I want to bitch about my husband. I love him to pieces but he is so unreliable and it is really driving me nuts. He really needs to grow up. He always says he is going to "do xyz tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes and goes and it never gets done. It continues to increase my stress level.
Yesterday was DD's 1st birthday and it was great but a very long day. We had a kids party in the morning with friends and then a family party in the evening with family. Won't do that again lol - way too much work.
For each party though, we had various no shows which really pissed me off. Some people RSVPd for the whole family but then only one parent and one kid showed up. Lot of half couples when I bought food and drinks for 2 adults. We had a ton of leftover stuff and I'm annoyed that I didn't really have to spend quite the fortune on things, but also annoyed that people don't seem to know how to RSVP!
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@peachy13 - Kids' parties are a lot of effort and trouble for very little reward for the parent I stupidly planned a birthday party at an inflatables place and I deeply regret it. The "party hostess" we got stuck with was more interested in playing on her phone and flirting with the snack counter guy than she was in helping us. We had a party room reserved for 3 hours but they crammed everything into the last hour for some reason (pizza was to be served from 1:00-1:30, cake from 1:30-1:45, presents from 1:45-2:00). She was slow to move her lazy ass when we asked for anything but she was quick to shove us out of the room at 2:00 sharp. My son only got through half his gifts before they made us leave. I felt so embarrassed that we couldn't properly thank everyone and show appreciation as he opened things.
And then my mom took it upon herself to make the party all about her. She yelled at me and said my MIL was "too involved" and that she wanted to plan it. Yet she didn't say a damn word to me the entire time we planned it. Then she gave me the silent treatment the rest of the day to make sure I felt like shit the whole time.
@wishiwaspreggo again, I don't understand grandparents who make everything about themselves. They need to act like grownups!
I feel like absolute shit today. I've been MIA all weekend. Saturday, I actually felt like I had some energy back! I even made breakfast. Then we had my cousin's wedding later that evening. But for some reason yesterday and today I am just so overwhelmingly exhausted. Yesterday, i slept for the majority of the day. And today, I just want to go home and sleep. Anybody else super tired in 2nd tri?
@wishiwaspreggo that sounds sooo stressful. And if we're bitching about moms, I'm pretty pissed that mine was supposed to come to the early kids party and help me but let me know 5 minutes before it started that she wasn't going to be able to make it (read: had too much wine on Sat night and didn't want to drive in the rain to the party, 20 mins away). She was all smiles and overcompensating at the later adults party, but I was pissed. This is your first and only grandchild's first birthday. I don't ask much of you. I see where your priorities are though, thanks a lot.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@wishiwaspreggo that sounds like a nightmare! I've seen what @peachy13 mentioned with my niece and nephew's combined party (he turned 5, she turned 1). They had my moved into the house, so also wanted to show it to friends to some extent (a quasi-housewarming). DH and I (and my parents) went early to P with some construction projects and to get set up, etc.They ended up having a bunch of people not show up and there was ALOT of $ spent on food and booze. It may have been partially because it was this past summer just north of NYC with all the epic rain and heat they had and it was 98 fucking degrees and so so humid! It felt like it was what the tropical jungle must feel like. Everyone was looking for an excuse to go inside to the ac! So maybe that's why people didn't come over...
@expandcontract I could have written that! I slept almost all day yesterday after a busy Saturday. The second trimester energy increase has not come my way yet.
@peachy13 and @expandcontract - I've learned a lot from my mother how NOT to be a mother to an adult child. She is the queen of guilt trips. She has unreasonable expectations from me because I'm the only daughter. It's exhausting. Every time I plan a holiday, vacation, or event I have to wonder "Will this piss my mom off?" I never want my kids to wonder if they'll piss me off for planning something that SHOULD be enjoyable to them. My mom legit ruined my trip to Europe with her jealousy (she was angry that we took my MIL instead of her even though we definitely invited my parents to come and they turned us down). She has this crazy idea that I like my MIL more than her - who loves their MIL more than their own mom unless they grew up abused and neglected? Sheesh. What's crazy is my mom was so fantastic growing up. Couldn't have asked for better. But her toxicity emerged when I grew up and our relationship has never been the same. My gift to my children is freedom from expectations. If they want to hang out with me, cool. If they want to go on trips with me, great. If they have other plans or would rather go with friends or in-laws, groovy. We'll hang out another time.
Shit, if they grow up to be InfoWars loving, psychotic tea party republicans who HATE homosexuals, I'll love them no matter what. Send them a card at Christmas and their birthdays to remind them I'm still here and love them unconditionally.
Awww @wishiwaspreggo I really wish your mom wasn't like that. But good for you for recognizing it and pledging not to be the same way to your own kids. I wonder, did your mom not receive enough attention when she was younger or was she neglected?
My bitchfest today is about MIL- she is generally a nice and extremely generous person, but she has a selfish streak that pisses me off greatly. Last night was the first night of Haunakah (DH's family is Jewish, my family celebrates Xmas). DD is obsessed with Elmo and my mom begged me to take Tickle Me Elmo off her wishlist so that she could buy it for her for Christmas. We did this and told my MIL not once, but 4 times that my mom was getting her Tickle Me Elmo. First she showed up randomly at our house one day with a small stuffed Elmo. Okay, we told her not to get her Elmo toy, but fine it's not Tickle Me Elmo. Then last night she made a big deal of DD opening her present first and of course it was the flipping Tickle Me Elmo. She then proceeds to post pictures on the shared site for our daughter than both families look at of DD and her new Elmo toy.
My mom was so sad last night and now she has to send her gift back. Yes, there are other toys she can get for her, but my mom was super excited about this and lives 1400 miles away while MIL lives 4 miles away. Can't you just let her give her Granddaughter the freaking Elmo doll? DH begged me not to tell my mom how many times she was told NOT to buy the Elmo doll, b/c he doesn't want to start a "thing".
What made me feel a bit better is that my MIL picked out a stupid name to be called instead of Grandma and my daughter REFUSES to say it. She says Grandma, Grandpa, and Papa- but not the name (a variation of her first name) that my MIL wants to be called and it makes MIL so mad. Last night, DD was going around saying "Hi Mama, Hi Dada, Hi Papa" and got to MIL and said "HI Doggie". Hahhahahaha it made me laugh.
@expandcontract - My mom does have a lot of issues... her parents died when I was 11 (my grandparents) and she hasn't been the same since. She detests my dad's side of the family. It's really hard on me because I *do* care about my dad's family (I have a lot of happy memories from vacations and holidays and I resent my mom sometimes for trying to poison me against them). She's bitter that my dad's parents are still around and she throws that in my dad's face. It's pretty messed up. I think she's allowed this bitterness to really fester and there's no reasoning with her so I just have to nod and keep my mouth shut when she goes on her rants (usually fueled by too much wine - I wince when I'm there and she pours herself too large a glass because I know what's coming). And God help me if I try to defend my dad or his family.
I sometimes wonder if she'd have been different if my grandparents were still alive.
@robyn2201 and @missy052819 we don't want to let MIL know how badly my mom was hurt b/c that will make it worse. MIL will reach out to my mom to apologize and be all sickeningly sweet to her and feign like she had NO IDEA. She does this all the time- she's a master of being cunning and then blowing sunshine up people's asses (she's a realtor, she does it for a living.)
DH will say something to MIL and she will blow it off like she always does like when we told her to stop telling out daughter that she was okay when she hurts herself and cries. It drives DH nuts since she did this his whole childhood to him and he has a hard time expressing his feelings or even believing them..
@chloe97 Ugh. How annoying. If you told her four times, she knew exactly what she was doing. I about died at your DD calling her "Doggie" thoigh... weirdly satisfying in a karmic way.
@chloe97 OMG if my MIL did that, I would be so pissed. It stinks that you can't even say something to her that would make her realize she was a jerk...and that conceivably this could keep happening every year.
@peachy13 that's terrible. I hate when people say they are coming to something and then blow it off or don't bother to respond and just show up🙄 It's so rude!
@chloe97 what a bitch! And your kiddo is adorable. I would have a real hard time not letting the hi doggie thing go after her behavior.
I've been dying all weekend for a bitchfest. We went away this weekend to the Polar Express train ride with my bestie and her family. She also invited her mom so I should have known to just cancel from the get go. She does nothing but complain about her mom behind her back but won't actually call her out for her perceived slights. So the Polar Express is really only about 2 hours from our houses so it wouldn't have been terrible as a day trip but since they had gone last year and had such a grand time they suggested making it a weekend trip. Sure. Well she ended up working Saturday until 4 so when my husband was offered an extra shift I said he may as well take it if we wanted. We all got a late start driving up to the cabins we were staying in. We took our time knowing we would get there first and arrive around 8PM, check everyone in and head to our cabin to find no heat. It was 36 degrees outside! So we go put the heat on in the other cabin so when besty and fam arrive they are warm. Then finally get up there at 10 PM, enough time to sleep. The next day they do nothing but complain about the heat and cabins to the point they left scathing reviews online about this place which had a 4.7/5 star google rating. She had planned the whole trip so I assumed she made sure we would have something to do all day with our 2 year olds while we waited for our 530 train ride. Nope and there was literally nothing in the surrounding area. We spent an hour at an outdoor park, then the next 2 just driving around while my son took a nap in the car and then went to the train depot 2 hours early ate and stood around. The whole time she bitched about the cabins, her mom, the town, the weather anything possible. After we had dinner, she and her husband left to change their daughter into PJs for the train ride and left her mom to foot the dinner bill and walk back alone in the pitch black freezing weather. Her mom was genuinely shocked when my husband and I waited for her. After the train we immediately drove home and this morning I had a message from her saying they hit a deer on the drive home and still somehow managed to blame her mom. Wtf. Edited for spelling Polar wrong.
So, I just realized that the teacher on my grade level team who is supposed to be my mentor has deleted me off Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. She has completely ignored me at work for the last few weeks. She is also pregnant, due a month before me. I have no idea what I did to upset her and to completely ignore me. It’s really bothering me. I like to think other people’s opinions don’t affect me but this one really hurts, especially since we are such a close team.
@mrskoz428 could you talk to her about it? I don't feel like it would be out of line to tell her you've noticed something has been off and you just want to make sure everything is okay between the two of you. I hope she comes around.
@eatinwatermelonseeds she’s been booking it out of work right at the end of the day recently. I’m just really confused. I almost feel like texting but feel like that’s not the right way to handle it.
@mrskoz428 agreed, I'd say something but frame it as very non-threatening like "I've been wondering if I did something to upset you, I noticed we haven't been talking as much as before and I worry I've offended you somehow". I find placing the blame on me initially makes people let their guard down a little and tell me what's really going on. I've done it a lot when a friend has offended ME and it's made them realize they were being rude or whatever.
@mrskoz428 I think texting might actually be better! She'll have time to read and then decide how she wants to respond whereas in person she may feel put on the spot. Which, being put on the spot isn't a bad thing but idk, I like to give people time to process.
@mrskoz428 I was thinking something along the same lines as @eatinwatermelonseeds - maybe she got bad news at her A/S? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. @DuchessOfCambridge's plan sounds really good to get to the bottom of it. I will say, I've done this before. A friend got upset I got engaged right before her (I had no idea it was happening and hers was super planned out and she knew about it). She cut me out of her life - she said everything was fine when I asked if I'd offended her and continued to cut me out, have happy hours with our friends and not invite me, avoided me at all costs. I confirmed with another friend my engagement was the reason - so not necessarily going to meet with success. I learned you can't force people to be friends with you, even loosely (we knew each other through work). I knew she was going to be mad when I told her I was engaged but didn't see it coming to that extent.
@eatinwatermelonseeds no, she just asked our coworker today about applying for short term disability for her maternity leave. She did struggle a lot to conceive and did IVF, with the first egg failing but the second one sticking. It took them 5-6 years to conceive.
@DuchessOfCambridge I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to text. But our classrooms are across the hall from each other so it would be hard to avoid anything awkward. I’m really struggling with this. I’ve had some really bad personal relationships in the past so I really struggle emotionally when this stuff happens.
@mrskoz428 I sent the above in an email because I was really upset about it at the time and didn't think either of us would be our "best selves" in a face-to-face confrontation. I'd go with text or email over face-to-face in case something is wrong with the baby - maybe she's even struggling in her marriage. You never know what's going on in someone's personal life. I've had a few people cut down communication/interactions with me (friends of friends who were jealous of something i.e. engagement, work success, or a close relationship with a friend they considered "theirs" - always hear the reason from our mutual friends although I can't believe I can name 4 times it's happened). The only one to have done all the crazy social media unfollowing/blocking was around pregnancy while they were trying and we were pregnant. The first two times I struggled and then I realized it's about them, not me. Hopefully all is well with her baby and you guys can mend whatever is going on but if you approach her and she doesn't want to fix it, it's not on you.
Hey, so did I do something to offend or upset you? I noticed that you have been really distant with me recently and saw this morning that you deleted me from Snapchat when I sent a message about the two hour delay. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what I did and I’m at a loss.
That still reads like you are upset which she could take the wrong way (if you really want an honest answer and to fix whatever is going on). My recommended edits below:
Hey, so didI've been wondering if I dido something to offend or upset you? I noticed that you have been really distant with me recently and saw this morning that you deleted me from Snapchat when I sent a message about the two hour delay. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what I did and I’m at a loss.
Maybe end with something about hoping everything is okay or just leave it at that. The last sentence coudl only make her be like "she really doesn't know what she did" if there is something or feel silly if there's nothing IMO.
@mrskoz428 I don't know if I would say anything, but I hate confrontation. I also don't know the history of your relationship. I would just be extra kind towards her while giving her space to deal with whatever is going on.
Eta: I just saw your post in the other thread and now I say for your own sake, talk to her.
@kvh22 well, I really don’t know what I did. I added asking if we could talk about it tomorrow. We’ll see if I get a response. This was the shit I felt with in high school. I wasn’t expecting it the work place.
@mrskoz428 hope she responds to you, and I think it is good that you are trying to resolve the distance especially when it could be a misunderstanding, or maybe she is going through some rough stuff and it could be good if she feels that you are there for her as too
I don’t expect a response tonight and emailed my principal just to ask to meet with him quick to fill him in. I’ve done everything I can right now. I guess now I wait.
@kvh22 I asked if we could meet sometime tomorrow to talk about it and she said sure. So, I clearly did something that she didn’t want to talk to me about until I said something. I have to wait until lunch to get any answers so I won’t be sleeping tonight.
@mrskoz428 I really hope you two are able to work things out. I had this almost same situation happen to me last year with my co-worker. Like @DuchessOfCambridge said, I always phrased things like it was on me so that she didn't feel like she had to defend herself. Well, the last time I tried to reach out to her, I left a voicemail since she didn't answer and I apologized if I did anything to hurt her. Well that bitch took it as everything was my fault. She texted me back saying simply "Sorry I was busy. Let's talk about this at work tomorrow." The next day I waited around for her during lunch and after work, she never made an effort to talk to me. Anyways, it got so bad she made up lies about me to our manager and tried to get me into trouble. That's when I realized she felt threatened by me. I still don't get along with her. We're civil, but I will never trust her lying ass again.
@expandcontract well, and this person is contracted and PAID to be my mentor, someone who I can reach out to when things are rough or I have questions or concerns. I don’t always go to her because we have a large team and for some issues I feel like another team member may be more helpful. But like, why delete me from everything and not say if I did something? Like, she’s supposed to be my go to person, the one I can rely on for help and she won’t even approach me when something is up.
Re: Monday Bitchfest
For each party though, we had various no shows which really pissed me off. Some people RSVPd for the whole family but then only one parent and one kid showed up. Lot of half couples when I bought food and drinks for 2 adults. We had a ton of leftover stuff and I'm annoyed that I didn't really have to spend quite the fortune on things, but also annoyed that people don't seem to know how to RSVP!
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
@wishiwaspreggo again, I don't understand grandparents who make everything about themselves. They need to act like grownups!
I feel like absolute shit today. I've been MIA all weekend. Saturday, I actually felt like I had some energy back! I even made breakfast. Then we had my cousin's wedding later that evening. But for some reason yesterday and today I am just so overwhelmingly exhausted. Yesterday, i slept for the majority of the day. And today, I just want to go home and sleep. Anybody else super tired in 2nd tri?
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
I've seen what @peachy13 mentioned with my niece and nephew's combined party (he turned 5, she turned 1). They had my moved into the house, so also wanted to show it to friends to some extent (a quasi-housewarming). DH and I (and my parents) went early to P with some construction projects and to get set up, etc.They ended up having a bunch of people not show up and there was ALOT of $ spent on food and booze. It may have been partially because it was this past summer just north of NYC with all the epic rain and heat they had and it was 98 fucking degrees and so so humid! It felt like it was what the tropical jungle must feel like. Everyone was looking for an excuse to go inside to the ac! So maybe that's why people didn't come over...
My mom was so sad last night and now she has to send her gift back. Yes, there are other toys she can get for her, but my mom was super excited about this and lives 1400 miles away while MIL lives 4 miles away. Can't you just let her give her Granddaughter the freaking Elmo doll? DH begged me not to tell my mom how many times she was told NOT to buy the Elmo doll, b/c he doesn't want to start a "thing".
What made me feel a bit better is that my MIL picked out a stupid name to be called instead of Grandma and my daughter REFUSES to say it. She says Grandma, Grandpa, and Papa- but not the name (a variation of her first name) that my MIL wants to be called and it makes MIL so mad. Last night, DD was going around saying "Hi Mama, Hi Dada, Hi Papa" and got to MIL and said "HI Doggie". Hahhahahaha it made me laugh.
DH will say something to MIL and she will blow it off like she always does like when we told her to stop telling out daughter that she was okay when she hurts herself and cries. It drives DH nuts since she did this his whole childhood to him and he has a hard time expressing his feelings or even believing them..
@chloe97 what a bitch! And your kiddo is adorable. I would have a real hard time not letting the hi doggie thing go after her behavior.
I've been dying all weekend for a bitchfest. We went away this weekend to the Polar Express train ride with my bestie and her family. She also invited her mom so I should have known to just cancel from the get go. She does nothing but complain about her mom behind her back but won't actually call her out for her perceived slights. So the Polar Express is really only about 2 hours from our houses so it wouldn't have been terrible as a day trip but since they had gone last year and had such a grand time they suggested making it a weekend trip. Sure. Well she ended up working Saturday until 4 so when my husband was offered an extra shift I said he may as well take it if we wanted. We all got a late start driving up to the cabins we were staying in. We took our time knowing we would get there first and arrive around 8PM, check everyone in and head to our cabin to find no heat. It was 36 degrees outside! So we go put the heat on in the other cabin so when besty and fam arrive they are warm. Then finally get up there at 10 PM, enough time to sleep. The next day they do nothing but complain about the heat and cabins to the point they left scathing reviews online about this place which had a 4.7/5 star google rating. She had planned the whole trip so I assumed she made sure we would have something to do all day with our 2 year olds while we waited for our 530 train ride. Nope and there was literally nothing in the surrounding area. We spent an hour at an outdoor park, then the next 2 just driving around while my son took a nap in the car and then went to the train depot 2 hours early ate and stood around. The whole time she bitched about the cabins, her mom, the town, the weather anything possible. After we had dinner, she and her husband left to change their daughter into PJs for the train ride and left her mom to foot the dinner bill and walk back alone in the pitch black freezing weather. Her mom was genuinely shocked when my husband and I waited for her. After the train we immediately drove home and this morning I had a message from her saying they hit a deer on the drive home and still somehow managed to blame her mom. Wtf.
Edited for spelling Polar wrong.
@DuchessOfCambridge I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to text. But our classrooms are across the hall from each other so it would be hard to avoid anything awkward. I’m really struggling with this. I’ve had some really bad personal relationships in the past so I really struggle emotionally when this stuff happens.
Hey, so did I do something to offend or upset you? I noticed that you have been really distant with me recently and saw this morning that you deleted me from Snapchat when I sent a message about the two hour delay. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what I did and I’m at a loss.
Hey, so did I've been wondering if I dido something to offend or upset you? I noticed that you have been really distant with me recently and saw this morning that you deleted me from Snapchat when I sent a message about the two hour delay. I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of what I did and I’m at a loss.
Maybe end with something about hoping everything is okay or just leave it at that. The last sentence coudl only make her be like "she really doesn't know what she did" if there is something or feel silly if there's nothing IMO.
Eta: I just saw your post in the other thread and now I say for your own sake, talk to her.
@kvh22 I asked if we could meet sometime tomorrow to talk about it and she said sure. So, I clearly did something that she didn’t want to talk to me about until I said something. I have to wait until lunch to get any answers so I won’t be sleeping tonight.