Cool! Do you think that your ex-husband would have been into that?
Nope. Not even. I experimented some in college with a boyfriend, and tried to get my ex to try after we got together, but he totally wasn’t into it. Thankfully, for me, it wasn’t a critical part of my sexuality, so it was pretty much a non-issue.
I do occasionally wonder if, had I had a better understanding of some things back then, our relationship would have worked out better. But I don’t think so. And it is crazy making to try to second guess that stuff.
I think DH would be so into looking into a community like that. A couple of months ago we took tests online about the type of sex we crave and personalities we are and with the similarities we have I think it'd be fun to learn more about ourselves and in a safe environment like that! We live in such a small community we'd probably have to travel to find anything but it'd be worth looking into after the babies get here and everything settles down.
@mytrueloves do you mind me asking how old your DD is and how old she was when you started talking with her and teaching her all of this??
@knottieamusements We have a local kink club that specifically excludes anyone who doesn’t look like a supermodel and it drives me bonkers since it’s most often a community accepting of all body shapes and sizes.
They say they want to promote a ‘healthy, Kink lifestyle’ but they won’t accept anyone over a size 6/8 (for women - they are a bit more generous for men) and they make you send in photos before you can join to ensure you fit their look. And if they don’t like your look/outfit the day of an event they can turn you away - such a load of crap.
Also adding in my UO - I think bikinis for babies and children are ridiculous and unnecessary. I see them as a piece of clothing that is built for sexualization and looks rather than for functional purposes so I see no need for children to be wearing them.
The more modest ones and tankinis I’m totally fine with (and once your child is potty trained it makes life a whole lot easier with a two piece) but the super skimpy ones make me cringe.
@elothair - Bleh. That sounds like a group I wouldn’t want to be part of even if I could join. Sometimes self-selection works out.
@mamabearcj - It honestly depends on where you are. I know of some smaller communities that have a kink group, but often, people end up going to larger cities (and I don’t mean NYC - even Springfield, MO, population 160k, has a kink scene).
I know I'd be more comfortable going to the bigger city and meeting new people as opposed to where I am now and people I know. Id be happy with two completely different aspects of my life staying that way as I discover what my comfort levels are
@mamabearcj - I completely understand. Even as big as St Louis is, I have run into people I know from non-kink things at kink things. I face it head-on, but I know that a lot of people may not be able to do it that way.
@mamabearcj ODD is 5 now. I've always referenced her body parts as vulva from the very beginning. Her questions on the other matter (sex and male anatomy) began recently when we got pregnant. We've been discussing sex slowly over time with her since she began questioning. Tbh, we started with her questions regarding pregnancy. She wanted to know how the baby would come out and I informed her that the baby comes out through the vagina. Then she wanted to know how the baby got in there. We started small with that one, telling her how sperm and egg have to meet for that to happen. Later we explained how sex is usually involved in that process but sometimes it isn't. We told her the basics but using the terminology she already understood and we also told her that her baby sister was conceived with the help of someone else. We also talk a lot about consent and have made it clear to her that sex is a grown up only thing and that no one should ever be asking her to do those things with them, whether they're a child or an adult. We're currently reading this book to her that has really helped with talking about being safe and what situations are okay and which ones are not.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
@mamabearcj - I ran into someone I knew at my very first event. Thankfully, they didn’t act like it was any big deal, so I didn’t either.
The second person I ran into was a bit more awkward, but they asked directly how I wanted to handle it, and I told them that I never saw them there. It was fine.
The reverse has also happened a few times- where I run into people I know from kink in public. There context matters, and typically we ignore each other unless we know each other pretty well. For example, if someone is out with their kids, I don’t approach them at all.
I actually ended up in a really awkward situation a about a year ago where someone I had only met once stopped me at a street fair (really new to the community, so she hadn’t figured out etiquette yet). Her daughter (7ish yo) came up a few seconds later and wanted to know how I knew her Mom. I told her we had met at a coffee shop (true). You could see the skepticism, so I asked if she liked coffee. She launched into a whole hailing of the unicorn frappecino at Starbucks, and the crisis was averted.
Going to a kink event is something DH and I are interested in. We got ourselves cleared to attend one last year (they have a yearly open house) but had something going on.
We mostly keep to ourselves. We keep our "toys" hidden in the basement since that's where the kinky stuff usually happens. The pool table is at a great level for DH. Lol.
Re: UO Thursday - 6/7
I do occasionally wonder if, had I had a better understanding of some things back then, our relationship would have worked out better. But I don’t think so. And it is crazy making to try to second guess that stuff.
@mytrueloves do you mind me asking how old your DD is and how old she was when you started talking with her and teaching her all of this??
They say they want to promote a ‘healthy, Kink lifestyle’ but they won’t accept anyone over a size 6/8 (for women - they are a bit more generous for men) and they make you send in photos before you can join to ensure you fit their look. And if they don’t like your look/outfit the day of an event they can turn you away - such a load of crap.
The more modest ones and tankinis I’m totally fine with (and once your child is potty trained it makes life a whole lot easier with a two piece) but the super skimpy ones make me cringe.
@mamabearcj - It honestly depends on where you are. I know of some smaller communities that have a kink group, but often, people end up going to larger cities (and I don’t mean NYC - even Springfield, MO, population 160k, has a kink scene).
We also talk a lot about consent and have made it clear to her that sex is a grown up only thing and that no one should ever be asking her to do those things with them, whether they're a child or an adult. We're currently reading this book to her that has really helped with talking about being safe and what situations are okay and which ones are not.
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
@mytrueloves that's awesome!
The second person I ran into was a bit more awkward, but they asked directly how I wanted to handle it, and I told them that I never saw them there. It was fine.
The reverse has also happened a few times- where I run into people I know from kink in public. There context matters, and typically we ignore each other unless we know each other pretty well. For example, if someone is out with their kids, I don’t approach them at all.
I actually ended up in a really awkward situation a about a year ago where someone I had only met once stopped me at a street fair (really new to the community, so she hadn’t figured out etiquette yet). Her daughter (7ish yo) came up a few seconds later and wanted to know how I knew her Mom. I told her we had met at a coffee shop (true). You could see the skepticism, so I asked if she liked coffee. She launched into a whole hailing of the unicorn frappecino at Starbucks, and the crisis was averted.
We mostly keep to ourselves. We keep our "toys" hidden in the basement since that's where the kinky stuff usually happens. The pool table is at a great level for DH. Lol.