UO/FFCF Mash-up Time Again! 6 21/22

stothi

Confession- I'm so danged out of it that I don't even know what day it is half the time and it completely didn't register that today was Thursday.

So let's make up for lost time with another unpopular opinion and flame free confession combo thread! As per usual confessions are not guaranteed to be flame free. On this thread we also encourage random rants about anything you should feel the need to rant about.

Anything you want to get off your chest?

stothi

UO: from my lurkings I see that many people do not like the term hubby or wifey. I don't like wifey either, but I do use and like hubby. I never say "my hubby" though. I say "my husband" when referring to my husband but will say "hubby" online in place of using his name. 

I'm not really a fan of the DS, DD, DH (and most other abbreviations) and just prefer to type out my kid, my son or my husband or whatever. That being said I don't really care what anyone else does.

I'm not a fan of a lot of the R&B and Hip Hop coming out right now and have been askng my husband to please change the station to anything other than "Weak Jams." I can't think of any good specific examples, but he'll have Pandora on and it's just so...weak. Just... Blah. It's not new (style wise,) it doesn't have a great dance beat or clever lyrics. It's just weak. 

I really dislike that the summer snack at my kid's school involves crackers every single day. I feel like most of them are a worthless, throw away food from a nutritional stand point. Yes, all the kiddos love goldfish crackers. Who doesn't? I like 'em. But he doesn't need goldfish and graham crackers every damn day. Eating should be for nutrition and energy, not for keeping busy. (For the kids. Not me. I get to eat all the junk all the time cause I'm an adult and can make those choices for myself. Please don't take away my delicious non nutritional snacks.)

Confession: I'm 100% ok with a certain level of hypocrisy in parenting. Like telling my kid he can't have a second cookie and then eating a whole bag of them after he goes to bed.

Confession: I eat a lot of cookies. Like a lot. You can't maintain love handles like I've got without a certain level of attention and dedication to your diet. It's true. It takes work. 

smsaulino

@stothi Honestly, I don't like using DH on here. I'd rather just say his name but understand that there has to be some security issues online. I rarely call Polly "little love" on here anymore because she has a name. 

I'm also ok with a certain level of hypocrisy. I'm pretty sure my motto with Polly will be "do as I say, not as I do" 

klj0228

I never liked using DH on here, because I don’t call my husband dear husband...damn husband is much more likely. I will say H or husband because he is my husband and I don’t want to use his name. Really his name is so common it wouldn’t hurt to use it here most likely. 

Confession: I am having ice cream for breakfast today. It has calcium, that’s healthy right? 

smsaulino

@klj0228 my DH has a super common name also and even a shortened version of his name.... And I really wanted ice cream for breakfast but then DH would know where it's hidden. Yes, I hide treats from DH... Just like I will with Polly. 

klj0228

smsaulino said:

@klj0228 my DH has a super common name also and even a shortened version of his name.... And I really wanted ice cream for breakfast but then DH would know where it's hidden. Yes, I hide treats from DH... Just like I will with Polly. 

I hide food from my H too! Especially ice cream treats because that’s the one sweet that he loves. If there is something in our house he likes he will eat it all! When I have leftovers from eating out if I know I want it I have to tell him, do not eat these leftovers I want them tomorrow!

nlc8424

I used to sell Mary Kay. I like the actual products, but hate the actual selling of it. I never want anyone to feel like they need to support me financially and buy stuff from me. I can't remember if we've bitched about this before or not, but MLM companies drive me batty. It is not MY responsibility to make sure you have an income. I hate that FB is flooded with this stuff. If I want to use a product from a MLM, I'll seek you out. Otherwise, leave me alone.

Wishilivedinflorida

Ice cream in moderation is recommended for pregnant women as a good source of calcium as an alternative to cheese, milk, and yogurt. Just sayin’. 

My FFFC is that my motivation to post has gone way down recently because mobile has been really glitchy. I don’t use the app, but even the site on Safari is pissing me off. My love tits are broken. That being said, I’m reading and trying to keep up with being supportive where I can!

jumpy57

I went to yoga yesterday and the workout was good, but I was not a fan of the instructor, she didn't do anything wrong, I think it was just her voice. I feel terribly judgey but it makes me less exited for Thursday classes

stothi

@nlc8424 I don't know if we've talked about it before but I'll complain about MLM all day, any day! I hate that I'm constantly bombarded by friends/family trying to sell me stuff! And some of it is cool stuff, sure, but I don't have the extra money. I don't care if the lipbalm or eye shadow or oil or crack cocaine is a higher quality and just such a bargain per ounce when you buy direct. I don't have $24 for lip gloss. If I need some I'm going to be getting the $3 low quality crap from Walmart. "When you buy from Walmart you are adding to a CEO's multi million dollar bank account but when you buy directly from a stay at home mom you are helping to send her kids to summer camp." Ok. But it's not my responsibility to send her kids to summer camp. My responsibility is to send MY kid to camp. One of the ways I afford to do stuff for my kid is by not buying extra stuff or by buying the cheapest product in the smallest amount that meets my needs.
I also hate online sales parties. Back in the day if someone had a Tupperware or Pampered Chef party or whatever, they had to actually invite you to their home and then feed you. Those I would sometimes go to. The online ones though I honestly don't get why I wouldn't just go to whatever website and order what I needed when I needed it.

lisac113

@nlc8424 MLM annoyances was my FFFC a few weeks ago.  

jumpy57

I think I just generally hate it when people give me the hard sell. If I want your product I will find you and buy it or ask you questions then buy what works for me.

When i was shopping for my car I mostly did research then wanted to test drive and push all the buttons. While trying it out on the sales floor I was thinking out loud to DH and mentioned that the back seat was a little tight so car pooling with friends might be a challenge. The sales guy said "well are you buying the car or are your friends buying the car?" Dear mister, adults in the back seat is on my list of wants, now I hate you and don't want to buy your cars.

southernlady07

@EErin86 YES to all of that. If a sales person is too pushy, I will leave and not buy anything. I know what I like and do my own research before I buy anything (unless I'm just browsing) and really do not need/want their help in most scenarios. 

spottedginger

FFFC: I was pretty excited for the carb and sugar loading over th next few days as an excuse to be a glutton and eat all the sweets. Me halfway through day one:

magnolia209

What gets me about the MLMs is that the people I know on FB who do them also brag about their lives. Like, working for Arbonne or Roden and Feilds has given them this amazing freedom to travel the world and stay home with their kids. That's great and tempting, but not when it means that in order for you to stay home, I need to give you my money that I'm out here working hard for. I could never and would never ask my family and friends for money. I don't care how good the products are. 

Edit to add - I'm all for working from home (or being a SAHM if you can afford it)! Just not if you are asking for me to buy something from you and then also bragging about your amazing life. 

SkilledSailor

@magnolia209 The annoying thing about that is that unless they're way up on the MLM scale, they probably don't make enough for those trips. Either their spouse is paying for it or they earned a trip (if they're higher up). I do believe that they have the scheduling flexibility to go on vacations but I definitely doubt they paid for it all because of whatever product they're selling. They're just trying to get others under them so they will earn more. 

FFFC: I'll probably let my kid curse. We'll teach him that it's frowned upon in formal settings (school, work, etc.) but at home/with friends it's ok. Partly we'll be doing this because curse words are based on society and are different in every country. Basically, people get their panties in a wad over words because society tells them to. Partly because I curse like a sailor at home and don't want to have to watch my mouth in my own house. Exceptions will be intent. Examples: A) "F*ck! I broke the plate" would be acceptable. b) "F*ck you" not acceptable because that's ill intent. 

nackie

@spottedginger I was so jealous of the carb loading diet!  I’m sorry to hear it’s not as much fun in reality.  In other news, my office ordered a bunch of eclairs to celebrate national eclair day and so far I’ve had two. 

southernlady07

MH's family is coming in town for DD's dance recital on Sunday. My MIL was going to come in tonight along with her friend and be here for the whole weekend and I just found out she's not coming until Sunday!!!  FFFC=my excitement level when I found out. 

magnolia209

@SkilledSailor I agree that it is more important to teach the kid about situational awareness and than to hide all the "bad" words or topics. But, FTM - I have no idea how to teach that! I will try to just lead by example. H curses all the time, but in another language. I try not to curse, but I'm so so so far from perfect. And, you are right, we need to be able to be ourselves at home! 

nackie

@SkilledSailor my 2 year old has already said his first curse word. I’m not even that ashamed of it. We have friends that are super strict about what their kids say (like to the level of “oh my god” being a bad word in their house) and every time I see them I accidentally say something “bad” and the kids tattle on me. 

SkilledSailor

nackie said:

every time I see them I accidentally say something “bad” and the kids tattle on me. 

Hahaha I would be tempted to no longer have it be an accident. It's hard to keep track of each family's rules on words. Like for some, "butt" or even "bum" is a bad word. 

ETA: 
@magnolia209 Oh I totally expect LO to make mistakes at first and cuss in public. I'll just be "that mom" at the playground. Whatever. 

nackie

@SkilledSailor I get them not wanting people to use real curse words in front of their kids, and I’m pretty good about that. but if god and poop are going to be forbidden, you’ve really got to give people a heads up. Maybe a cheat sheat or something.  

DanyTargaryen

I'm trying to curb my swearing because I do it a lot, but +1 for not being all that worried about swear words coming out of my kid's mouth. Especially with football season approaching.

stothi

I curse a lot. A lot a lot. Like a trucker and a sailor got in a cursing contest. The first couple of f bombs my toddler dropped we either laughed or ignored. But then he started cursing a lot and I realized it made me uncomfortable and I felt like I was setting him up for failure. He's plenty capable of learning the words, and even gets creative in impressive ways with their use! But he's too young to remember what words he can use when and where. I don't believe in "bad" words. (Other than racist/misogynistic/xenophobic/homophobic/ect slurs. Those are bad.) So like f@*$ isn't a "bad" word but it's certainly crude and not really used in "polite" society. So where we are right now, is that I'm trying to clean up my language (which mostly involves weird grunting and hissing and then spelling things out) and when my son uses a word that I feel should wait until he is older I'll remind him, "that's a grown up word. It's good for mamas but not babies. And don't use it at school. It's not a school word. At home I just ask you not to use it, but at school they have different rules and you'll get a time out." 
Once my kids are old enough to understands that their actions have consequences, like cursing in class will get them detention or whatever, then it's a free for all and everyone can make their own choices regarding the type of language they use. For now though I've come to the conclusion that I don't think it's fair to put that burden of responsibility on my 2 year old to have to think that much about it.
The other day someone chastised him in my home though for cursing and I nipped that shit in the bud real fast. He's in his own home and he's not hurting anyone. Yes, you can remind him that it's not a great word to use, and even better, suggest a different way to say it. If kiddo shouts "freaking f@*$," when he can't fix his toy, you can suggest that he try the phrase, "this is frustrating and I'm upset!" But you can not, in my house, punish him for language choices. Unless he calls you yourself a "freaking f@*$," he's not in trouble. At all. So back off.

southernlady07

We do have words that are off limits in our house and I certainly do not want to use any of them because my DD will tooootally call me out and make a big deal about how I said a bad word @magnolia209 re: teaching - growing up, I never felt like I knew *why* I wasn't supposed to say bad words (neither of my parents cursed). I think it's been helpful to teach DD why the word is not nice (i.e. we talk about why "stupid" and "hate" can be hurtful words) and then she's less likely to say it. With all that said, potty humor is BIG at this age and it is really hard not to laugh when we're out in public and she is making fart/poop jokes. If I've learned anything as a parent it's that you have to pick your battles

DanyTargaryen

southernlady07 said:

growing up, I never felt like I knew *why* I wasn't supposed to say bad words (neither of my parents cursed)

My dad didn't care, my mom did. And she just scolded us for it, no explanation. It was really frustrating. She even yelled at me on a plane when I was 21 for an f-bomb under my breath. Eventually my brothers broke her in enough she stopped.

starla

SkilledSailor said:

*snip*

Partly because I curse like a sailor at home and don't want to have to watch my mouth in my own house. Exceptions will be intent. Examples: A) "F*ck! I broke the plate" would be acceptable. b) "F*ck you" not acceptable because that's ill intent. 

This gives your screen name a new meaning! LOL

nlc8424

I agree with @stothi that I don't really want to put the burden on my 2 year old to think about what's appropriate at home vs daycare/school/public to say. We limit our cursing pretty well in general, but definitely have let some slip at times. Especially my H when he's talking about work  . I tend to curse the most when I'm mad/frustrated, but try to switch out my language otherwise.

When our kids get older and understand there's a consequence to using course words, that is on them. But maybe my FFFC should be that excessive swearing makes me uncomfortable. So much of the time there's just such a wide variety of words that you can choose to express yourself that it doesn't need to fall back onto a swear word. This could be because for the most part I only ever heard my parents swear when they were mad/arguing/upset and I'm too empathetic for my own good and take on other peoples emotions easily. And I knew in those situations that the words were not meant lightly. Who knows.

southernlady07

nlc8424 said:

*snip* But maybe my FFFC should be that excessive swearing makes me uncomfortable. So much of the time there's just such a wide variety of words that you can choose to express yourself that it doesn't need to fall back onto a swear word. This could be because for the most part I only ever heard my parents swear when they were mad/arguing/upset and I'm too empathetic for my own good and take on other peoples emotions easily. And I knew in those situations that the words were not meant lightly. Who knows.

@nlc8424 Same. I work in a helping profession and dislike conflict/hatred/violence of any kind so someone letting out a stream of curse words or using them in a hateful way is not something I tolerate well. I also think it's really disrespectful and unnecessary when adults are holding a conversation near children and cursing repeatedly. I also have an "older" child so I may be more sensitive to these kinds of things now than when she was younger and not as attentive.

stothi

I get really upset when I'm out in public and people curse in front of my kid. Yes, I do curse, but you don't know me! He's a toddler! Watch your dang mouth. Sheesh.

SkilledSailor

stothi said:

I get really upset when I'm out in public and people curse in front of my kid. Yes, I do curse, but you don't know me! He's a toddler! Watch your dang mouth. Sheesh.

This I try really hard not to do out of respect of other's parenting decisions. And often get on H about. Just because we're ok with cursing in front of our child doesn't mean everyone is. 

klj0228

So about this whole swearing in front of your kids thing. Today I saw an article and Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd tell their children look swearing is something you get to do as an adult kind of like driving a car or drinking alcohol. I like that approach. We will probably not swear in front of our children often, because they can’t understand why those words can be offensive to others and in what context that is. 

[Deleted User]

I had a guy walk right into our place of business today, spewing f-bombs at me.



I blame the parents.  :D

smsaulino

Regarding MLMs.... I know women that work full time jobs and do them as hobbies, just for the discounts. They are not usually the ones that are hounding others to buy from them. I don't see an issue with it as long as they aren't begging for my money. I pretty much know who sales what and when I get good and ready, I know who to purchase from. Like for instance, after Polly is born, I will probably order some wraps from It Works and some protein shakes from Shakeology. 

dexnie

I find the cursing/language discussion interesting. It’s admittedly not something I’ve thought much about before, despite working as a speech pathologist and studying child language development. 

In the end, kids aren’t developmentally equipped to read context and fluidly shift sets between different environments / communication partners for many, many years. Having the expectation that they’ll be able to navigate such a complex set of social rules means they’re going to make many missteps along the way, which just seems like opening my kid to unnecessary stress (repeat reprimands from childcare providers, negative reactions from other parents, possible limitations in play dates, etc). Seems like a lot less frustration on everyone’s part to model the language my child will be expected to use across settings and contexts (knowing I’ll eff up from time to time, lol). 

SkilledSailor

@dexnie I totally get that. I also studied child development so I'm going into this fully aware that LO will curse outside of the house multiple times before he really starts to understand the different situations where it's more appropriate. For me, my goal is to raise kind children who possibly question what our society considers acceptable. So as long as he's being nice to everyone I probably won't mind if a curse word slips in. 

Side Rant: Here's to hoping for an emotionally resilient child. You're comment about reprimands from childcare providers reminded me that they'll likely talk negatively about how his parents are raising him in front of him anyway (vegan, cloth diapers, allowing dresses in public if he wanted to wear them). While working in daycare, I heard caregivers complain about all these things (and more) in front of the children. I'm more concerned with how he'll navigate that at such a young age.

ellbeedee

klj0228 said:

So about this whole swearing in front of your kids thing. Today I saw an article and Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd tell their children look swearing is something you get to do as an adult kind of like driving a car or drinking alcohol. I like that approach. We will probably not swear in front of our children often, because they can’t understand why those words can be offensive to others and in what context that is. 

This is basically how I approach it. I am guilty for using bad language when I'm mad and so is my husband. I do it in front of my kids who are almost 5 and 7. I have had them both repeat me on a couple of occasions and I simply say, that's a grown up word please do not say it. Seems to work for us.

Car0liiine

   We plan on curbing our tongues until the kids are old enough to understand how to read a situation and code switch appropriately. After that they will only get in trouble for their language if they're being mean/rude/derogatory. 
   On the flip side, until then I have extremely modest preferences for small children's vocabulary. This just comes from how I was raised. Butt, pee, fart, snot, poop, oh my God - these were not words you said in my house. We didn't even have euphamisms for fart or snot, you just didn't discuss such things. It just makes me cringe when I hear little kids use terms that seem crass to me. So we say bum, tee tee, poo, poot. No rhyme or reason as to why those terms don't offend me, but I hate it when DH adds an extra p on the end of poo in front of our toddler. *Shrug*
   I'm totally the opposite when it comes to adults. Aside from formal settings, I see no reason to censor yourself. A big pet peeve is using asterisks or other symbols to write certain words. Like, seriously? We're all adults, we can all spell, does anyone not say the actual word in their head when they see "F***"? As far as I can see the only point in doing this is to say "I know I'm not supposed to say it" but then say it anyway. To be clear, l don't judge individuals for doing this, just that it's a social norm. I do it too most of the time just to play by the rules and in case someone is gonna be uppity and report me, but #alltheF***ingeyerolls !

[Deleted User]

That to me is so funny, how different caregivers' choices can be!  We had a babysitter/ nanny who insisted on us saying, "urinate," or, "defecate," to tell her what we needed to do, and this was when we were barely toddlers!  No pee pee, poopy, etc. in her house! Lol
*typo

starla

@Car0liiine I agree about the censoring. We all know what the word days! Just so you know, the word "uppity" has racist connotations. https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/11/yep-uppity-racist/335160/ I just learned this recently and had been using it all my life!

Car0liiine

@starla omfg That's what I'm talking about! Can't even use the GD English language without someone getting butthurt! I'm just going to embrace my irreverence/offensiveness and all the PC police out there can suck my clit! XP