Weekly Randoms 7/30

Mandamay1414 · August 2018

@kianarain @MrsDho11 @ers7924
Thanks for the suggestions! I try to sneak in a quick nap while DD watches cartoons, but she is so wiggly that is don't get much actual sleep. I will try a walk.. getting motivated to get off the couch will be a struggle, but I think that might actually help:) I would love coffee.. Unfortunately, I never gave up my real coffee, so more in the afternoon might be pushing it with the caffeine limit.. boo.

BitterBetty12 · August 2018

FFWC: I pay 0 attention to how much caffeine I am consuming this time around. Last time I didn't drink any until third tri because when I tried in first trimester it made me feel really jittery and gave me heart palpitations. I would be surprised if I was breaking the limit because I usually only have one coffee a day. But I've had more than one a couple of times. And a lot of time I'll also drink unsweetened iced teas.

tosh24 · August 2018

CAT OWNERS: How do you deal with the stink of the litter box? My cat has always been a stinky, wet pooper ever since he was a kitten (he's 9 now). I've changed his food multiple times, both brand changes and protein type changes to see if that helps anything - it doesn't. We have a finished basement that we don't use because the litter box is downstairs in the laundry room and it stinks up the ENTIRE basement (and it even wafts upstairs sometimes). The litter box is scooped regularly and completely changed and cleaned out once a week. It is the box type litter box that he walks into. It also has a carbon filter on it and I use litter for multiple cats even though I just have one. With the new baby coming, we will need the extra living space and want to set up another family room in the basement as well as move the toy room down there since it's in the spare bedroom right now and we need that for the nursery. Please share any ideas you may have or any experience with getting the stink out if you also have an overly stinky cat! (My friend has two cats from the same litter that poop dry, non-smelling rabbit-like turds and she keeps her litter beside her kitchen in her condo. I'm so jealous).

ladystout08 · August 2018

@BitterBetty12 I'm with you. I cut back a ton b/c I drink a lot of caffeine but I'm down to my one coffee in the morning and I don't beat myself up if I have a pop or tea in the afternoon. DH is gone for a month and it's just me and DS and I need all the help I can get. Plus, I drink a gallon of water a day on average so meh.

ladystout08 · August 2018

@tosh24 have you had his poo tested to see if he has an allergy or something? We use the Science Diet Sensitive Stomach (or something like that) b/c my cat was throwing up other kinds for some weird reason. This kind he doesn't. You could try putting an air purifier down there or maybe one of the automatic cleaning boxes so it gets rid of it as soon as he goes.

jgil85 · August 2018

After reading about family and friends coming to visit the baby and how they help and bring meals over, I feel like I got shafted in that department. I hated when people came over to see ds because all they wanted to do was hold ds and get baby cuddles. No one brought me food or offered to help around the house. They made it more of a burden on me because I felt like I had to entertain people. I'm thinking I'm not going to let anyone come over until the new baby is 6 months old.

tosh24 · August 2018

@ladystout08 No, I've never had his poop tested. Might be worthwhile though. I do have him on a really good quality grain-free food (Acana) but maybe there's still something in it that's bugging him. It's just soooooo stinky. If we'be been gone for a weekend or something, the second we open our front door the smell hits us in the face....the whole house stinks! And that's with the laundry room AND basement door closed. It's ridiculous. Maybe I'll look into the automatic scooping litter boxes. I've seen them before, I just wasn't sure if they worked well enough to justify the price.

ladystout08 · August 2018

@tosh24 we had the Litter Genie (I think) and liked it. It got broken during our move and we never replaced it, we really should though.

ladystout08 · August 2018

I'm going to pick up my new iPhone today. DH is going to be annoyed but I don't even care. I got a Note about a year ago and I just hate it so I paid to upgrade early. I paid for it out of my fun money and he's gone so meh.

BitterBetty12 · August 2018

@jgil85 DH and I restricted his family from coming a lot because they were not super helpful. As a matter of fact they usually made things more difficult. They might come over and make dinner. But then they would leave the dishes and make a mess in the kitchen and DH would have to clean up later. I also felt pressure to 'entertain' but I think I put that more on myself than anything.

ALSO - if you are breast feeding and not comfortable doing it in front of a guest, do not be afraid to either ask them to leave or step out, or to take the baby from them and go into another room. Part of the reason BFing failed for me was because I wasn't doing this and I was losing / not establishing my supply.

kaf1788 · August 2018

@tosh24
We lived in a studio with our cat for a few years and the auto cleaning litter box was worth it’s weight in gold! Its always going to stink right after they poop but that helped take the lingering smell away. We also sprinkle baking soda on the litter to freshen it up

leighbrek · August 2018

@cait32 Everywhere needs to follow Utah's example with the free range parenting law. It's getting super annoying having to deal with everyone who has a "cause", especially when it comes to the overprotection of children, resulting in delicate snowflake adults.

sweetyjenj · August 2018

Sorry I've been kind of absent in the randoms! I am studying big time for my licensing exam in 2 weeks. I've been reading through most the threads and commenting here and there so I don't miss anything, but I haven't had much time to fully engage.
Can't wait to have this oral exam behind me!!

kianarain · August 2018

@cait32 so much raaaaaaage. Crazy how it's not even the fear for your child that worries us, it's the fear of judgement from other people. Hopefully the tides are turning...

wkuandrea · August 2018

@cait32 I have often said that I'm more scared of judgy moms than what mystery dangers await my kids. I live in KY which can be a mixed bag in this case -- it could go either way. I see kids in my neighborhood riding bikes or walking back from the pool by themselves, so hopefully my kids will have the same autonomy. But I fully expect at some point to have child services called on me for dragging my kid out of a store kicking and screaming, or having to go through explaining a bruise or injury to CPS. For a lot of reasons, most that were reflected in the article and its comments, it really makes me angry that we have to worry about being reprimanded for parenting our children the best way we can -- especially as we seemingly punish working mothers, poor mothers, young mothers or immigrant mothers or people of color. We continue taking away women's rights, taking away healthcare assistance or subsidizing child care... ugh it's just such a cycle of negativity and how are kids supposed to grow up NOT being scared of everything in that kind of environment?

MrsDho11 · August 2018

Mandamay1414 said:

@kianarain @MrsDho11 @ers7924
Thanks for the suggestions! I try to sneak in a quick nap while DD watches cartoons, but she is so wiggly that is don't get much actual sleep. I will try a walk.. getting motivated to get off the couch will be a struggle, but I think that might actually help:) I would love coffee.. Unfortunately, I never gave up my real coffee, so more in the afternoon might be pushing it with the caffeine limit.. boo.

As another thought, maybe try a protein-heavy snack? I feel like sometimes that gives me more durable energy than just straight up carbs. Even if carbs are all I really want.

MrsDho11 · August 2018

@tosh24 I really find that adding this stuff to litter helps a lot:
https://a.co/9NFC0Wd

kns1988 · August 2018

My coworker's son is doing my yard work and gutters right now. Sitting on the couch while someone else crosses things off of your to do list is so satisfying.

pttomato · August 2018

jgil85 said:

After reading about family and friends coming to visit the baby and how they help and bring meals over, I feel like I got shafted in that department. I hated when people came over to see ds because all they wanted to do was hold ds and get baby cuddles. No one brought me food or offered to help around the house. They made it more of a burden on me because I felt like I had to entertain people. I'm thinking I'm not going to let anyone come over until the new baby is 6 months old.

My ILs were like that, they just sat on the couch holding DD and wanted to go out to eat for every meal. I felt like I barely got to hold DD the whole time they were there. It was more exhausting than not having anyone there. And DH didn’t understand why being out of the house all the time with my 1-2 weeks old was tiring for me.

tosh24 · August 2018

Thanks @MrsDho11 I'll add that straight into my amazon cart!

jgil85 · August 2018

BitterBetty12 said:

@jgil85 DH and I restricted his family from coming a lot because they were not super helpful. As a matter of fact they usually made things more difficult. They might come over and make dinner. But then they would leave the dishes and make a mess in the kitchen and DH would have to clean up later. I also felt pressure to 'entertain' but I think I put that more on myself than anything.

ALSO - if you are breast feeding and not comfortable doing it in front of a guest, do not be afraid to either ask them to leave or step out, or to take the baby from them and go into another room. Part of the reason BFing failed for me was because I wasn't doing this and I was losing / not establishing my supply.

I LOVED when ds would get hungry and I'd have to excuse myself upstairs to nurse him. And then he'd magically go into the bassinet and I'd fall asleep, and eventually my guests would leave. I realize that's rude, but I was so fed up with people. Thank God for this baby being born in winter because with all the germs and sicknesses going around, I will have no problem telling people to not come over.

alexandraseattle · August 2018

@cait32 and others - I'm also wanting to be a "free-range parent." But I'm wondering how tricky it will be in Seattle. When we take our dog to the park we see parents all playing with their individuals kids at the playground, but no kids playing with other kids. I'm hoping we can find a group of like minded parents in our neighborhood! And that no one calls the cops on us for letting our kid walk alone to the park down the street from our house.

skilouise · August 2018

+1 To wanting to free range parent, and being driven crazy by helicopter parents.

*warning, soap box rant ahead*

I tend to leave my neighborhood around the time the elementary school kids gather at their bus stop. It's a big bus stop, with probably 20-25 kids waiting for the bus. But I swear it seems like EVERY kid has a parent with them, and most of the parents have toddlers or babies as well. So all told, there are 40-60 people gathered at a single bus stop, and at any given time 5-10+ of them (mostly parents) are in the street. It's bananas. I get that younger ES kids need supervision but 1) coordinate with other parents so there isn't a freaking 1:1 ratio, and 2) most responsible 4th and 5th graders should be able to walk themselves to the bus stop.

Don't get me started on the bus stop in winter, when 75% of the parents drive their kids half a block to the bus stop, park/ double park/ triple park (true story), and sit in their idling cars so no one has to be inconvenienced by the cold.

Tl;dr: 1) helicopter parenting at bus stops can make everyone LESS safe and drives me bananas; and 2) waiting for the bus in the cold builds character.

Mandamay1414 · August 2018

AshVA said:

and 2) waiting for the bus in the cold builds character.

LOL. "When I was your age, I had to walk 2 miles to school in a blizzard".. This makes me think of an old, crotchety movie grandpa!!

BitterBetty12 · August 2018

I think I’m too afraid to do free range parenting. I by no means want to be a helicopter parent. But I feel like I’ve been kind of conditioned to not trust the world these days. I’m hoping as time goes on I will be able to let my guard down a bit. The town that DH and I moved to has that old school feel to it. I see kids walking together and going to parks and riding bikes all the time. And it does make me feel like we chose a great place to live. Now if only I can let go of all of the worry.

Mandamay1414 · August 2018

I think there is a happy medium between helicopter and free range.. that's what I'm aiming for.. once I figure out exactly what that is, lol

skilouise · August 2018

Mandamay1414 said:

AshVA said:

and 2) waiting for the bus in the cold builds character.

LOL. "When I was your age, I had to walk 2 miles to school in a blizzard".. This makes me think of an old, crotchety movie grandpa!!

I can understand the motivation on the very rare occasions that we get a polar vortex/ low single digit real temps. I still think it's unsafe and parents should just freaking drive their kids to school, but whatever. But they even do this on days when it's like 35 degrees outside! If it's above freezing (or even a little below), they just need to suck it up and wait outside, rather than selfishly contributing to an incredibly unsafe situation.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · August 2018

Mandamay1414 said:

I think there is a happy medium between helicopter and free range.. that's what I'm aiming for.. once I figure out exactly what that is, lol

Totally agree! I was on facebook the other night and a friend posted about how worried/concerned/scared she was to take her three young children out by herself because she had been reading about the dangers of child kidnapping/sex trafficking etc. Don't get me wrong that is terrible BUT you do have to get out of your house and teach your child how to be safe out in the world. (Other moms were also commenting that they too were worried about this danger).

I think a lot of parenting is just common sense, showing your kids right from wrong and then helping them navigate situations where problems may occur. I only have a 2yo so still relatively new to this whole parenting thing.

pttomato · August 2018

I found finding friends that were similar in free-range/helicoptery-ness helped. It's easier to be more hands-off around people who also are, and I get some time when I can relax more. That doesn't necessarily help with the general public when you are out though, I still hover more than I would like because of the expectations of other parents.

leighbrek · August 2018

Totally off the parenting discussion...

My DH and I got home a bit after 9, and it's dark out. He lets the dogs outside, and then the golden retriever comes tearing through the house and my husband was yelling, "Grab him!" I was all chill and like, "Why? What does he have?" Anyone who knows a golden retriever knows they like to grab things they shouldn't have, but the dog was hiding behind my legs. Took me about 5 seconds to smell the skunk. Omg. At least once a year this dog gets sprayed!! So I was all, "Hell no!" and dragging him back outside, where he very clearly did not want to go, and I went back in and made the peroxide/dish soap/baking soda mixture... Scrubbed the hell out of him.
He obviously didn't take a direct hit, because it came off (as far as I can tell - the house reeks of skunk right now).
Thank freaking god I don't have nausea anymore, or I'd be tossing my cookies all over the place, and DH is a sympathetic puker... Oh lordy.

ersh1010 · August 2018

@leighbrek omg how awful. Nausea or not I'd probably be puking, what a way to end the day!

sweetyjenj · August 2018

I had SO MUCH FREEDOM as a young child that I would never dream of allowing my kids to have right now. Not that my parents were absent, they were loving and great and had rules and everything..but we lived in a safe neighborhood and they trusted me and the public to a shocking degree. I walked to elementary school starting in 1st grade a MILE both ways, regardless of weather (I live in Minnesota). Starting around 2nd-3rd grade I rode my bike or walked alllll over the neighborhood, to the local dam (a mile away) and played in the creek behind our house, played with local kids even if I had never met them before. One time my mom saw on the news that kids were abducted by a white van in our city that day, she told me at bedtime that "tomorrow when you walk to school if you see a white van and it stops, you grab your sisters hand, and you run." Guess what....the next day, that HAPPENED and I grabbed her hand and we ran through the woods and all the way to school, not stopping until we got inside. Was it a helpful neighbor offering a ride? Maybe, but it didn't look familiar. Could we have been abducted? Maybe. It seriously was all safe and felt fine and I never once feared for my safety (except the van thing) but these days, even though we live in a very safe area right now and kids are riding bikes all over, I just can't imagine allowing my young kids to do that.

skilouise · August 2018

We're driving to Charleston for a long weekend. I'm excited for a mini vacation, but I'm so freaking over this car ride and we're not even halfway there. Long car rides are apparently much less comfortable while pregnant.

VallieS86 · August 2018

sweetyjenj said:

I had SO MUCH FREEDOM as a young child that I would never dream of allowing my kids to have right now. Not that my parents were absent, they were loving and great and had rules and everything..but we lived in a safe neighborhood and they trusted me and the public to a shocking degree. I walked to elementary school starting in 1st grade a MILE both ways, regardless of weather (I live in Minnesota). Starting around 2nd-3rd grade I rode my bike or walked alllll over the neighborhood, to the local dam (a mile away) and played in the creek behind our house, played with local kids even if I had never met them before. One time my mom saw on the news that kids were abducted by a white van in our city that day, she told me at bedtime that "tomorrow when you walk to school if you see a white van and it stops, you grab your sisters hand, and you run." Guess what....the next day, that HAPPENED and I grabbed her hand and we ran through the woods and all the way to school, not stopping until we got inside. Was it a helpful neighbor offering a ride? Maybe, but it didn't look familiar. Could we have been abducted? Maybe. It seriously was all safe and felt fine and I never once feared for my safety (except the van thing) but these days, even though we live in a very safe area right now and kids are riding bikes all over, I just can't imagine allowing my young kids to do that.

I also live and grew up in Minnesota, in a suburb of St Paul. I also don't know how free range I'll actually be. My daughter is 2 and a half right now and I'll leave her in the backyard for a minute to grab something out of the house, but there's no one living directly behind us, and we have a gate around our backyard, and our neighborhood is super quiet most of the time. But will I let her walk alone to school when she's older? Probably not. I will definitely teach her stranger danger and no going with people offering puppies or kitties. Fact of the matter is there are lots of creepos out there. We did lots of things when I was a kid, but I also feel like the times were so different. I'm not going to stop going places because of sex trafficking but after hearing about things like that I'm definitely always aware of my surroundings and will teach my children to do the same.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · August 2018

@VallieS86 I'm in a suburb of St. Paul too and I also have a 2yo DD. So fun to "meet" another local!

julesf817 · August 2018

I so badly want to be less helicopter-y with my 4yo, but i just can’t. He loves other kids and most of the times is great, until he gets set off into a tantrum and starts hitting, kicking, etc. I can usually see it coming an de-escalate him, but if i don’t, it sucks.

We’re doing everything we can to get his behavior under control (he’s on an IEP st his preschool, etc) and it’s gotten better, but I have to be on him at playgrounds, etc. I am dying for the day I can take him to the playground and read a book and ignore him while he plays with kids.

I also think people are way more lax about things that are serious risk (car seat safety), while they worry a lot more about things that are a minuscule risk (bogey man kid knappers).

emmaaa · August 2018

Potty Training moms...help!!

I think I am going to bite the bullet and start potty training DD this weekend...or at least attempt it. Give me all your pointers! Did you still do diapers at nap and bed?

ladystout08 · August 2018

We did three days of naked potty time at home and then straight into underwear. He did a pull up for bed time for a couple of months I think but not nap. Our daycare discourages pull-ups b/c it tends to be confusing to kids (apparently) and once they start PT they go in underwear all day, they just ask for extra changes of clothes.

BitterBetty12 · August 2018

So my mom and her boyfriend asked earlier this week if they could try to take DD to see the Christopher Robin movie. For reference - she’s only 13 months old! So I told them they were crazy (she doesn’t watch TV at home and even when I need a break and try the most I can get from her is like 15 minutes) but could totally give it a shot.

Well... she loved it! She was amazed by the giant screen. She sat on my moms lap, ate movie snacks, played with the toys I packed for her, and started at the screen in awe. She also learned the words eyore and piglet and now points them out in her Winnie the Pooh book and says their names.

And to top it off, it meant I got a Day mostly to myself for the first time in months! She napped 10-12:15, they picked her up at 12:30, she came home at 3, and after a book went right down for another nap.

I woild be lying if i said ive done anything productive. I really just watched back to back episodes of Jane the Virgin on Netflix.

drabong88 · August 2018

@BitterBetty12 my DS is 20 months and I keep debating if he will sit through a movie. He doesn't really watch TV at home or if he does he only likes the theme songs of things and is then done. I thought maybe if we did a drive in movie it would be easier but maybe I'll take a chance and take him to an actual theater!

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