July Randoms

prpl11butterfly

We seem to have lost our randoms thread. I'm resurrecting and thinking monthly is easier.

prpl11butterfly

Of course I started this selfishly. Lol

Did AF go back to pre loss normal for anyone? It use to be super light and 3 to 4 days long. Since the loss it's been 5 to 7 days and super heavy. I just want my normal back and cant help but feel like maybe I won't be able to get preg again until it settles and becomes consistant. This is the start of cycle 4 and OB says 3 for hormones to level back out so I'm hoping....

Mack2342

@prpl11butterfly my cycle has not returned to pre loss normal but it has become a new normal with each loss.  It has taken my body 3-4 cycles before becoming a new normal.  

prpl11butterfly

Ugh. I don't want this to be new normal. I feel so sick right now. I never felt like this before but every CD1 since loss.

Mack2342

I know it sucks @prpl11butterfly my pms symptoms are the worst now sore boobs, nausea all the pregnancy symptoms you can think of.   I used to only have cramps morning of

bakerstreetboys

I also have a "new normal" that I would like to give back.  My cycle is shorter with a harder to pin down ovulation day, and my symptoms in the tww are way worse than they used to be.  Like Mack, I get pregnancy symptoms now, but never did pre-losses.  It really messes with your mind.  I hope your OB is right and yours goes back to normal next month.  This is cycle six for me after my second loss, and I have a feeling it's not going to change.

bakerstreetboys

Does anyone have any idea why I can't see signatures?!  Maybe I accidentally turned off a setting or something...I'm on a computer and can't see any siggies at all!

ETA: That is exactly what I did!  Oops!  Fixed now

dpjennifer

I also have a 'new normal' that is super heavy for 3 days, with a few light days. More bleeding and nausea than normal also, pregnancy symptoms like @Mack2342 said. There were a few times where I was SOOO nauseous I'd swear I was PG if it weren't for the fact that I was bleeding like a stuck pig. The new normal sucks.

justaplainbagel

I've only had one period since my mc (just ended finally last night). Spotted for 3 days and had a heavy flow for 6 days. I'm hoping to start trying again here in a few days since I should ovulate soon. Life after a mc is a fricken pain in the ass

Mack2342

Reading “Conceivability” it’s about a woman’s fertility journey.  I’m 3 chapters in and it’s pretty good.  

sagems10

@nottodaysatan you can say that again! 

justarius

@Mack2342 who’s the author of that book?

Mack2342

@justarius it’s Elizabeth katkin 

Mack2342

It’s beautiful here today so we took DS to the zoo.   So many pregnant ladies and babies there.  It really made me sad.  While we haven’t given up yet, I have come to accept that we will not have another and DS will be it for us.  I didn’t expect that to hit so hard but I guess since my EDD for my 3rd loss is approaching it’s taking its toll on me.  

sagems10

I'm so sorry @Mack2342 it seems these moments tend to sneak up on us. It's easy to get blindsided. 

Mack2342

Yes it is @sagems10 and you would think it gets easier with each one but not so much 

mwmiller4

Oh @Mack2342 I’m so, so sorry. I’m in the the same place right now and spent the morning crying about it—I’m very, very grateful for DD and I know we’ll be good either way, but I hate feeling like I don’t get a choice in how this story ends.  It’s so hard and EDDs/carefree pregnant ladies (who I WANT to be carefree and happy and not have any of this on their radar) just gut me sometimes. 

prpl11butterfly

Ugh @Mack2342 I feel ya. We took the kids to a splash park today (beautiful here too) and there was a very pregnant woman there. Reminded me that I should also be very pregnant also. She's probably due around the same time I was 

bakerstreetboys

Sorry @Mack2342. It’s so hard when these things ruin what should be a happy day. You never know when something will trigger the sadness. Yesterday was the due date for my first loss and for some reason my sadness came out as anger and I ended up fighting with MH. He didn’t realize what the date was, and still doesn’t. 

Mack2342

@bakerstreetboys sorry for EDD.  They are really hard.   I have been angry too during that time so you aren’t alone.  My DH never remembers either.  It’s frustrating 

mwmiller4

@prpl11butterfly I’m so sorry you’re in the middle of this, too. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s just a hard season but it’s not really working right now when it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. 

@bakerstreetboys and @Mack2342 my husband never remembers either. He’s much better at compartmentalization which also makes me angry because I want someone to feel it as much as I do (and in the same way, which is very mature of me

prpl11butterfly

DH doesn't really get it either. And when I try to explain to him why it's different for me he gets defensive like I'm saying he doesn't get upset and that it didn't hurt him too. 

@mwmiller4 I try to remind myself that I don't know their story (other pregnant ladies). It might be one filled with pain, loss, and sorrow. I'll never know. It's not always a useful tool, but does help sometimes.

mwmiller4

@prpl11butterfly oh for sure! I guess it’s more that everyone being pregnant gives me hope that it will happen, we will get a live baby to take home, and then it’s like a punch in the face when that doesn’t happen because it seems like a reasonable hope, right? Not something crazy like being a movie star or a billionaire or an astronaut. Like a nice, safe achievable dream. I apparently have a lot of feelings today...

dpjennifer

Mack2342  Ugh... I also hate the whole "I'm doing better and feeling happier, and trying to be at peace with my lot in life" and then getting blindsided by thinking about something like an EDD. It just hits you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. Total suckage.

mwmiller4 PG ladies no longer give me any hope at all. Their situation is not my situation, and it just makes me bitter anymore. The realization that someone doesn't end up with a baby and every day it's looking more and more like me really makes me hateful. 

Friday I came across this article when I was feeling down and googling against my better judgement... really struck a chord and all the feels... https://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/everyone-gets-rainbow/

Mack2342

@dpjennifer thanks for sharing the article.  It struck a chord for me as well.  Very sad. 

mwmiller4

@dpjennifer that was a great (despite being really hard) read. Thanks so much for sharing ❤️  

dpjennifer

Thanks, yeah, it is a tough read.  The other one that really tore me up, because I don't think I'd ever seen anyone write exactly how I feel in this fashion was this one about RPL: https://stillstandingmag.com/2018/07/recurrent-pregnancy-loss/

Mack2342

@dpjennifer that one also a tear jerker.   But also a great article 

mwmiller4

Agreed @dpjennifer it really sums up a lot of what I’m feeling. I just feel so lost sometimes and like I don’t really fit anywhere anymore. So, thank you. I really appreciate it. 

mwmiller4

My husband just told me that our friends are having a second son. She’s due about 2 months after my EDD and it made me think about how pregnant I should be which made me cry. My husband said “well, at least you aren’t really pregnant and miserable in the summer heat” I told him I’d 100% rather be hot than have lost a baby. I get he was trying to make me feel better BUT OH MY GOD WHAT A DUMMY

sagems10

Haha isaw these socks on pinterest the other day and thought you ladies would appreciate! 

Mack2342

@sagems10  they had those socks at my REs office on the stirrups.  They always made me laugh 

dpjennifer

I just can't even today... how do so many ppl get PG multiple times and not have a freaking clue how anything works out/have no insurance/are completely unprepared and so many of us just sit here..... GRRRRrrrr... all the anger


Mack2342  Also, I'm really hoping you aren't having menopause set in... I'm still really rooting for you for baby #2 before then!!!!!

Mack2342

Thanks girl @dpjennifer.  I totally feel ya.  I repeatedly say this to myself all the time.  So not fair.  Hugs to you

lin0442

@dpjennifer Ugh with people who stumble cluelessly (and irresponsibly) into pregnancy. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel super resentful of people who just... have it easy with this process and I hate how that feels. 

@Mack2342 We’re rooting for you. 

prpl11butterfly

*raises hand to join resentment club* even though I know my wait time is nothing compared to you ladies. But, the waiting I have done makes me feel for you and the  feel even more angry towards them because I feel for you. They legit have no clue how their bodies operate and just "taa daa". While we're here calculating and planning and researching and sucking all the fun right out of it. 

@Mack2342 I think your still young for menopause. FX that your bodys just having a rough cycle and bounces back.

dpjennifer

lin0442  *sigh* Yeah... the bitterness, anger, and resentment is real.

Mack2342

Just found out my nieces half sister is pregnant again. Not married two different fathers has minimum wage job.  So annoying. I feel like I’m being punished for getting an education, a career and waiting until I found my DH. 

dpjennifer

Mack2342  Ugh, that is awful... life is so unfair. This is the type of stuff that fuels my bitter resentful anger...

chloe97

@Mack2342 I had that same feeling when my 20 year old cousin got pregnant with her 2nd with the 2nd father while I was in between my 2 MCs after waiting for the right guy and getting married at 36. I couldn’t talk to her for almost a year and ignored her at all family events. I felt awful about it, but I just couldn’t even. Of course the rational side of you KNOWS bc you waited, your life is better in so many ways. I know my cousins life is so so hard. She has few resources and even with a lot of family help is constantly struggling. But it doesn’t change the feeling of bitterness when you are going through it.

bakerstreetboys

@Mack2342 Sorry you had the hear that news now.  I catch myself side-eyeing pregnant teenagers and possibly hissing a little bit.