PGAL Week of 10/31

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today?

carleym93 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 8w6d

2. Previous loss(es)? One CP, one elective abortion

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I feel really good. Emotionally not as good. We found out around 9 weeks about my first baby. Everyone always says “I’d never terminate” and that was actually me. But I started having health issues from that pregnancy that were out of my control. I was told delivering that child could very likely kill me, and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to have more children, as selfish as that is. Its taken a lot of therapy to get past that, but I feel like every pregnancy sets me back a bit.

4. Any appointment updates? My next appointment is 11/14 when I’m 10.5 weeks.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? When I went to the ER for bleeding a couple weeks ago, the dr told me I had a very short cervix at 1.7 cm. Obviously I was so freaked out. My OB looked at it on the ultrasound yesterday. She couldn’t measure on that machine but said she didn’t even need to measure because she could tell just by looking at it, it was definitely not too short. I spent over a week worrying for nothing!

6. Any milestones coming up? I just want to get out of the first tri. Its so dang hard.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My DD. I always wanted a daughter and she is so kind. It helps to have something else to focus on this pregnancy so I can’t just wallow in my own thoughts.

bakerstreetboys · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? 3 in the last year

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I'm tired and nauseated. Emotionally, I go back and forth; I'm so happy to be pregnant, but also terrified that it will end again. I feel like I should keep my expectations low so I won't be as disappointed if it doesn't work...not realistic, I know.

4. Any appointment updates? We have an appointment on Nov. 6 where we should see the heartbeat. I'm anxious about that, of course.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I've made a good start on Christmas shopping, so I'm pretty happy about that!

6. Any milestones coming up? I won't consider anything a milestone until I reach the second trimester...come one December 13th!

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My kids (every day). I am also very grateful that were able to afford to pay out of pocket for IVF, as I know that isn't an option for everyone. I'm 40, so this may not have happened on its own at this point.

@carleym93 A week of worry for nothing, that's terrible! At least it turned out to be good news. And FWIW, I don't think that your decision was a selfish one at all. I don't think anyone can know what they would do until they are put in that situation.

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 9weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? Ectopic in Feb2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally - a mess (see #4); physically - I feel like my nausea is getting better. We’ve been super busy this week so I’ve been exhausted more but then I was wide awake at 3:30 this morning (see #4). Also been having some not so fun digestive issues.

4. Any appointment updates? US today and I’m a ball of anxiety/nerves

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up? Nope

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My DH for picking up the slack even though he is super busy with work right now.

prpl11butterfly · November 2018

I'm going to skip all the things and just let you all know that I'm probably going to be MIA for a while. I'll lurk in downtime but I don't want to be a downer so probably won't be participating much. I'm really not feeling too positive and I'm just trying to survive at the moment. I had a complete breakdown last night. DH is worried for my emotional/mental well being (as am I) if this pregnancy doesn't turn out to be successful. I'm still waiting to hear back from my OB but I'm really scared.

bakerstreetboys · November 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 Good luck today!

@prpl11butterfly Thinking about you and crossing all things crossable.

Panaceia · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+2

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC at 13 weeks September 2017, MMC at 10 weeks July 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically the nausea is just starting to kick in and the boobs are sore. Emotionally...sort of detached? I don't want to get attached and then find out that it's a repeat of the past 2 losses. I'm not telling anyone until we get at least 1 good US under our belts. We knew something was wrong at the first US both times so I already know that I'll probably have a meltdown when I get there for this one. I broke down just sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office last week.

4. Any appointment updates? First US November 29th. I asked them to push it back as far as possible so there is no question as to the results. I'll be 9+2 at that point.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I had a nice high beta at 15 dpo...which I'm happy about. They're not doing a repeat because even with my losses I had great doubling times...so betas aren't a guarantee of anything for me.

6. Any milestones coming up? Nothing until the first US.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My DD. She is amazing. I always pictured myself being a mother to boys but now I don't know how I ever lived without my girl:)

eleven_ · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 8 weeks 4 days

2. Previous loss(es)? 3 this year

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally: STRESSED. Physically: TERRIBLE.

4. Any appointment updates? My next appointment isn’t until the end of November.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? PGAL is the worst sometimes. I feel like once I’ve made it past one milestone, then it’s on to worrying about the next thing that could go wrong. I will be going in for the NIPT in about 2 weeks. I worry that since I’ve had 3 miscarriages that I am at a higher risk to have something be wrong with LO.

6. Any milestones coming up? No

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My husband. He is just the most amazing person and has been so understanding of my exhaustion. He got both of the kids ready for bed last night while I just chilled on the couch. He’s been taking over laundry and cleaning the kitchen every night. I just love him so much.

@nmbrcrncr1 I’m so hopeful for you today, friend Please update us right after (don’t be like me and make you wait until the next day ha)! I’ll be thinking of you allllllllll day.

@prpl11butterfly So many hugs. You expressing your fears to us does not make you a downer, but I totally understand the need for a break right now. I’ll be thinking of you Let us know if your OB calls you back if you feel up to it.

bakerstreetboys · November 2018

@eleven_ I'm terrified of the NIPT results too. With three losses and being 40, now I worry that even if this is a viable pregnancy, I'm at a higher risk of chromosomal issues. PGAL is definitely a mind f@ck.

And I also get not wanting to seem negative while trying to remain realistic.

eleven_ · November 2018

@Panaceia I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to attach yourself too much until you know that it’s real. I wasn’t able to feel like this might be it until I saw that strong HB. The fact that you are starting to have nausea though makes me so hopeful for you!

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

Just posted in the US thread but appointment went great. Quick abdominal US (I didn’t know they’d do abdominal at 9 weeks?) but baby was measuring 1 day ahead and heartbeat was 182 bpm. I can breathe a little bit now. We have decided to do the genetic testing so I’ll have that at the end of November. So that gives me something to look forward to/be nervous about!

eleven_ · November 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 Oh yay!!! I swear you said your appt was in the afternoon. I was ready to have to wait all day for this news! I'm so happy for you

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

@eleven_ oh it was, forgot to add that part to my story....they called first thing this morning to reschedule bc my midwife was out of the office. I told them I’d prefer to keep my US today and would see one of the other midwives, so they could get me in this morning! I was not going to wait another day and sleepless night 😁 it’s nice to get in this morning but now I have to go back into the office 😩 I was really looking forward to going home early and working from home

ruby696 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+6

2. Previous loss(es)? Two MMC'S and two CP's.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I go back and forth. I'm having decent symptoms, so that's reassuring. But I feel like the odds are against me actually getting through 1st tri. Physically, this is the first pregnancy where I've actually experienced MS. Its pretty mild - like a minor hangover - but I'll take it! I've forced myself to continue running and it's actually really helped by energy levels.

4. Any appointment updates? First US is Nov. 13th.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm ridiculously excited that its officially the holiday season!

6. Any milestones coming up? I had one MMC at 6 weeks and another at 8 weeks. We saw the HB both times. So a successful US on the 13th probably won't do much to reassure me. I feel like I have such a long way to go.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? MH because he does his best to spoil me, even if it's just handing me some cash for a latte in the morning.

ruby696 · November 2018

@prpl11butterfly So many hugs to you. Do whatever you need to do to get through this. We will be here if you need us.

@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so glad you had a good US!

klmcguire · November 2018

@prpl11butterfly FX that everything is fine and that your start feeling better.

@nmbrcrnchr1 YAY that's wonder and I am so glad you got to see your little baby!

1. How many weeks are you? 6W5D

2. Previous loss(es)? 2CP in the last 6 months

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally a wreck (see physical). Physically completely fine. Absolutely no symptoms and it is completely freaking me out.

4. Any appointment updates? Appointment is next Friday! 8 MORE DAYS!!

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? DS1 & 2 must sense something is up because they have been extra loving and sweet. They do not know I am pregnant, but they both have just made sure the last couple of days to let me know how much they love me. Also, DS 1 ran his first 5k last weekend and I am so so so proud of him for setting a goal and accomplishing it!

6. Any milestones coming up? Not that I know of.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? I am thankful for a job that allows me to have flexibility!

jessica4141 · November 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 I was so glad to see your u/s update!

@prpl11butterfly I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Sending you lots of positive energy during this stressful time.

1. How many weeks are you? 9+4

2. Previous loss(es)? Two losses this year (ectopic and CP)

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I thought I would be doing a lot better after my u/s this week, but the high of hearing a good heartbeat and seeing everything on track didn't last. I'm worried about getting attached because I know that there are no guarantees. DH started reading baby books this week and while my heart melted a little bit, I am just not there yet at all. Physically my MS and other symptoms seem to have pretty much gone away in the past couple of days. I am trying to tell myself that is normal around this time, symptoms come and go, and it doesn't mean anything, but my PGAL brain won't always listen.

4. Any appointment updates? NT u/s and follow-up with OB on 11/27

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not really a rant or rave or question, but I told my grandma at her 89th birthday party that I'm pregnant. I won't see her again for a few months and wanted to share the news in person. She burst into tears and I then so did I - this may be her first great-grandchild and we are very close, so it was incredibly special. I hope I didn't make a mistake telling her so early.

6. Any milestones coming up? Nope.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? we got great news on a legal case i worked on pro bono. i'm not always grateful for my job and the crazy hours, but today I am grateful that I had the opportunity to help someone.

sparklingdiamond · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you?  Just got my official due date today, which is one day ahead of my original estimate, so I am now 7w4d.

2. Previous loss(es)?  CP, early m/c, stillbirth at 32 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?  The u/s yesterday and today gave me a little relief. I am just super tired (both from being pregnant and moving).

4. Any appointment updates?  I had my first OB appt today and it went well. I go for my hopefully final RE u/s next Wed.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?  We really like our new house so far, but still have a bunch of crap to move at the old house. I don't want to move any more stuff lol.

6. Any milestones coming up?  My next milestone is the NT scan. That's when we first found out about the CDH. That was at 13 weeks.....so I still have a while to get past that.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today?  Thankful for my family. They have been so supportive through everything and I can't imagine doing that or this new pregnancy without them.

sparklingdiamond · November 2018

@carleym93 Sorry you had to worry a whole week, but glad it was nothing!

@nmbrcrnchr1 So glad you had a good u/s!

@prpl11butterfly Take care of yourself. I hope to see you back here really soon with some great updates. I will be thinking about you.

@eleven_ I am terrified of the genetic testing results too. My OB is referring me out to an MFM for it again this time and I was kinda hoping maybe I wouldn't have to see an MFM this time since I feel like it will just give me more anxiety.

kjr9519 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6+4

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC 7/18

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’ve been mostly okay because physically I’ve been experiencing quite a bit of nausea. I have had a little bit of a break from it today, which has been nice.

4. Any appointment updates? My first one is on the 14th which is less than 2 weeks away now. Still just counting down.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I just wish I didn’t have to wait so long for my first appointment. But, I also didn’t want to schedule it any sooner because of the timing of my MMC, I know that I’ll need my first and second appointments scheduled closer together for my own sanity.

6. Any milestones coming up? Not yet.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? A little relief from the nausea. Weirdly, last Thursday was also an easy day for me as far as not having any nausea goes. That was the last time I had any relief, so it’s much needed today.

kjr9519 · November 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so glad you had a good appointment!

@prpl11butterfly Sometimes taking a step away from everything can help you relax a little. Do whatever you need to to get through this time.

mackorori · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 9 weeks

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC 7/16 and 8/17

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
Physically - fairly constant feeling of being hungover. Emotionally - I hear what so many of you are saying about how this messes with the mind and even though it looks good today, things can suddenly go wrong. How I dream of the past when I was oblivious to it all. But we had a good US yesterday with a dancing little bean, so for today I'm going to ride that high and take it one day at a time.

4. Any appointment updates?
US yesterday, likely next one is 11/12 with my OB. I can go to the RE again one more time in-between, but I haven't decided if I want to deal with an extra day of anxiety.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Normally I would rave about my staff, but the past couple of weeks they have been horrendous about time management, which puts my tasks into a pressure cooker and there is no reason for it. I'm trying to keep my stress levels at a minimum here!

6. Any milestones coming up? Each appointment basically.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today?
My two fur babies. They sense when I have bad days and curl up with me and right now they are making life seem so peaceful as they lounge in the sun of my office without a care in the world.

ncm1919 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 7w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? 1 October 2017

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally: im holding up fairly well. Last week’s US helped a lot. Physically: I have a sinus infection and I just feel so sick. So tired. I traveled earlier this week and it was nearly the death of me

4. Any appointment updates: I have my kinda pointless nurse appointment next week. We will set up my genetic testing so I guess that’s actually the point.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? A lot of what I saw in the NIPT thread made me feel very isolated and alone. I felt like there was a lot of judgement around termination and I didn’t really feel comfortable talking about it on the thread. I have no idea what I would do if something came up that suggested my child wouldn’t survive. I haven’t even really given this topic much thought but that thread made me feel really ill at ease. I have been trying to decide if I should bring this up. I decided if I’m going to try and be a part of this community I can share what I’m feeling. And as long as I’m do so in a respectful way, it should be fine.

6. Any milestones coming up? No

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? My entire family. My parents are truly a blessing. My daughter wakes up talking about them and is lucky enough to see them almost daily. My mom took my daughter for first 18 months I was back at work. I had such a hard transition back that I think I would have lost it without her. It been the greatest gift anyone has given me.

eleven_ · November 2018

@ncm1919 I'm in agreement with you about the NIPT thread. I really can't say what I would do in that situation either. I find it hard to believe that anyone can truly know what they would do when faced with such hard decisions. It's like when first-time moms say "I will never co-sleep". You really can't say 100% that you know how you will react in a situation until you've been through it. I also think some of the comments there could be potentially hurtful to people who have been forced to make that decision. I can't imagine how they felt reading it. Big hugs to you; you aren't alone.

mackorori · November 2018

@ncm1919 I actually felt very similarly reading the NIPT thread. The reality is I have no idea what I would or would not do until I'm faced with the situation and choices. Being 42 and having a higher chance of chromosomal issues, the whole conversation is very unnerving so I decided to stay out of it or now. But I would like to think the community is open to respectful commentary should I choose to do so.

prpl11butterfly · November 2018

Just poppin in to say thank you guys again. I'm still waiting for my call but I met with my counselor today. It wasn't the greatest hour of my life but she helped me accept that what I'm feeling and how I'm handling this process (which honestly is preparing for the worst and planning the actions that will be taken at that point) is perfectly acceptable. She agrees that this is the best method for me and that I need to somehow explain to DH that this is what I need and to stop telling me to be positive.

I find it funny the NIPT thread and the "what if" is being brought up. Because I was asked this today. What will my actions be if another US does not show progress. The only answer I had was "I don't know, I am not being faced with that yet". None of us can ever know until we live through it. I think we are left choosing heartbreak either way. Either way we lose. I could certainly never judge another woman for choosing to terminate. I never imagined how painful that decision could be but now that the possibility is laying before me....

carleym93 · November 2018

@prpl11butterfly Hugs to you, M. Hang in there. Pop in if you feel up to it to update when you can.

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

@prpl11butterfly I’m glad you were able to speak to your counselor and I hope you can properly explain your feelings to your DH. It’s hard but they are our support in these times and so they need to know how best to support you.

Also, I will be continuing to think about you and hoping all is ok with baby. Please know we are here if you need us but we also understand that sometimes you just need to step away. Do what is best for you. (Hugs) ❤️

ruby696 · November 2018

@ncm1919 Agree 100%. Initially I thought about termination with respect to Downs, because I'm 37 and that's where my mind goes. I wouldn't terminate for that. But there are other conditions that I hadn't considered. Bottom line, until I live it, I have no idea what I would do.

You certainly get no judgment re: your feelings from me.

@prpl11butterfly It's so hard to hear optimism and positivity when you need to prepare yourself in case you do get bad news. It doesn't mean you're being negative, it just means your heart cannot handle being blindsided. Hopefully you and YH have a good chat.

ETA: tag

srscott3 · November 2018

@prpl11butterfly We all completely understand the need to step back. Please know we’re here if and when you’re ready to return. I’ll be thinking of you and crossing everything for the best results possible ❤️

@ncm1919 I am so sorry that thread made you uncomfortable. I truly hope nothing I wrote made you feel that way. The truth is, you’re very right. No one really knows what they would do until they’re living it. I said that I wouldn’t terminate, but I was honestly thinking about things like Down’s..not things that are incompatible with life or something where my child would possibly suffer or be in pain. I really have no idea what I would do in that situation. Please don’t hesitate to participate in that thread. Diverse perspectives are how we all grow. And yours is welcome ❤️

srscott3 · November 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 9w+1d

2. Previous loss(es)? CP 12/17, MC 2/18

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I haven’t been feeling tons of symptoms, which was freaking me out. But I felt a lot better after my US yesterday, since we saw that everything is perfectly fine.

4. Any appointment updates? Nothing til my next appointment on 11/20. I have my NT US and NIPT blood draw that day.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I haven’t been eating very healthy and I’m nervous about gaining too much over the next month. I honestly wouldn’t normally care, but I have to fit into my bridesmaid dress in a month and I should probably watch it 😬

6. Any milestones coming up? Passed them already, thank goodness.

7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? DH. He’s been really amazing lately. Last night we sat up and talked for two hours after DD went to bed. No phones or TV. Just sitting and talking about anything and everything. We’ve been together for 9 years and married for 5. And in that time we’ve had some serious low points where I wasn’t sure we would stay together. Lately we’ve been crazy in love and really the best we’ve ever been. It’s been amazing and I’m so grateful.

prpl11butterfly · November 2018

Just got off the phone with the nurse. She said that OB isn't worried about the results but will put the orders for another US through. They should be calling me back tomorrow with the date and time. It could be as early as next week but no later then the 15th (because I have my "useless" teaching appt) that morning should everything be going well.

Him not being to worried does help a little. I trust him a lot and always feel he's got really good judgement. It's just so hard to get out of my anxiety.

Panaceia · November 2018

@eleven_ @bakerstreetboys I'm worried about NIPT too. I'm also finding a way to correlate my losses to bad results. I miss being naive.

@eleven_ The nausea kicked in full force today. But I get it every time regardless because my betas always get so high. I was throwing up constantly during the last two. But I'm holding on to anything that resembles hope at this point so I'll take it!

ncm1919 · November 2018

Thanks for the responses everyone. I’m glad I spoke up.

sparklingdiamond · November 2018

@ncm1919 I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable. I agree it's so hard to say what you would do until you are put in the position.

elliecele17 · November 2018

TW***

Hi ladies. I’ve been lurking for a few days while I was in limbo & silently supporting you all. Sadly it’s time for me to graciously bow out of the June Mom group

My betas never exceeded 800 & are now on the decline in my 6th week.
I wish you all beautiful & healthy LOs

thank you for being my santiy over the past few weeks.

I’m deeply sorry if this post is a trigger. I just don’t feel connected enough in any other group to post this.

Question - in July my 1st pregnancy ended With a MMC & I deleted the app in a rage & only re-downloaded it after I got my BFP in early Oct. This time I’d like to stay connected. What boards do you recommend, if any? My DH & i plan to try again asap

End TW **

sparklingdiamond · November 2018

@elliecele17 I am so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself. I really liked the support of the Trying to Get Pregnant board after our loss and while we were trying.

antera23 · November 2018

Oh @elliecele17 I’m so sorry. I really liked the Trying to get Pregnant Board after my loss. But I had to give myself a little time before I joined. Take time to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself during this time. Take care.

ruby696 · November 2018

@elliecele17 I am so very sorry. There are just no words. Initially after my losses I hung in the TTCAL board, which is under the child loss section. The women there are amazing. Once I felt ready to start trying again, I moved over to the TTGP boards. Again, I'm so very sorry. Please take care.

TJtheGoat · November 2018

@elliecele17 I’m so sorry to hear this news. I also recommend the TTGP board, specifically the loss thread. It was a great source of support and understanding for me. I hope that you are able to lean on your husband and heal.

nmbrcrnchr1 · November 2018

@elliecele17 I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take time for yourself to heal. And I would also recommend the TTGP boards specifically the TTCAL thread there, it got me through a lot after my loss. ❤️

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