into a personal decision between you and your wife. And also ew to her comment.
Agree, ew. Also ew about how many times she must have talked about that to have a handful of anecdotes!
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married: 2012 BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
I’m not sure where to post this or even if I should discuss this on this platform. This will be a novel and I’m not even sure what I’m looking for for sharing it. I guess I’m hoping it might help me to get some venting out or some assurance that I’m not completely crazy.
This weekend we had a Christmas party at my in laws house. The whole entire time we were there my 1.5 year old was being his usual toddler self running all over the house, going between both his grandmas and his grandpa. After about a hour to a hour and a half I had had it and went to find DH to ask him to change his diaper and put on his PJs. I was tired, irritated, my back was killing me, and I felt SO ALONE. Thank goodness my mom was there but it’s not the same as my husband. He was there but in the basement almost the entire time. The basement really isn’t appropriate for DS (his sisters were down there drinking, it’s a man cave with a lot of glass and memorabilia in DS reach, etc). After DH changed DS he took him to the basement I went to ask him if he was okay to watch him there and make sure I didn’t need to take him upstairs he assured me he was fine I wasn’t excited about the idea of DS being down there but was somewhat trying to be okay with it. So on the way home I was just getting more and more irritated with DH. I found out that DH wasn’t watching him in the basement but instead his 22 year old sister was whose bf was there and she had been drinking. DH was instead playing a video game. We got home and I just curled up on the couch, I wanted to be left alone. DH comes out to check on me and I let it all out. Then he laughed at me. I lost it when he laughed and said I was “done”. I didn’t really know what I meant when I said that except I couldn’t be near DH anymore that night. I started to pack a bag and he pleaded me to stay and kept trying to talk to me. In the end I stayed and we talked it out that night and the entire next day. I still feel like I don’t want to go DH parents house anytime soon which is a problem because Christmas is 3 weeks away. DH isn’t happy because he blames himself and says I’m punishing my in-laws for what he did.
I know this is very minor to what some of us are dealing with but DH and I rarely argue or have disagreements. I am very happy in our marriage and love my family very much. I honestly think the last time was when DS was 7 days old. I don’t know how to cope with how I’m feeling right now and of course once it starts coming out it doesn’t stop. Sunday was an interesting day of “discussing” how I’ve been feeling lately. Which I honestly didn’t even realize all the things that have been bothering me until I started talking and then I couldn’t stop talking. DH felt like the worst husband and father ever which he is neither of those things and now I feel bad for making him feel that way.
I’m honestly not even sure what to do with this or how to cope with all that’s happened now. DH says he laughed because he was nervous and because he didn’t know what to do. He apologized for laughing and I forgave him but it’s hard for me to forgive him for what I feel was ignoring me and his son during the party. Something to know about this is im a pretty big introvert and DH is a huge extrovert. Over the years before going to any family function I’ve had a conversation with him to make sure he’ll stay near me. He always gets irritated by this conversation because “I already know do we have to have it everytime?”.... so this thanksgiving I didn’t have it with him and he ... spent the whole time with his sisters/their friends/cousins in the basement. I don’t mind if he visits but he will literally not even spend time with me if I don’t remind/ask him too. I didn’t ask again at this party because he gets so upset if I do ... but then I don’t say it and he doesn’t do it. I’m scared what will happen when we have 2 that are both so young during family functions and he won’t attend to me or DS and our needs.
My face still hurts from crying and I honestly don’t know how to process it. Way more came out than I even expected and than I even realized was bothering me. Thanks for reading even if you don’t respond it’s okay I guess I just needed a safe place to say what’s been going on.
@ashley14598 I'm sorry you had a rough weekend and a fight with YH. I can totally relate, although we do have arguments/discussions more frequently than that. I'm totally an emotional bottler and it's not until I break the last straw that I have a similar blow out and end up crying and recounting the last 3-4 weeks of frustrations and letdowns. I know it makes MH feel bad, but that's just our relationship. Generally he'll try to step up for a bit, do great for awhile and then either be gone and get out of step or start slacking and the whole cycle starts over again. Add to that the short fuse I've had this pregnancy, either blamed on hormones or having a toddler that already tests my patience hourly, and it's a tough conversation.
I think it's important to ask for what we need when we need it, although I'm totally at fault of trying to do it all myself until I hit the breaking point. Perhaps when you're feeling abandoned or like you're reaching your limit you could ask him to come upstairs to help or remind him that you haven't talked to him all night. And I don't know what your family dynamic is, but my sisters love hanging out with DD and even though it can seem like pawning our kids off on them to watch, sometimes it's good quality time with Aunts/Uncles instead. It sounds like he wants to do better and maybe after having had the argument it will be fresh in his mind, or at least a little reminder might work better than if you hadn't talked about it at all.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@ashley14598 I totally get feeling alone in a house full of people, and I’ve also felt like it’s insane that everyone just seems to ignore the kids so I get stuck making sure they don’t hurt themselves. But I also hear you saying that your husband generally makes you happy and feels bad that he hasn’t clued in to how your needs have changed during this pregnancy. I hope that you can heal from this and that the two of you come together stronger as a result.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
@ashley14598 I'm sorry you are feeling this way and going through this. It doesn't sound like your DH is an awful person by any means, but maybe you two need to communicate your needs more to each other. I can relate because when I had DD, DH really never picked up on the parenting. I was solely responsible to the point of having to quit my full time job because it was too much for me. I also bottled everything in until it was too late and we ended up separated for 6 months when DD was 3. We still struggle a bit, especially since we are having another now but it's because we don't communicate well.
I think it's harder for some guys to adjust to being a family anyways, and your DS is still little and YH is still learning what it means to be a dad. I think as long as you tell him what you need or expect, he will listen and be more attentive. He will have more responsibility when the LO comes so talking about the stress now and potential increase in stress will be helpful.
@ashley14598 sounds like you guys have a good relationship and like he’s listening. As some of the other ladies have said, I think it helps to be very clear on what you need help with, especially on the parenting front. And I think (even if it bugs him) it reasonable to remind him you need him to spend time with you and your son when you’re out. Totally conjecture, but since this was at his parents, he may be so comfortable there that he kind of forgets that you aren’t as comfortable in that setting. As you mentioned, my husband and I don’t fight all that often either, and for me, this makes our occasional big fights feel that much worse because they’re so out of the ordinary. Hopefully since it’s all out in the open now it will get you two back on the same page. Sorry you had such a tough weekend.
@ashley14598 I'm sorry your husband frustrated you so badly. It's good to hear that he's receptive and you got to unload a bit and I hope that the conversations end up being productive.
I also completely understand the introvert/extrovert struggle (and recommend reading the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking"!). I am also an introvert in a relationship with an extrovert and it can be a real problem at parties. It probably doesn't help that we don't go out much, and then when we do he gets so swept up in the socialization and completely forgets about me or anything else going on. While we don't have children yet, we have brought our dog to parties and I remember one evening where he convinced me to let her off-leash and then I spent the night chasing her around the woods while he was just laughing with his friends oblivious to what was going on.
Needless to say, we have had lots of conversations about how he needs to check in on me and we just had a big conversation last night because our wedding is on Saturday. I seriously felt like I needed to express to him that even though I know a lot of friends are traveling from out of town and he's excited to see them, that he needs to go to bed with me on our wedding night and I'll be pretty pissed if he ignores me and stays up until 3am. Let's see how that goes haha.
The good thing is that, while it has taken years of hurt feelings and unpleasant conversations, we both understand each other's needs a lot better. I think everytime we've had a blowup we've learned something from it and have both taken steps to make things at least a little better for next time. We have a signal now where I'll find him at an event and squeeze his arm if I realize he's completely caught up in his own world and need him for something. This usually brings him back to reality and I can get his attention for a bit.
I really hope that the discussion you had with your husband will stick with him and he'll try to be a little more cognizant of your feelings next time! It might take some time to find a good balance but it's not completely impossible for introverts and extroverts to live happily together haha.
@bug_hunter that's funny that you had to remind him you want to go home with YH on your wedding night, but now-a-days I can totally see having to tell MH the same thing. One the rare occasion that we get to go out together, even without our daughter, it seems like I'm home before midnight and he stumbles home a few hours later. I like your idea of a secret signal too.
I'll add that I also find that I can organize my thoughts a lot better when I have the time to think about them, so writing things down in an email or text, as passive aggressive as it seems, lets me prioritize my issues without getting distracted by emotion.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@meggyme Yeah, the wedding is about 40 minutes away from our house so we're staying at a hotel along with other folks traveling in and the venue is just a two minute walk from the hotel. I could totally see a situation where I get exhausted and want to go to our room and he'd tell me he'd be up in a minute. Then hours would pass and I'd either be awake and pissed off or asleep alone because he lost track of time. Luckily, he knows how bad it would be to anger his pregnant wife on the wedding night so I'm hopeful he won't be a total dick!
@meggyme@3rdtime_charmed@novelblessings@lelkcot@bug_hunter Thank you all so much!! I really needed to hear all of the encouragement! I’m feeling a ton better after talking to a co-worker today and reading all of your suggestions. I talked to my mom some and most importantly I talked to DH. I realized a lot of the problems have more to do with the holidays and less to do with anything else. Thanks again for letting me vent!
Re: Randoms w/o 12/3
Then I went to fuel up my vehicle and another costumer starts walking towards me with a concerned looked, trying to get me to stop pumping E-85 in my vehicle....because for some reason I didn’t know what I was doing?! I just looked at him and said that I did know what I was doing and he walked away.
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
It is kind of an interesting question, though. Because if she's never had sex and conceived through fertility treatments, yes, she'd still be a virgin!
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
So DW and I are team green and neither felt strongly about circumcision. After doing some reasearch, we discussed not doing it. My mom brought it up about a month ago, so I told her our decision and thought she'd drop it. No such luck, she has been telling me stories of people we know who know someone that had to get the procedure later in life because of xyz. Also has gone as far to say the circumcised is more attreactive. Any ideas on how to get her to drop it?
ETA: just saw that @lelkcot started a thread - can't wait to see the pics!
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
This weekend we had a Christmas party at my in laws house. The whole entire time we were there my 1.5 year old was being his usual toddler self running all over the house, going between both his grandmas and his grandpa. After about a hour to a hour and a half I had had it and went to find DH to ask him to change his diaper and put on his PJs. I was tired, irritated, my back was killing me, and I felt SO ALONE. Thank goodness my mom was there but it’s not the same as my husband. He was there but in the basement almost the entire time. The basement really isn’t appropriate for DS (his sisters were down there drinking, it’s a man cave with a lot of glass and memorabilia in DS reach, etc). After DH changed DS he took him to the basement I went to ask him if he was okay to watch him there and make sure I didn’t need to take him upstairs he assured me he was fine I wasn’t excited about the idea of DS being down there but was somewhat trying to be okay with it. So on the way home I was just getting more and more irritated with DH. I found out that DH wasn’t watching him in the basement but instead his 22 year old sister was whose bf was there and she had been drinking. DH was instead playing a video game. We got home and I just curled up on the couch, I wanted to be left alone. DH comes out to check on me and I let it all out. Then he laughed at me. I lost it when he laughed and said I was “done”. I didn’t really know what I meant when I said that except I couldn’t be near DH anymore that night. I started to pack a bag and he pleaded me to stay and kept trying to talk to me. In the end I stayed and we talked it out that night and the entire next day. I still feel like I don’t want to go DH parents house anytime soon which is a problem because Christmas is 3 weeks away. DH isn’t happy because he blames himself and says I’m punishing my in-laws for what he did.
I know this is very minor to what some of us are dealing with but DH and I rarely argue or have disagreements. I am very happy in our marriage and love my family very much. I honestly think the last time was when DS was 7 days old. I don’t know how to cope with how I’m feeling right now and of course once it starts coming out it doesn’t stop. Sunday was an interesting day of “discussing” how I’ve been feeling lately. Which I honestly didn’t even realize all the things that have been bothering me until I started talking and then I couldn’t stop talking. DH felt like the worst husband and father ever which he is neither of those things and now I feel bad for making him feel that way.
I’m honestly not even sure what to do with this or how to cope with all that’s happened now. DH says he laughed because he was nervous and because he didn’t know what to do. He apologized for laughing and I forgave him but it’s hard for me to forgive him for what I feel was ignoring me and his son during the party. Something to know about this is im a pretty big introvert and DH is a huge extrovert. Over the years before going to any family function I’ve had a conversation with him to make sure he’ll stay near me. He always gets irritated by this conversation because “I already know do we have to have it everytime?”.... so this thanksgiving I didn’t have it with him and he ... spent the whole time with his sisters/their friends/cousins in the basement. I don’t mind if he visits but he will literally not even spend time with me if I don’t remind/ask him too. I didn’t ask again at this party because he gets so upset if I do ... but then I don’t say it and he doesn’t do it. I’m scared what will happen when we have 2 that are both so young during family functions and he won’t attend to me or DS and our needs.
My face still hurts from crying and I honestly don’t know how to process it. Way more came out than I even expected and than I even realized was bothering me. Thanks for reading even if you don’t respond it’s okay I guess I just needed a safe place to say what’s been going on.
I think it's important to ask for what we need when we need it, although I'm totally at fault of trying to do it all myself until I hit the breaking point. Perhaps when you're feeling abandoned or like you're reaching your limit you could ask him to come upstairs to help or remind him that you haven't talked to him all night. And I don't know what your family dynamic is, but my sisters love hanging out with DD and even though it can seem like pawning our kids off on them to watch, sometimes it's good quality time with Aunts/Uncles instead. It sounds like he wants to do better and maybe after having had the argument it will be fresh in his mind, or at least a little reminder might work better than if you hadn't talked about it at all.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
As you mentioned, my husband and I don’t fight all that often either, and for me, this makes our occasional big fights feel that much worse because they’re so out of the ordinary. Hopefully since it’s all out in the open now it will get you two back on the same page. Sorry you had such a tough weekend.
I also completely understand the introvert/extrovert struggle (and recommend reading the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking"!). I am also an introvert in a relationship with an extrovert and it can be a real problem at parties. It probably doesn't help that we don't go out much, and then when we do he gets so swept up in the socialization and completely forgets about me or anything else going on. While we don't have children yet, we have brought our dog to parties and I remember one evening where he convinced me to let her off-leash and then I spent the night chasing her around the woods while he was just laughing with his friends oblivious to what was going on.
Needless to say, we have had lots of conversations about how he needs to check in on me and we just had a big conversation last night because our wedding is on Saturday. I seriously felt like I needed to express to him that even though I know a lot of friends are traveling from out of town and he's excited to see them, that he needs to go to bed with me on our wedding night and I'll be pretty pissed if he ignores me and stays up until 3am. Let's see how that goes haha.
The good thing is that, while it has taken years of hurt feelings and unpleasant conversations, we both understand each other's needs a lot better. I think everytime we've had a blowup we've learned something from it and have both taken steps to make things at least a little better for next time. We have a signal now where I'll find him at an event and squeeze his arm if I realize he's completely caught up in his own world and need him for something. This usually brings him back to reality and I can get his attention for a bit.
I really hope that the discussion you had with your husband will stick with him and he'll try to be a little more cognizant of your feelings next time! It might take some time to find a good balance but it's not completely impossible for introverts and extroverts to live happily together haha.
I'll add that I also find that I can organize my thoughts a lot better when I have the time to think about them, so writing things down in an email or text, as passive aggressive as it seems, lets me prioritize my issues without getting distracted by emotion.