Thanks everyone. I’m glad to hear these morbid thoughts are normal. I woke up this morning feeling much better since H will be home tomorrow. @offtoneverland When my son was born we took out a decent life insurance policy on my H (I currently do not work), but we have yet to do wills. I frequently think about who would get the kids, but it is such a tough decision.
When are kids supposed to start writing letters and reading (a little bit, at least)? Some kids in DD's class who are a little younger than her can write letters and I'm worried that DD is behind. She just turned 4 yesterday. We've been trying to point out letters and words to her while reading and drawing, but she gets frustrated sometimes and says "I don't want to learn, I want to play!" Should I be worried that she's not interested in writing/reading yet?
@offtoneverland No, you shouldn't be worried. Most kids don't really take an interest in that stuff until much closer to five. If you want to foster interest now, make it all a game with her. If she knows her colors, ask her to find colored letters, then point out what they are. For instance, if she is coloring, add a colored pic of a letter to her book or pile of papers and mention how she needs to look for it since it "doesn't belong". When she find it show her what's on it, whether letter or number and ask if she can draw it, color it, etc.
@offtoneverland My DD is four and only knows a few letters (like A because it’s the first letter of her name). We have her in a European style preschool that doesn’t teach letters until kindergarten and doesn’t teach reading until 1st grade, which is very different from many of the American schools. It can be a bit unnerving when I’m around kids who are her age but have already learned all their letters, but I remind myself that she has plenty of time. There is no difference in long term intelligence or reading ability for kids who learn to read at 4 vs. 6, and it is SO important that kids this age have time for unstructured play. That is how they develop social and emotional skills, which is much more important for them at this age than reading. With my DD I will usually just remind her occasionally when I’m reading to her that one day soon she will be learning to read too, and that will be really cool because then she can read stories on her own or even read a story to me. I try to make it seem like a cool “big girl” thing but I never push it. And I’ll point out letters sometimes on signs when we’re out and about but only if she’s in the mood and seems to be enjoying it. Overall I don’t worry about it too much. They seriously have SO much time for standard education and not much time left for the truly carefree young child/preschool days. I just want her to soak up all the joy and magic of this age. She’ll get to reading in the next year or two and that will be a new adventure, but for now it’s really okay. Try googling something along the lines of “preschoolers and play” and you’ll find lots of articles about the importance of play over academics at this age.
@iheartbooks@wildrainbow Thank you so much for the reassurance! I figured I probably shouldn't be worried, but it seemed so strange that several kids in her class are already writing letters and spelling things and she's just not interested in it in the slightest. Thanks for the advice about making it a game so it's fun for her to get her a little interested. @iheartbooks Thank you for all the info about play time being so important at this age! That's so easy to forget, especially when you want your kids to learn and be on par with others their age. You're totally right that there's not much time left for the carefree days, and I want her to enjoy those days while she can! Thank you so much for helping me feel better.
So, I just realized that I have at most 8 weeks of pregnancy left, realistically, it's closer to 4 or 5. I need to get all of our NB clothes out to look through, and H refuses to get them! They are buried under boxes in our spare/catch all room. I can't really get tho them with the monster belly and I'm super frustrated. I'm trying to avoid what happened when ds was born, when we only had a PNP and car seat. I'm seriously thinking about getting a friend to come over and get theboxes I need. Everything needs to be washed and gone through to see what we need to replace, etc. Why can't he see that?
@wildrainbow dude. these husbands, wtf. and yours should def know better. i say invite your friend over, then take them out for a fun dinner and leave your dh at home to sort and wash.
@lifesabeach85 I dunno what his issue is. Regardless, it's happening whether he lives in denial or not, so why not control the few things we can, like making sure shit is sorted.
@wildrainbow he's probably thinking he has a whole 4-5 weeks to get them out, LOL.
@offtoneverland definitely keep the magic in reading right now. Eventually, she'll find a motivation to actually want to identify the letters and sound them out. For now a game of "Do you see the letter B?" or whatever letter she happens to know is good enough, you keep their interest through the fun more than the achievement at this stage. Keep in mind she may also be intentionally not identifying letters or writing them out in front of you because at this age, they do things like that.
+1 on the tired and miserable thing, and I feel like I shouldn't even be there yet! I think the abundance of BH has actually worn me out more physically than any other part of the pregnancy, barring of course, those random times the hormones decide it's a great idea to keep me awake at night.
On the potty training topic, my 5 year old, who's been potty trained for over two years at this point, is having accidents. I'm not sure if this is regressive behavior because she changes school in a week and has a new sibling on the way, or if she's simply letting herself be too distracted by activities to realize she needs to go. I'm really worried about it since she's going into 1st grade in public school next week. The good news is that now she loves showers, so at least getting her clean isn't as much of a hassle.
Can anyone explain to me why my boyfriend can dress himself in matching pants and shirts every morning but when he dresses dd she looks like a circus clown gone horribly wrong? Every damn time, lol.
@iheartbooks Hahaha. My husband has gotten a lot better at dressing DD over the years but every once in a while he'll put her in something and I'm like When DD was younger, he would very often put her clothes on backwards. Ruffle butt pants with the ruffles in the front, and buttons that are supposed to be on the back in the front! It always made me laugh that he could never figure it out.
@iheartbooks DH is color blind, so it's always an adventure when he dresses ds. The other day we had a couples baby shower for a friend and he dressed ds in very black shorts that were dressy and a beast (the beast from beauty and beast) t shirt that said beast mode On it navy blue. I was like umm, I'm wearing a dress, you're wearing a polo, why is he dressed like a grimlin?
@iheartbooks yeah DH is classic dad that way. Part of the issue is he just goes with whatever DD says! Like yesterday he put her in her fanciest dress so we could go to the park/playground. I’m like yeah you gotta change I’m not getting mud out of that for no reasons
@hollyeva when i was reading up on kids suddenly having accidents, transitioning to a new school and getting a new sibling was on every list of potential causes. my dd is a bit younger, so it is likely very different for yours, but i did notice improvement on re-training after we read some books about being nervous in new situations. i hope your dd comes around quickly, too.
@hollyeva when i was reading up on kids suddenly having accidents, transitioning to a new school and getting a new sibling was on every list of potential causes. my dd is a bit younger, so it is likely very different for yours, but i did notice improvement on re-training after we read some books about being nervous in new situations. i hope your dd comes around quickly, too.
Yes. My son regressed in the months before my daughter was born even though he had been accident free. It’s like he knew everything was about to change.
I’ve been asking DH for 3 weeks to get the boxes of bottles out from the storage space under our stairs because I just can’t get down in there right now, and today he finally acknowledged that I was asking and he hadn’t yet, but asked why. And I tried to explain that only one of th brands fits the breast pump I got, so I want to know how many we have, and also want to know in order to buy nipples. And he was like...just buy new bottles with new nipples. Wtf, dude, just get them out. We kept them for a reason. And he’s usually stingy about money! I don’t think he understands that all of the random little things we need add up, even though we already have the big stuff we need.
ETA: he finally brought them up, an hour before we are going to eat with my family, ha, but he finally got them. Now I know how many Avent bottles and how many Dr. Brown’s bottles. That’s all I wanted to know!
You guys, I am beside myself with this damn pacifier situation. Yesterday we took DD (turned 3 in August) to MK and had her give her paci to Tinkerbell during a meet & greet in exchange for pixie dust. It was very cute, she did it all willingly, etc. But when we got home for nap time and she realized it was gone, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She completely refused her nap despite the long day she'd had. At bedtime it took almost 2 hours for her to finally fall asleep without it. Today at nap time the only way we were able to get her to go to sleep was to give her one w/ a hole poked in the nipple (we caved last night and gave it to her but she had no interest when she realized it didn't suck the same. Today it quieted her down despite that.) She just screams and cries saying "Mama, I need paci!" She sounds genuinely emotionally distraught not to have it; it's breaking my heart. She's sleeping now because of the useless paci, but the entire point of this was to prevent orthodontic issues...I'm going to have to take that one away as well. It's only been a day and a half but at this point I'm worried that not having her pacifier is going to cause her to drop her naps completely and trust me she is not ready for that.
I haven't been this stressed out over a parenting decision in idk when. Did anyone else's kiddo completely stop napping during this process? Again, I know it's only been a day and a half. I'm still going to insist on nap times. I just need some reassurance!
ETA: I just snuck in and slipped it out of her mouth while she was sleeping. Would it be so terrible to allow her to fall asleep with it, then take it away while she sleeps so it doesn’t cause dental problems? She has only had it when she sleeps for more than a year now. My judgement is so out of wack right now.
@mousemama817 I am so sorry and have completely been there. We took DD's away in stages around 2.5. That seemed to be the easiest route for us. I know some people have luck with the cold turkey system, but it broke my heart and was SO hard. We started with no paci at nap time (and nap time was never as good) and then gradually moved to no paci at bed time. There were definitely a couple times when we let her fall asleep with it and I pulled it out shortly after.
She gave up naps pretty quickly after giving up the pacifier. I have a hard time remembering (because I blocked it out of my mind), but I want to say it could have been in conjunction. She stopped napping right around 3 though I want to say. It seems like it has been forever since she has willingly napped. The pacifier really did just soothe her. It will get better and you will get through it, but you may have some rough days/weeks/months ahead. Do what you need to do to make it work. I'm not a dentist, but I would think pulling it out a few minutes after she is asleep should help alleviate most dental problems. It's heartbreaking.
@MouseMama817 - Ugh that is so hard, I'm sorry. I don't have any advice at this age. We stopped giving DS the paci at naps and bedtime when he turned 2 so he was young enough he still napped. Can you explain to her pacis are for babies and she's a big girl now, etc (if you haven't already)?
*TW*
Me:35 DH:35 Dx: PCOS DS1 born 11/2014 DS2 born 11/2018 3 previous losses Rainbow babydue 12/2021 - Team Green
@MouseMama817 you have no idea how much I’m DREADING the day we take the paci away. My son will be two next month and still uses one for naps and bedtime. With baby coming i have no plans on making him give it up now, but hope to do it sometime in the next year. I have no advice, but hope things get better for you.
@offtoneverland One thing that is helping my youngest learn colours is pointing out what colour cars are in the parking lot as we walk by. I just make it a game, and keep it light hearted. As for letters, try drawing the letters in mud, or sand... Make it dirty or more interesting. That helped my oldest immensely.... and as others have said.... don't rush it. She'll learn it all eventually
I'm glad I'm not the only one finding this so hard! @wannaflickone I've always said I would institute a quiet time in place of nap time when DD was ready to drop her nap-- and I still intend to-- but I'm not ready to make that switch yet! I hope if I push through for a few more days she'll adjust. Right now she's still asleep even though I pulled the paci out an hour ago.
@BabyBoyH92016 I hope I'm not making you more nervous lol. The vast majority of parents I've spoken to or blog posts I've read have said how easily their kids let the paci go. "We just floated it away with a balloon." "I just told her I lost it." "We poked a hole in it and he lost interest." I've been wondering who the hell these children are! My experience seems to be the minority so have heart!
@mockingjay1 I've told her a few times she's a big girl and doesn't need it anymore but it didn't feel right. For some reason I sort of shy away from telling her it's time to do xyz because she's a big girl. It feels like I'm rushing her to grow up before she's ready. I'm blaming all of this on pregnancy because I am usually not such a softie!
@MouseMama817 I have no advice because DD never took a paci but I really understand your anxiety! Nap time is really necessary right now (I know she will drop it before too long and like you I would do quiet time) because by 1pm I’m so exhausted I can barely stay on my feet.
Has the dentist or pedi said it is actually causing dental problems or it’s just more likely to if used after the age of three? If her teeth are fine now, if it were me, to be honest I would probably do half measures in the interest of preserving sleep/nap. Like allowing it to fall asleep and then grabbing it for example. Maybe it will be easier to be a hard ass when she drops the nap independently and you can say “girls who are big enough to do quiet time don’t need pacis”?
@mousemama817 I had another friend who had her son’s paci sewed into a Build a Bear. He was fine during the process but tried to rip the bear apart several days later to get to it. It’s so hard. If she is staying asleep after you take it out, I would probably keep doing that.
@lifesabeach85 Her dentist said it’s starting to affect her teeth and that 3 is the absolute oldest we should allow it. Honestly, I can see a small difference in her teeth and the teeth of my nephew, whose mother never allowed him a paci. Last night DH gave her a paci we received in the BabyList registry gift bag, then snuck in and took it after she’d fallen asleep. This morning she tore her room apart looking for it. I told him we just need to stick to our guns because we’re causing her confusion. Give it 3 days and if there’s no improvement we’ll go from there.
@wannaflickone I know some parents who rewarded their DD with a “paci bear” from Build a Bear. It didn’t actually have the paci in it, but was meant to be a replacement comfort item. They put one of those recording devices inside of them singing a night night song to her and she loved it. I’m not sure my DD would care too much about that lol. She’d accept the bear but still be like “Y’all I can’t suck on this thing...”
@MouseMama817 I don't have a ton of experience as DD didn't take it too hard when we took her paci away, but you're right that consistency is really important and you may be confusing her a bit with your current tactic. That's not meant to be an insult or anything. We did something similar when we cut out bottles and it was really hard for DD getting them sometimes but not others. It might be a few nights of pure torture, but it might work better if you just do it cold turkey. We found consistency worked so much better with DD.
Do you have any friends who recently had a baby? One of my friends kids was getting rid of her paci around the time DD was born, so she put the paci in an envelope and "mailed" it to DD. My friend said it seemed to help. She told her daughter that my DD needed the paci more since she was a baby.
Good luck! I'm sorry it's been so much tougher than anticipated.
@MouseMama817 we cut the tips off the pacifiers (all of them so I couldn’t give in when he was crying) and he helped throw them away. He was 2. He cried hard for awhile the first night, the second night was about half the time, the third night was maybe 10 minutes, and a few more nights of 5 minutes, he also woke up earlier for a few weeks. I would stay occupied while he cried like do the dishes or something like that to help me get through it. He did try to drop naps after we took the paci away but I always had him still lay in bed and rest. Now, six months later, he napping well again. Good luck, one of the hardest transitions we had!
It’s a kids version of a German shark song. If you look up “German shark song” on YouTube it’s the first result. My little cousins torture me with this video every chance they get. Disclaimer: I don’t know if it’s originally a German song or a song being sung in German by this woman, but you get the point.
I remember the song from when I was a kid with all the special motions. I have no idea where DD heard it (school? Playground?) but she started singing it and asked me to sing it and at first it was kinda fun singing and doing the motions together. But one morning I just couldn’t so I introduced her to YouTube aaaaanf now I’ve seen some of the duuuuumbest garbage produced by weirdos for kids.
@lifesabeach85 No no no no no! You're doing it wrong! Super Simple Songs is where it's at! That and Dave and Ava are the only things we let DD watch on YouTube. The rest of YT kids' stuff is garbage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GR2o6k8aPlI
@offtoneverland how can I prevent “suggested videos” from coming up? She’ll start watching something relatively normal and the next thing I know she’s watching some elaborate Disney dolls wedding...
@lifesabeach85 I like the long Super Simple Songs videos for that reason... They play for like 45 to 60 minutes so I don't have to frequently keep watch to make sure nothing weird pops up. But usually it'll suggest another SSS video instead of something annoying. Unfortunately there's no way to turn off the suggestions, just as there's no way to choose kid friendly ads instead of commercials for adult movies. We also will usually just tell DD she's not allowed to watch the other junk. She started asking to watch some of those annoying toy videos, but MH put his foot down and absolutely refuses to let her watch those since they're so irritating!
Re: STM+ Chat - August
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Edit: Spelling
@iheartbooks Thank you for all the info about play time being so important at this age! That's so easy to forget, especially when you want your kids to learn and be on par with others their age. You're totally right that there's not much time left for the carefree days, and I want her to enjoy those days while she can! Thank you so much for helping me feel better.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
@offtoneverland definitely keep the magic in reading right now. Eventually, she'll find a motivation to actually want to identify the letters and sound them out. For now a game of "Do you see the letter B?" or whatever letter she happens to know is good enough, you keep their interest through the fun more than the achievement at this stage. Keep in mind she may also be intentionally not identifying letters or writing them out in front of you because at this age, they do things like that.
+1 on the tired and miserable thing, and I feel like I shouldn't even be there yet! I think the abundance of BH has actually worn me out more physically than any other part of the pregnancy, barring of course, those random times the hormones decide it's a great idea to keep me awake at night.
On the potty training topic, my 5 year old, who's been potty trained for over two years at this point, is having accidents. I'm not sure if this is regressive behavior because she changes school in a week and has a new sibling on the way, or if she's simply letting herself be too distracted by activities to realize she needs to go. I'm really worried about it since she's going into 1st grade in public school next week. The good news is that now she loves showers, so at least getting her clean isn't as much of a hassle.
When DD was younger, he would very often put her clothes on backwards. Ruffle butt pants with the ruffles in the front, and buttons that are supposed to be on the back in the front! It always made me laugh that he could never figure it out.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
ETA: he finally brought them up, an hour before we are going to eat with my family, ha, but he finally got them. Now I know how many Avent bottles and how many Dr. Brown’s bottles. That’s all I wanted to know!
You guys, I am beside myself with this damn pacifier situation. Yesterday we took DD (turned 3 in August) to MK and had her give her paci to Tinkerbell during a meet & greet in exchange for pixie dust. It was very cute, she did it all willingly, etc. But when we got home for nap time and she realized it was gone, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She completely refused her nap despite the long day she'd had. At bedtime it took almost 2 hours for her to finally fall asleep without it. Today at nap time the only way we were able to get her to go to sleep was to give her one w/ a hole poked in the nipple (we caved last night and gave it to her but she had no interest when she realized it didn't suck the same. Today it quieted her down despite that.) She just screams and cries saying "Mama, I need paci!" She sounds genuinely emotionally distraught not to have it; it's breaking my heart. She's sleeping now because of the useless paci, but the entire point of this was to prevent orthodontic issues...I'm going to have to take that one away as well. It's only been a day and a half but at this point I'm worried that not having her pacifier is going to cause her to drop her naps completely and trust me she is not ready for that.
I haven't been this stressed out over a parenting decision in idk when. Did anyone else's kiddo completely stop napping during this process? Again, I know it's only been a day and a half. I'm still going to insist on nap times. I just need some reassurance!
ETA: I just snuck in and slipped it out of her mouth while she was sleeping. Would it be so terrible to allow her to fall asleep with it, then take it away while she sleeps so it doesn’t cause dental problems? She has only had it when she sleeps for more than a year now. My judgement is so out of wack right now.
She gave up naps pretty quickly after giving up the pacifier. I have a hard time remembering (because I blocked it out of my mind), but I want to say it could have been in conjunction. She stopped napping right around 3 though I want to say. It seems like it has been forever since she has willingly napped. The pacifier really did just soothe her. It will get better and you will get through it, but you may have some rough days/weeks/months ahead. Do what you need to do to make it work. I'm not a dentist, but I would think pulling it out a few minutes after she is asleep should help alleviate most dental problems. It's heartbreaking.
Dx: PCOS
DS1 born 11/2014
DS2 born 11/2018
3 previous losses
Rainbow baby due 12/2021 - Team Green
@BabyBoyH92016 I hope I'm not making you more nervous lol. The vast majority of parents I've spoken to or blog posts I've read have said how easily their kids let the paci go. "We just floated it away with a balloon." "I just told her I lost it." "We poked a hole in it and he lost interest." I've been wondering who the hell these children are!
@mockingjay1 I've told her a few times she's a big girl and doesn't need it anymore but it didn't feel right. For some reason I sort of shy away from telling her it's time to do xyz because she's a big girl. It feels like I'm rushing her to grow up before she's ready. I'm blaming all of this on pregnancy because I am usually not such a softie!
Has the dentist or pedi said it is actually causing dental problems or it’s just more likely to if used after the age of three? If her teeth are fine now, if it were me, to be honest I would probably do half measures in the interest of preserving sleep/nap. Like allowing it to fall asleep and then grabbing it for example. Maybe it will be easier to be a hard ass when she drops the nap independently and you can say “girls who are big enough to do quiet time don’t need pacis”?
@wannaflickone I know some parents who rewarded their DD with a “paci bear” from Build a Bear. It didn’t actually have the paci in it, but was meant to be a replacement comfort item. They put one of those recording devices inside of them singing a night night song to her and she loved it. I’m not sure my DD would care too much about that lol. She’d accept the bear but still be like “Y’all I can’t suck on this thing...”
Do you have any friends who recently had a baby? One of my friends kids was getting rid of her paci around the time DD was born, so she put the paci in an envelope and "mailed" it to DD. My friend said it seemed to help. She told her daughter that my DD needed the paci more since she was a baby.
Good luck! I'm sorry it's been so much tougher than anticipated.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
https://youtu.be/XqZsoesa55w
Click at your own risk!!!!!!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
We also will usually just tell DD she's not allowed to watch the other junk. She started asking to watch some of those annoying toy videos, but MH put his foot down and absolutely refuses to let her watch those since they're so irritating!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018