TTGP Sex: Help Thread

suzycupcake · June 2018

Ladies, we all know it can become like a chore. After so many cycles, it can be very frustrating and discouraging. From your partner's performance anxiety to your lack of being in the mood. We miss the days of spontaneity, but we know that this is what we must do. I started a similar thread awhile ago on here and some of the tips ladies gave really helped me a lot.

Share tips here. From erotic literature, quick hygiene tips, psychological exercises, to lingerie advice.

navete · June 2018

Love this! Thanks for starting this thread. I often feel like I’m the only one in the world that doesn’t have an exciting sex-filled marriage and it’s been particularly discouraging since starting TTC.

I don’t have too many tips to offer. Regarding performance anxiety, I’ve seen that when I’m patient and understanding, MH can usually work through it. I’ve made the awful mistake of getting mad/hurt/questioning his attraction to me, and that just increases his anxiety even more. It’s tough because to get into the mood I need to feel attractive to my partner...it’s a work in progress.

The other tip, if low libido is an issue, is to try and explore some “alone time”. I was never into that before, but I found that by learning about my body and how to turn myself on, I increased my libido. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I actually signed up for a website that showed how other women get themselves off. The approach was pretty scientific so I didn’t feel too uncomfortable, and I learned a few tricks lol. The website is OMGYes if anyone is interested.

JLaVO888 · June 2018

So glad that performance anxiety sounds common. We’ve been dealing with it a lot but I haven't wanted to mention it to anyone (even internet strangers) becuase I felt like it would betray MH trust but now that I see it’s pretty normal I feel a ton better about it. I just know he feels horrible about it and the more times it happened the more pressure he puts on himself. I’ve tried to be nothing but sympathetic and calm about it but I know he can read me really well and see the disappointment I try to hide.

professional_ruminator · June 2018

Changing up the time of day has been a big thing for us. The morning works well on the weekend (yay morning wood) and right afterwork during the week. Right before bed when we're exhuasted has been the worst. I also think that having sex for fun (outside of FW) has been great. I have talked to H about how for lot of people the BD ends up being physically and emotionally harder than sex for fun- I think adjusting expectations has been a really good thing for both of us. It definitely doesn't mean we love eachother any less. One thing I really want to try during the next FW is BD in a public-ish place. Who's with me?

meggyme · June 2018

Thank you for this @suzycupcake. I’ve started reading erotic fiction on my iPad in prep for BD. I’ll be sitting and reading it while DH watches whatever show he happens to be watching.

I’ve also been upgrading my lingerie drawer (VS is having their semi-annual sale if you need some cheap lingerie).

Working our also helps me to feel better about myself, which in turn helps put me in the mood.

JLaVO888 · June 2018

@meggyme I haven't bought new lingerie in like 5 years. That’s a great idea.

meggyme · June 2018

@Jlavo888 I just picked up a corset, a couple bralettes and some new (not sexy) undies.

vl_16 · June 2018

I agree with lingerie! But it's been a while since I've found anything.

When he feels pressured or obligated, DH likes to watch "movies" together. Not all guys are confident to, but he doesn't mind. It helps put his mind on BD without so much pressure. Pick one out together.

@professional_ruminator so glad to see someone who has used that site. I've been contemplating and curious to hear from real users. My meds took my libido away and it's hard to want me time. I wish I could do public-ish but I'm too neurotic.

ETA find what makes you feel comfortable. I'm not down with all movies, but maybe try reading together if that feels more your speed.

suzycupcake · June 2018

Someone on here awhile ago, recommended an erotica stories website. I cannot remember what it was called. I'll see if I can find it and post the link here.

Also someone mentioned getting lingerie at Fredericks of Hollywood. It was a great idea. I ordered an entire thing; bra, panties, garter belt, stockings. What was so good about it is it was cheap and I was able to mix and match pieces from it with lingerie I already had. My husband didn't even notice and thought every outfit was new. I didn't wear all of them in one cycle. I saved pieces for the next.

I find that reading erotic stories or watching a porn without doing anything about it, helps to put me in the mood along with doing a full shower (shaving, etc.), doing my hair and makeup, etc. If I don't feel like doing my hair and makeup the next time we have sex, then I'll just put my hair up, take a quick shower, and at least put on some mascara, flavored chapstick (grapefruit is his fave), and some perfume. Sometimes, I'll pull up an erotic/sensual soft porn and act like oh what is this that just came on? Or I'll show him the porn I watched when he comes home, telling him it's because I thought it was so hot and wanted to share.

Meggyme mentioned working out. I started riding my bike around my neighborhood a few times per week. I couldn't believe what a difference that made and I didn't even really have to do much. It seems like all of the work I put into doing these things for a couple of cycles has really put us back into a regular sex life. I think we get used to things or get habits the longer we are together. I try to think of the things I did when we first started dating. The things you stop doing over time. It's normal though. It takes work to keep it fresh, but I really do believe it creates a new habit. The more sex you have, the more you want it, at least that is what it's like for me. It seems like a lot of work to change things and really overwhelming at first, but it's worth it.

vl_16 · June 2018

@suzycupcake i love how much you own your experience! I know just getting done up can make a big impact on my self esteem. I'll go months without shaving my legs and just the smoothness after makes me feel more confident.

suzycupcake · June 2018

Girl I know. It's an absolutely chore to shave legs. I'm thinking about getting a cute little shower chair to make it easier.

meggyme · June 2018

@suzycupcake I think the site was literotica. Personally I found it overwhelming. Too many stories that were parts 5 of 11 or poorly written and not my style. I found a couple good $0.99 amazon reads. They usually have a sample chapter you can read before you buy.

suzycupcake · June 2018

Oooh, please share! Or is there a category on there?

meggyme · June 2018

The one I’m reading now is “in her closet” part of her lust diaries series. You can probably find varying degrees of smut in the romance category. I found this one by reading exerpts of erotica from some online magazine, and decided to buy it.

kindbytealikat · June 2018

I like yandy.com for lingerie. It’s cheap quality stuff but it’s also cheap and for stuff that doesn’t stay on long it is good.

kiki047 · June 2018

I’m glad we’re not the only ones with performance anxiety. MH is also on meds for depression and anxiety which affects his performance. Then not being able to do it when he wants/needs to makes him more depressed, so it is a vicious cycle. We’ve found that HIO when he is naturally in the mood (usually mornings) usually has better results. Also makes us very late for work some days lol.

I like the erotic literature/porn ideas. That helps get me in the mood too. I also need to feel “clean” so after a shower (or starting IN the shower?

) is a much better time to try to get things going. Showering together has been helpful for foreplay. Lots of suds, it’s hot and steamy... it has brought us a lot closer together.

And definitely second @meggyme on the exercise tip. Get those endorphins flowing.

Want a personalized experience?

TTGP Sex: Help Thread

Re: TTGP Sex: Help Thread

Choose Another Board

Search Boards