Weekly Randoms 9/10

kianarain · September 2018

This probably belongs in a MBF, but I don't think we had one this week. My sister is already guilt tripping me for "missing her baby shower" that she's going to host in - get this - late January or early February. My due date is 1/31 lol. So either I'm going to be a beached whale or have a 2-week old (or less) infant. In the middle of flu season. Yeah, I don't think so. I told her to do what works best for her and I'll do my best to make it. I jokingly said "Skype me in"....she wasn't enthused lol. But c'mon, as a fellow pregnant lady you can't be more understanding?

saltedcaramel518 · September 2018

@kianarain *eyeroll* My ILs are going to be like this about my niece’s birthday party. Her bday is Feb. 3rd, and my ILs make it a huge deal for me, DH, and DS to attend our nieces’ and nephew’s bday parties since we live out of town. They actually will call us and ask when we can come and plan the party around that.. which I honestly find a bit silly.

I’ll get pushback back for it, but I’m 100% not bringing my newborn to a 3 year old’s birthday party.

bradleysmommy28 · September 2018

@kianarain & @saltedcaramel518 - both me and DH's cousin's wife are due end of Dec/beginning of Jan and have already bailed on Christmas Eve with the ILs so the guilt trip has begun. I am actually hoping to schedule my C-section around December 19th or 20th and she is due about that time. Neither of us are keen on having a newborn around 50 people, the Night Before Christmas, at the height of flu season but you would think we are committing the biggest sin ever!!

wkuandrea · September 2018

ha, glad to know other siblings/families do this @kianarain and @saltedcaramel518. I mean not *glad* but. My sister looooves to guilt me about everything. My niece's birthday is my due date (1/30) and even though she'll have a four month old baby herself at the time, I'm sure I'll get shit for not going to her party. I'm already dreading my family being PIAs about holidays -- sorry, even being due late in Jan, I'm not dragging my butt across the country to visit everyone during Christmas.

kianarain · September 2018

@saltedcaramel518 jeez, the only thing worse than a large gathering of people around a brand new infant? A large gathering of kids lol. My sister also was like "well I could move it"... Not going down the path of having her arrange around a due date that I have zero control over, and then getting even more guilt around "I rearranged this for you!!!" if I end up going into labor earlier than planned. (Which I have a weird feeling might happen.)

I totally get wanting to be there for as many family milestones as possible, but there are always exceptions. And I feel like, you know, childbirth kinda merits some flexibility.

kns1988 · September 2018

Wow, @kianarain, she's going to change her tune when she has a newborn. You are totally correct in not going. @saltedcaramel518, your in laws are unreasonable, too. Why are families so ridiculous?

kianarain · September 2018

@wkuandrea omg cross country? Hell. Nah. And just a big fat no in general about kids' parties during flu season, even if you leave baby at home. I'm not bringing that shit into my house.

@bradleysmommy28 kinda jealous you're able to bail on holiday activities lol. I was planning on flying to SF and getting back ON Christmas, stopping by super quickly to say my hi's/bye's once we land, and then going home. Now we're thinking it's just going to be cutting it too close to due date & will likely cancel. Sooo, time to be spend copious amount of time with family for the holidays, feeling uncomfortable/huge, with no wine lol. Yay?

wkuandrea · September 2018

ha @kianarain my parents live 3hrs away and are already trying to plan when to come and stay to wait for the baby to be born... I'm like nah, I'll just call you whenever she gets here. She'll still be a newborn baby, she won't remember that you weren't there that day, we don't even have to tell her!

Plus, in the history of childbirth... do none of these people remember that we have NO CONTROL OF WHEN THE BABY IS ACTUALLY BORN? Like, I have high blood pressure and kidney issues guys, who knows what day that my body will be like, enough already? Plus the fact that it's ONLY three hours away. My sister is also pushing to be in the delivery room... even though she has been crazy adamant about nobody being in there for all three of her kids. And again, she'll have a 4mo old, plus two other kids. WHY ARE PEOPLE CRAZY?? It's just a baby you guys. It'll still be a baby if you're not there for its birth.

kianarain · September 2018

@wkuandrea ugggghh to delivery room entitlement. I'm setting the expectation that no one will be able to be in there (apart from SO), but maybe want my mom and sister in there and will make that decision in the moment. I'm so lucky that my family is close enough (like 20 mins away lol) where I can tell them when to come over and when to go home. I've also told people that the first hour after birth are reserved for just us, and we will let people know when to come after that. Again, I will probably want people in there sooner - but just want to hurt feelings now

instead of wait until day of when I have enough shit going on.

galactickates · September 2018

+1 to missing wine. We were at the gorgeous lodge at yellowstone last night and there was someone playing the violin and there was a big fire going. I wanted a glass of red soooo bad. Guilt totally stopped me. I just don't want to do anything to harm this little peanut no matter how many people or articles say it's ok. I'm not personally convinced. I don't judge others that do at all though

sfgiantsgamerbabe · September 2018

@emmaaa stay safe!

+1 to missing wine. The last couple of nights I had cranberry cocktail juice in a wine glass with a slice of lime and pretended it was a cocktail. We are going to try to go out for an early anniversary dinner this weekend (anniversary is on the 29th) and I’m kind of sad that I can’t have a drink.

wkuandrea · September 2018

@sfgiantsgamerbabe and @galactickates I confess to having a glass of champagne on our anniversary. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Scared I have done something horrific? Sure. But also reassured that my parents (and many others) drank and smoked Lord knows what and I turned out (mostly) ok

(I will say that after 8+ months of no drinking, bc also when trying to get pregnant, it did taste pretty amazing)

skilouise · September 2018

+1 to missing wine also, especially prosecco. I've had a little bit of wine (maybe 1.5-2 glasses total spread over 3-4 occasions), but it's definitely not the same as being able to relax with a full glass or two in an evening. We went to a wedding last week and DH got a glass of red. I took about 1/4 of a glass worth of sips. Fortunately, the red was bold enough that even taking a super tiny sip at a time still imparted a lot of flavor.

I have another wedding coming up this weekend, and I fully intend to drink the tiny little half glass of champagne they give you for toasts. I'll savor it over an hour or two though, so I'm not worried about it. That'll probably be the last wine I have until at least mid to late third tri, though.

alexandraseattle · September 2018

I have a couple sips of wine or a sip of scotch here and there. Not enough to give me that delightful warm and snuggly feeling, so I don't feel guilty about it. Something about just tasting it makes me feel normal again. And for someone who is hating pregnancy, that feeling brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Anyone else already tentatively setting their last day of work? I'm thinking my last day in the office is going to be 12/14 and then I'll take vacation through the New Year and then unpaid leave will start on 1/7. I might have counted the work days in between now and then...66.

tosh24 · September 2018

@alexandraseattle I have a meeting at 2 pm today with my HR lady to start filling out my forms (I work for the government so things move notoriously slow, hence getting a head start). My last day is going to be December 13th (I figure why work a Friday if I don't have to? hahaha). I have enough vacation days saved up to take me to Christmas, and then I will start my leave on December 27th. I'm banking on baby being here sometime the week of/after Christmas so leaving work on the 13th should give me a week prior to Christmas to get things in order. So exciting!

kaf1788 · September 2018

@kianarain @saltedcaramel518 @bradleysmommy28 I'm looking forward to the family guilt trips to start rolling in around the holidays as well. Last year we slept at IL's house on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas morning with them. Literally everybody else still lives with them so we got the pull out sofa in their mouse infested attic "bonus room". Sorry but there is no way in hellllll I am doing that to myself when I'm 39 weeks pregnant. I'm either spending that night at my parents and driving to spend the day with ILs or just saying eff it to everyone and having me and H just do our own thing for the holiday. We're only about 45 minutes away from both families so anyone who wants to come see us would be more than welcome to visit but I have a feeling I won't feel like driving all over the state at that point.

And on the subject of families, I'm already feeling my anxiety spike over my baby shower. In my mind I really just wanted to throw a big combined baby celebration party/birthday party for my husband and invite everybody at a local brewery. But I knew my mom would be really sad not to host something at her house, so I'm just going to go with that. I asked her the other day what her max capacity is and she said 25 so I sent her a guest list of exactly 25 people including all family members on both sides within a 2 hour drive, a handful of my friends, and a handful of my husband's friends (note that the only friends of my husband who are invited are husbands of women on my guest list. They are all couples who we are equally friends with both. All the rest of the ladies are single, so it's not like I'm excluding any partners either). My mom was giving me a little sass about why I could POSSIBLY want H's friends at the shower, but then in the same breath was naming off all the friends she and MIL would be adding to the list. Why is it weird for the baby's father to get to invite people (all of who I'm close with) but not for the grandmothers to invite legit strangers?? I need a glass of wine

alexandraseattle · September 2018

@tosh24 I am also hoping for a between Christmas and New Years baby! My original EDD was 1/3, but was measuring at 1/1 at the A/S. I really want to have this baby in 2018 for the tax credit and because I've already maxed out my medical deductible for this year. We'll have to start a thread in December for doing all of the old wives tales for inducing labor.

bradleysmommy28 · September 2018

I'm planning to work up until baby but I work from home so its not a big deal. I'm having issues deciding what baby day should actually be though. Originally I thought 12/26 wouldn't be too bad but now I kinda think thats a lot to worry about on xmas. DSs bday is 12/20 and its also his last day of school before winter break. My doctor will take me as early as 38 wks barring any issues before then which is 12/19. I sort of think another 12/20 baby won't be so bad but DH thinks its cruel to pick DSs bday. I'm a twin and have never had my own bday so I don't think its a big deal sooooo now I secretly hope he makes his own debut at the beginning of the month so I can stop worrying about whats right or wrong!

alexandraseattle · September 2018

@bradleysmommy28 How about the 28th? In between Christmas and New Year's and the kiddo gets his/her own day.

emmaaa · September 2018

Re wine/beer: I am missing beer and wine so much lately. Especially now with the hurricane coming in and not being able to stock up on it to pass the time lol. I have had sips here and there and had a small glass of wine a few weeks ago but that's such a tease to me that I don't even bother.

Re family guilt trips: I told DH anyone who wants to see us can help me plan something at our house. We have always ran all over the place on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I'm sick of it. I want DD to have a fun Christmas and get to enjoy time with us and her family (and same for the new baby) that I don't want to spend the day going from one place to the next.

kns1988 · September 2018

We usually do 4 (!) Christmases to appease everyone. I've cut it down to 3 this year. I'll go to DH's parents, my grandma's family Christmas, and we'll have our own morning thing at home (different days). I cut out the one with just my mom and sister's family. I'll be 8 months pregnant and my sister will have a 3 week old newborn. We don't need to be running around that much.

AliKay20 · September 2018

@emmaaa be safe, thinking of you!

I went towards the hurricane to Richmond and will be staying here all week for work. Everyone’s on edge whether they need to go back earlier than scheduled.

DH and DD are coming either tomorrow night or Thursday (depending on weather) and Friday, we’re driving to Chicago from Richmond. Staying overnight in Ohio. Finishing trip to Chicago hy Saturday.

For those of you in the hurricane path, please stay safe!! I heard northern VA (where we live) is prepping hardcore stocking up on water and food in case of power outage!

tosh24 · September 2018

@alexandraseattle Yes, we should start one of those in December....I'll be trying them all (once full term, of course). I've never gone past 38 weeks so far (water spontaneously broke with both kids) so I'm hoping this kid doesn't want to be different! I would like to avoid the 24th-26th but after that is fair game. Hoping for 27th-28th. Our school year cutoff is December 31st so if baby comes before that I'll have to pay for one less year of daycare....

bradleysmommy28 · September 2018

@alexandraseattle I'm worried with the 28th I'd still be in the hospital for NYE. We spent xmas and NYE in the hospital when DS was born so I'd like to avoid being there for any holiday if possible. I really am just over thinking this!!

saltedcaramel518 · September 2018

I’ve lost count of our Christmases.. we have 5 or 6. We have to travel 2.5 hours out of town and have to hop between houses. It’s nuts, especially now with a toddler in tow. We haven’t been home on Christmas since we got married.

It is extremely important to DH that we don’t miss out on family stuff, so I haven’t made this my hill to die on. Honestly, even if I said I wanted to stay home at Christmas, he would probably still go see his family.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t hope that my OB will tell me to hold off on traveling at Christmas (I’ll be 35 weeks).

ersh1010 · September 2018

I guess I'm the lucky one here, no holiday hoping for us. My in laws are several states away and my husband prefers holidays with my family. Sorry to all of you who feel stretched, guilted and split between your families! My biggest holiday concern is will I have the energy to shop and decorate the house.

jgil85 · September 2018

I feel for everyone that has multiple family obligations for the holidays. My two older half sisters each have 5 Christmas' to attend and it would drive me crazy to have those obligations.

Were lucky that my ils live about 5 mins from us so going there wont be a problem. It's just my bil's nasty wife who makes the holidays unenjoyable. I'm playing the super pregnant card this year and she can suck it.

I'm also encouraging my one sister who lives down the street from the hospital host Christmas this year. Our other sister wants to host but that would mean traveling an hour away and I've already told her I won't be traveling that far.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · September 2018

Holiday travel is so hard to know! I had DD at 37 weeks which would be 12/21 with this one. DH’s family is in California so obviously we won’t see them and my family is about an hour away. We probably won’t go to an extended family Christmas that is 3 hours away with no hospitals close but may go to my parents if I’m feeling good. Keep your holidays stress free and say no! It’s so easy to get caught up in all you “have” to do/go to but make sure you have time to rest!

saltedcaramel518 · September 2018

I woke up to pee over an hour ago; can’t go back to sleep. DH just got up, went to the bathroom and blew his nose, then laid down and FELL BACK ASLEEP WITHIN 10 SECONDS. What is this magic.

ladystout08 · September 2018

@saltedcaramel518 the same way they can sleep through a baby fussing or fall asleep in a chair. I think it's part of the male DNA.

mrsmang · September 2018

All our family is far away -my parents are a 7hr drive/1hr flight, DHs dad/siblings are a 4 hr drive, and DHs mom is a 3hr flight. We won’t be seeing any of them for Christmas and will be doing the shortest drive for thanksgiving. We have a Christmas Eve dinner booked for the two of us at an amazing Italian restaurant at home that goes all of for Christmas with decorations and stuff. Other than that we will be laying low enjoying our last holiday alone! I’m totally excited for that since holidays tend to cause drama because we basically have three places we could go and only two major holidays to split up. My family has always gotten the short end of the stick since they don’t care, which makes me a little bitter. This was going to be the year we went to them for Christmas but now that’s off the table.

ladystout08 · September 2018

We started staying home for Christmas last year and it's the best ever. We go see DH's family for Thanksgiving b/c they're 6ish hours away and he still has grandparents alive. My family is like 16 hours away so we don't see them often.

sweetyjenj · September 2018

@leighbrek not having a dishwasher would end my marriage

DH's love language is Acts of Service (which I scored 0 on, it means nothing to me) and especially he LOVES it when I do the dishes. DH is great at chores around the house, and I'm not AS good. DH usually does the dishes, and I HATE dishes, and as it is I can have a sacrificial heart while loading/unloading the dishwasher. Doing all the dishes by hand?? I couldn't do it.

I'm also right there with you all on missing wine AND more frequent arguments with DH. We got into a big-ish one last weekend. I was super upset and crying (I DO NOT cry very easily, so obviously it's hormones) but I wanted it to go well if we were going to fight, so I followed my Gottman training on conflict resolution for couples and it actually went really well!!! I swear, being a marriage counselor has it's perks, but it's also super frustrating in my own relationship sometimes. I hate when I can blatantly see when DH is acting like he shouldn't, or when I WANT to act like I know I shouldn't, so then I feel extra guilty when I do just let it all go. But anyway, it helped in this situation.

For rain, I HATE rain! I wish it would just rain overnight so I didn't have to deal with it. I live in MN, so we get a lot of rain in the summer and snow in the winter, so really the number of GREAT days a year is like...5. I miss living in Los Angeles where it rarely rained and was sunny and beautiful every day. I'm so sorry to hear many of you are dealing with excessive rain and flooding...and the hurricanes!!!! Be safe!

@Ghostie625 I can't imagine not having a working stove!!!! I hope DH can make the call to get it fixed soon! This is why we have a home warranty (we use Choice Home Warranty, let me know if you want a referral code for free month) because anytime ANYTHING is broken (this summer we needed our stove, dishwasher, and AC fixed!) I just make a request and someone is scheduled within 24 hours and they usually are able to come out within 72 hours. I basically got it because the furnace and AC are 23 years old (original with the house) and I anticipate they'll go out soon. I'd rather pay for warranty than a new furnace and AC! But it's been great for those other little fixes, even though all our other appliances are less than 2-5 years old. Not having working appliances while having LO's in the house just makes life more of a hassle than it needs to be.

sweetyjenj · September 2018

@kianarain @saltedcaramel518 @bradleysmommy28 @wkuandrea the guilt trips are so annoying!!! I'm NOT excited for the flu season and having a newborn, especially now having a toddler, too, in daycare. I'm really hoping this baby makes it past New Years (EDD 1/10) because I don't want to miss all the Christmas celebrations. I don't think I would take a newborn to all the family celebrations in flu season.
Each year we end up doing 9 Christmas celebrations spread out over 2-3 weeks, usually 2 each on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, then a few the weekends before and after. Christmas is my favorite, I don't want to miss it all!! Bring it ALL ON! But I know we'll be guilt tripped like crazy if we have to miss them. It's not worth risking DS's health!

kns1988 · September 2018

Guys, my hormones have me so irritable. I'm annoyed at people for everything. For example, someone at work was talking to me this morning, and he was talking so fast that it was like nails on a chalkboard. Everyone should just stay out of my bubble for the foreseeable future.

galactickates · September 2018

My H bought his first item for baby (not including the stroller) it is this onesie that says "don't wake the bear"
It's this style but in a onesie. I have it packed away or I would post a picture

sfgiantsgamerbabe · September 2018

Well our Saturday plans fell through. We were going to dinner and a concert (free Jake Owen tickets) but our free babysitters (my parents) have plans. DH was being sooooo grumpy about it. He said it’s not that we’re missing some amazing concert but he wanted to do something fun before the baby comes. I tried making other suggestions but his grumpy ass shot them all down so I just shut up and let him be grumpy all night.

kns1988 · September 2018

@sfgiantsgamerbabe sorry about your plans! That's a huge bummer.

Another random today: I've started using baby girl's name, Caitlin, and it's making me really impatient for her to get here!

kianarain · September 2018

@kns1988 I love using our baby's name! It makes me feel more connected. Also, one of my best friends of all time is named Caitlin. I love that name.

I feel like there are a lot of drive-by posts lately on this board.... I'm proud at how we've handled them (a respectful point in the right direction instead of booting them, or even just chiming in), but I've gotta say - I'm not here for it. My type A ass has really gotten used to the organization okurrr?

skilouise · September 2018

I floated the idea of a modified schedule to my mentor today. I'm an attorney, so currently work 50-60+ hours a week on average. I'm envisioning cutting back to essentially "traditional" full time rather than crazy lawyer full time.

My mentor (one of the partners) was incredibly supportive, and believes the partnership will approve my proposal. I'm so relieved, and am really hoping this gets approved. The idea of "only" working a "normal" (ish) full time schedule sounds like absolute heaven.

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