Oh @elliecele17 I am so sorry. The TTCAL board and the TTCAL thread in TTGP (which is the more active of the 2) are full of amazingly supportive women. They have been super helpful to just about all of us in this thread. You will be welcomed with open arms. Please take care of yourself.
@elliecele17 I’m so sorry for your loss. And as others have said, the ttcal thread on TTGP is a great place to start.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Today is Abe and Shep’s birthday. I’m feeling just so sad and empty. I thought maybe being pregnant on their birthday might help ease the pain a little bit, but I think it’s making it worse. I feel incredibly guilty. And for some reason the thought that this baby could be a boy makes my chest tighten with fear. I just want today to be over. I think taking DD out will probably help, but this MS is making it hard to leave the house. This time last year we had so much hope Abe was going to fight in the nicu at almost 26 weeks old.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@meatballs37 Hugs to you. I can’t imagine the pain. This process is a journey that ebbs and flows. There will be good days and bad. Someone told me once, “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.” Your sweet boys will always be with you. Be kind to yourself today. ❤️
Sending you lots of love on this incredibly difficult day @meatballs37 You and your sweet boys are in my thoughts.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
I woke up thinking of you today @meatballs37 ❤️ I can’t even imagine the pain or guilt you are feeling right now. But please try to be kind to yourself. And remember that you will survive this. You made it through the year. You opened your heart to the idea of another baby. You will never ever forget your boys, but I hope the days get easier for you. Please PM if you need anything at all.
Thanks ladies. I feel like I should be doing something special, but nothing seems good enough. I think we are going out to dinner tonight as a family, if my stomach can handle the smell of cooked food. Maybe take DD to the store today and have her pick out a cake and toy? I feel like I failed today already.
We did ask family and friends to write their name today somewhere whether it be a quick doodle or the name they chose for their Starbucks coffee and send The photo to us. We have already had some really wonderful ones. I am going to make a collage and print it to put in their memory boxes.
Sorry im such a downer today. I promise to be back to my supportive pgal self next week.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@elliecele17 I am so sorry for your loss. @meatballs37 You're in my thoughts today. @prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's totally normal to feel this way, even if everything turn out ok, which seems likely.
1. How many weeks are you? 8w today.
2. Previous loss(es)? MMC @8w Dec 2017, CP Jul 2018
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically a little better-- the unisom has kept the MS to a dull roar, and the exhaustion comes and goes. Boobs are sore and GROWING. Emotionally-- I guess it also comes and goes? I thought getting through the first ultrasound would make this all seem more real but it really hasn't. Not sure when I'm going to feel comfortable thinking about daycare and nursery decorations.
4. Any appointment updates? Next apt. in 2 weeks.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave: my husband's birthday was last weekend but he was on call so we are celebrating this weekend! Excited about that. Rant: we are going to some cocktail bars, womp womp, I hope they can at least make an effort at the non-alc drinks.
6. Any milestones coming up? I guess i am at one now? I was 8w when we went in for 2nd ultrasound w/ no hb. But I feel like with MMC-specific PCAL brain is like "If I am not in the middle of an ultrasound RIGHT NOW then I don't know if everything is ok..."
7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? This is a nice one! Honestly, I am thankful to be pregnant again. I keep telling myself that all successful pregnancies start here. But it's tough as a FTM because I just worry that this will never happen for me...
@meatballs37 Sending you so much love. I know I will be a mess too when I hit that year mark. I love the idea of having people write their names and send you pics. They will never be forgotten.
When are you guys telling your work you are pregnant? I'm debating about when. I always told my old job after the first good u/s but don't know if I should do the same here.
@meatballs37 words are failing me right now but I want you to know that I am thinking about you and your boys today. You are doing amazing by just getting up and getting out of bed today. There is no standard that you need to hold yourself to. Sending a lot of love.
@meatballs37 so many hugs for you today. No matter what you chose to do, it will be perfect because it's in memory of your sweet boys. I'm keeping them, you, and rest of your family in my heart and thoughts today.
@elliecele17 I am so sorry for your loss. I also suggest the TTGP board (TTCAL thread). It was always a great place with lots of supportive women!
@meatballs37 I have been thinking of this all morning. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you, your family and your boys today.
@elliecele17 I'm so sorry I have been thinking about you and hoping that you were doing ok. As others have said, the TTCAL and TTGP boards are amazing supports. Take care of yourself, you'll be missed.
@meatballs37 So many hugs to you. You cannot fail today, no matter what you choose to do or not do. There's no guideline for this kind of loss, you can only do what feels right to you. The collage with the boys names is such a wonderful idea.
@meatballs37 You are so amazing and strong. Just remember, all of your guilt truly stems from love Take all the time you need and know that we are all thinking of you.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 DS: March 2014 DD: May 2015 BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
@meatballs37 I can't imagine how hard today is. The fact that you are up and functioning, spending time with DD and involving friends and family in honoring Abe and Shep, is a testament to your resilience. Whatever you end up doing - even if its just staying home - is absolutely enough. I'm thinking of you and sending support.
@elliecele17 I'm so sorry for your loss. FWIW, after my loss last spring I did the same thing as you and deleted the app altogether because I thought it would be too painful. Now that I know how incredible the women in this board are, I wish that I had joined the TTCAL thread because the support would have been so helpful as we tried for our rainbow. Wishing you lots of strength and healing in the coming days and weeks.
@elliecele17 I am so sorry for your loss. I did the same thing after my MC in July. I am glad you’re looking for some good support this time. I hope you find it in the boards mentioned.
@bumblebee0210 I’m right there with you as a FTM. It can be hard to imagine a pregnancy going well when all you’ve experienced is loss. But you’re absolutely right that all successful pregnancies start here. FX for us both.
@meatballs37 you could never fail your boys. You are their mother and it’s very clear that you love them deeply. Speaking about them and keeping them alive in people’s memories is a huge thing that you are doing an exceptional job at. Go easy on yourself today. Thinking of you and your family.
@meatballs37 I’m sorry, not only that you don’t get to spend their birthday with your 2 boys, but that you are feeling guilty. I can never imagine what your heart has been through nor will I ever pretend to. I feel as parents we are always worried about saying/doing the right thing but there are times like these where we can’t say or do anything wrong. No matter what you decide to do today I know you will be honoring and remembering Abe and Shep. I hope your day is filled with love and that you are able to lean on your family and friends (including us!) for the support that you need. ❤️
Well I am freaked out and scared. I started having ovulation type pain on my right side today and I just called the doctor and she advised me to go into the ER to get everything checked out. Please keep me in your thoughts.
Thank you guys!! I really felt all the support. It was hard going in there again after my last experience at the ER. The baby is fine and measuring 7 weeks and 1 day. We could see the heartbeat so clearly! I’m so relieved. I’m already past my milestone! Thank you all again!
edit to say: they didn’t see anything that could have caused the pain. They just chalked it up to weird pregnancy symptoms.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically probably the best of the 3 pregnancies. Emotionally I’m a wreck. I seriously debated posting because I never feel like I quite fit in these places due to our loss being elective. Baby had a NTD, I’ve taken my meds religiously since May but I’m terrified of something being wrong again.
4. Any appointment updates? First appt is 11/29 at 10weeks
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Just hate having to wait so long to see a doctor because that’s how the military does things.
6. Any milestones coming up? Not sure it counts but I think we’re gonna tell family next week. I just haven’t been ready to share the news.
7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? I’m thankful for my husband being so supportive through everything. He was a mess too in April and he understands why I’m such a wreck now, just waiting for good news.
@mkfolse22 My first US is also November 29th. We got bad new at our first US for our previous 2 pregnancies so I'll sit here and stress about everything with you for the next month:/ It sucks that even though we know we are pregnant we can't celebrate it yet. I'm so hoping we both get some good news on the 29th!
Re: PGAL Week of 10/31
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Sending you lots of love on this incredibly difficult day @meatballs37
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
We did ask family and friends to write their name today somewhere whether it be a quick doodle or the name they chose for their Starbucks coffee and send The photo to us. We have already had some really wonderful ones. I am going to make a collage and print it to put in their memory boxes.
Sorry im such a downer today. I promise to be back to my supportive pgal self next week.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@meatballs37 You're in my thoughts today.
@prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's totally normal to feel this way, even if everything turn out ok, which seems likely.
1. How many weeks are you? 8w today.
2. Previous loss(es)? MMC @8w Dec 2017, CP Jul 2018
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically a little better-- the unisom has kept the MS to a dull roar, and the exhaustion comes and goes. Boobs are sore and GROWING. Emotionally-- I guess it also comes and goes? I thought getting through the first ultrasound would make this all seem more real but it really hasn't. Not sure when I'm going to feel comfortable thinking about daycare and nursery decorations.
4. Any appointment updates? Next apt. in 2 weeks.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rave: my husband's birthday was last weekend but he was on call so we are celebrating this weekend! Excited about that. Rant: we are going to some cocktail bars, womp womp, I hope they can at least make an effort at the non-alc drinks.
6. Any milestones coming up? I guess i am at one now? I was 8w when we went in for 2nd ultrasound w/ no hb. But I feel like with MMC-specific PCAL brain is like "If I am not in the middle of an ultrasound RIGHT NOW then I don't know if everything is ok..."
7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? This is a nice one! Honestly, I am thankful to be pregnant again. I keep telling myself that all successful pregnancies start here. But it's tough as a FTM because I just worry that this will never happen for me...
BFP 11/30/2017 | MMC 12/31/2017
BFP 6/22/2018 | CP 6/27/2018
BFP 10/5/2018 | EDD 6/14/2019
Baby girl born 6/19/19
TTC #2 May 2020-November 2021
BFP 7/18/2020 | MonoDi Twins | MMC 9/10/2020
BFP 11/7/2020 | CP 11/9/2020
RE Consult January 2021 | Dx "borderline DOR"/RPL
IVF with PGT:
Standard Antagonist:
ER #1 3/27/2021 7R | 5M | 3F | 2B | 1 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic
ER #2 4/22/2021 10R | 7M | 3F | 2B | 0 normal, 2 aneuploid
ER #3 5/19/2021 2R | 1M | 0F
Estrogen Priming Antagonist:
ER #4 7/10/2021 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
Duostim (Standard Antagonist):
ER #5 9/22/2021 13R | 11M | 8F | 5B | 2 PGT-A Normal, 1 low-level mosaic, 2 aneuploid
ER #6 10/9/2021 9R | 6M | 4 F | 1B | 1 aneuploid
FET #1 11/5/2021 | EDD 7/24/2022
Baby boy born 7/19/22
TTC #3 since May 2023 (ntnp)
IVF Started Fall 2023 (Standard Antagonist)
ER #7 10/6/2023 | 9R | 6M | 5F | 3B | 2 aneuploid, 1 high-level mosaic
ER #8 10/31/2023 | 5R | 4M | 3F | 1B | 1 PGT-A Normal
FET #2 11/27/23 | CP (bHCG = 8)
FET #3 planned Jan 2024
Hugs to you today @meatballs37.
I'm so sorry for your loss @elliecele17, I will miss you.
When are you guys telling your work you are pregnant? I'm debating about when. I always told my old job after the first good u/s but don't know if I should do the same here.
@meatballs37 I have been thinking of this all morning. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you, your family and your boys today.
@elliecele17 I'm so sorry
I have been thinking about you and hoping that you were doing ok. As others have said, the TTCAL and TTGP boards are amazing supports. Take care of yourself, you'll be missed.
@meatballs37 So many hugs to you. You cannot fail today, no matter what you choose to do or not do. There's no guideline for this kind of loss, you can only do what feels right to you. The collage with the boys names is such a wonderful idea.
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
@elliecele17 I'm so sorry for your loss. FWIW, after my loss last spring I did the same thing as you and deleted the app altogether because I thought it would be too painful. Now that I know how incredible the women in this board are, I wish that I had joined the TTCAL thread because the support would have been so helpful as we tried for our rainbow. Wishing you lots of strength and healing in the coming days and weeks.
@meatballs37 I’m thinking of you today.
@bumblebee0210 I’m right there with you as a FTM. It can be hard to imagine a pregnancy going well when all you’ve experienced is loss. But you’re absolutely right that all successful pregnancies start here. FX for us both.
edit to say: they didn’t see anything that could have caused the pain. They just chalked it up to weird pregnancy symptoms.
2. Previous loss(es)? Termination April 2018
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically probably the best of the 3 pregnancies. Emotionally I’m a wreck. I seriously debated posting because I never feel like I quite fit in these places due to our loss being elective. Baby had a NTD, I’ve taken my meds religiously since May but I’m terrified of something being wrong again.
4. Any appointment updates? First appt is 11/29 at 10weeks
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Just hate having to wait so long to see a doctor because that’s how the military does things.
6. Any milestones coming up? Not sure it counts but I think we’re gonna tell family next week. I just haven’t been ready to share the news.
7. GTKY: What is one thing you are thankful for today? I’m thankful for my husband being so supportive through everything. He was a mess too in April and he understands why I’m such a wreck now, just waiting for good news.
2. Previous loss(es)? An angel baby boy at 39 weeks
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I am scared and happy and afraid to be happy
4. Any appointment updates? First appointment is next month
5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
6. Any milestones coming up? Almost to second trimester whew got to take a breath
7. GTKY: What is one thankful for today? I am thankful for my husband in being so strong and patient with me