Innappropriate Comments/Questions Thread

nonlinear_function · November 2018

"Was that planned?", side eyeing my quite not there yet bump.

chloe97 · November 2018

HA! @liliumstargazer13 I can't believe that as a soon to be 40 year-old that has only been married 3 years and have a toddler how many times I got that question. Like how much more planned could this pregnancy seem? Not that the fact that this was a planned pregnancy makes the question any less rude.

I also got "ahhhh trying for the boy, huh?" before we found out the sex. DH and I actually thought another girl would be easier, but of course we were thrilled either way. I wanted to answer "Nope, just trying for a sibling with DD." Because that was the honest truth.

nonlinear_function · November 2018

@chloe97 "Actually, we're hoping this one isn't human..."

mcewen3 · November 2018

@liliumstargazer13 we ended up telling MIL and FIL separately, mostly because I was sick one day and had to spill the beans to FIL because he was trying to pinpoint the source of my illness and I didn't want him to worry it was contagious, lol. They both asked if it was planned. Not unhappily, so I wasn't super offended by it, but like, if it wasn't are you really supposed to say? I think everyone assumed we were done, as did we for a while, so it wasn't a totally surprising question but still feels inappropriate to ever ask once a pregnancy is announced.

@chloe97 we have only just started sharing with friends and I am waiting for the "trying for a boy" questions to come rolling in. We have 2 older girls and like I mentioned, we had been pretty certain that we were two and through, only just changing our minds over the summer. I couldn't care less, and honestly I'm a little scared of having a boy after being a girl mom for so long, but we are just really excited about this baby no matter what the sex. My only hope is that he/she is healthy.

lappymom2019 · November 2018

This may be an UO but I hate the question "what are you hoping for?" In general. It feels too personal and would make me feel guilty.

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

Last time: "due any day now, huh?" "Um, in three months" "oh wow, he must be a BIG boy! Don't worry, I was huge too."

mrskoz428 · November 2018

“Wow, you didn’t wait very long, did you?” No, no we didn’t. We didn’t want to, thank you very much. We wanted a family right away. Clearly you don’t know us.

“Wow, look how big you are already! Are you sure there isn’t two in there?!?” Positive. Two ultrasounds have only showed one, thank you very much.

Oh, and the awesome “I just love touching bumps!” while grabbing my 11 week blump. Well, that’s actually just a big poop, but sure go ahead and grab it.

cms44 · November 2018

@mrskoz428

'just a big poop'. I've been going with 'I'm so bloody bloated I look 5 months prego!'

expandcontract · November 2018

"You're definitely having twins, mama!" This was when I was only 10 weeks pregnant. And it was/is actually only from the prednisone.

Tomorrow, I'm seeing my extended family for the first time this pregnancy. Can't wait to come back and post all the rude comments here!

landonsmommy16 · November 2018

Sooo not looking forward to seeing extended family for the holidays 😣 especially being only 13 weeks and plus size, hate people obviously looking for a bump that isn’t quite there yet.

megsb615 · November 2018

My favorite with DS was from cousin Barry, “Let me carry that for you. You’re as big as a barrel.” Bless his heart. He meant well and in his defense I was 32 weeks and quite round, but I still wanted to snap him like a twig. 😂

k2k2tog · November 2018

I get the question about baby's sex a lot. Because I have two girls, people so often ask if I'm hoping for a boy. I'm pretty good at letting it roll off - I figure it doesn't have to be a big deal if I don't make it such. A lot of people don't see those sorts of questions as inappropriate.

ibanezstarburst · November 2018

This has already been mentioned but the "did you plan this?" question really gets to me! My MIL asked us this both times and I think its soo rude! I knew she was going to ask it when we told her we were expecting so I prepared myself with a slightly comment and asked her if her second child was planned. (Hes 16 now 🤣🤣) I just dont understand why people ask that and think it's not rude. It's none of their business!

Also, when I was 1 day overdue with DS a man at a restaurant made the comment "wow! You guys are going to need a bigger table!" while we were waiting to be seated. I wanted to elbow him in the face so bad.

chucksmom15 · November 2018

I’ve gotten the oh was this was an accident a lot bc DS is only 9 months. Nope super planned bc I am 37 and we want them close in age but thanks for calling my child a mistake 🙄

When we told my MIL— I was hoping you would wait a few years so the babies (our nephew is 3 months younger than DS) would be grown and I’d have a new baby to snuggle. Also- well since this was so fast are you planning to have a third? Nope. Done. Enjoy your last grandchild. I should note this baby is #16 for DH’s family.

SpaceBurger · November 2018

"Yea you were SO HUGE last time" (complete with arm motions and puffed up cheeks)

stellarkelly · November 2018

"When is the next one coming?!" I have 6 months left baking this one!

robyn2201 · November 2018

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten the “you must be hoping it’s a boy” and “was this one planned”

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

It's so weird to me how many of you are being asked if yours is planned. I wonder if it's just because mine is 5 that no one has asked me that 🤔 I can see a hint of disappointment when I tell people he's a boy. A lot of people wanted me to have a girl. My aunt has 2 grandsons, 1 on the way and then now my 2 boys. She is totally happy, but she really wanted a girl to spoil lol

robyn2201 · November 2018

My girls are 8 and almost 6, so that’s a pretty big age difference from this little guy. And I think most people thought we just done. For awhile we thought we were done as well.

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

@robyn2201 that makes sense. I think it's different with DS being an only, too. If we'd had two close together and then waited 5 years we might be getting the same questions. At this point people are probably like "about time."

expandcontract · November 2018

chucksmom15 said:

I’ve gotten the oh was this was an accident a lot bc DS is only 9 months. Nope super planned bc I am 37 and we want them close in age but thanks for calling my child a mistake 🙄

When we told my MIL— I was hoping you would wait a few years so the babies (our nephew is 3 months younger than DS) would be grown and I’d have a new baby to snuggle. Also- well since this was so fast are you planning to have a third? Nope. Done. Enjoy your last grandchild. I should note this baby is #16 for DH’s family.

SITB
Yes, you're only purpose for having another baby was so your MIL would have another one to cuddle. Because obviously, your lives revolve around her. WTF,?

nonlinear_function · November 2018

I'm early 30's, married, and DD is 2. What about that suggests unplanned pregnancy?!? Even if it somehow made sense to you, rude! The woman that asked has 2 teenage boys and recently went through a messy divorce from an arranged marriage, so perhaps that has something to do with it.

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

My best friend told me she told a couple different people she knows that I'm pregnant and the first one was like "oh shit!! What's she going to do?!" And my friend was like "uh... They planned it, this is a good thing" and then she told her mom and her mom was like "oh no..." "Um this was planned mom, it's good." I think they might have been projecting their fears of HER getting pregnant 😂

chucksmom15 · November 2018

I know right?! @expandcontract. Everyone else is done having kids so we were the only hope. I told her maybe she should volunteer in the nursery at church to snuggle babies.

mrskoz428 · November 2018

@eatinwatermelonseeds I know we are getting asked it because I just turned 24, DH is 24, we just got married in April, and adopted a second dog the day (or two days before) we conceived. Like, sorry I wanted a child and we were fortunate enough to not have to try for very long; I’m not really sure what people expect me to say.

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

@mrskoz428 I wonder if people just talk behind my back? I never get any comments like that. My husband and I got married at 22 after knowing each other 4 months... No one said ANYTHING. We got pregnant a year later, I turned 24 while pregnant. No one said ANYTHING.

OHHHHHHH!!! My mil said something shitty today. She was like "so, did you know you were pregnant at graduation? Because I could just tell, I was going to ask but thought better of it." ...I wasn't pregnant at graduation, I likely got pregnant that night (🙈😂). But jeez, way to call me a fat ass.

DuchessOfCambridge · November 2018

The way I get asked if it was planned is "oh, so what are you doing about nursing school?" Or more blatantly "so you'll drop out after baby is born?". Noooope, we specifically planned it and got lucky that baby is due right after finals and I have the summer off to recover. Wtf mind your own business.

I'm also sick of people telling me they think it's a girl because my pregnancy is different. THAT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING AND STOP GETTING MY HOPES UP. The only thing that is accurate is a blood test or that anatomy scan so shuuuuut upppp with your theories about whatever. And just stop insisting. You have a 50% chance of being right. That's it. Leave me alone.

eatinwatermelonseeds · November 2018

@DuchessOfCambridge pretty much everyone said the exact same things to me about this one being a girl. They had me convinced too. And I'm having my second and final boy. So, obviously not right. And I did every old wives tale, pretty much all saying girl. Now I kind of hate myself for doing that and getting so worked up and so sure of it. I'm over the moon now, but I had to get my expectations in check after seeing that penis lol

MaggieG183 · November 2018

I haven’t had any bad comments yet, but I know they are stewing somewhere out there. The worst comment I received with DS takes the cake though. It is horrible. Literally on the day I started my maternity leave as I was walking out of the school where I teach, the Spanish teacher called out, in front of at least a couple dozen students, “I hope you don’t tear too badly!” Like, seriously?! You’re going to shout that you hope I don’t tear while I’m pushing a watermelon out of my body in front of 25 13-14 year olds? Who does that?? Needless to say, she’s a horrendous human being.

During the next school year, when I was pumping in my room, she felt the need to unlock my door (she got the keys from the custodian who didn’t know any better) to get the computer cart, saying as she was doing it, “don’t worry! I’m a girl too! I won’t look!” She didn’t do this just once either. She did this THREE different times! I called HR on her and filed a complaint for harassment on the 3rd time and I’m sure that was the only reason why it stopped. 🤦🏼‍♀️

cwell2016 · November 2018

@cms44 that is exactly what I say when I am out and about after dinner!

mrskoz428 · November 2018

@eatinwatermelonseeds the people that say it don’t know us very well since we have been very vocal about when we wanted to start trying. We knew each other almost 7 years when we got married and were both working our full time jobs and bought a house the week we conceived. Like no, all very, VERY planned. They can talk behind my back if they wish. 🤷🏽‍♀️

kvh22 · November 2018

I'm still pretty shocked at the audacity of people asking about planned/unplanned. I'm like, is this a coasts vs not thing (I've only ever lived on the east and west coast). No one has ever asked us if DD was planned. But...if we successfully didn't conceive while dating for 11 years before being married and then got pregnant at 27 and 29 within 6 months of the wedding, it's pretty freaking obvious we were trying. The only people who know we're pregnant now knew I wanted ~2 year age gap. We'll see if I get any questions with a 21 month age gap once I start telling broadly after the anatomy scan in December.

mrskoz428 · November 2018

@kvh22 I live in Wisconsin so it’s not a coast thing.

Stormiewinter · November 2018

Dh And I have been open about baby being a surprise, because it was a really exciting surprise (other two were definitely planned and the surprise was so different when we found out). I have been asked a million times if we want a girl, seriously I want a healthy baby and delivery period. The boys would love another brother and we wouldn’t raise a girl any differently than the boys so either way I’m good.

Best comment so far for me this thanksgiving. MIL just asked me If my breasts are starting to feel fuller.

imrachellea · November 2018

My worst comment came when I was pregnant with my first. I knew I was having a girl. I was picking up my 7th graders from lunch and our ISS aide was monitoring the lunch detention kids. She asked me "oh are you having a girl?" And before I could simply smile and answer her question yes she continues, "because she is stealing ALLLLLLLL of your beauty" with a big hand wave down my form, and she cackled like she'd made the best joke ever. I just froze with my smile on my face and made the fastest exit ever with my kids. I hated her for so long after that and was so self conscious about how I looked.

anonellis · November 2018

I’ve been asked a million times if my pregnancy was planned, probably becuase we have twins under 2 so people think it’s too many kids. I was never asked this with the twins (although was constantly asked if they were “natural” aka whether I did IVF...so i guess I’ve just moved from one inappropriate question to another). The twins were not IVF but this one was definitely unplanned!

DuchessOfCambridge · November 2018

@kvh22 I live on the east coast and people still ask that. We got pregnant with DS six months after we got married and I guess people thought that was too early? Like thx, next time let me know when it's good for your schedule???

truth_trust · November 2018

The "What you going to do?" question really pisses me off. Like what do you mean what am I going to do. If I'm telling you im pregnant, I must be keeping the baby. And another thing don't talk to me anymore. My pregnancy was planned, we marked it down to the very day of ovulation. Thanks for being nosey. Then comes "so trying for that boy huh?" well yes that would be great but if its another girl, we will be happy.

ashleaf2018 · November 2018

The “was it planned” comments are super out of place IMO because once you find out you’re pregnant, you have 3 options essentially. Abortion, adoption, keep the baby. Whatever you decide to do is your plan. So you may not have planned to get pregnant, but you have plans to be pregnant (or not, whatever the case may be) and that’s all that matters. And no one needs to know the background of those plans and decisions.

I was asked if i was pregnant by a customer at work and when I was due, and she said “you’ll be miserable by Christmas, sure it’s not twins?” And I said “actually ma’am, I was just fat beforehand. And I’ve actually lost 15 lbs in the last month so no need to wait til Christmas, I’m miserable now.” She was embarrassed to say the least but honestly who thinks anything other than “congratulations, how are you feeling?” Is an appropriate thing to say to someone who’s pregnant, especially if you don’t know them?

SpaceBurger · November 2018

Not necessarily inappropriate, but I was asked if I was going to take any time off for the baby. What? Nope, driving straight to work from the hospital. I know some people don't get copious amounts of time, but they asked if I was taking any time off at all.

knarlytaurus · November 2018

@ashleaf2018 I'm so glad you humbled her. I can't believe she said that.

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