@Car0liiine is now a bad time to delve into the connotations of "butthurt" and why many people find it offensive? (I'm halfway making a joke to be an a-hole, cause I think we all know by now, I'm an a-hole, but also throwing it out there as a word to be aware that it will get some folk riled up.)
As for me, talking about myself now and not directed at anyone at all- I've actually had to take the time to study, like do research on, some aspects of racism, homophobia and misogyny recently. I always assumed that just NOT being any of those things was all one had to do. Lately though, I feel like I need to understand some of these things better, because if you don't know something is wrong how can you stand up and say, "nuh-uh, that's not ok." Have you all seen This Is America by Childish Gambino? I watched it the first time and said, "I don't get it." Great beat, great sound, cool dancing... But I don't get it. (I mean I got some of it, I'm not a total live under a rock idiot, but I knew I was missing a LOT.) How exactly is this about racism and the other social issues? So I watched and read hours worth of videos and articles about it and it was such an eye opener. That music video is packed to the gills with symbolism! Anyhow, my long winded vague point being, that while I'm definitely not a fan of overt political correctness and often just read the room and roll with the assumed intent of the person speaking/writing, I do think that it's important from time to time to step back and think about the meaning our words have and how they affect others. And if we learn that something has negative connotations or can be hurtful to a group of people, I think it's fair to consider finding a different way to express ourselves. That's how I feel for me at anyrate.
@stothi I was feeling rather hormonal last night so I was being kind of flippant. I'm really a big advocate of cultural sensitivity. I've just been frustrated by all the people trying to make themselves look better by attacking people for making a faux pas when the person's intent is obviously innocent. There just needs to be more of a balance; a little common sense.
@stothi yes I totally agree about the need to know where phrases come from. Some political debate news show thing was on and one guy used the phrase "are you out of your cotton picking mind" to a black man, supposedly unaware of the history of the phrase. I know I'm naive to many ways racism is presented but I try to not live under a rock
@Car0liiine I know what you mean. It was just an FYI in case it does offend someone and you didn't know why. I'm not one for being PC all the time, but I feel like that one is legitimately potentially offensive so I avoid it. It's not as bad as the "N" word obviously but I feel like it's just easier to not use "uppity" than risk upsetting someone.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
*Not trying to argue with anyone, just sharing my personal thoughts and questions.* @starla I'm aware the word has been used this way in the past, but I'm against making it an off limits word. It seemed like the author of the linked article is almost pressing for more people to recognize the word as offensive when obviously that is not already the majority connotation. If the goal is for race to become less of a factor in categorizing/judging people, isn't it counterproductive to try and increase awareness of ways to potentially apply racism? Our children for instance will be born without prejudices; is it our responsibility to sit them down and teach them all the various ways to offend or hurt or discriminate against someone just to make sure they don't do it on accident? Is that healthy? Does it not introduce issues where there are none? How do you determined which things are obviously never okay (slurs for example) and which things are perhaps just obscure connotations? l'm not sure what the right answer is and as a parent I struggle with determining the right thing to do for my child and for society. (This can all be said for discrimination against any group.)
*Not trying to argue with anyone, just sharing my personal thoughts and questions.* @starla I'm aware the word has been used this way in the past, but I'm against making it an off limits word. It seemed like the author of the linked article is almost pressing for more people to recognize the word as offensive when obviously that is not already the majority connotation. If the goal is for race to become less of a factor in categorizing/judging people, isn't it counterproductive to try and increase awareness of ways to potentially apply racism? Our children for instance will be born without prejudices; is it our responsibility to sit them down and teach them all the various ways to offend or hurt or discriminate against someone just to make sure they don't do it on accident? Is that healthy? Does it not introduce issues where there are none? How do you determined which things are obviously never okay (slurs for example) and which things are perhaps just obscure connotations? l'm not sure what the right answer is and as a parent I struggle with determining the right thing to do for my child and for society. (This can all be said for discrimination against any group.)
I wanted to address a few things you said. 1. I'M not saying it should be an off limits word. Certain aspects of society decide if a word is acceptable/unacceptable and that may differ by region, context, who you're speaking to, your tone, etc. It's up to you to decide if you want to continue using that word. People will judge you for it or worse. Also, as a person who identifies as white, it's not up to me to decide what words people of colour find offensive. 2. I'm not sure if it's the majority connotation... I just learned about it recently myself, but then again, I'm not immersed in that culture. I prefer to not use it now that I know it may potentially be offensive. 3. Oooof... I really disagree with you there. I think we need to educate ourselves about the history and intent of words in order to address racism. I think bringing awareness to it does just that, while ignoring it allows racism to persist. To your point about kids not knowing better, if you don't raise them to not call people names, they will hear it at school and on the street and think it's acceptable behaviour. Personally, I would teach my children that those words are hurtful and to not use them. It's not like I would have to go through an entire list of offensive words, but if I heard them using a specific term, heard someone else using it in their presence, or was told about an incident, then I would address it then. 4. I think racism exists and we need to educate ourselves about these issues in order to be part of the solution rather than ignoring the problem and potentially propagating it. Personally, I prefer to not use a word if I've learned that it could be harmful or insulting to a certain segment of society.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@starla I actually got into a bit with my husband the other night over the offensive words issue and made some similar points to him as you did here. He was getting really bent out of shape about being told certain words were offensive. I gave him such a "are you kidding me" look that he finally said something about did he need to check his privilege. Yes, babe, yes you do. As a healthy, straight, white male in your 30's who's never been discriminated against a day in your life, yes you need to check your privilege. I didn't say that this word or that word is offensive to me personally, but as another fairly mainstream accepted/privileged person, most of the discrimination I come up against relates to me being a woman and not much else. Anyhow, I said my feelings on the matter are, when there are so many words and ways to express something, why continue to use something that could hurt someone -anyone- when you could just as easily use something else? Language evolves. Roll with it. As far as what I'd teach my kids, well, since every word is new to them and they have no attachment to anything yet if they say a word or use a phrase that could be considered hurtful or offensive to anyone, I'll just suggest a different word or phrase and explain very simply that it's a word that could hurt someone and there's a better phrase or word to choose and toss in a brief age appropriate reason why. I personally don't think it's a big deal or a hardship on my part or the part of my children to just be thoughtful and aware of the meaning our words can have. And what is just a little effort from us could make a huge difference in someone else's day, so I think we should do that.
I personally don't think it's a big deal or a hardship on my part or the part of my children to just be thoughtful and aware of the meaning our words can have. And what is just a little effort from us could make a huge difference in someone else's day, so I think we should do that.
Love love love!! I've actually done my fair share of researching ways to raise non-racist children ( I can't think of the actual term, baby brain and all). Anyway! An easy way to do this is to be sure their toys and books are diverse. Children's books with minorities as the main character are a little bit harder to find but worth the effort. Also dolls of minority races are less common but worth seeking out. This way instead of feeling like you need to have serious conversations with your kids about racist terms, you can model polite ways to interact with everyone with the dolls or through books. If a potentially offense term comes up during play, you can use the dolls to say "that hurt my feelings" without breaking play mode.
Whew, clearly that's a subject I'm passionate about.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
I bought my son a doll for his first birthday, and it is definitely a POC doll. I was hoping to find a black boy doll, but my options were a POC or a boy. But I do think that bringing these things up is so helpful.
The biggest fights in my marriage are related to my white husband needing to check privilege, (I'm white, but bisexual, and he honestly doesn't even see most make privilege!) so I'm hoping to work hard so that my white male son at least is aware of micro aggressions, covert and overt racism, and privilege. I believe in changing the future one child (especially white male!) at a time.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
As the whitest white girl you've ever met, I spent a good chunk of my life assuming that if you avoided intentionally doing/saying racist things, that meant you couldn't be racist. Then I married a man that isn't white. It's been really eye opening seeing how all the little, every day things that most white people don't ever notice or think about really add up to something that can be huge and demoralizing to the people they do actually affect. I agree that racism really needs to be discussed and addressed head on for any progress to be made. Pretending like it doesn't exist or the US doesn't have an extremely racist past that still affects POC today won't solve anything. We're trying to raise our son(s) to be aware of these issues as well as to be a feminist. And it is so much harder than it should be
@nackie Wow thanks for sharing (you, as well, @pourmeamocktail)! Can you give some examples? I'd like to be more aware of this as well.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Just a few articles that have helped me at times re-frame my thoughts, etc.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@starla i think @pourmeamocktail's links are really good reads. As far as examples from my life, a lot of them involve statements made by my family to or in front of MH that I'm not terribly comfortable discussing on a public forum. But below are a couple of things that popped into my head that are of a more generic variety that have come up in our life together. -in almost all the books my toddler has that feature non white kids (few and far between), those kids live in apartments not houses. All the white kids in his books live in houses. What message does that send to kids about race and class? How does that influence them when they grow up? -MH has been stopped and questioned by police on at least one occasion where they were looking for a suspect of a crime. The description they had of the suspect (height, weight, clothing, etc) were all completely different from my husband's appearance, but they questioned him based solely on his race. Fortunately it was a brief and very civil encounter, but it never should have been necessary. -Recent political discussions involving illegal immigration have resulted in a lot of comments and social media posts making incredibly generalized and inaccurate statements about the Hispanic/Latino community as a whole. (MH is Hispanic). It's easy for us to ignore or rationalize some of the less offensive statements by saying "oh, what they meant was..." It's a lot harder when the statements are about you though.
@nackie do you watch Doc McStuffins? How do you feel about it if you do? It took me a while to catch on to the fact that it's the dad that's the stay at home parent. I kinda love how they have him as this really attentive involved parent. I'm not sure I've ever seen a show before with a straight non-white stay at home dad before. And he's a good dad, not like a bumbling, lost his job and can't figure out basic house/life stuff dad.
(There was Daddy Daycare with Eddie Murphy in the 90's? But he wasn't a stay at home dad by choice, he was the got fired bumbling dad.)
@nackie Thanks for providing those examples. I agree it's hard to be objective about these things when they're not about us. I saw something on Facebook a while ago pointing out how pretty much all villains in Disney (and even other movies) movies are foreign. They all have accents, are darker, etc. I had never noticed that before! I will aim to be more observant of these things, especially as I raise my daughter.
Also, we put "Goodnight, Lab" on our registry, which is a parody of "Goodnight, Moon" because both DH and I are scientists. Not only is the scientist in the book female, but she's also brown. I was super pumped when we received it.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Three of my favorite young kids books with some diversity: 10 Little Fingers and 10 Little Toes, Heather Has Two Mommies, and A Very Very Noisy Tractor, and I definitely want to find a couple that address race more head on soon now that my son is 2.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@starla, we haven’t watched it yet. So far we’ve been really successful at avoiding a lot of tv. I may have to check that out though. I know my niece is a big fan of the show.
@starla the villain thing is a great example! And once you realize it, it’s so obvious. So many white people never make that association, but imagine being a little kid and everyone that looks like you in the movies is a bad guy? I am definitely going to have to add Goodnight Lab to our library!
@pourmeamocktail Thank you for those book suggestions! We have focused on finding books with Asian Americans since H is Chinese but I also need more with same sex couples since my brother is gay and in a long term relationship.
@starla I love that lab book! We have it on our registry as well.
@SkilledSailor I'd be interested to here about good book with Asian American families too-we have a very very white friend base and town, so I am trying to bring up as many groups as I can because I know he won't see positive models for non-white people without us intentionally making it happen somehow.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeamocktail I honestly haven't gotten books past the board book phase yet so mostly we have just been looking for books with a variety of skin colors in it. We're really lucky that a local bookshop is very conscious of all sorts of inclusion so I know where I can go for more books when we're ready. Next time I'm in there I'll have to take note of some of their books for older children! They definitely carry ones I wouldn't find in Barnes & Noble.
@SkilledSailor We're still mostly on board books too, he's just freshly 2, but I figure the next 9-12 months will fly by, so it doesn't hurt to get some ideas and newer books now. We do manage to read twice a day minimum. And he loves 10 Little Fingers-hooray for at least celebrating the similarities of all races/colors.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I haven't been on in a few days but checked in yesterday. After reading your responses and seeing how my post was interpreted, I immediately had a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat I couldn't shake for hours. I couldn't sleep last night trying to figure out what I could say to undo the misunderstanding. "I personally don't think it's a big deal or a hardship on my part or the part of my children to just be thoughtful and aware of the meaning our words can have.” If it came across that I don't feel the same, or that I think we should pretend racism doesn't exist, I obviously did a really bad job expressing myself. I think the tone of my questions for example did not come across - these were genuine questions. So to say you disagree with them; my whole point was that I'm uncertain about these things. You can disapprove of my uncertainty, but can't disagree with me on these questions because they're questions- not statements of opinion. I just want to be very careful about determining the correct way to reduce prejudice and racism in my children. My instinct is to go through and explain myself point by point, but I've obviously done a piss poor job of conveying my point of view on all of this so I think I'll just stop before i dig myself any deeper of a hole! Just know that I share most of the beliefs and approaches you've all expressed above, and I definitely didn't mean to offend anyone, I just didn't manage to articulate that.
@Car0liiine I don't think people were trying to argue/disagree with you, just discussing a subject that came up and was interesting to a lot of people. I personally wasn't directing any of my comments towards anyone, just sharing my veiws. Well, I DID direct my comments at my husband in real life and I WAS disagreeing with him cause he was being a stubborn privileged butt. But none of my stuff here was directed at anyone here.
I’m late to the party but I heard the term “white privilege” for the first time from my April 2013 TB spin off Facebook group and I’ve learned so much since then. I know I haven’t been around this board much yet (still working on it!) but I’m so grateful that through TB I have met many wonderful ladies who have taught me so much!
DD1 6.2011 DD2 4.2013 - vbac DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green Baby #4 due 9.2018
Re: UO/FFCF Mash-up Time Again! 6 21/22
(I'm halfway making a joke to be an a-hole, cause I think we all know by now, I'm an a-hole, but also throwing it out there as a word to be aware that it will get some folk riled up.)
As for me, talking about myself now and not directed at anyone at all- I've actually had to take the time to study, like do research on, some aspects of racism, homophobia and misogyny recently. I always assumed that just NOT being any of those things was all one had to do. Lately though, I feel like I need to understand some of these things better, because if you don't know something is wrong how can you stand up and say, "nuh-uh, that's not ok." Have you all seen This Is America by Childish Gambino? I watched it the first time and said, "I don't get it." Great beat, great sound, cool dancing... But I don't get it. (I mean I got some of it, I'm not a total live under a rock idiot, but I knew I was missing a LOT.) How exactly is this about racism and the other social issues? So I watched and read hours worth of videos and articles about it and it was such an eye opener. That music video is packed to the gills with symbolism! Anyhow, my long winded vague point being, that while I'm definitely not a fan of overt political correctness and often just read the room and roll with the assumed intent of the person speaking/writing, I do think that it's important from time to time to step back and think about the meaning our words have and how they affect others. And if we learn that something has negative connotations or can be hurtful to a group of people, I think it's fair to consider finding a different way to express ourselves. That's how I feel for me at anyrate.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@starla I'm aware the word has been used this way in the past, but I'm against making it an off limits word. It seemed like the author of the linked article is almost pressing for more people to recognize the word as offensive when obviously that is not already the majority connotation.
If the goal is for race to become less of a factor in categorizing/judging people, isn't it counterproductive to try and increase awareness of ways to potentially apply racism? Our children for instance will be born without prejudices; is it our responsibility to sit them down and teach them all the various ways to offend or hurt or discriminate against someone just to make sure they don't do it on accident? Is that healthy? Does it not introduce issues where there are none? How do you determined which things are obviously never okay (slurs for example) and which things are perhaps just obscure connotations? l'm not sure what the right answer is and as a parent I struggle with determining the right thing to do for my child and for society.
(This can all be said for discrimination against any group.)
1. I'M not saying it should be an off limits word. Certain aspects of society decide if a word is acceptable/unacceptable and that may differ by region, context, who you're speaking to, your tone, etc. It's up to you to decide if you want to continue using that word. People will judge you for it or worse. Also, as a person who identifies as white, it's not up to me to decide what words people of colour find offensive.
2. I'm not sure if it's the majority connotation... I just learned about it recently myself, but then again, I'm not immersed in that culture. I prefer to not use it now that I know it may potentially be offensive.
3. Oooof... I really disagree with you there. I think we need to educate ourselves about the history and intent of words in order to address racism. I think bringing awareness to it does just that, while ignoring it allows racism to persist. To your point about kids not knowing better, if you don't raise them to not call people names, they will hear it at school and on the street and think it's acceptable behaviour. Personally, I would teach my children that those words are hurtful and to not use them. It's not like I would have to go through an entire list of offensive words, but if I heard them using a specific term, heard someone else using it in their presence, or was told about an incident, then I would address it then.
4. I think racism exists and we need to educate ourselves about these issues in order to be part of the solution rather than ignoring the problem and potentially propagating it. Personally, I prefer to not use a word if I've learned that it could be harmful or insulting to a certain segment of society.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
I didn't say that this word or that word is offensive to me personally, but as another fairly mainstream accepted/privileged person, most of the discrimination I come up against relates to me being a woman and not much else. Anyhow, I said my feelings on the matter are, when there are so many words and ways to express something, why continue to use something that could hurt someone -anyone- when you could just as easily use something else? Language evolves. Roll with it.
As far as what I'd teach my kids, well, since every word is new to them and they have no attachment to anything yet if they say a word or use a phrase that could be considered hurtful or offensive to anyone, I'll just suggest a different word or phrase and explain very simply that it's a word that could hurt someone and there's a better phrase or word to choose and toss in a brief age appropriate reason why. I personally don't think it's a big deal or a hardship on my part or the part of my children to just be thoughtful and aware of the meaning our words can have. And what is just a little effort from us could make a huge difference in someone else's day, so I think we should do that.
Whew, clearly that's a subject I'm passionate about.
@SkilledSailor I love it and will try to do the same.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
The biggest fights in my marriage are related to my white husband needing to check privilege, (I'm white, but bisexual, and he honestly doesn't even see most make privilege!) so I'm hoping to work hard so that my white male son at least is aware of micro aggressions, covert and overt racism, and privilege. I believe in changing the future one child (especially white male!) at a time.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
We're trying to raise our son(s) to be aware of these issues as well as to be a feminist. And it is so much harder than it should be
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5269255
https://kronda.com/an-open-letter-to-my-white-friends/
https://broadly.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/ne95dm/how-to-be-a-white-ally-to-people-of-color?__twitter_impression=true
https://www.citylab.com/life/2018/07/why-i-hate-watch-house-hunters/564278/
https://www.dailypublic.com/articles/06252018/racist-symbol
https://afrosapiophile.com/2017/11/15/deleting-comments/
https://medium.com/@purecatharsis/near-the-top-i-white-cis-womens-privilege-duality-506fed820afb
Just a few articles that have helped me at times re-frame my thoughts, etc.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
-in almost all the books my toddler has that feature non white kids (few and far between), those kids live in apartments not houses. All the white kids in his books live in houses. What message does that send to kids about race and class? How does that influence them when they grow up?
-MH has been stopped and questioned by police on at least one occasion where they were looking for a suspect of a crime. The description they had of the suspect (height, weight, clothing, etc) were all completely different from my husband's appearance, but they questioned him based solely on his race. Fortunately it was a brief and very civil encounter, but it never should have been necessary.
-Recent political discussions involving illegal immigration have resulted in a lot of comments and social media posts making incredibly generalized and inaccurate statements about the Hispanic/Latino community as a whole. (MH is Hispanic). It's easy for us to ignore or rationalize some of the less offensive statements by saying "oh, what they meant was..." It's a lot harder when the statements are about you though.
(There was Daddy Daycare with Eddie Murphy in the 90's? But he wasn't a stay at home dad by choice, he was the got fired bumbling dad.)
Also, we put "Goodnight, Lab" on our registry, which is a parody of "Goodnight, Moon" because both DH and I are scientists. Not only is the scientist in the book female, but she's also brown. I was super pumped when we received it.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@starla the villain thing is a great example! And once you realize it, it’s so obvious. So many white people never make that association, but imagine being a little kid and everyone that looks like you in the movies is a bad guy?
I am definitely going to have to add Goodnight Lab to our library!
@starla I love that lab book! We have it on our registry as well.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
"I personally don't think it's a big deal or a hardship on my part or the part of my children to just be thoughtful and aware of the meaning our words can have.” If it came across that I don't feel the same, or that I think we should pretend racism doesn't exist, I obviously did a really bad job expressing myself.
I think the tone of my questions for example did not come across - these were genuine questions. So to say you disagree with them; my whole point was that I'm uncertain about these things. You can disapprove of my uncertainty, but can't disagree with me on these questions because they're questions- not statements of opinion. I just want to be very careful about determining the correct way to reduce prejudice and racism in my children.
My instinct is to go through and explain myself point by point, but I've obviously done a piss poor job of conveying my point of view on all of this so I think I'll just stop before i dig myself any deeper of a hole! Just know that I share most of the beliefs and approaches you've all expressed above, and I definitely didn't mean to offend anyone, I just didn't manage to articulate that.
ETA: typo
Well, I DID direct my comments at my husband in real life and I WAS disagreeing with him cause he was being a stubborn privileged butt. But none of my stuff here was directed at anyone here.
DD2 4.2013 - vbac
DS1 9.2016 - vbac, team green
Baby #4 due 9.2018