I also just realized that she will have 2 under 2 with 2 different fathers. SMH you are right @chloe97 she has so many struggles that I don’t. Still just rots my socks
@Mack2342 Yes, she does have 2 under 2 and that is really hard, but she also has her babies. I think it's okay to be both bitter and supportive.
AFM, yesterday I returned maternity pants I'd ordered online, in the store. You guys. These were unopened, still in the sealed shipping plastic. As the clerk is ripping them open, she goes, "oh, what happened, they didn't fit?" Yes lady, that's the problem. I mean, are you effing kidding me?? Wouldn't you think that would be a red flag for someone who works in a maternity store?
@ruby696 Ugh I’m so sorry. I took 2 pairs of maternity jeans back to Nordstrom Rack after my 2nd loss- I was dreading that question and put it off until the very end- and I was very pleasantly surprised when the checkout clerk saw maternity and said nothing more. Not a single question. Maybe she saw my face red from tears I cried on the way to the store, but I will always be thankful for that small bit of kindness.
Curious if anyone here has had losses and then a LC and then more losses. Is it easier after a LC? I have (seemingly) been superfertile- meaning my body accepts all embryos. This may seem like a good thing, but when you are 39- most eggs aren’t chromonsomally normal. I think I read like 25% are or something like that. Anyway, I’m fully expecting to have a few more MCs. Today or tomorrow is ovulation day and DH and DTD last night. I’m internally freaking out, but I’m trying to convince myself that it won’t be as hard this time bc I’ve been through it.
ruby696 Ugh, sorry for the clerk being an idiot. I'd have given a slap in the face type comment back. How horrible of her!!!!
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
@chloe97 I had a MMC, CP, LC, and then another MMC (and possibly another CP). It’s been easier for me because we have our daughter but I’ve been surprised at how sad I still am sometimes. And how resentful/angry I am that I may not get to make the choice about having another baby. Its definitely different than I thought it would be and just as lonely in many ways. I’m ovulating today, too, so here’s hoping that we both get viable embryos this month!
@mwmiller4 I am so sorry for your losses. Thanks for your thoughts, it's helpful to know other people on here like me. I know rationally that even though I am not 100% ready to be KU-d this month, that I will be sad if I am not. And I will be sad if I have a loss no matter what. Right now, despite my CP in April, I kind of feel that sense of optimism and innocence that I had when we started TTC almost 3 years ago. No idea what to expect. I also realize that the stakes are so much higher this time, I can't collapse into a pile of nothingness and spend months not leaving my couch.
@Mack2342 I've had a couple friends have hip replacement surgery and it's made a huge difference in their lives. I also hope you're feeling okay about giving yourself an end date. That's such a hard decision to make.
@prpl11butterfly and @bakerstreetboys I’ve needed this hip for sometime but put off bc of TTC. Doctor said my hip is full of arthritis and is the age of a 73 year old.
@ruby696 I’m hoping it makes a difference. My life is so different now bc of needing this. So I’m hoping to be out of pain and return to things I love not to mention just do things with my ***TW*** 3 year old. At 43 and 3 losses I’ve come to accept that we will not have another child but I will give it a good go until the surgery
@Mack2342 that makes sense. I feel like I'm going to be an early knee replacement. I call it "pre arthritic". But, having a 3yo you will certainly feel better with a fresh new hip!
@Mack2342 My good friend had it done at 41. She looked 10 years younger after she finished PT. It wasn't until after the surgery that it became apparent how much her pain showed in her face. It was life changing for her.
@Mack2342 Ugh I am sorry that you have been battling physical pain as well as emotional pain. That just sucks. I hope that this surgery will be an easy process for you.
From a pregnancy loss perspective, I would add that allowing people to feel what they feel and make it clear that if they need to step away from the friendship for whatever reason that you understand will be there for them when they are ready to come back. A close friend had her first loss the same month as me (November 2015) and has been subsequently dealing with IF. There are days she can't talk to me or be around me and even though I considered her my closest friend in this city, she will completely avoid me at parties sometimes. Other times she is fine, though we don't talk about DD ever. And I 100% get it. Mutual friends who dealt with IF and are now no longer pursuing IF treatment or adoption, think it should upset me, but after going through what I have gone through I know that there are days when you just can't deal. And a good friend gets that and gives you whatever space you need.
We dont have an Aug Randoms and its almost Sept so I'm using this to be rant.
TW, others/kids pregnancy mentioned
So, for work I make the daily bank deposit. One of the girls there I've known for a loooong time (worked together at another employer). Shes super chatty but just recently started being really quite around me. I just assumed she was having personal issues with her daughters father again. Nbd. Well today she informed me she's preg and "doing it alone" as in the father is either unknown or she doesn't want him to know. I dont really care either way, that's her issue. She asks how I'm doing and I said okay and shrugged. She asked if we're still trying and I nodded yes. She actually says "I really wish we could just trade". If you didn't want this then maybe you should have taken steps to prevent. She really truly is not in any place to have a child. Seriously, WTF. Now I'm over here crying and having a pity party on my lunch instead of eating or doing housework. Life is so fing unfair sometimes.
prpl11butterfly Sorry fort he rough day. I HATE when people have children when they are not in a position to have the child's best interests taken care of. GRrrrrr..... and yes... in this day and age when BC and everything is super easy to get, people need to be WAY more responsible....
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
I was on BC for 12 years because I did not want kids before we got married. And that worked out just fine. I know there are rare cases where it fails but I dont take this as 1 of them.
Unfortunately where I live it makes it all to easy for people who cant properly care for their kids. She'll get free daycare (and actually, take the spot that would have been saved for us had we not had the loss and prevent me from using that daycare should we have any success in the near future) among many other state aid programs.
@prpl11butterfly sorry for your rough day...I work in an NICU and I see that kind of story all the time so I can relate. It’s really tough being in our TTCAL boat and being sympathetic to someone else’s story in that kind of situation. You’re right life is just so friggin unfair.
@prpl11butterfly sorry for that situation! I can't believe a person would say I wish we could trade. That is just so heartbreaking for me I think I would've just walked away in tears or said something really nasty in response.
It blows my mind how casual people can be about having a baby. I carry the weight of my decisions heavily and probably to my detriment.
@prpl11butterfly That's so unbelievably insensitive of her, knowing your situation. I feel sorry for her kids too.
I'm in such a state of limbo right now. I log on everyday, but I just don't know what to say on the regular threads anymore. After this third loss, I feel like I have to start accepting that this may not happen.
@Mack2342 and @prpl11butterfly I can totally relate. I have a friend from church where we used to live, who is 19 years younger than me (so I could be her mom...lol), and we were pregnant at the same time each with our first child (she was about 6 months behind me.) Then we both got pregnant at the same time a few years later. She announced her pregnancy right away at like 6 weeks and was due the EXACT same day as I was! I, having had 2 MC's before my son, was waiting until I could hear the heartbeat from above at my 10 week appointment before making the announcement. But I went over in my head how I would announce it at our women's midweek service that night after my appt and how excited I was to tell her we were pregnant at the same time again and due the same day! At my appt there was no heartbeat. My little angel had passed about 2 weeks earlier. I never got to make that announcement. I was happy for my friend, but it was tough. I saw her once or twice per week as her baby grew and was born near our mutual due date. MC #3 for more than one reason was my hardest. :'(
@bakerstreetboys I know exactly what you mean. As more time passes and the more losses I have it’s just so hard to stay positive. I keep saying I wish I could see the future and know what the “right” thing to do is. Ugh it’s all just so hard!
@bakerstreetboys I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to stay positive. Being so close to 40, I know how tough it is to just have to accept that another takehome baby may not be in the cards. It’s grief-inducing and having another MC just is soul-crushing. Don’t feel like you have to participate if you aren’t feeling it. I think everyone on this board has felt that way.
After 3 years of participating in TTCAL and TCAL grad boards, I’ve seen so many ladies who were in what seemed to be hopeless situations end up with amazing rainbows in some way or the other.
This is such a shitty period of life. But it will end in some form or another. I feel like I just healed after suffering severe PTSD/depression from my 2 losses and here I am again trying to trigger myself. It sucks, but it’s wirth everything we put into it, in the end!
bakerstreetboys Sorry for the feelings of despair. I totally understand. After 4 MC and no LC, I feel like we're at the end of our time with only a few last chances left. I'm not even hopeful anymore. More depressed and bitter and angry. I don't participate in the TWW/WTO threads because I just can't either...
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
@bakerstreetboys I'm with you there. After three losses, I truly feel like I am not going to have a successful pregnancy. Even a future bfp means nothing to me, because I really believe I won't make it though 1st tri. At this point, I'm just kind of numb to it. We started trying again and I feel nothing.
ruby696 Ugh yes... the fact that a BFP doesn't even mean anything is horrible. For me, it's all about seeing those betas double (which I've never seen)... and if I can see a heartbeat, I'll actually start to believe it.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
@dpjennifer I feel guilty not being excited, but it marks the start of 8-10 weeks (for me) of stress and anxiety. My husband's response (after I "announce" by handing him the test) is an obligatory high five and, "Well, let's see what happens." We're a little jaded over here!
So our DNA came back after the D and C and it was trisomy 14 from me. The OB said that it’s random and doesn’t give me any higher risk of having it happen again. However with my loss history I have to think that more of my eggs have chromosome issues then most people (obviously I could be wrong). However, we are definitely going to move forward with IVF with embryo chromosome testing so we hopefully won’t have to keep going through this. Next meeting with the RE isn’t till the 17th and then it’s a three month process. So we are probably looking at a Dec or Jan transfer... that’s a long way away but at least we will have a plan. I think we would only do one round of IVF before moving onto embryo adoption. Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far, just needed to talk it out somewhere.
@char245 I’m sorry. Getting hit with a “random” loss certainly doesn’t make it any easier. We’re in the same boat in terms of waiting for our next cycle, but tomorrow should be my day one, and I’m going to call and bug them. It is good to have a plan though, and feels like a relief to get your protocol. Is there a way they can tell if more eggs have chromosomal issues? Hugs to you, this is a shitty journey to be on.
@bakerstreetboys I’m not sure but I unfortunately I think we have to do a whole round to get any additional information (I’ve already had all the initial testing). Thats exciting to be starting day 1! How long is your protocol? When would you transfer? I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you!!
@char245 Unfortunately by day 1, I just meant that AF has arrived I left a message with the clinic, but the actual protocol won't start probably for another two months because of their wait list. Hopefully they'll call me back today with dates. I'll be doing the estrogen patch antagonist protocol again. Do you what protocol you'll be doing? Good luck with your testing. Maybe we'll be stimming the same month
@bakerstreetboys oh bummer! I don’t know exactly but I do know it’s two weeks BC, about two weeks of shots, then they retrieve. But because we are doing testing they will then freeze them and I have to wait for another period. Once they transfer my whole process is 10-12 weeks. But before any of this can happen I may need to get tested to see if I need to be the bone marrow donor for my dad. So I really have no idea when we are starting, hopefully soon! That would be great if it was at the same time as you
Does anyone know what is normal for a 21 day progesterone blood test? Mine was double what it normally is, 51 this month. I know my dr wants it to be above 10 but wondering if 50 is considered high and if that could indicates an issue. I have an apt Friday so l will ask Dr then. Just wondering if anyone knew cause Google is failing me!
@Kath525 I think 51 means you probably ovulated a couple eggs. This is a good thing- more chances! I don’t think there any issue with high progesterone being a bad thing. Though someone may know better than me. I think I remember you saying that you were close to 40 (like me) and I have read that the older women are more likely to ovulate 2 eggs. Something having the do with higher FSH. When do you test?
Thanks for the info @chloe97. I have an apt tomorrow with my OB for something unrelated (breast cysts). So I'm going to test tomorrow at 13 DPO so I can discuss with her that as well. Here's to hoping!
Re: July Randoms
AFM, yesterday I returned maternity pants I'd ordered online, in the store. You guys. These were unopened, still in the sealed shipping plastic. As the clerk is ripping them open, she goes, "oh, what happened, they didn't fit?" Yes lady, that's the problem. I mean, are you effing kidding me?? Wouldn't you think that would be a red flag for someone who works in a maternity store?
Anyway, rant over.
Curious if anyone here has had losses and then a LC and then more losses. Is it easier after a LC? I have (seemingly) been superfertile- meaning my body accepts all embryos. This may seem like a good thing, but when you are 39- most eggs aren’t chromonsomally normal. I think I read like 25% are or something like that. Anyway, I’m fully expecting to have a few more MCs. Today or tomorrow is ovulation day and DH and DTD last night. I’m internally freaking out, but I’m trying to convince myself that it won’t be as hard this time bc I’ve been through it.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
FX it's both our months!
@ruby696 I’m hoping it makes a difference. My life is so different now bc of needing this. So I’m hoping to be out of pain and return to things I love not to mention just do things with my ***TW*** 3 year old. At 43 and 3 losses I’ve come to accept that we will not have another child but I will give it a good go until the surgery
A friend posted this on FB about grief and loss and it resonated greatly with me so I thought that I would share it with you all https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/07/19/help-a-friend-video/.
From a pregnancy loss perspective, I would add that allowing people to feel what they feel and make it clear that if they need to step away from the friendship for whatever reason that you understand will be there for them when they are ready to come back. A close friend had her first loss the same month as me (November 2015) and has been subsequently dealing with IF. There are days she can't talk to me or be around me and even though I considered her my closest friend in this city, she will completely avoid me at parties sometimes. Other times she is fine, though we don't talk about DD ever. And I 100% get it. Mutual friends who dealt with IF and are now no longer pursuing IF treatment or adoption, think it should upset me, but after going through what I have gone through I know that there are days when you just can't deal. And a good friend gets that and gives you whatever space you need.
TW, others/kids pregnancy mentioned
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Unfortunately where I live it makes it all to easy for people who cant properly care for their kids. She'll get free daycare (and actually, take the spot that would have been saved for us had we not had the loss and prevent me from using that daycare should we have any success in the near future) among many other state aid programs.
@prpl11butterfly sorry for that situation! I can't believe a person would say I wish we could trade. That is just so heartbreaking for me I think I would've just walked away in tears or said something really nasty in response.
It blows my mind how casual people can be about having a baby. I carry the weight of my decisions heavily and probably to my detriment.
***TW***
****trigger warning****
1 LC, girl 5 years old
TTC #2 Summer 2017
BFP 1/5/2018, MC (D & E) 2/23/2018
TTCAL May 2018
BFP 9/20/2018, MC (D & E) 11/16/2018 :'(
I'm in such a state of limbo right now. I log on everyday, but I just don't know what to say on the regular threads anymore. After this third loss, I feel like I have to start accepting that this may not happen.
After 3 years of participating in TTCAL and TCAL grad boards, I’ve seen so many ladies who were in what seemed to be hopeless situations end up with amazing rainbows in some way or the other.
This is such a shitty period of life. But it will end in some form or another. I feel like I just healed after suffering severe PTSD/depression from my 2 losses and here I am again trying to trigger myself. It sucks, but it’s wirth everything we put into it, in the end!
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Thats exciting to be starting day 1! How long is your protocol? When would you transfer? I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you!!