@echo-charlietango I believe that some of the conditions that they screen for in those tests may be incompatible with life (someone correct me if I'm wrong about that - the NT did screen for those, but I didn't do the NIPT). And I'd think parents who receive that kind of news would get additional testing to confirm, but yes, some would choose to terminate to spare their child additional suffering. IMO that's the sort of decision that only someone going through it can make, and frankly it's my understanding that god doesn't look too highly on judgment like that nurse exhibited, but hey. If she wants to be a giant twat, that's her prerogative. It's also every single patient's prerogative to give negative feedback about her if/when she offends them.
@binxybaby I couldn’t have replied better than @runrinserepeat. I’m so sorry for what was said at your appointment. I also agree that if you are not comfortable at that practice if there is another option for your- change. Most OB groups are extremely nice and supportive.
wow, I'm sorry your appointment was such shit @binxybaby! I'm glad you have a healthy babe & brush off the weight comment because a total gain of 2 since BFP is NOT concerning. OB's can be so inconsistent about that.
AFM, I posted it in randoms and should've come here first, whoops! Had our A/S yesterday and it was glorious. I can tell DH isn't as excited this time though It might be due to us being team green, but hopefully he comes around with more excitement. The little babe was moving like crazy & I could feel it when I saw it move, such a happy feeling! My placenta is posterior this time (it was anterior last time) & I am excited about that since I can feel baby so much earlier now! Hopefully I won't need the extra ultrasounds like last time since there was concern with possible placenta previa. I didn't get any pictures yet because the CD wouldn't burn so they're going to send one snail mail. Anywho, the word 'normal' has never been better to hear!
My appt went great. My sch is still the same size but she was pleased on how it looked and said it was stable. I finally heard a measurement and it's 3.1 cm. Baby boy was dancing around and waved to us. She wants me back for another ultrasound in 4w and then the anatomy scan at 20w. She was happy with everything she saw as far as the NT screening. I'm so glad everything is good and we will officially FB announce tomorrow.
@binxybaby I am sorry your appointment was so terrible. That nurse is entitled to her opinion, but she does not need to share it, especially not with patients. Also, like @echo-charlietango Said, when we had testing done with the ass, we never considered termination, it was just to ensure that we could get him proper care at birth if he needed something. If you have lost weight, I don’t see why you were Dr. would be concerned about it. Would you be open to looking for someone else? Remember, they work for you! You should be satisfied with the care you are receiving.
@binxybaby I'm so sorry your appointment was awful and can't believe the nurse said that to you and the OB had a problem with your weight gain. I'm already up 10lbs and my OB hasn't said anything. I'm not excited about it, but it happens every pregnancy when I'm in 1st tri survival mode.
Thank you, everyone. I really, appreciate the support. I am trying to figure out what to do. It's definitely not appropriate and much as I attempt to rationalize it by saying this or that to myself, she really should not have said that. I am concerned that if I report her, it'll negatively impact the care I receive from her and/or my doctor the rest of my pregnancy.
As for my doctor, I'm wrestling with that more. I picked him because he seems very knowledgeable and competent as a physician and I felt that was much more important to me than bedside manner. Now that I'm nearing the halfway point, I'm wondering whether I'd prefer someone who makes me feel supported and not, well, stupid. I just don't feel comfortable around him. He was not born or trained in the US, which is totally fine, but his accent and words he chooses to use do make it a smidge hard to understand him. I also just don't feel like I can be open about what I'm experiencing with him. He kind of cut me off today when I started to tell him how I was physically feeling lately. I feel like he should care about that? I don't feel like I can ask him the questions I want to. Granted, the internet, friends, and you lovely ladies have made it so I don't have that many questions. So, do I stick with a doctor I strongly believe will get baby out safely and make the right decisions to keep him healthy or do I choose a doctor that makes me feel supported as a FTM? Long post, but there ya go lol
@binxybaby I would totally change OBs if you're feeling so uncomfortable! I also prefer knowledge over bedside manner too, but damn, if he's cutting you off when you're telling him how you are physically?! That's just about negligent. Also, totally complain about that nurse - chances are that she's offending others and she might be in hot water already for that mouth.
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@binxybaby I'm also on team change. It IS possible to have both bedside manner and knowledge. This one might be able to get your baby out safely but will he hear your wishes? Maybe not. Find someone who respects you too!
@binxybaby Holy cow, I cannot believe that nurse said such a thing! That is just inexcusable. I'm so sorry. And that, along with fears of reporting her negatively impacting your care, and the fact that you don't click with your OB or appreciate his bedside manner (or lack thereof) definitely put me on team change OBs, if you're able to find a suitable replacement. Again, so sorry you are having to deal with this!
@binxybaby I agree with above about changing. My OB practice has three OB's that rotate and it is luck of the draw who I get for my delivery depending on the day. One dr has not great bedside manner but always gives me the opportunity to ask questions and gives me the time of day. You and your insurance will be paying them LOADS of money. You are not too far along to switch. I'd start looking today, maybe ask those in your community who they have used in the past. I'd also talk to the head of the practice about your concerns regarding the nurse and dr, regardless if you stay or leave. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
@binxybaby If you have a hospital preference, I would contact in labor and delivery nurse in there, and they may be able to recommend someone to you. Pregnancy and labor are two of the most of vulnerable times in your life. You want someone who is supporting you and who you have confidence in.
@temmetime and @gorgeousariel Congrats on your great appointments! Glad everything is going well!
@binxybaby Like pp's have mentioned, I think it's more than worth looking into other OB's at this point. You shouldn't have to be stressed by your dr/nurse on top of being pregnant with your first child - which is more than stressful enough.
Me: 33, DH: 41 Started IF Feb. 2014 PCOS & MFI (low sperm count and motility) 3 Femara cycles w/natural intercourse over summer 2014, BFN 1 Clomid cycle w/natural intercourse Nov. 2014, BFN IUI March 2015, BFN IUI June 2015, BFN IUI Oct. 2015, BFN IVF Oct. 2016, fresh transfer, 2 day-3 embryos, BFN; nothing to freeze IVF Nov. 2017, fresh transfer, 2 day-5 blasts, BFP; ectopic; 1 blast frozen FET March 2018, 1 day-5 blast, BFP!
I agree with everyone else. I would absolutely look elsewhere and consider switching. Your OB, or any doctor, should never dismiss you like that. It's their job to take care of you. I am all about matter-of-factness, but with something as sensitive and emotional as having a baby, bedside manner is really important. And that nurse was completely out of line.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you find someone supportive!
@binxybaby pick a md that has good bedside manner and skill. I tried to look at the December spreadsheet to see where you are from- but it won’t let me access it. Are there other moms around you that have a recommendation? Hospital/practice website? I’ve always gone by word of mouth and been very happy. My current OB is also a friend, so of course I really like her.
@binxybaby FWIW changing my OB was WAY easier than I thought it was going to be. I called insurance and told them the name of the practice I wanted to be switched over to and they sent the referral no questions asked. Then I called the practice and they had me come in for a records release so they could get all the stuff from the first place. I wouldn't have even had to interact with the first place except that they called me literally as I was on my way home from signing the records release asking if I'd had a bad experience there.
(Edit because words are hard)
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Whooooooooa that nurse! Holy balls that's inappropriate. FWIW, I likely would have terminated (pending confirmation from amnio or CVS) had NIPT indicated trisomy 13 and 18. It hasn't come up with my medical provider because I didn't have to consider it, but I'd have been grossly offended had someone taken my positive outcome as an opportunity to try to rope me in on passing judgement on women in worse situations than mine. And seriously... I have a friend whose first miracle baby was concieved via IDF, and who ended up terminating a second very surprising but very wanted pregnancy after she discovered and confirmed that her daughter had trisomy 18. She's an incredible mother to her son, and I strongly reject the notion that her previous fertility issues were somehow well-deserved because she made a heartbreaking choice to prevent her daughter further suffering.
@AGK2015 I would consider terminating a pregnancy if the baby had a chromosomal abnormality of some sort. We did the NIPT primarily to find out sex, but I did want to know earlier rather than later about baby.
I know that so many people with Down's Syndrome go on to have lovely, productive, fulfilling lives, but I also know that we would struggle emotionally and financially if our baby had something like Down's. It would likely end up ruining our marriage as much as hope it wouldn't. You can't prepare for everything in life, but you have to give yourself and your family the best shot you can.
Update: appointment went really well, heartbeat sounded great, boring boring.
That said, I'm so happy with my new OB. I did have to wait quite a while once I got into the room, but the doulas told me about the personalities of each doctor at the practice, and I was scheduled with the guy who is very thorough and great for patients with anxiety (not me, but I didn't care who I was seen by), so I was expecting to be there for a while.
Without me even bringing up the subject, he went over the circumstances surrounding my son's birth and how we can prevent Everything Awful from happening again. He even asked how my son is doing today, which I really appreciated. It's not that I'd ever had a negative experience with the previous OB, but this guy was actually interested in me as a person and took his time chatting with me.
The babysitter part went great too! My son knew I was leaving and tried to stop me, and he did cry a bit when I was gone, but it sounds like they had a good time and I'm happy using the sitter again for date nights or whatever. The only mishap that happened is that she forgot to close the bathroom door and A stuck his blankie in the toilet
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@binxybaby That nurse is totally inappropriate and I think it's important for you to be comfortable with your dr. I would try to switch if I were you and I could figure out a way to do it that didn't mess with my insurance. My insurance bills all office visits and the delivery in one "global" bill, so I don't know what would happen if I tried to switch offices midway.
Re: Weekly Appointments • w/o 7.1
AFM, I posted it in randoms and should've come here first, whoops! Had our A/S yesterday and it was glorious. I can tell DH isn't as excited this time though
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
@gorgeousariel Yay for a good appointment!
As for my doctor, I'm wrestling with that more. I picked him because he seems very knowledgeable and competent as a physician and I felt that was much more important to me than bedside manner. Now that I'm nearing the halfway point, I'm wondering whether I'd prefer someone who makes me feel supported and not, well, stupid. I just don't feel comfortable around him. He was not born or trained in the US, which is totally fine, but his accent and words he chooses to use do make it a smidge hard to understand him. I also just don't feel like I can be open about what I'm experiencing with him. He kind of cut me off today when I started to tell him how I was physically feeling lately. I feel like he should care about that? I don't feel like I can ask him the questions I want to. Granted, the internet, friends, and you lovely ladies have made it so I don't have that many questions. So, do I stick with a doctor I strongly believe will get baby out safely and make the right decisions to keep him healthy or do I choose a doctor that makes me feel supported as a FTM? Long post, but there ya go lol
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@binxybaby Like pp's have mentioned, I think it's more than worth looking into other OB's at this point. You shouldn't have to be stressed by your dr/nurse on top of being pregnant with your first child - which is more than stressful enough.
Started IF Feb. 2014
PCOS & MFI (low sperm count and motility)
3 Femara cycles w/natural intercourse over summer 2014, BFN
1 Clomid cycle w/natural intercourse Nov. 2014, BFN
IUI March 2015, BFN
IUI June 2015, BFN
IUI Oct. 2015, BFN
IVF Oct. 2016, fresh transfer, 2 day-3 embryos, BFN; nothing to freeze
IVF Nov. 2017, fresh transfer, 2 day-5 blasts, BFP; ectopic; 1 blast frozen
FET March 2018, 1 day-5 blast, BFP!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you find someone supportive!
(Edit because words are hard)
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Definitely switching practices sounds appropriate, though.
I know that so many people with Down's Syndrome go on to have lovely, productive, fulfilling lives, but I also know that we would struggle emotionally and financially if our baby had something like Down's. It would likely end up ruining our marriage as much as hope it wouldn't. You can't prepare for everything in life, but you have to give yourself and your family the best shot you can.
That said, I'm so happy with my new OB. I did have to wait quite a while once I got into the room, but the doulas told me about the personalities of each doctor at the practice, and I was scheduled with the guy who is very thorough and great for patients with anxiety (not me, but I didn't care who I was seen by), so I was expecting to be there for a while.
Without me even bringing up the subject, he went over the circumstances surrounding my son's birth and how we can prevent Everything Awful from happening again. He even asked how my son is doing today, which I really appreciated. It's not that I'd ever had a negative experience with the previous OB, but this guy was actually interested in me as a person and took his time chatting with me.
The babysitter part went great too! My son knew I was leaving and tried to stop me, and he did cry a bit when I was gone, but it sounds like they had a good time and I'm happy using the sitter again for date nights or whatever. The only mishap that happened is that she forgot to close the bathroom door and A stuck his blankie in the toilet
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018