FFFC 6/8

catlady2015 · June 2018

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Not guaranteed to be flame-free. Let's hear 'em!

catlady2015 · June 2018

DH was supposed to go pick up our boat this weekend (it needed the engine rebuilt - joy!). Now he's decided he's not going to do it this weekend and I'm irrationally pissed that 1) I don't get the weekend to myself; 2) he's not taking care of business and 3) knowing he'll probably now choose to go when the sellers of our new house are free to show us all the quirks of our place and I'll have to reschedule the damn thing again.

He wants me to schedule everything, so he needs to stop f*&^ing with it!

meggyme · June 2018

@catlady2015 ugh... that sucks. MH is an instructor and lately he's when we talk about things he'll quiz me or ask me in a condescending way of "I know, but do YOU know?" Yes, MFer I understand what is important when looking at vintage vehicles. How about you tell me what you think is important instead of treating me like one of your students and quizzing me on it. This is a conversation, not an interrogation!

I just volunteered to become the president of a club I'm in because no one else wants to do it and I already do everything anyway. We'll see if that bites me in the butt.

nitnat007 · June 2018

@catlady2015 I think I would have lost it by now if I were you! I really hope that he doesn't make you reschedule that appointment with the sellers again. That is so annoying. *hugs* Lots of wine and chocolate for you this weekend.

@meggyme Oh you are brave taking that on. I guess if you are already doing the work, then you may as well get the title too right! FX you don't regret it.

AFM DH and I are not legally married. We are registered common-law, but we have not officially tied the knot. I wear a ring and we refer to each other us married all the time, but legally he is only separated from his first and we are still waiting for that to go through.

ladylinsey · June 2018

My H and I got married about 6 months before our wedding. No one IRL, except my sister, knows. We did it so I could add him to my insurance.

ladylinsey · June 2018

@meggyme as a teacher, I admit I am guilty of that sometimes, too. Not a great trait. MH calls me on it.

kiki047 · June 2018

@catlady2015 ooh I'd be livid. Except I'm passive aggressive, so I'd just stomp around and drink all the wine and probably get called out for it as a result, lol.

@meggyme ahh good luck with your new position. I think I'm going to be voluntold to do the same for one of my committees because the only other person who submitted a nomination for Chair is god-awful. Sounds like you're the right person for the job (or all the jobs?).

@nitnat007 we're in the same boat. Divorces are complicated. And expensive, omg. Good luck. I hope there is some light at the end of that tunnel too.

catlady2015 · June 2018

@nitnat007 @kiki047 - oh trust me, there will be wine tonight. it is well deserved. I haven't had any wine for over three months and tonight it's going down.

kiki047 · June 2018

This is going to be a little convoluted but I need to get it off my chest.

I work in the family business. My dad is my boss. He left my mom for his (former) secretary about 11 years ago. When I started working here, she was my boss. I hated it, but I liked the job and I will be the 3rd generation to enter the industry. Anyway, I've always had a problem with her work ethic - or lack thereof - and the way she manipulates everyone around her. It's been a huge source of my anxiety and stress, and I've tried to quit my job dozens of times over it throughout the last 10 years.

Fast fwd to today. She's much better these days and we have a cordial relationship for the first time in the better part of a decade. About 2 years ago she convinced my Dad to end a long-standing business relationship with our accountant who did all of our tax preparation for our clients, and he burned that bridge real good, and she wanted to take over and do the taxes instead. Yeah, just found out 2 nights ago that it's "too much work" and she wants to "focus on other things". FFS. He comes to me and says, "do you think <former accountant> will come back under the same agreement as before?" Umm, NO. <insert head exploding gif here that won't work for me today>

meri-mac · June 2018

@catlady2015 That drives me nuts too! My future MIL says similar things all the time. She has saying she will buy a new washing machine since before we moved in in Spring of 2017. I always say that I can get one, but she says "No no. I'll get it." My parents are buying us one for a wedding present and she almost called them to tell them no. I was livid.

@meggyme That's very nice of you even if it does bite.

@kiki047 Omg. Who is this woman?! She totally Fs with a working relationship and then bails. I would have not been able to contain my rage!

nitnat007 · June 2018

@kiki047 So very complicated and expensive. TW Kids** The only reason it has taken this long is due to custody with DSS. Otherwise we would have put an end to it years ago**
We are also representing ourselves as the last beat around the block cost so much and we didn't even get anywhere with it. Sigh.....
WTH with your dads gf?! I would have lost it. It drives me batty when people behave badly and then expect no one else to remember that they did so.

@meri-mac I am with you. I would have bought my own washing machine too!

meri-mac · June 2018

This may need a TW (kids mentioned)**

I am a little annoyed at MF unwillingness to hyphenate our (future) children's names. I am reluctant, more than I thought I'd be, to change my last name. I asked him to consider the hyphenation. I didn't push him on it and gave him a couple of weeks to think. When I brought it up again he said since he is the only child in his family that he always assumed his kids would have his name. Well I always thought my kids would have my name in there. His heritage isn't more important just because he is the only kid. His cousins are carrying the family name so why does it matter? I am proud of my family too and I want my name to be a part of my kids' names. I wasn't always thrilled with my last name, but it is my identity. He says that he isn't forcing me to do it, but he is. I want to share a last name with my children and he won't hyphenate so he is forcing me to change my name in a round about way.

kiki047 · June 2018

Some days my rage is barely containable. I have been through a lot of therapy for that (and other things). Sigh. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Sometimes I feel like a broken record with my friends and family because they've been hearing me b!tch and complain for years but I've stuck with it even when I was miserable. It isn't all bad though.

@nitnat007 ah yes, custody battles make it infinitely more complicated. Don't know if this requires a *TW* but the only silver lining to their IF troubles was that they didn't have children before they inevitably split up. Wouldn't wish that on anyone, but he thinks it was fate that intervened.

@meri-mac that's such a tough spot to be in. Do you think he'll come around with a bit more time to think about it or is his mind basically set?

jrm_14 · June 2018

@meri-mac The last name struggle sucks. I have two last names (First Middle Maiden Married). The SS place forgot to put in a hyphen. I wasn’t about to pay more to have it redone. It makes me FURIOUS when people don’t acknowledge both my names. I said when I kept my maiden name that I was fine with our kids having only his last name. Buuuuuuut, I’m not. I’ve had a change of heart.
So, TLDR- no guidance, only empathy.

ETA: MH is in dangerous territory promising me coffee& not following through. So, he’s driving the 5+hr drive & I “slept” (headphones in with podcast on & eyes closed) most the way. You don’t feed me coffee, I don’t stay awake

spacemountaineer · June 2018

@meri-mac I'm sorry that doesn't sound fun at all. We have a tradition on my dad's side of the family that one of the son's get the mother's maiden name as his middle name (girls didn't get middle names and I'm not keeping that tradition. I felt jipped). My brother has passed my mom's maiden name down to his son along with his wife's maiden name. So there's that option but I know it's not the same. Hang in there hopefully he'll come along.

meri-mac · June 2018

Thanks everyone! We spoke about it at dinner and he isn't happy about it, but he said "If you feel that strongly about it, we can do it." That was a huge relief. His immovable attitude was more of concern than anything else. We can't be unwilling to compromise if we are getting married in 20 days.

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