@lovesclimbing I feel like when I move the first thing I put up/last thing I take down is art on the walls! It feels funny to me not to have stuff up, I guess.
@valentynsi the daily facts are so inconsistent and weird! I totally agree!!
@tfraz2016 I feel like this organization is totally out of anxiety that babys come with stuff and I will only be more tired/have more to sort later so better get it done now!! Normally I only clean the kitchen and bathroom and like 5 items of clothes/sheets regularly!
This is a tough one for me because I'm afraid of coming off as an ungrateful person... but hear me out: I am surrounded by very generous and loving people who have gone out of their way to buy me baby gifts that are totally unrelated to my shower or the baby actually being born. That said, I have this "thing" with a lot of pink...... I really really really hate girls clothes that are overly frilly with bows & ruffles & pink everywhere. I prefer for my bows & ruffles to be in grays/neutrals or to add pink into perhaps a green outfit in the form of flower petals.... I'm not against looking feminine (I am a girly girl myself!) but in Italian-American culture especially there's an OVER-gendering of baby girls looking like the glitter truck threw up on them. How do I stop people from buying my unborn daughter all these outfits that I hate?!?!?
When my mother does this (which is infrequent because she knows my style) I can ask for the receipt and exchange and explain that I'm not crazy about it.... but when a friend does this I have a hard time exchanging. I know when shower & actual birth comes around there are MANY people that are going to go rogue from my registry in the form of outfits, blankets, accessories, etc.
Doing a bit of fast-forward thinking here: Is there any way to put on the baby shower invite something like "mom-to-be is challenging you to avoid PINK!" or is that rude? Is there any way of getting this point across? Curious to know your thoughts.
Totally get it @indigoheightsblog, my mom and MiL have both purchased little girl some super pink stuff. I think to a certain extent you just roll with it and buy the neutrals you prefer and mix in the pink as it works for you. I don’t think the shower request to avoid pink is rude. And I think if you’re not registered for much pink, they might get your implied preference. Just my 5 cents!
@indigoheightsblog I'm afraid of getting lots of over-the-top pink glitter frill outfits too (I think it's why part of me has fingers crossed for a boy). I don't mind one, maybe two outfits like that but I have a lot of in-laws currently super eager to find out what the sex is "so they can start buying cute outfits" and I'm so nervous that this translates to a closet full of things that may work for a party or special occasion, but is not practical for every day wear. I'm also personally not a pink girl. It's fine on other people but outside of socks (because I love fun socks) I have no pink in my wardrobe and would prefer not to dress my child in pink (unless he/she personally chooses it when he/she is old enough to express his/her opinion).
I'd like to leave a note on the registry that certain things are not my style, but like you, I feel like it can come off as being ungrateful and really any purchase on behalf of my child is very nice. As of right now, I'm just planning on registering for the practical clothes I want (and hopefully some people will notice a lack of frills in the style) and as long as I get those, a few super fru-fru or masculine (because I don't know the sex of my child yet.. soon!) outfits won't bother me as much.
I totally get it we got a lot of stuff for DS he never wore or only wore at home I just didn’t like it. People love to buy baby clothes and that doesn’t mean their taste is the same As yours. I agree with what @lelkcot says that it’s not rude to ask for a request to avoid pink. You can try and add what you like to the registry but in our experience many people (including my in-laws) didn’t buy off our registry unfortunately. DH and I spent a couple $100 buying everything we thought we needed off the registry at the end.
@indigoheightsblog I’m going to disagree that directing people how to spend their money on you is kind of rude. I think the best you can do is register for cute things you do like that exemplify your taste and hope people take the hint and return/exchange/donate whatever you don’t like.
A lot of the over the top frilly sets can be broken up and the individual tops/bottoms aren’t that bad when worn with other neutral pieces.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@indigoheightsblog I don’t think it’s wrong to request avoiding pink, but don’t be surprised if people don’t comply
I found that the stuff I didn’t like I: 1.Regifted as needed when I thought it would suit someone else or 2. Donated to a maternity clinic in Haiti some friends were going to.
@indigoheightsblog I agree with others that you will likely be able to break up the over-the-top outfits & pair them with more of your preferred neutrals. That being said, I support your idea of putting some type of kindly worded hint on your shower invite that lets folks know “this little girl won’t be a diva!” Or however else you can word it. Maybe a cute picture of a cherub-looking girl in overalls would help. (See jjMcbean on Etsy for some adorable designs.)
I wished I’d put on my last invite: “Gently loved items welcome!” There was so much waste in the gifts I received! Silly outfits made of polyester, fuzzy blankets that would only make a baby sweat (my kids wear natural fibers only—yes, I realize how snooty this sounds), electronic noise-making plastic toys that would’ve driven me nuts, etc. I made so many returns to Target that I met the store’s yearly quota and couldn’t make any more returns for awhile! (On the plus side, It did give me something to do during the boring 6 weeks when baby just sleeps all the time lol.) Edited to add: Obviously, the biggest plus was that we had all these wonderful loving people who wanted to bless baby with gifts!
@indigoheightsblog I understand where you are coming from. I also received a ton of “girly” outfits for my daughter, and my personal style is the complete opposite. I actually think my lack of “femininity” is part of why we received so many pink outfits, but I digress....
Personally I would not put a request like that on the shower invitation. To me it’s like putting “cash gifts” on a wedding invitation. But of course that’s just my opinion.
Anything you receive that you don’t like can be exchanged (assuming tags are in place), or if it can’t, it can be donated to someone who needs it and either a) loves pink or b) cares less about this issue than you do.
Thanks for all this great feedback!! I think part of why I bring it up now is because I received a very frilly pink gift without a proper tag or gift receipt and now I feel the person will be waiting with baited breath to see her in her outfit...... I love the idea of donating to people in need, and of course anything that can be exchanged I will be doing without remorse - but there are certain people/things that it “wouldn’t be right” of me to return and that’s what I’m trying to avoid. I can’t just donate.... the people I’m worried about are the ones that will unabashedly ASK to see the baby in the outfit. It’s super annoying to me; and as tacky as my request COULD come off, I think it’s equally as tacky to be the person who “expects” to see their gift in use.
however I’ll be spending the next month or two trying to come up with brilliantly slick and non-tacky wording. If I can find something that really works, I’ll do it... if it still isn’t sitting right with me then I won’t and I guess I’ll just have to deal with it! ** SHRUG ** still taking suggestions!!!
Also, I was just going to note I actually loved putting my newborn in pink because people are idiots and would compliment me on my “son” in blue floral print and headband...
@indigoheightsblog ughh that’s tough! I found I got really good at making excuses for things I didn’t use (first grandchild in both families!) e.g. fit wasn’t right, inconvenient for diaper changes/nursing, fabric was irritating. Good luck figuring out how to approach it!
What I found worked best is to just not like pink in general. I've never liked pink, and most of my friends and family know that. I also like feminine clothing, but clothing can be feminine without being pink! You don't see adult women wearing 75% pink like you do babies, and yet most of them still look feminine!
So yea, people already knew I would be dressing my baby in mostly non-pink. I don't mind some pink, but the pink should be the same amount proportionally in her wardrobe as any other color.
But, it's probably too late to spread the word now so people just know you don't like pink.
@lovesclimbing I don’t walk around in much pink at ALL! For whatever reason that doesn’t seem to matter to people. The more traditional the person is, the more “baby girl = pink” to them and it doesn’t matter how I or any other adult woman dresses. Sigh.
@mamaoftwomonkeys really???? wow... that’s so dumb LOL! I also have a friend who INSISTED on putting bows and headbands on her baby because people would mistake her for a boy despite the kid wearing a dress........ unbelievable.
here are some things I’ve received from old navy that I LOVED - pink incorporated plenty... obviously feminine... but modern and not all glitter and bows and sparkles!
With my first, I wanted to do a "baby shower" but just collect donations to the local family crisis center instead of people bringing gifts. I don't like to have a lot of stuff around, and people seem to get way more stuff than a newborn needs at their shower. I didn't end up doing it because I was sure people would criticize the idea and still want to give me something to keep specifically for my baby. I just did no shower at all! Good luck, I'm sure you'll figure out a classy solution to at least limit the amount of frilly stuff!
@keikilove we used encorebaby for our registry and loved it, though some of our older relatives didn't really 'get it'. It allows you to list your wishes without linking to a specific retailer (though you can do that as well) which meant we received a hand-me-down umbrella stroller instead of a new one. We also got some heirloom items that the giver was able to mark as 'please return when ready', like a bassinet and a rnp from my sil who is planning to have more. Yes, the rnp isn't heirloom, but now we can just trade it back and forth. Encore also let me mark things as received (Amazon does as well, and links to encore too) that people would assume I needed but that I knew I didn't want - like crib bedding, since we are a no-crib house.
@indigoheightsblog@mamaoftwomonkeys My brother got called a girl by some strangers until puberty. His name is irrefutably masculine, his hair was always cut short, and his clothes usually had trains or cars on them in blue or red. But I guess he had a feminine face? People also would ask if he and I were twins all the time even though I am 2 years older and was a head taller during the timeframe they asked. (Shrug) People just totally ignore context clues sometimes.
@mayoduck The same thing happened to me, which is probably why I hate it so much even though I know that the opinions of strangers don’t matter... I had a pixie cut and a slight frame, but once a woman told my mother (within my earshot) that I was too old to be using the girls bathroom. I was wearing a flowered shirt and earrings, ha!
Most of the time I don’t even correct people that call DD a boy. Not worth my energy, it doesn’t bother me, other than to think “yes I dress my baby boy in purple floral”.
What really bothers me are the onesies with creepy/inappropriate slogans. Like all the daddy’s little princess shirts or the future ladies’ man. Please don’t sexualize my infant. Or any infant for that matter. And the ones that suggest dad is an idiot. So many bad slogans on kid clothes.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@indigoheightsblog It’s not about being rude. I hear you say you are making a parenting decision about how you want to limit your child’s exposure to gender norms/stereotypes. I don’t see this as any different than asking people not to buy guns or video games or anything else you might decide to put a limit on. (Or choosing not to let your children play with any toy you disapprove of) It’s different than some other occasion when gifts are optional. Showers and registries are for gifts, that’s the whole point. You are saving people the trouble of wasting their money. If this is a really important principle to you, than it doesn’t matter if you hurt peoples feelings!!! If it isn’t so important, than that may not be the battle you pick, there will certainly be others.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
@3rdtime_charmed I see that... that’s honestly NOT the point I’m trying to make but if that’s the way I’m going to avoid people buying stuff I’ll never put her in, then I’m not above it...... my daughter will be super girly, but it’s modern girly vs. traditional baby stuff - really hard to explain so I feel like asking them to avoid pink is the easiest way.
@indigoheightsblog My DD was a projectile vomiter as a baby so we'd go through TONS of outfits each week. Maybe this should be a FFFC but if there was one of those outfits I didn't like I'd put her in it while we were at home knowing she'd have it soaked and need to change before anyone saw her You could always put baby in the outfit(s) long enough to snap a picture and send it to the person who gifted it to you. Good news is babies grow so quickly I'm sure the friend won't be shocked to only get one picture in the outfit.
@honeybear40 LOL see this is the kind of STM knowledge that i'd never think of!!! you're so right!
i likely will lean towards not mentioning anything and hoping people "get it" when they see my non-frilly registry..... but worst case scenario I came up with a poem that my close friends have said is really cute and not rude sounding:
Ooh, yes, I agree with honeybear! Put them in the distasteful clothes at home! Once they start crawling, anything they wear is going to get at least slightly dingy, if not flat out dirty, no matter how clean you keep your floors. And my daughter liked to go play in the entryway with the shoes, i.e., where the floor was dirty. Pants aren't so bad, but the belly portion and long sleeve ends will definitely get dirty.
I definitly save my favorite "cute" clothes for going out and about and taking photos, haha.
Made the image a spoiler because it's rather big and I don't want to slow anyone's experience down. My H's grandmother got our DD an aqua lace onesie (see spoiler - which is a romper, but close enough). I love aqua, I love lace, and I loathe ruffles. So, all together I wasn't too thrilled. His family all lives out of state, so we brought it with us on one of our trips and had DD in it so his grandmother could see her in it. That was the only time she wore it. I actually have a picture of her in it screaming, haha. See spoiler below. Now, she was born 5 lbs, and had trouble gaining weight, so she is a tiny 7 week old here. This is around the time she finally starting gaining around an oz/day.
Random redirect. I keep seeing these tabloids about Brad & Jen being back together and having a kid... googled it and got some positive results but then more that said it was false. Such a fake out!
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married: 2012 BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
Re: Random 10/8 - 10/14
@lovesclimbing I feel like when I move the first thing I put up/last thing I take down is art on the walls! It feels funny to me not to have stuff up, I guess.
@valentynsi the daily facts are so inconsistent and weird! I totally agree!!
@tfraz2016 I feel like this organization is totally out of anxiety that babys come with stuff and I will only be more tired/have more to sort later so better get it done now!! Normally I only clean the kitchen and bathroom and like 5 items of clothes/sheets regularly!
When my mother does this (which is infrequent because she knows my style) I can ask for the receipt and exchange and explain that I'm not crazy about it.... but when a friend does this I have a hard time exchanging. I know when shower & actual birth comes around there are MANY people that are going to go rogue from my registry in the form of outfits, blankets, accessories, etc.
Doing a bit of fast-forward thinking here: Is there any way to put on the baby shower invite something like "mom-to-be is challenging you to avoid PINK!" or is that rude? Is there any way of getting this point across? Curious to know your thoughts.
I'd like to leave a note on the registry that certain things are not my style, but like you, I feel like it can come off as being ungrateful and really any purchase on behalf of my child is very nice. As of right now, I'm just planning on registering for the practical clothes I want (and hopefully some people will notice a lack of frills in the style) and as long as I get those, a few super fru-fru or masculine (because I don't know the sex of my child yet.. soon!) outfits won't bother me as much.
A lot of the over the top frilly sets can be broken up and the individual tops/bottoms aren’t that bad when worn with other neutral pieces.
I found that the stuff I didn’t like I: 1.Regifted as needed when I thought it would suit someone else or 2. Donated to a maternity clinic in Haiti some friends were going to.
I wished I’d put on my last invite: “Gently loved items welcome!” There was so much waste in the gifts I received! Silly outfits made of polyester, fuzzy blankets that would only make a baby sweat (my kids wear natural fibers only—yes, I realize how snooty this sounds), electronic noise-making plastic toys that would’ve driven me nuts, etc. I made so many returns to Target that I met the store’s yearly quota and couldn’t make any more returns for awhile!
Personally I would not put a request like that on the shower invitation. To me it’s like putting “cash gifts” on a wedding invitation. But of course that’s just my opinion.
Anything you receive that you don’t like can be exchanged (assuming tags are in place), or if it can’t, it can be donated to someone who needs it and either a) loves pink or b) cares less about this issue than you do.
however I’ll be spending the next month or two trying to come up with brilliantly slick and non-tacky wording. If I can find something that really works, I’ll do it... if it still isn’t sitting right with me then I won’t and I guess I’ll just have to deal with it! ** SHRUG ** still taking suggestions!!!
So yea, people already knew I would be dressing my baby in mostly non-pink. I don't mind some pink, but the pink should be the same amount proportionally in her wardrobe as any other color.
But, it's probably too late to spread the word now so people just know you don't like pink.
@mamaoftwomonkeys really???? wow... that’s so dumb LOL! I also have a friend who INSISTED on putting bows and headbands on her baby because people would mistake her for a boy despite the kid wearing a dress........ unbelievable.
here are some things I’ve received from old navy that I LOVED - pink incorporated plenty... obviously feminine... but modern and not all glitter and bows and sparkles!
With my first, I wanted to do a "baby shower" but just collect donations to the local family crisis center instead of people bringing gifts. I don't like to have a lot of stuff around, and people seem to get way more stuff than a newborn needs at their shower. I didn't end up doing it because I was sure people would criticize the idea and still want to give me something to keep specifically for my baby. I just did no shower at all! Good luck, I'm sure you'll figure out a classy solution to at least limit the amount of frilly stuff!
What really bothers me are the onesies with creepy/inappropriate slogans. Like all the daddy’s little princess shirts or the future ladies’ man. Please don’t sexualize my infant. Or any infant for that matter. And the ones that suggest dad is an idiot. So many bad slogans on kid clothes.
Double yes to the creepy/weird factor of those oddly sexualized onesies.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
i likely will lean towards not mentioning anything and hoping people "get it" when they see my non-frilly registry..... but worst case scenario I came up with a poem that my close friends have said is really cute and not rude sounding:
Baby girls are so much fun
Why limit color to just one?
A wardrobe rich in many hues,
Is what this mom-to-be will choose.
So here’s a challenge for our guests
To see who nails her style the best
If buying clothes we’d like to think
You’ll pick anything other than PINK!
I definitly save my favorite "cute" clothes for going out and about and taking photos, haha.
Made the image a spoiler because it's rather big and I don't want to slow anyone's experience down. My H's grandmother got our DD an aqua lace onesie (see spoiler - which is a romper, but close enough). I love aqua, I love lace, and I loathe ruffles. So, all together I wasn't too thrilled. His family all lives out of state, so we brought it with us on one of our trips and had DD in it so his grandmother could see her in it. That was the only time she wore it. I actually have a picture of her in it screaming, haha. See spoiler below. Now, she was born 5 lbs, and had trouble gaining weight, so she is a tiny 7 week old here. This is around the time she finally starting gaining around an oz/day.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016