Depression & Anxiety

pregnantpeach18 · September 2018

I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life, but since I became pregnant, I'd been doing well. I'm now 29 weeks and really starting to struggle with them again, and it's been rough. It comes out through uncontrollable sobbing and straight up anger. Anyone else dealing with it? I don't even feel like I can talk to anyone about it because I'm supposed to be "happy" and "excited" and I don't want people to think I'm a horrible person/Mom to be.

AGK2015 · September 2018

You're not a horrible person and you're not going to be a horrible mom. I struggled hard with antenatal depression my first pregnancy. It was miserable and profoundly lonely; I'd always heard women speak in reverent times about their own pregnancies, and how beautiful they felt and how much they loved carrying a child, but I hated it more and more every day. I didn't even really have much in the way of physical symptoms; it didn't feel like I had the right to be as unhappy as I was (especially since any time I alluded to it, someone would reference their morning sickness or pelvic pain or bed rest as a point of comparison).

What I didn't realize at the time was that what I experienced was every bit as much a terrible symptom/complication of pregnancy as hyperemesis gravidarum or pre-eclampsia; and just like those things say nothing about the kind of mother you'll be, so too depression and anxiety during pregnancy don't correlate to how great a parent you'll be or how much you love your baby. And as isolating as it feels to be the only person you know who really hates being pregnant, you're not alone. There are more of us out there, suffering silently so as to avoid judgement, then you realize.

For what it's worth, it did help me when I started feeling really negatively towards that thing growing inside me to separate it in my head from the daughter who was coming. The actual thing in my uterus I thought of as just "the fetus." Maggie never bothered me or kicked me or was the target of my negative thoughts; that was the fetus. And sure enough, when Maggie was born, that negativity didn't carry over. I despised the fetus; i loved Maggie from the beginning (almost... it did take some time for my raw instinctual desire to care for her to turn into the love I know now, which is pretty common). And even though postpartum depression also hit me like a ton of bricks, I'm a damn good mom, if I do say so myself.

It's going to be okay. You are not alone and you're going to be great ♥️♥️

Jens_Hoes · September 2018

I do want to add that it’s important you talk to your OB about your symptoms. Whether or not you feel comfortable talking to friends or family about it, your doctor should know. Hugs.

mkeys89 · September 2018

I have bad anxiety and am around 27 weeks. It suddenly has gotten worse and I feel bad because I feel like my baby feels my worries. I try to separate that my anxiety isn’t because of the baby. This helps me maintain a connection. My anxiety manifests into health anxiety, so it is hard because I feel like being pregnant is what causes me to feel all these symptoms that fuel my anxiety. It’s so hard to quiet the thoughts. I am talking to a therapist though to try to keep things in perspective and under control. Journaling helps me too. My doctor does mental health screenings and I just be sure I’m very honest when taking them.

pregnantpeach18 · September 2018

Thank you! I'm sorry you went through it but I'm relieved to know it's not just me! I had at one point early on said I wasn't excited (after repeatedly being asked how excited I was) and got this lecture about how beautiful and exciting pregnancy is and I shouldn't ruin it for myself so I stopped saying anything. I love my son, I can't wait to meet him, but I hate being preganant and emotionally I feel miserable all the time.

My pregnancy was an accident, my ex and I ended up sleeping together one last time after we broke up, and despite my doctor telling me my ovarian reserve and PCOS would make it very difficult even with IVF, I got pregnant. We're not back together, and despite my odds of natural conception being next to none, he thinks I got pregnant on purpose, so of course we don't particularly care for one another anymore and being a single Mom was never in my plan for my life. I thought that was my issue, but this has become very deep and I'm struggling every day.

I see my doctor in 2 weeks so I'll mention it to her and see what she thinks. Thank you again! ❤️

Katzalia · September 2018

@pregnantpeach18 pregnancy hormones can do a number on your mood and anxiety — even without any of the additional stress of your circumstances. Good for you for acknowledging & naming what’s going on for you. I’m glad you’re planning to talk to your doctor at next visit (or you could always call sooner if you are really feeling miserable).

I will say that there are good options to help you not feel so awful. Talk therapy can help, as can medication. And many medications are very reasonable to consider taking during pregnancy. It’s much better for baby’s development (as well as for your own well-being) for you to get treated than not.

I wound up taking an antidepressant for anxiety during my first pregnancy and postpartum. It helped *a lot*. This time I am feeling fine, but would not hesitate to restart if needed.

katy0990 · September 2018

As others have mentioned, I would definitely talk to your OB or even your PCP, if you feel like he or she would be more supportive. You are not alone! Pregnancy is a roller coaster, even when it is planned! I’m sorry you are dealing with a stressful situation on top of all that.

pregnantpeach18 · September 2018

Thank you everyone. It's been a serious struggle lately. I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor when I see her. I'm already seeing a therapist (have been since June) but I obviously need something else to help. ❤️

emapplin@gmail.com · September 2018

9 months ago, when I stopped nursing my 2nd child (I wasn't pregnant yet) I started getting anxiety and migraines. My anxiety has always been towards my health, every little twinge of pain makes me think I have something horribly wrong with me. So when I got pregnant I mentioned it to my OB, at the time I thought I could manage it and we talked about some of the options if I felt like I couldn't manage it anymore. Finally 2 weeks ago, at 26 weeks, I just couldn't deal with the overwhelming worry and fear, it was affecting my work, and I couldn't focus on my other two children. I called the OB and they got me in the office in 10 minutes. They were so reassuring that I don't have to feel like this and there are safe options for managing this anxiety which may last for a little while or a long time. I am not ashamed to be on a low dose, safe for pregnancy anxiety med. It can take a few weeks to kick in but I am so happy just knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

talk to your OB, they want to talk to you, they want to help, they want you to be happy. There are options other than meds so dont be scared off by that!

misscheapandchic · September 2018

Everything I’d suggest has been covered, but you’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of

pregnantpeach18 · September 2018

Thank you all so much! As much as I hate that you all have or are going through it too, it really does help to know I'm not alone. ❤️

binxybaby · September 2018

This is my first pregnancy, but I knew going into it that I might struggle with depression and anxiety as I've had symptoms of both for the past several years. I hit a really low point about two weeks ago and decided to find a therapist in my area and talk with my OB about medication. I was struggling quite a bit with feeling disconnected from baby and not feeling ready for this upcoming change. I found a therapist who specialized in perinatal/postpartum depression and anxiety and am working on setting up an appointment with her. I spoke with my OB about potentially going on medication so that is something I'm going to explore.

For me, it's personally hard to connect with this little guy in my belly. I'm not sure about you ladies, but he doesn't necessarily feel like a human being yet. I know he's kicking and moving and developing a little personality in there, but I just don't feel this overwhelming love for him that I hear many women experience. The whole "you become a mom when you become pregnant" concept just doesn't fit with me. When I am in a good place emotionally, I'm very excited to meet my little jellybean and get to know him, but a lot of the time, I am too focused on the aches and pains and the stress of it all.

Long story short: I feel you, girl.

PensiveCrayon · September 2018

@binxybaby FWIW I never really connected with my son in utero (in fact, it wasn’t immediate love at first sight either, but that could have been due to the circumstances) and haven’t really connected with baby Theda either. For some moms it’s a process that takes time.

Jens_Hoes · September 2018

@binxybaby I hate pregnancy and this baby feels too big for my short torso. I loved my DD as soon as I saw her but I also wanted to rip my hair out sometimes when she was a terror. I don’t think it makes you any less of a wonderful mother to dislike your fetus but love your baby. Pregnancy sucks balls.

morgantu · September 2018

+1 for not feeling super connected to the baby yet. I actually told mh tonight "I still can't believe that a baby happens at the end of this". It just feels like my body has been taken over at this point. I don't really have any advice to give, but reading that it's not an automatic smitten feeling for everyone really makes me feel better, so thanks.

orangecrush29 · September 2018

Hugs to all of you! I'm so there, too. I've had crazy anxiety and depression this pregnancy... something I haven't dealt with until postpartum usually. I've been trying to combat it with exercise and therapy. It helps until it doesn't and then I get back in a funk. Self care is my main focus right now, as a lot of my depression comes from weight gain and feeling awful about my body right now. Massages, pedicures, chiropractic adjustments, and plenty of "me" time.