I think a lot of patients (women especially) feel too intimidated by medical professionals and they kowtow to the nurses or doctors when it comes to their health. I know I have in the past because I didn't want to be "difficult" or "they know better" or something.
I am an advocate of self advocacy. I beg women to do their research regarding their condition (whatever it is) and to be bold. Yes the medical professionals are educated in that field but it's your body and they are only human.
I agree with this. I have the hardest time with this with OBs. My experiences with them so far are they generally want to tell you what to do and be done with it. And if I push back against anything instead of discussing the risks and benefits they throw out scare tactics designed to get you to comply.
I work in the health care field and I 100% agree! I know I posted something similar on another thread, but I'm going to post it again because it needs to be said until everyone knows. There seems to be widespread culture within the healthcare field that the main goal is patient compliance. When I have been given an order to perform a procedure, or administer a medication to a patient, I have occasionally asked the doctor or nurse manager, "What if the patient doesn't want it?" Such answers have included "Then it's your job to convince them," "Don't tell them they have a choice," "Just go in and start doing it," or even, "Well, don't tell them it's a different medication unless they ask." These answers have been given by many different doctors, and many different nurse managers at multiple hospitals, and multiple other healthcare facilities.
As healthcare professionals, we frequently use the phrase "informed consent," but it seems to me that too often what we really mean is "partially informed consent." We inform only enough to convince the pt to comply; we do not inform them enough for them to truly make an informed choice. In fact, we discourage patient choice when that choice is not compliance. This is not right, and we need to stand for something better. We are supposed to be there to advocate for our patients, and this includes treating them as individuals with the right to know that they have the right to make their own healthcare decisions, even decisions that their doctors or nurses don't agree with. Use the phrases, "I am not consenting to that," and "document that I declined." They work really well if you're in a situation where they just don't seem to be listening. And do NOT be afraid to be that "PIA" patient who questions every IV fluid, every IV med, every pill, every injection, and everything else that they do to you. Ask to see the med list they have; for you; look up the meds on your own if you don't feel they're being straight with you. Ask them to identify every pill they bring into you before you take it. If you can, have an advocate (be it your husband, a doula, or another friend or family member that you trust, and whom you know isn't afraid to stand up for you,) to do these things for you anytime you are in a hospital, especially for childbirth, so that you can focus on labor, your baby, and resting.
@DLpanda08 oooooh ok! In that case I'm totally with you I'm not very into "diet" pizza in general. Cauliflower crust can be kinda good though when done well.
@merostomata I tried to get DH to agree to a co-ed baby shower, much for the same reasons. Holy Hannah was he ever against it. The whinging and refusal to participate was pretty impressive. My SIL steppes into the conversation and told him that fine, no baby shower, but that she would be setting up a diaper party at her house for the men to attend while the baby shower is taking place. Haha, clever lady.
I think a lot of patients (women especially) feel too intimidated by medical professionals and they kowtow to the nurses or doctors when it comes to their health. I know I have in the past because I didn't want to be "difficult" or "they know better" or something.
I am an advocate of self advocacy. I beg women to do their research regarding their condition (whatever it is) and to be bold. Yes the medical professionals are educated in that field but it's your body and they are only human.
I agree with this. I have the hardest time with this with OBs. My experiences with them so far are they generally want to tell you what to do and be done with it. And if I push back against anything instead of discussing the risks and benefits they throw out scare tactics designed to get you to comply.
I have really come a long way in the last year because of my losses last year and I advocate for what I need. I had to demand better care right from the beginning with my first doctor's office. Asking for progesterone. Asking for appointments when they didn't want to give them to me. Asking for labs. I eventually had to find a new practice that took my requests seriously and I'm much happier now. But just last week I had to say no to additional testing the MFM wanted to do because of the risk of miscarriage and she respected me for it. She knew I came from a place of knowledge and not just fear. I weighed the risks and benefits and the risks outweighed the benefits. You just have to be firm yet polite and tell them you are just advocating for yourself because this is your baby and you love your baby and want this to succeed. That MFM was great. And my new practice has been great. I think if you advocate in a respectful way and show that do care enough to research they respect it more. I hope you get the respect you deserve next time you have to advocate for yourself.
As to the coed showers, in my area they are increasingly common. At first it was baby shower for the girls, diaper parties for the boys. Now, I don't think I've been invited to a baby shower that wasnt coed in years.
I like the thin crust pizza. I also love pineapple on pizza, but unfortunately for me I developed a pineapple allergy 2 years after DD1 was born. I was eating pineapple pizza and my lips swole up so big. Awful day for me. My favorite was pineapple, chicken, and garlic. So good.
@molosmiles that's cool co-ed showers are common in your area. My current and previous city are super progressive, but I've still never been to a shower that wasn't women-only for whatever reason (and I've been to maybe 7-8 showers?).
TBH I've never even heard of a diaper party though. I'd be really surprised if my husband or guy friends have ever been invited to one!
@leighbrek I wonder why your H was so against participating? The two parties will probably effectively combine though if they're at the same time, haha. Good thinking SIL.
@merostomata I really think it had more to do with how he would appear to his friends. There was a lot of, " The guys will hate it. They'll be bored. " etc etc. Never mind they'd just stand around and drink beer like they would do anyway anywhere else.
My UO- I think Keto Diet is over rated. You still must count calories to really lose weight. Also, those shirataki noodles keto ppl use look like worms.
@pttomato with DD, when I told me OB I didn't want an episiotomy he said "we do that when we know it's going to tear in some direction, and skin tears in the weakest points. Sometimes that weakest point is going UPWARDS where the skin is thinner." That definitely made me second guess my request...then did even more research and I was glad I stuck with my guns. He ended up not being the OB that delivered (our hospital rotates between 11 OB's), but still. He was trying to scare me into compliance
@galactickates Were you referring to my comment about the wedding bands as the snarky one? I didn't mean it to come across that way if it did. I sincerely do love my wedding band and was just trying to find common ground.
@merostomata I agree about the baby showers. It should be for the parents together and not just the mother.
Just wanted to comment on the patient compliance and advocacy discussion. I think I'm fortunate to work with doctors and nurses who do acknowledge to the patient that they have the final say in their health care choices and sincerely want their patients to be informed about there care. But still, I can tell a difference in how the physicians speak with patients who are well informed about their health and those who aren't. It does make a difference when a patient asks informed questions and provides informed reasons for declining treatment vs just "I don't want that vaccine because my sister's boyfriend's mom got sick after getting a shot." I know it won't be the case with every health care provider, but being informed about your options does make a difference. I didn't feel that I was prepared for making tough decisions with my first birthing experience and just went with whatever the provider said was best - never questioned anything. I think you've given some great advice, @libertymomrn. I would think most providers are truly concerned about keeping their patients healthy v just compliant, but there are many layers to healthcare, and they have to consider other obligations. So we do have to be informed and advocate for ourselves, because no one else is going to have only our health and safety in mind.
@katethemom I think her comment about snark was in reference to issues I mentioned about people in my friends group making snarky comments and competitiveness about proposals when we were all getting engaged.
married 7.11.09
Me: 31 DH: 36
DD (14) and DS (11) adopted from US Foster care December 2016 BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
@DLpanda08 Ohhh, I definitely see that now. And now I'm wondering why I thought it was about me in the first place and second guessed my word choice. Guess I'm overly sensitive today. Sorry @galactickates for the confusion.
@libertymomrn Oh, I am already the PIA patient that questions everything, lol. I don’t even necessarily want to refuse stuff I just want to have a discussion about it first. Declining things can also be a fine line because doctors can drop you as a patient (and I have been warned about this by an OB) and there aren’t always many options that are covered by insurance.
I would consider myself fairly well-informed. I have a science background (chem PHD) and spend a ton of time researching everything. Last time I still had university journal access so I read a ton of the literature. I was able to negotiate some things during labor, primarily with regards to managing my blood sugar. But I still had some doctors that wouldn’t have a real risk/benefit conversation and would throw out things like “you are damaging your baby’s brain because you aren’t eating enough carbs.” Which isn’t really backed up by the literature. It’s frustrating. I get that doctors are more knowledgeable than I am in their field, but I am the one who has to deal with the risks so I think it’s worth having a real conversation.
I’ve had pretty good luck with Endos, but not great luck with OB/MFMs. I’m going to see how my next appointment with the OB in my current office goes and then will decide if I want to switch. I only have a few offices that are covered by my insurance though.
Re: Baby Shower and Co-Ed showers. For our shower when I was pregnant with DD, we only invited women but I made DH come. 1. It was his daughter too and the gifts benefited him so he needed to partake. 2. I hate everyone watching me opening presents so I like that he took the attention off of me. A big reason we only invited women was because it was a large shower with both our families and people in our community so if we added men into the mix, it would've been a lot for the hostesses.
A few of our friends are very insistent on throwing a shower for us this time too even though I don't really want one so we compromised and are just having a party/BBQ to celebrate with everyone. This will be co-ed, mainly friends, and no mention of gifts
@pttomato that's really neat you have a chemistry PhD. It's funny how being in academics can pervade all areas of life...I can't help but over-research everything these days related to babies and pregnancy. Especially because I don't have much experience with them. This board seriously has helped as well.
Feel free to PM me a list of journal articles if you feel like reading some literature, I'd be happy to send over pdfs anytime. That goes for anyone.
@DLpanda08, we're a 1 ply family. I feel like it gets you drier. @UnbreakableKimmySchmidt, I don't think wubbanubs are safe, especially for a little baby and for sleep. You guys are going to have to put up with my safe sleep advocacy forever.
UO: crust is the best part about pizza, especially when pregnant.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@kns1988 I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m genuinely curious. What makes you think 1-ply gets you drier? I’m my experience it falls apart before the job is done.
married 7.11.09
Me: 31 DH: 36
DD (14) and DS (11) adopted from US Foster care December 2016 BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
@kns1988 I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m genuinely curious. What makes you think 1-ply gets you drier? I’m my experience it falls apart before the job is done.
Haha it's hard to explain, but the soft stuff just doesn't feel absorbent to me. I like the money savings, too.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@kns1988 I’m with you on the one ply! It drives my husband crazy but I feel like it lasts so much longer too! When we buy the fancy stuff I feel like I need to get a new pack every week
@kns1988 DD has a monkey wubbanub from probably 2 weeks old that she sleeps with. She didn't start sleeping with it at naps until probably 4 months old, then at bedtime around 6 months old. She STILL loves it, though I know it's only supposed to be for babies without teeth and she's 18 months.
I bought DD a paci-plushie (basically a wubbanub for for non-advent binkies). I LOVE it (and so does she). It has a silicone ring that will attach to most binkies (we used MAM). We took away the binkies about 5 months ago, but she still has the toy she likes to snuggle at nap and bedtime. And she actually like that silicone ring to rub on her face (she use to do this with the binkies)
Re: UO 7/19
Also, I forgot a handful of previous UOs I was going to follow up and add to so I guess that’s it for now.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
I like the thin crust pizza. I also love pineapple on pizza, but unfortunately for me I developed a pineapple allergy 2 years after DD1 was born. I was eating pineapple pizza and my lips swole up so big. Awful day for me. My favorite was pineapple, chicken, and garlic. So good.
TBH I've never even heard of a diaper party though. I'd be really surprised if my husband or guy friends have ever been invited to one!
@leighbrek I wonder why your H was so against participating? The two parties will probably effectively combine though if they're at the same time, haha. Good thinking SIL.
BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
@merostomata I agree about the baby showers. It should be for the parents together and not just the mother.
Just wanted to comment on the patient compliance and advocacy discussion. I think I'm fortunate to work with doctors and nurses who do acknowledge to the patient that they have the final say in their health care choices and sincerely want their patients to be informed about there care. But still, I can tell a difference in how the physicians speak with patients who are well informed about their health and those who aren't. It does make a difference when a patient asks informed questions and provides informed reasons for declining treatment vs just "I don't want that vaccine because my sister's boyfriend's mom got sick after getting a shot." I know it won't be the case with every health care provider, but being informed about your options does make a difference. I didn't feel that I was prepared for making tough decisions with my first birthing experience and just went with whatever the provider said was best - never questioned anything. I think you've given some great advice, @libertymomrn. I would think most providers are truly concerned about keeping their patients healthy v just compliant, but there are many layers to healthcare, and they have to consider other obligations. So we do have to be informed and advocate for ourselves, because no one else is going to have only our health and safety in mind.
BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
I’ve had pretty good luck with Endos, but not great luck with OB/MFMs. I’m going to see how my next appointment with the OB in my current office goes and then will decide if I want to switch. I only have a few offices that are covered by my insurance though.
ETA- posted too soon.
I didn't think you were being snarky in the slightest
I hate country music and pineapple on pizza. I love bad movie series like twilight and transformers.
A few of our friends are very insistent on throwing a shower for us this time too even though I don't really want one so we compromised and are just having a party/BBQ to celebrate with everyone. This will be co-ed, mainly friends, and no mention of gifts
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Feel free to PM me a list of journal articles if you feel like reading some literature, I'd be happy to send over pdfs anytime. That goes for anyone.
@UnbreakableKimmySchmidt, I don't think wubbanubs are safe, especially for a little baby and for sleep. You guys are going to have to put up with my safe sleep advocacy forever.
UO: crust is the best part about pizza, especially when pregnant.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19