@mrskoz428 yeah her behavior with all this is very juvenile, if it's nothing related to pregnancy issues (I understand needing to protect yourself for your own mental health, but I usually just unfollow people if I don't want to see their posts). It's one thing to be quietly upset, it's another to do something as passive aggressive as deleting you on everything instead of just unfollowing when clearly you would notice.
Thank you all for making me feel a bit better about all of this. It’s never easy to have relationship conflict of any kind and a bad history for me has made it harder for me to handle. I called my mom and cried, because that’s what I do, and can just hope, if nothing else, we can go back to being at least civil.
Two girls I was friends with in college randomly cut me out at some point. One did when her mother got sick, and I reached out to her about it. She basically decided to cut ties with some people, another of my friends included, that she didn't feel she was close with or were friendships worth putting effort into. I think losing her mother made her be more selective in her friendships and it hurt but I tried not to think of it as I'd done something bad. I don't know why the other friend cut me out, I just let it go but it was very weird - she just unfriended me too 🤷 I guess I've done this with some friends since DS was born but I haven't gone so far as to cut people out, I just stopped making an effort and they did too once I became a mother and couldn't hang out all the time anymore. I don't hate any of them though.
@DuchessOfCambridge well, growth is important and I get needing to let go or refocus. Our relationship was never personal but was professional and I don’t even feel like that can happen. I so overthink things and I know it!
I'm so sorry I disappeared. @mrskoz428, I am feeling anxious FOR you. I HATE drama and I hate confrontation and I get anxious so easily from those types of situations. I really hope you are able to figure things out tomorrow and I'm sorry she's being so immature about this. Whatever it is, there were better ways to handle it.
@eatinwatermelonseeds it’s okay, you all have lives outside my work drama. ❤️ Thankfully lm very tired and I just started dooming off. Hopefully it allows me some sleep
Morning update since we aren’t meeting until lunch: She is completely avoiding me, going into different classrooms to avoid me in the hall, would not say good morning, and won’t look at me. She clearly knows she didn’t handle this week.
Ugh so. This is a total first world problem, but I'm going to complain anyway. So, H really wants to get DS a power wheels for Christmas. They're SO expensive so I've been having a hard time with it. Well, I found one for super cheap. I was so excited that I text him and asked if he liked it and said I was going to buy it asap if he did. He didn't respond to my text AT ALL so I went and bought it. He gets home and tells me he bought one he liked and he thought that my text meant that I wanted him to buy one right away. WHY would I send one that is $150 cheaper just because I want him to go buy the other one? 😡 So now we have both bought him a power wheels and neither of us can agree which one to cancel.. Mine has some really awful reviews. But his is so expensive and I'm cheap 😩 regardless, we do not have the money to have bought both 😡
@mrskoz428 seriously?! WTF! Why can't she just be an adult and tell you what's wrong?! By being "non-confrontational" she's being EXTREMELY confrontational. What is her deal!
@eatinwatermelonseeds oy that's frustrating. Are the reviews different enough to matter? I guess it isn't worth spending money on something even if it's $150 cheaper if it just doesn't work. But that sounds like a lot of money!
@DuchessOfCambridge the reviews were related to the thing breaking after one use, pieces missing from the box (like the steering wheel 😳) and out of 17 reviews, more than half were bad like this. His is better quality anyway, and he insists you get what you pay for in this situation. It's just a lot of money to me. He is living vicariously through our kid (who will definitely love it, I'm sure) because he always wanted one as a kid and never got one. I don't know. I always wanted an easy bake oven, can't we just get him that? 😂
@eatinwatermelonseeds ah yeah, I'd stick with the more expensive one then since it seems like the cheaper one will just be money down the drain, sadly. Get him an easy bake oven too! Hahaha
@mrskoz428 totally curious what her damage is as well. One thing that did occur to me is maybe she just decided to delete any work folks from social media? I generally have a policy of not adding work colleagues to my SM accounts. BUT, that doesn't explain why she's being weird in person.
@mrskoz428 I’m going to play devils advocate here. Knowing what you said about her needing to go through IVF- IF/loss brings a lot of trauma is a person’s life. You may think that a healthy pregnancy would solve everything, but sometimes it doesn’t and the chemical changes create some major mental health issues, particularly around other people’s (perceived easy) pregnancies. Don’t take it personally, it has nothing to do with you.
As as someone who battled severe mental health issues during my pregnancy with DD after 2 losses, I can tell you that other happy pregnancy posts severely trigggered and I unfollowed everyone who was posting them. I wasn’t having a joyful pregnancy- I felt strongly I would die and my baby would die and I couldn’t deal with those who were blissfully unaware of what could go wrong.
Im not sure if you sent that message yet- but I would say- “don’t”. Realize it probably has nothing to do with you and try to feel empathy for what she may be going through.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I'd probably go with the more expensive one unfortunately. That's a toy both your kiddos will use for years so it would be better if it was going to last a while instead of needing another one later.
@mrskoz428 How childish! And this is supposed to be a mentor!? Regardless of what she tells you this issue is, assuming she actually shows up to talk, I would have a hard time continuing a personal relationship with her and certainly not a mentor/mentee relationship. You mentioned she was a paid mentor right? I'd definitely report the behavior.
Well, here was the result, my curious friends. ❤️ Essentially, she felt like I was never coming to her when I needed help but would interact with her via social media. Rather than approaching me about how she felt, she decided it was easier to delete from everything since she was frustrated. The funny thing is, I have gone to her for help. Maybe not as often as she would like but I’m a very introverted person and often try to solve problems on my own. We then spent the rest of lunch talking about our pregnancies. I’m glad I reached out, although I’m disappointed that she didn’t feel like she could just tell me she was feeling underutilized. 🤷🏽♀️ Of course, I let my anxiety and depression get the best of me. However, I don’t feel like I really did a whole lot wrong. It’s just my personality, I guess. It’s not that I don’t think I need help, it’s that I try to solve it myself, first. Oh well. Hopefully she gets over the feelings.
I'm really proud of you for being proactive about this @mrskoz428, but that was a totally unprofessional way for her to behave, especially for someone in a mentorship position.
@mrskoz428 maybe this is wrong, but I would attribute it to hormones a bit. I tend to overreact to things now that would've upset me before but not to the same extent (like crying huge ass tears because my husband ate the last of the candy or something). She may have handled it more professionally had she been less emotional about it. But I agree completely, you did nothing wrong here. If you feel underutilized, say so. Ask if you can help. Deleting somebody off social media because you feel like they interact with you there more often than they ask for help in person is petty.
@mrskoz428 my reaction to that was literally: "............" That was a very silly way for her to handle things and caused you so much unnecessary anxiety and stress. I'm glad it all got cleared up.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I think that may also have something to do with the reaction. I mean, hell, I cried in front of her during our conversation and I’m not a big crier. I’m thankful we can move past this but I will wait for her to add me back on social media, that’s for sure.
@mrskoz428 I'm not a big crier either but my hormones have been over the top the past week or so. I wrote on here about how I burst into tears in my 1 on 1 with my chief comms officer who my boss reports into. Like...really??? That is so not me. Anyways, it honestly sounds to me like your mentor's reasons for avoiding you might be a little fabricated. Maybe she was just having a tough time and it was intentional but nothing you did, she was just emotional for any/all of the reasons people guessed above. It seems like she just needed to find a legitimate reason and the interacting on social media thing was grasping at straws for anything that would make sense. Either way, to your point, you didn't really do anything wrong if what she said is the reason, and even less so if it's not (it's about how she feels, which, while hurtful to you, could be legitimate). I hope you're feeling much, much better today!!
@mrskoz428 That sounds like a bogus excuse. I think there was something else going on in her head. If it was just that you weren't going to her for help, she could have asked you "hey, how are things going? Don't forget, I'm here if you need anything!" Plus, her avoiding you in person seems over the top for that reason alone.
@expandcontract@kvh22 I think she started avoiding me in person because she knew she deleted me on social media and she was just waiting for me to find out. I have no idea how long I was deleted for, not very because I saw her posts about her gender reveal the Friday before Thanksgiving. So I think she started getting uncomfortable and was avoiding me thinking I knew, which I didn’t until yesterday morning. Either way, it was childish.
@mrskoz428 I’m going to agree with others that her excuse sounds a bit made up, probably because she’s embarrassed to admit whatever the real reason was. How does blocking you on social media encourage you to seek her out in person if she’s also going out of the way to avoid you in person? That logic just doesn’t make any sense. Anyways, hopefully she realized she was being kinda stupid and won’t continue to act like that now that you’ve talked it out.
@mrskoz428 So glad you actually got to meet and talk and clear things up. So good if you to reach out and try to solve things and maybe it will help her deal in the future without getting her emotions get the best of her. It seems a bit of a weak logic on her reaction, but maybe she was going through a lot of things. The important thing is you got to clear things out with her and hopefully things keep getting better and you don’t have to be anxious about it anymore
@mrskoz428 this EXACT thing happened with me and my mentor. I asked her If I did something wrong and she said it's not personal it's just business and I'm taking a step back from my work (we are in a creative sector). So literally 5 months pass of me reaching out asking how she was doing and checking in and being friendly and no response so eventually I gave up but it ate me up inside not knowing what I did. Months later I find out the reason she put distance between us was that she felt I wasn't giving her enough credit on my social media account for her being my teacher and she felt used. I was totally shocked; this wasn't intentional (she never mentioned me to her followers after all the help I gave her and honestly I thought I was a secret and a behind the scenes kind of person and we were just two friends helping each other out...my mistake) and if she had just said something months ago I totally would have (and would of felt stupid for not doing so earlier) but instead she decided to just ghost me (not very business/professional but I get that people don't like conflict). Anyways I apologized and said I would respect her wishes for distance. Honestly it probably worked out for the best- I finally got closure and we can both move forward and learn from that experience.
@MaggieG183 omg I'd be so mad.. I CANNOT share a toothbrush. I did once, accidentally, after DS was born. And I meant to tell him and buy him a new one but he used it before I could and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him about it 😂
@eatinwatermelonseeds he’ll leave it in the shower or in the downstairs half bath or next to the kitchen sink. Granted, we both have the same toothbrush but he is always on the road so his usually lives in his travel case (which is in his travel bag in the bedroom at the foot of the bed... 🙄) and mine lives next to my sink in the bathroom. Ugh. I hate sharing toothbrushes too. I went out to Costco to buy a new set of toothbrush heads today and left them in the car. I didn’t feel like putting on the snow boots and winter jacket and trudging out there tonight, but garuanteed I will bring them in and hide a few from him so I can replace mine whenever he steals it again. So over it!
Re: Monday Bitchfest
Sorry, I'm rambling.
@mrskoz428 I am rewlly curious to know what this lady's deal is. That is extremely immature.
As as someone who battled severe mental health issues during my pregnancy with DD after 2 losses, I can tell you that other happy pregnancy posts severely trigggered and I unfollowed everyone who was posting them. I wasn’t having a joyful pregnancy- I felt strongly I would die and my baby would die and I couldn’t deal with those who were blissfully unaware of what could go wrong.
Im not sure if you sent that message yet- but I would say- “don’t”. Realize it probably has nothing to do with you and try to feel empathy for what she may be going through.
@mrskoz428 How childish! And this is supposed to be a mentor!? Regardless of what she tells you this issue is, assuming she actually shows up to talk, I would have a hard time continuing a personal relationship with her and certainly not a mentor/mentee relationship. You mentioned she was a paid mentor right? I'd definitely report the behavior.
Essentially, she felt like I was never coming to her when I needed help but would interact with her via social media. Rather than approaching me about how she felt, she decided it was easier to delete from everything since she was frustrated. The funny thing is, I have gone to her for help. Maybe not as often as she would like but I’m a very introverted person and often try to solve problems on my own. We then spent the rest of lunch talking about our pregnancies. I’m glad I reached out, although I’m disappointed that she didn’t feel like she could just tell me she was feeling underutilized. 🤷🏽♀️ Of course, I let my anxiety and depression get the best of me. However, I don’t feel like I really did a whole lot wrong. It’s just my personality, I guess. It’s not that I don’t think I need help, it’s that I try to solve it myself, first. Oh well. Hopefully she gets over the feelings.
Also, where is the putting it? 😂