You ladies are all SO brave and SO strong. Here's to hoping that tomorrow will bring all of you some light and peace.
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Well, today is my due date for loss #1. I'm quite certain my H has no idea, not sure if it's even worth it to tell him.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 Im sorry. I would probably tell him. I just know that I would be cranky and snappy all day with my DH, so at least he'd know why. Maybe he'll surprise you. Try to stay busy and do something fun today! Easier said than done though I'm sure.
AFM, I told myself i was going to stay positive this week and not complain. But I need to get this one out. I got a text from one of my best friends that she is expecting. It happened for them the first time they tried. I just feel gutted. I cried the whole day. She is due not too far after my due date and the thought of seeing her at these milestone points where I should be at is killing me. I am going through so many conflicting emotions. I feel so selfish and guilty feeling the way I do, but I just feel so much hate and jealousy. I have also been upset that when she came over after my loss, she was happily pregnant and I had no idea. I don't know why, but that just makes me feel embarrassed and like I was a pity case. Ugh rant over.
Edit: I changed my username slightly. Pic is the same. Hopefully it isn't too confusing!
@coco2787 I’m sorry. That is a tough anniversary. I hope you are able to take some time today to either distract yourself or process or whatever it is you need.
Just need to vent, I’m having a really rough day/week. I’ve been trying to post on @holly321 mental health post all week and can’t bring myself to do it, I wish I could get out of my own head somedays. So I’ve been struggling all week since I found those books I posted. Well last night just made things worse. We received from MIL asking for T&Ps for our cousin. She is going to be induced in 10 days because of pregnancy issues. I knew her due date was close to mine with loss 2, didn’t realize until last night that it was the exact date. Then thinking about dates I realized that our due date for 2 is only 4 days from our DC with loss one. This next month is just going to be hard in general.
@kindbytealikat I wish there were really comforting things to say. How are you being kind to & taking care of yourself? Know that your feelings are valid & that’s it’s okay to waller in your feelings for a while. Hoping your storm cloud passes soon ❤️
@coco2787 - how did things go yesterday? All the hugs for getting through such a difficult day.
@kindbytealikat - I have no words honey, just that I’m so sorry all this has fallen on you so close together. Don’t be afraid to do whatever you need for yourself to get through.
@kgg2241, I am sorry your friends announcement upset. I feel like everytime I tell myself to be positive, something happens.
@kindbytealikat, *hugs* .I know everyone handles everything different, but I want to share my experience, because maybe it will give you hope. My best friends sil and I shared a due date with my first loss. I see her pretty regularly and we are Facebook friends. It was hard. Especially the first few times being around him. Now, it is a (bitter) sweet feeling watching him grow and comparing what could have been. But, it has been 6 years.
@coco2787 and @kindbytealikat Im so sorry that you are dealing with sad anniversaries. I’m not really sure if there anything that helps, but I support taking some time for self care and allowing yourself to feel badly.
@kindbytealikat I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much and those anniversaries are hitting. When I was upset a few days ago my sister told me that it is okay to "feel your feelings." I'm trying to remember that and I hope you do too.
kindbytealikat Sorry
for the bad week and the date realizations. It is rough when everything comes
at once, especially when you didn’t realize it. Try to take some time to be
kind to yourself and focus on your mental health.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
Re: TTCAL w/o 7/9
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
AFM, I told myself i was going to stay positive this week and not complain. But I need to get this one out. I got a text from one of my best friends that she is expecting. It happened for them the first time they tried. I just feel gutted. I cried the whole day. She is due not too far after my due date and the thought of seeing her at these milestone points where I should be at is killing me. I am going through so many conflicting emotions. I feel so selfish and guilty feeling the way I do, but I just feel so much hate and jealousy. I have also been upset that when she came over after my loss, she was happily pregnant and I had no idea. I don't know why, but that just makes me feel embarrassed and like I was a pity case. Ugh rant over.
Edit: I changed my username slightly. Pic is the same. Hopefully it isn't too confusing!
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
@kindbytealikat - I have no words honey, just that I’m so sorry all this has fallen on you so close together. Don’t be afraid to do whatever you need for yourself to get through.
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
@kindbytealikat, *hugs* .I know everyone handles everything different, but I want to share my experience, because maybe it will give you hope. My best friends sil and I shared a due date with my first loss. I see her pretty regularly and we are Facebook friends. It was hard. Especially the first few times being around him. Now, it is a (bitter) sweet feeling watching him grow and comparing what could have been. But, it has been 6 years.
kindbytealikat Sorry for the bad week and the date realizations. It is rough when everything comes at once, especially when you didn’t realize it. Try to take some time to be kind to yourself and focus on your mental health.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
#BitterHagPartyOf1