STM Chat- September

emjohn517 · September 2018

Guys, I’m having a full on breakdown. When putting DD down for bed, she asked me if she’d still be my baby even after baby sister comes. Then shortly after she fell asleep and I left the room, she woke up and cried for me, which she hasn’t done in forever. I laid with her and just held her for the longest time. She’s gotten so big, but still fits perfectly in my arms. Her sweet face burrowed in my chest. It just hit me how much I’m going to miss her. Not only while I’m in the hospital, but I’m going to miss these last 3 years of it just being the 2 of us. Everything is going to change. My DD is like my best friend, my mini me. I’m sure every STM goes through this, and I know this is what we want, we’re so happy and excited to have another child. It’s just this part of my heart will miss all of this.

honeybeebub · September 2018

@emjohn517 I have been having similar feelings. We have vacation coming in September and planned to send him to pre-school and get through our "honey do list" for the house and DS's big boy room. Now I'm wishing we could find another way to get those things done and spend more of the week with him. I made sure to have DH promise that we will take at least 2 day trips with him that week because things are going to drastically change and I will miss being able to give him all the attention. I really do hope that once the baby is here we can find a sitter for just the baby and take him places so he isn't missing out on those big kid experiences. GAH, sooo bittersweet!

wildrainbow · September 2018

@emjohn517 I feel the same way. Ds feel asleep in my arms while I rocked theother night and I almost cried because it's one of the last times that will get to happen. I'm going to miss our time together so much. He's been my buddy, my partner in crime, and it's been the best thing ever to have him. I'm so thankful we have another miracle on the way and I know my heart will make plenty of room for him, but I feel like I'm losing something precious adding another child. Gah, I hate I just said that, but it's really true. Mom guilt sucks.

lifesabeach85 · September 2018

@emjohn517 I really could have written your post. It's been me and DD for the last three years and it's really hard for me to imagine that changing. I had really been looking forward to her going back to preschool today (so I can actually get some stuff done for the new baby and enjoy a little me time before new girl is here) but since she's been gone I've just been like, I miss B. I also have the guilt for this new baby that she will never have my undivided attention like DD had (I keep telling myself that there are probably benefits to this).

mockingjay1 · September 2018

@emjohn517 - Another STM feeling the exact same way. I was telling DH the other day how sad it is that it's not just going to be me and DS and I will miss our special time together. We prayed and tried so hard for this baby, and we're so excited for him/her, but it's also sad to lose that one on one with DS. With the move we've been super busy and we're hoping to get settled and be able to do a few things just the 3 of us before baby comes.

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

Yup. The feelings and guilt of having a baby are intensifying especially since my lil guy started preschool. He’s only been a few times, and for a short morning as this is a transition week, but he was very upset the times I’ve dropped him off. It made me feel horrible. I stay at home, and he does not need to go to preschool, but I feel like it’s the best thing for him since a newborn in the winter time means we would be home bound for most of the day. I think he’d be happier getting out a little bit and playing at preschool.
He’s turning two this weekend and does not understand that he’s going to be a big brother. Poor guy is going to be blindsided when baby gets here.

hollyeva · September 2018

Have you seen how they handle the whole introduction of a new sibling in the A Wrinkle in Time movie? I was pretty skeptical about the movie overall because I was such a fan of the book, but when they showed that sequence I was crying my face off. It's really sweet, and I was sitting there watching it with DD1 and DD2.

I still have some of that guilt as DD1 is getting older, worried about missing out on stuff with her. The worst was when DD2 was a baby and DH took DD1 out to go sledding for the first time without me because I had to stay home with DD2. However, I've adapted a bit, and I'm finding that I enjoy our time together more.

lifesabeach85 · September 2018

@BabyBoyH92016 preschool is so great for so many reasons - don’t feel guilty! I SAH too and DD started last year (at two). She grew and learned sooooo much, I was really amazed. Not just “academic” learning and skills (though that’s part of it), but “school skills” like lining up, activity transition, circle time/listening ears, taking turns/sharing, and so on. And making friends! Plus it’s great to learn that mommy goes away for a little while but you’re ok without her and she always comes back! Before long he will be excited to go.

pink_polkadots · September 2018

Ugh, add me to the list of mommas who are having a hard time with this change. Me and DD for 4 years, almost 5. I’m a SAHM, so it’s literally me and her all day, every day since she was born. Not only am I emotional about the change in that dynamic, but she’s also starting Pre-k this Thursday and I am just about DYING inside knowing our days will now be totally different. I’ve had 3 cryfests so far this week about it. I have such a hard time with change to begin with, and it’s breaking my heart all the change we are putting her through starting this week. I just want to wrap her up and keep her as my Little babygirl forever. And now I’m crying as I type this, thinking about it all. Ughhhhhh

runningyogimama · September 2018

I’m starting to freak out about the logistics of everything when I go into labor! The ILs aren’t far away, from our house or the hospital, so I know they can easily swap cars with us and pick the girls up (so they have car seats), but like...it’s stressing me out we probably need to pack them overnight bags ahead of time (how far ahead of time? When I pack mine?). And then they need to make sure DD1 has her snack and lunch packed for school since she won’t touch hot lunch, and I have no idea if they will actually sleep at Nana and Papa’s if it’s a random school night.... It seems so much more complicated with two kids, and them being so much older than DD1 when DD2 was born! I honestly hope it works out I am induced again like DD2 (I was already 3.5 cm and had had contractions for weeks, so they literally just had to break my water and she was here like 90 mins later) so we can plan everything ahead of time for sure.

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots my H and I went out for breakfast after we dropped off my son at preschool for the first time and I was crying at the restaurant...poor waitress, she did not know what to do.

i hope from here on out my cry fests are in private.

mockingjay1 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots - I hope everything goes well tomorrow and DD loves school! We're in week 4 of 4 mornings a week preschool with DS and he seems to finally be warming up. The last couple days he gives me a hug and kiss and says "bye" and runs off to go play. Even his teacher commented how he's talking so much more and while it's a little bittersweet it's such a good feeling to know he likes it.

MouseMama817 · September 2018

Oh gosh, I am also in this boat big time! It’s hard to believe that these are our last few months as a family of 3. I know DD’s life will be so enriched with a little sister but I am not looking forward to the newborn period like I was with her. I’m worried she won’t understand why mommy has to pay so much more attention to the new baby than to her. I think this is one reason I’m always so hesitant to tell DD she’s a big girl to get her to cooperate with things. She will always be my baby and I don’t want her to worry about being replaced!

+1 for preschool being the best thing we’ve ever done for DD. She flourished so much verbally, intellectually, and socially. But I was a sobbing mess in the weeks/days leading up to that first day. And we only send her 3 mornings a week!

pink_polkadots · September 2018

Can I get some advice mommas? Today was DD’s prek orientation. Her pre-k is at a regular elementary school. Today I received information on how drop off is going to work. Since her class starts at the same time the rest of the school starts, they want us to go in the car rider loop. When we get up to the front of the school, one of the prek teachers will come to our car, open the door, unbuckle DD from her car seat and take her into school from the car. I am realllllly not a fan of this. I’m worried how DD is going to react to someone who she barely knows pulling her out of her car away from me, in a place and situation she doesn’t know either. Also, what kind of goodbye am I going to be able to give her if I’m driving? It’s got me all upset. Any advice on this ladies? I really don’t like it

MouseMama817 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots Wow, I can totally understand why you wouldn’t be comfortable with that! At least not right off the bat. You know your daughter so you’re probably right to worry about her reaction to a total stranger removing her from the car.
Can you explain your concerns to them and tell them you’d be much more comfortable if they waited for DD to actually know them by sight before going about it this way? I get that it’s probably more efficient their way but efficiency isn’t everything.

pelorunningmama · September 2018

@pink_polkadots is there an option to park somewhere nearby and walk her up? We have a neighborhood elementary school about 1/2 mile from us and lots of people will park on close neighborhood streets and walk the first week or so.

lifesabeach85 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots I think they should be accommodating of you walking her in for the first week or two. I can see why they wouldn't want to have everyone walk in regularly, but for the littlest ones the first few days might be tough. They have a similar rider loop at DD's preschool but I always walk her in the first few days so we can "check it out" together.

hollyeva · September 2018

@pink_polkadots I would hesitate on that one too. I have trouble during the first week of first grade not walking her to her classroom (she went to private kindergarten, so we just walked into the school with her everyday) so I would definitely share your concern. I know a lot of Montessori pre/schools also do it this way to help build independence. I like the idea of parking nearby the first week and walking her in, introducing her to the various adults, and letting her get a feel for the place.

pink_polkadots · September 2018

Thanks for the responses ladies. I just sent an email to the pre-K team leader/coordinator voicing my concerns. I asked if there was any way I could walk her to the front of the school myself for at least the first few days. I hate asking for special treatment, but I can’t help but feel super strangely about this. Hopefully they are accommodating to this.

mockingjay1 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots - I 100% agree with the other ladies. You'd think 95% of parents (and their kids) who have kids going to pre-k for the first time would rather walk them into class. I don't think this is asking for special treatment, I think this is what is best for you and your DD. That blows my mind. You'd think having some parents walk them in and some do the carline would be less hectic because the carline wouldn't be so long. I hope they get back with you soon and have no problem letting you walk DD in!

emjohn517 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots my DD would absolutely flip if a stranger opened the door and took her. That’s a big nope from me. It would take us days/weeks to get comfortable with that one.

highsteaks · September 2018

@pink_polkadots i agree with all the pps—you can’t be the only parent of a pre-ker worried about that kind of transition the first week or so. i hope the school will concede to some kind of better system for those who could use it in the meanwhile.

that being said, if the school won’t, my “advice” would be to give your dd a pep talk about what she can expect at drop off so she’s not caught off guard in the moment. have the convo a couple times in the days leading up, then again the morning of. and try to pretend to be positive about it because kids are so intuitive that if you’re nervous she’ll think there’s something to be worried about. and she could be worried initially regardless, so she’ll need the calm reassurance from you that it’ll be ok.

honestly, my bff’s kids’ school does a very similar kind of car-side drop off and pick up, and i’m envious. after your kid gets used to it, you get to enjoy that perk of not having to park and get everyone in and out of the car when it’s cold, hot, snowy, rainy, etc.... which i imagine will be so so extra nice when you have another baby you’ll also have to tote along too.

therealfrizzle · September 2018

The guilt of going from 1 to 2 is real. DS is becoming very Mommy attached and I adore it but I worry about what will happen after DS2 comes. I'm going to miss it just being us two and having the ability to take day trips at a moment's notice without much thought. His ped said to make sure to have days set aside for just him (within reason) and that's what I plan to do. Little DS1 dates to the playground or for chicken nuggets.

pink_polkadots · September 2018

An update— the school was super accommodating and we figured out a plan. DD’s first day was today and she LOVED it. Such a relief! Thanks for the advice and input ladies!

MouseMama817 · September 2018

@pink_polkadots Yay!!

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

My almost 2 year old has always been a very physical kid (I would say pretty fearless), and recently he has become quite the climber and jumper. Our main level is mostly open, so I always have a pretty good eye on him, or can hear what he’s up to. Unless he’s asleep, he really isn’t ever out of my eyesight for more then a minute or two. This leaves me wondering what do I do with him when I have to attend to the baby for a longer period of time and my eyes can’t be glued to him 24/7, like when I’m trying to get her down for a nap in an upstairs bedroom. How long can I leave him unattended downstairs? It makes me nervous to think about it. We have done basic childproofing like gates and cabinet locks, but I find the climbing and jumping off from things much harder to control. He does have a playroom on a lower level, and that room
is much more controlled, but he never has become comfortable enough to be in there alone.

How I currently feel life is like with a young toddler:

lostarz14 · September 2018

Man, you guys have me feeling guilty that I don't feel guilty about baby #2 lol. Idk, I work full time so DD has been in daycare since 4 months old. She's also never been cuddly so I don't rock her to sleep or anything, she just wants to be in her crib and that's it lol. She seems to be getting more excited, or at least understand what's happening so that's making me feel better even though I'm a tad worried about jealousy once baby brother is here.

emjohn517 · September 2018

@BabyBoyH92016 I’m gonna be honest here and admit that in those instances, ill probably utilize screen time and her tablet for a little time to do something like that. Mine isn’t much of a climber, she’s just super clingy and that will distract her for at least enough time to put baby down or something like that.

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

@emjohn517 oh I fully intend to! His attention span is still very hit or miss with shows. Sometimes he will sit and watch the majority of Sesame Street (his favorite). Other times he’s just not into it or finds certain parts boring and deceides to do something else for a few minutes. He’s also pretty clingy, so I’m not sure if I can get away for 5-10minutes. I guess he’s going to have to learn! It’s still the safety thing that has me most concerned!

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

@lostarz14 Don’t feel guilty! I’m a person that is VERY into routines, so my entire day is going to change since I stay at home. I truly avoid changes bc I have difficulty with it. I’m the type of person who will delaying moving, or finding a new job, just because I don’t want to deal with the adjustment period. I think I’d feel less guilty too if my kiddo was in daycare because at least a portion of his day would remain the same. I think a big part of my guilt about having another baby is thinking my son will struggle with the big change, but I’m realizing that’s my issue, and might not necessarily be his. I struggled when I was on maternity leave and when I made the decision to stay at home. I definitely had baby blues and possibly ppd. It took some time, but I feel like we are all in a good place, and in a groove. As much as I look forward to meeting my baby girl and expanding our family, I worry a lot about how long it’s going to take for it to feel “normal” for everyone.

lifesabeach85 · September 2018

@BabyBoyH92016 I think the main thing is to have all your furniture anchored so he can’t tip over something heavy if he climbs on it. Try to move chairs or things that can be used to scale out of reach if possible. And then make strict rules about it. If he’s not allowed to climb on furniture and you catch him it’s a time out or loss of privileges or toy or something.

BabyBoyH92016 · September 2018

@lifesabeach85 Good idea with the time outs. We somewhat recently started enforcing timeouts since I feel like he’s just beginning to understand them. So far it’s only when he hits. It’s not a bad idea to expand the list to unsafe things he does in the house. Right now I run interference and of course I say no, or get down, but apparently it does not affect him much.

runningyogimama · September 2018

@lostarz14 I didn’t feel guilty about adding baby #2, and don’t feel guilty about #3 - not feeling bad or guilty is just as valid of a feeling as feeling guilty! It’s also why I’ve kept quiet in the discussion, since I don’t identity with the feelings and didn’t want to seem insensitive, so I’m sure others feel the same.

pelorunningmama · September 2018

@lostarz14 no guilt here either. I work part-time, but DD has been in MDO since she was 10 months old. DS joined her when he was 10 months old. DD was just so excited about having a sibling and now they are best friends. I'm the same as @runningyogimama. My lack of guilt is why I haven't said much in this conversation. I think it is ok to feel this way too though. I just envision the third baby jumping right in with the other two. They will have a new little buddy to love on and take care of and eventually play with, so I am super excited for that.

lifesabeach85 · September 2018

Question for TTM+: The rumor is that second labors are faster than your first, and that the second baby comes earlier than the first. Was this true for you?

emjohn517 · September 2018

I however you feel is totally normal, natural. I would love more advice from TTM+ on tips for transitioning and handling multiple kids!

pelorunningmama · September 2018

@emjohn517 Everyone is so different and I truly don't want to downplay the transition, but it was very easy for our family. I think part of that is our first (DD) was a REALLY hard baby. Therefore, I was expecting the worst. Then I had DS, who continues to be the happiest, most charming boy on the planet. Sure he had some sleep regressions along the way, but all in all, he was a much easier kid. Because of that, our transition from 1 to 2 was way better than anticipated. We kept DD on her schedule entirely. She had been going to full-time mother's day out (9 to 3), so we kept her in that even when I was on maternity leave. She stayed enrolled in all of her classes (dance, gym, soccer, etc). Her nighttime routine looked the exact same. We really just tried to make sure that her life wasn't totally tossed upside down when her brother arrived. I think the consistency and knowing what she was doing every day helped a lot. Sure there were bumps here and there, but for the most part we all held it together.

@lifesabeach85 it was true for me. With DD, I labored for 17 hours, pushed for 20 minutes. I went into labor at 39+4. With DS (second baby), I labored for 5 hours, pushed for maybe 10 minutes. I went into labor at 39 weeks. I'm kind of hoping I can hold this baby in longer than DS though... really want to make it to November 2. We will see what happens the third go round!

runningyogimama · September 2018

@emjohn517 Hoenstly, the transition from 1-2 was ROUGH for me. DD1 was an easy baby - DD2 never stopped crying and never slept, and was high maintenance from the day she was born. 2 under 2 was also what was rough for me - it was just all too much. But, you do adapt quickly - you learn to live on less sleep, you learn to go places with two kids instead of one, you worry a lot less than the first time, and after a few months, two is your new normal.

@lifesabeach85 Well, I was induced with DD2 at...39 weeks 5 days? Because I was miserable, already 3.5 cm dilated, and had had contractions for weeks. 90 mins from them breaking my water to her being born, and half of that was pushing because she was sunny side up. So...super short, easy labor. My labor with DD1 was only 12-ish hours from first timeable contractions to her being born - and I also progressed super quickly once they broke my water with her. I’m terrified of how quick this third labor might be, and I fully intend on scheduling an induction after 39 weeks, if I’m dilated as much and have contractions like last time.

hollyeva · September 2018

@emjohn517 going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1. DD1 didn't sleep well and I suffered through some breastfeeding issues, song with that whole being born during flu season and winter was more isolating as well. So many factors came into play.

@lifesabeach624 labor was more intense and came in faster with DD2, but that was because I was in and out of labor for 2 weeks and she was sunny side up. With both of them I was induced for different reasons, but labor was harder with a sunny side up kid. All told labor was about 6 hours for both, and only 20-30 minutes of pushing each. It also took longer to induce DD1 since we did a slow dial up on the pitocin the first time, not knowing what to expect. I was also 4 cm dilated at the beginning of each induction.

offtoneverland · September 2018

@lostarz14 I understand what you mean. I don't feel super guilty about it either. I do get a little sad thinking that we will no longer be a family of 3, and it's really hard for me to imagine loving another kid as much as I love DD, but I know I will. I think it helps for me that DD is big enough to be getting super excited for the baby, so seeing her excited about it has me really excited too!

runningyogimama · September 2018

Kind of changing the subject, ha, but I got my Amazon registry coupon, and we have a gift card DH got from work, so I’m planning to order this weekend, and I just feel like I should need more and am forgetting something! Am I forgetting anything? We saved EVERYTHING, and I’ve already bought NB and 0-3 month clothes from swap groups on FB and Poshmark.

I have new nipples for our bottles, pumping/milk storage supplies, detergent for cloth diapers, CJ’s BUTTer, pacifiers, nursing pads...I’ll still get the registry completion coupon from Target, so I’ll grab a few other things there (a pack of NB diapers til the CDs fit, wipes, all the random little things like gripe water and post-delivery stuff like pads). I feel brand new since it’s been so long, ha!

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