I've told my supervisor and the head of the library (I'm a librarian). They both were very supportive when I had my MC back in the winter, and they're both very supportive of my pregnancy now. I'm planning to take eight weeks off, and return right in time for the final exam craziness that hits the library. From the beginning of April through June, my husband will be on a research rotation, which means he'll be working from home. So once the baby is born, one of us will be able to stay home full-time (first with me on leave, then my husband on research). We'll hire a nanny once I return to work so that my husband has protected time to do research without distractions. It's really nice, though, that he has so much flexibility during these months. After his residency concludes in July, we'll be moving and he'll be starting a job as an attending physician. Since we'll be moving and I'll be leaving my job, I've decided to take this opportunity to try out being a SAHM. I'm not a super kid-adoring type of person (I wasn't a babysitter-type in high school by any means), but I am a huge homebody and love managing a household. I'm really excited to be a SAHM, and I'm thankful that my husband's career allows us the financial freedom for me to do that. If I decide SAHM-ing isn't for me, I'll return to the world of libraries and put the child in daycare. Husband is awesome and supports my decision either way.
I plan to tell my boss when I next see him in mid August, when the semester starts back up. I think he personally will be very supportive, but the ugly truth is that having this baby is going to hurt my career, and there really isn't much he can do to help with that.
I'm an academic, specifically a postdoc right now, in a 2-year research position. It's very independently driven--I can mostly just decide for myself how much time I want to take off, and my boss will support me--but the larger field operates on a publish-or-perish model, and every week that I take off with this baby makes me less likely to be able to continue getting paid in the field once this position ends in a year. So, I'm sad about that. But I also knew all of this before I decided to try for a baby, and I'm happy with that decision. I've always been very career driven and I spent most of the last 10+ years being absolutely in love with my career, but if I have to leave this career in order to have this baby, so be it.
@Erinm278 I’m in NY as well and was very excited to hear about the paid leave, except apparently it doesn’t apply to state employees. DH and I are both teachers, so our unions would have to negotiate and since it’s still so new, they haven’t. I’m crossing my fingers something comes up between now and February but not really counting on it.
Side note: I find it extremely frustrating that our governor can mandate paid family leave for private organizations without extending it to his own employees. I think it’s great for the people who benefit from it, but find it wrong that it doesn’t apply to public workers.
So I told my boss Monday, thinking she would be supportive because she also has a toddler. Found out today she is taking over my project (that I was excited about) and that I’m working on a crappy, smaller, less prestigious project. Totally disappointed, but not totally surprised.
@conchispitita does that more match your boss' personality? i know i have worked with women who are not supportive women and more alpha aggressive women.
@catwoman8731 I am also a state employee but my union is is about to make our new contract official in September and PFL is part of the new contract. I guess it's not a done deal yet but this contract took so long to come up with so I'm feeling good that it will go through. I feel like PFL should be standard across the board. You shouldn't have to worry about feeding your family because you had a baby and you're home for a few weeks..and you shouldn't have to take disability!
@Erinm278 yup! I’m super stoked for this benefit as well since I won’t be at my new job for a year once I have LO. My DH doesn’t get any paid time off so he’s also gonna use this
@Erinm278 yup! I’m super stoked for this benefit as well since I won’t be at my new job for a year once I have LO. My DH doesn’t get any paid time off so he’s also gonna use this
I literally had no clue it included fathers too. DH emailed me about it yesterday and I almost cried. Finally we are recognizing how important it is for Dads to be home to bond with their babies and take care of their families too!
That's such bullshit @conchispita! I don't get the logic at all... And obviously it comes from someone who's personal experience should let them know that that's not ok.
@Erinm278 and @danixbanani24 it is so important for fathers to get that time off too! With DD, born in May, MH took 3 weeks of sick time, went back to school for 3 weeks, and then was home all summer. It was great.
This time around, despite working in the same position for 1.5 years (will be over 2 yrs by the time baby is here), he doesn’t have an official contract, so as of right now he will get NO time off without taking unpaid days. It’s incredibly frustrating. And my district cuts off benefits (health insurance) after my sick days are used. He’s waiting on the state certification office to issue his teaching certification (he’s completed and submitted all the requirements, but as of yesterday, they’re “sorting through the piles of paperwork”) so the district can issue the contract, so we’re crossing our fingers it all works out, or we’ll be in a really bad spot come February despite both having masters degrees and professional jobs.
@Erinm278 just popping in to say YAY UNION! That’s what my husband does so I’m always happy to hear about people liking their union benefits.
I love having a union and I'm happy to pay dues if it means I have that added protection! Especially with this because I had heard from so many that you have to save up all your sick and vacation time and I only will have 6 weeks saved if I take 0 time between now and delivery. Having the union there to negotiate a fair contract is such a huge load off my shoulders.
@disneybaby84 yes and no. She definitely is a type A, but she has been my mentor and I have a ton of respect for her. I also know the cool project she was working on got hijacked by one of the architects and she was frustrated with it. She has been bumping me from other little things because she is type A and in her mind she could do it better. So it’s not a huge surprise she would do something like this but it’s still hurtful. @becks_726 it is bullshit but should be used to it right now, a lot of that kind of stuff goes on where I work.
I haven't told work yet. I know everyone will be super supportive though. I have an 11 month contract so I only have 3 work days left with co workers and then I go back at the end of August. I think I will wait until August to tell. I'm worried about the timing of my leave. If I take all 12 weeks then I will return to work at the busiest time of year- which worries me for trying to bf/pump and function. Plus, not only will I be returning at the busiest time but it also means I'm missing allllllll of the prep work for our summer program so it will be even more chaotic than it was this summer. So I'm dreading that part.
Thanks for this post! I have only told my two close friends at work. I'm waiting awhile longer to tell my supervisor, maybe till I start showing... So in the next month (#3 is already popping out). I think my supervisor will be excited and only will get grief from Co workers but in a joking way. I work for the federal government and we are able to use our sick and annual leave for maternity time off. Needless to say I will be at work every. Single. Day. Until I have this babe. DH is self employed and is slower in the winter so he will be able to spend time with baby. Has anyone taken out a short term disability policy to cover maternity leave pay loss?
I have not told work, and would like to keep it quiet for another two weeks, which means not mentioning it on Facebook. I got a job offer today that I was really excited about, I'd be able to work from home 4-5 days a week, but unfortunately it's about 10% too low. So I doubt I could negotiate that type of increase plus short term disability Now my goal is to attempt to negotiate remote work from my current company and to get the most paid leave possible. I'm really dreading telling everyone because I won't handle comments about my caffeine habits and growing waistline well at all. My boss thinks we're "girlfriend's" and is inappropriate fairly often. She's not going to like it when I touch her belly right back.
Im freaking the F out again. Manager from job offer I turned down won't let me go. They can't offer me paid maternity leave, but my current company ill only get 6 weeks at 60% with short term disability. They are offering the option of part time fully remote for however long I request. Gonna have to discuss with DH, but I think I will have to accept. Omg Im so undecisive while pregnant!
Funny story. I accidentally told my boss I’m pregnant. I was in the office with my boss and the transportation coordinator. The transportation coordinator was telling these horror stories of pregnancy (I will not mention them here). Then she said at the tribe there’s a susperstition about wearing something around your neck while pregnant. I whipped my lanyard off so quickly when she said that. Then I realized what I did and must have looked guilty. She asked me “are you pregnant?”. I was so caught of guard I just said “yeeeesss”. So now my boss knows! Lol.
So I’m supposed to go on this stupid professional development trip next weekend. Literally nothing in me wants to go. I don’t like the other people I’m going with, they talk constantly about how they’re just going to drink and go shopping the whole time, it doesn’t even sound that beneficial for my job, AND now with this SCH and bleeding yesterday I’m wondering if it’s even a good idea to be that far from my doctor. But I also don’t know what happens if I say I can’t go anymore. UGHHH and I haven’t even told my boss yet, even though I wanted to, because our days haven’t lined up.
@whattalife525415 - I have STD through work but know people who have purchased their own. A lot of time, maternity stuff is precluded if you're already pregnant if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong!
@whattalife525415 - I have STD through work but know people who have purchased their own. A lot of time, maternity stuff is precluded if you're already pregnant if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong!
Thanks, I'll call our insurance lady. The worst they can say is no!
So I told my boss today over email, which is not what I wanted to do. But I talked to my doctor and she doesn't want me to fly to the conference I was supposed to attend next weekend, so I felt like it was important that I tell her ASAP. I was worried she'd be a little bummed about the conference (she's been really wanting me to go), but she was actually super supportive and understanding! Now to jump through the hoops of trying to get work reimbursed for the conference/flight.
After our loss in February, I knew I would wait a little longer before making this pregnancy public knowledge. I work as the buyer for an interior automotive manufacturer. My boss, close coworkers (including my brother in law) know, but I haven't told HR or the GM because neither of them are particularly supportive. I was looking for another job before we found out I was pregnant again. My boss knew and supported me since he understands that I'm the breadwinner in our house. Since then, he has worked out a plan to hire an additional buyer next summer and promote me to a supervisory position. Yay! He wants me to train my backup for at least one month prior to my leave, so it was important for him to know early to choose that person. We don't have a mat leave plan, so I will have to exhaust my 3 weeks of vacation and use 6 weeks of STD along with FMLA. I'm dreading that transition and praying we'll be on a sleep schedule by then!
@madwhitlove I went back to work when DS was 10 weeks old - I used the first two weeks of my FMLA with intense prodromal labor. We were okay! The hardest part for me was figuring out how to pump at work - I didn’t have any breastmilk frozen when I went back to work, and my supply really dropped pumping. But as far as sleep is concerned, you’ll make it through. You just kind of get used to functioning on very little sleep.
I agree with this ^ it’s just your new normal. I went back at 12 and 11 weeks respectively and neither kid was on a sleep schedule until probably 4-5 months and it was hard but doable. With my first, I went back to work at the start of a major acquisition and was working long hours while DH was traveling. We opted to wait to sleep train DD until after the acquisition because I knew it would be hard. With DS, we got lucky and he sleep trained himself (and he’s still a great sleeper).
No one at work knows yet well, except IT if theyve been monitoring my pc (lol). Gotta make it through this week then im on 2 weeks vacation.. when i get back ill be 15 weeks and as long as all is well then i will tell my boss and team
I booked a day off for my Nuchal scan in a few weeks and my boss just straight out asked if I was pregnant, to be fair she was really happy for me as she knows about my previous loss. Then started immediately worrying about what she was going to do when I was on maternity leave.
I've told all of my colleagues in my department except for one person. He's a middle-aged man who mansplained all. the. time. to my colleague who was pregnant last year. He even tried to tell her what she was doing wrong when her baby was having a hard time accepting a bottle after she returned to work! Like, what?! So I've been avoiding telling him for as long as possible because I don't have the amount of rage control that my kind colleague has. Heads will roll if he says one sexist thing to me. So I'm torn. I know that I should tell him in person if I want to avoid drama (he gets offended if he feels left out or unimportant). But the feminist in me is pissed off that I feel responsible for a grown man's self-worth issues.
I slept in this morning since I’m WFH (due to a bunch of pregnancy shit and needing a break. My boss isn’t even in yet or online and my coworker who is back is making tons of mistakes. I don’t know how they are going to manage without me for a week in September let alone 3 months of leave.
Told Work: not yet. I am waiting til out of the first tri, but also til after DDs surgery in Aug. So when I get back I will, as I will have a decent blump by then.
Understanding: I expect them to be. With my first I literally found out I was expecting 2 days before I started this job. Waited til I was out of the 1st tri and was super nervous, but they were awesome and I got 12wks paid. I expect I will get the same this time. I will also probably negotiate WFH maybe 2 days a week when I get back, as we will have moved to the burbs which is a big commute. We are pretty good with WFH and a dad in our office WFH 100% simply bc he lives far. So I am hopeful, though I will be the only member of my team to do so on a planned basis.
DH started his new job the week after DD was born, so we brought her home on Sat and he started on Mon. I told him he better take time off this time, bc having a c-section and being solo immediately sucked. (ETA my mom had a few mini strokes throughout my pregnancy, including the night before DD was born, so I was also high stress and emotional outside of new baby). Some other guys at his office got a month, so I am hoping he does too.
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
@hannahbananas11 - I feel the same way TBH. I was at a different job for my last two kids and it really reinforced how much they needed me - they had to ultimately hire two people to replace me when I left for my current job.
I turned in my two weeks notice yesterday to take a partial WFH job. My company doesn't want me to leave, and I'm hoping they'll counter tomorrow with matching the WFH schedule, and potentially some paid maternity leave(I was only expecting STD).
I've told all of my colleagues in my department except for one person. He's a middle-aged man who mansplained all. the. time. to my colleague who was pregnant last year. He even tried to tell her what she was doing wrong when her baby was having a hard time accepting a bottle after she returned to work! Like, what?! So I've been avoiding telling him for as long as possible because I don't have the amount of rage control that my kind colleague has. Heads will roll if he says one sexist thing to me. So I'm torn. I know that I should tell him in person if I want to avoid drama (he gets offended if he feels left out or unimportant). But the feminist in me is pissed off that I feel responsible for a grown man's self-worth issues.
Told him this afternoon. His response (not even kidding): "I knew it! I'm a photographer so I notice changes that other people miss. I saw that you had more fluid retention in your face. Congratulations!" I replied in a snarky way "Thanks M---, that's such a nice compliment!" And then he sorta half apologized. How fun this will be.
Re: Pregnancy in the workplace
From the beginning of April through June, my husband will be on a research rotation, which means he'll be working from home. So once the baby is born, one of us will be able to stay home full-time (first with me on leave, then my husband on research). We'll hire a nanny once I return to work so that my husband has protected time to do research without distractions. It's really nice, though, that he has so much flexibility during these months.
After his residency concludes in July, we'll be moving and he'll be starting a job as an attending physician. Since we'll be moving and I'll be leaving my job, I've decided to take this opportunity to try out being a SAHM. I'm not a super kid-adoring type of person (I wasn't a babysitter-type in high school by any means), but I am a huge homebody and love managing a household. I'm really excited to be a SAHM, and I'm thankful that my husband's career allows us the financial freedom for me to do that. If I decide SAHM-ing isn't for me, I'll return to the world of libraries and put the child in daycare. Husband is awesome and supports my decision either way.
I'm an academic, specifically a postdoc right now, in a 2-year research position. It's very independently driven--I can mostly just decide for myself how much time I want to take off, and my boss will support me--but the larger field operates on a publish-or-perish model, and every week that I take off with this baby makes me less likely to be able to continue getting paid in the field once this position ends in a year. So, I'm sad about that. But I also knew all of this before I decided to try for a baby, and I'm happy with that decision. I've always been very career driven and I spent most of the last 10+ years being absolutely in love with my career, but if I have to leave this career in order to have this baby, so be it.
Side note: I find it extremely frustrating that our governor can mandate paid family leave for private organizations without extending it to his own employees. I think it’s great for the people who benefit from it, but find it wrong that it doesn’t apply to public workers.
I feel like PFL should be standard across the board. You shouldn't have to worry about feeding your family because you had a baby and you're home for a few weeks..and you shouldn't have to take disability!
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
This time around, despite working in the same position for 1.5 years (will be over 2 yrs by the time baby is here), he doesn’t have an official contract, so as of right now he will get NO time off without taking unpaid days. It’s incredibly frustrating. And my district cuts off benefits (health insurance) after my sick days are used. He’s waiting on the state certification office to issue his teaching certification (he’s completed and submitted all the requirements, but as of yesterday, they’re “sorting through the piles of paperwork”) so the district can issue the contract, so we’re crossing our fingers it all works out, or we’ll be in a really bad spot come February despite both having masters degrees and professional jobs.
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
I also know the cool project she was working on got hijacked by one of the architects and she was frustrated with it. She has been bumping me from other little things because she is type A and in her mind she could do it better. So it’s not a huge surprise she would do something like this but it’s still hurtful.
@becks_726 it is bullshit but should be used to it right now, a lot of that kind of stuff goes on where I work.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
We don't have a mat leave plan, so I will have to exhaust my 3 weeks of vacation and use 6 weeks of STD along with FMLA. I'm dreading that transition and praying we'll be on a sleep schedule by then!
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
So I'm torn. I know that I should tell him in person if I want to avoid drama (he gets offended if he feels left out or unimportant). But the feminist in me is pissed off that I feel responsible for a grown man's self-worth issues.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
Understanding: I expect them to be. With my first I literally found out I was expecting 2 days before I started this job. Waited til I was out of the 1st tri and was super nervous, but they were awesome and I got 12wks paid. I expect I will get the same this time. I will also probably negotiate WFH maybe 2 days a week when I get back, as we will have moved to the burbs which is a big commute. We are pretty good with WFH and a dad in our office WFH 100% simply bc he lives far. So I am hopeful, though I will be the only member of my team to do so on a planned basis.
DH started his new job the week after DD was born, so we brought her home on Sat and he started on Mon. I told him he better take time off this time, bc having a c-section and being solo immediately sucked. (ETA my mom had a few mini strokes throughout my pregnancy, including the night before DD was born, so I was also high stress and emotional outside of new baby). Some other guys at his office got a month, so I am hoping he does too.
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
I replied in a snarky way "Thanks M---, that's such a nice compliment!" And then he sorta half apologized. How fun this will be.
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
I might have had to say something like, had a feeling youd say something classy like that.. thats why youre the last to be told