UO Thursday - 6/7

mytrueloves

cjx95

Has someone said this yet?? I'm all about supporting Free the Nipple and think women should be able to go topless in the same places men can.

mytrueloves

@mamabearcj

chyvie

@mamabearcj in 4 provinces in Canada women are allowed to go topless! In Toronto we even have a nudist beach! We are very progressive here
Unfortunately I think women are still afraid to do it due to the attention it draws and unwelcome stares.  

sammierose464

I'm all for it, but not sure I would feel comfortable doing it.

chyvie

Yea in the 27 years since the law has been passed in Ontario I think I have seen like 3 topless women in public. The nudist beach there is MANY but that is a "safe" zone so I consider it not part of my count.

nasalot188

I'm all for it and have definitely gone bare when on vacation. Never in my own country though, not sure I'm comfortable, but I support it!

krzyriver

All for this! I'm latina, so my culture is a lot less conservative about the human body. Unfortunately I think a large portion of women will continue to cover up until there is a major overhaul in the way men are raised to think about women.

krzyriver

My UO: how a person spends their own money is nobody else's business.

Of course, this does not apply to someone if they owe or are asking someone for money. Lol. I reserve the right to pass judgment on H's entire family for the way they blow through money since they're always trying to hit us up when we're just as broke.

But also don't appreciate the way they comment on our money situation if they hear we've gone out. Or the way they comment on my father when he spends his hard-earned money on something very expensive.

knottieamusements

Even in places that are supposed to have strong consent culture, some men don’t respect women’s bodily autonomy.  

I’m all for free the nipple, but I have to agree with @krzyriver on this one.  

Edited because the Bump ate half my post.  

kiwi2628

I loved being on vaycay in Portugal- the beaches were gorgeous and no one wore tops in the beach towns. 

jynjer4

I wouldn’t be comfortable going topless here.. I am not in the least bit ashamed of what I’ve got (nobody should be) but there’s just too many weirdos who stare and creep me out even when I’m fully clothed. 

tinattt23

Guess I’m the unpopular one, but I much prefer my boobs contained. Not even a modesty thing. I just don’t like skin touching skin. And I hate anything rubbing against my nipples. Bra on 100% of waking hours. 

SawyerRichardson

@tinattt23 Agreed on all counts. After breastfeeding DD (read: saggy boobs) I've even started wearing a wireless sleep bra to bed. DH is not so thrilled about me never going braless!

purplegoldfish2

In NY it is legal for women to be topless anywhere men are. I have seen exactly zero women doing it though (although I did hear about a female naked cowboy in NYC).  I also think a woman was recently arrested for gardening topless in her own front yard. The case was obviously thrown out, but apparently not all police know about the law.  It isn’t exactly new either.

rc-cola

@purplegoldfish2 the mermaid parade in Coney Island has long been an awesome space for toplessness (and body paint and creativity and costumes!) It predates the NY law though. 

In college my friends and I used to host female identified only topless hookah parties. At this point in my life I probably wouldn’t do it in usual public spaces but I fully intend to breastfeed in public.

jynjer4

+1 to BFing in public. And I dare anyone to give me hairy eyeballs. 

DunkinDecaf

Agreed about free the nipple and equal rights on public nipple-iness. I’m reasonably comfortable going tits-out, but if I’m somewhere with a bunch of bros acting like cockwits, I would probably choose to cover up rather than deal with that shit. My stink eye is pretty impressive and I’m very used to using it (I only wear a bra if I’m going somewhere vaguely formal, like to talk to DD1s teachers or buy a car or something), but I don’t want to explain to my daughters why a bunch of grown men are acting like apes and mommy is spewing so many grown-up words at them.

eta: I’m also not comfortable going no bra or certainly topless among older family members, especially like my FIL, MIL or my dad or something.

purplegoldfish2

I BFd in public all the time.  I even walked down the middle of the street during a food festival in July nursing a baby that refused to have anything over him because it was about a billion degrees that day. I was pretty exposed because I didn’t think about nursing when I picked my outfit that day, only the heat. I didn’t get a single dirty look until I got to a shady spot and stood facing the building to give us some privacy - that’s when a woman gave me a dirty look.  Other than that, I have never been given a hard time or dirty look about it. I fully think a lot of it is how you carry yourself. I am pretty confident in my right to NIP and don’t try to hide what I’m doing. I do try to be modest about it most times and was kind of uncomfortable being as exposed as I was at that festival in July, but I still held my head high as we walked down the street and acted like I had every right to do what I was doing (because I did). It was only when I tried to hide a bit that somebody noticed what was going on.

knottieamusements

@purplegoldfish2 - Times Square at night is generally a place where you get to see some boobs come out. 

DunkinDecaf

Weirdly, the only time I actually had anyone glare at me for breastfeeding I was in a freaking bathroom. I mean, a wicked nice one with a funny little parlor area you walk through to get to the toilets and I was in that first part on a couch but still. I’m in the bathroom! What more do you want from me, crusty old woman with a stick up your ass?

cdepperschmidt

I have literally no desire to go topless in public and honestly I don’t think it’s a good idea because of the creeps and weirdos. Especially because does that apply to adults only or all
females? It sounds like an open invitation for pedophilles. Also, I’m thinking topless women and teenage boys and that’s a completely different level of uncomfortable for me.

However, I am also on tees bfing in public with no cover. I hated the cover so people just had to deal with it. 

tinattt23

I wanted to be super proud and NIP. Then I had the most distractable nurser ever who would pop off every ten seconds to look around, leaving my boob out for all to see, over and over. We did a lot of car nursing...

BabyRobbinsAdventure

We have a beautiful local hidden away nude beach that we go to (mainly for the beautiful beach, we are the only ones clothed haha) sometimes I’ll go topless, but I’ll always keep my bottoms on. And let’s be real, boobs that are covered up 99% of the time burn easily. Learned that the hard way with the most painful sunburn ever. Imagine then wearing a bra for work and it rubbing up on said sunburn *shudders*

That being said, people on that beach are all extremely respectful, and obnoxious “bros” are basically shooed away. If it were like that in all places I could see more women being topless in public where it is legal. As others have mentioned, I’m not sure we have created a culture for women to feel safe in a majority of places.

mytrueloves

100% for freeing the nipple. I'm not sure I'll be comfortable nursing uncovered because I have such a large chest and I've never nursed in public before (my nursing relationship with my daughter unfortunately ended before it even began) but I refuse to be shuffled off to a bathroom or car unless *I'm* uncomfortable. 

melbo444

A few years ago, my husband and I met up with a friend of mine. Her husband was out with the kids and the car, so after we hung out for a bit, her family came to pick her up. The baby was haaangry, so she whipped her boob out on the sidewalk without even a second glance at us and starting feed her child like it's totally normal, which it is! While I totally believed prior to that moment that women have the right to feed their children wherever and whenever they need to, it was the first time I'd ever seen someone nurse their baby without being all secretive about it. It was empowering to see, and I promised myself that I'd be able to be that bold whenever I had kids. Of course, in reality, I'm fairly modest and the idea of breastfeeding in public and someone staring terrifies me, so it's probably going to be a work in progress.

DunkinDecaf

@cdepperschmidt So, your comment on pedophiles make me uncomfortable and I can’t quite articulate why. Sex offenders of any description may be likely to be gross regardless of other people’s behavior, but I do feel like we should live our lives as independently of their grossness as possible. Personally being topless in public is something I only ever want to do for the purpose of sunbathing, but regardless kids are sometimes mostly (or entirely) naked on beaches and that’s pretty much universally considered okay. I’ve never thought of that as unsafe before.

knottieamusements

@DunkinDecaf

I had a similar reaction to yours.  (Although I remember my mom telling me when I was 5-6 years old that I was no longer allowed to go shirtless because of stranger danger.)

For me, I refuse to live my life as though every given danger in the world is going to harm me or my family.  Sure, I’ll take appropriate precautions, but I don’t want to live in a culture of fear.  

One of the things I struggle with is how, from an early age, to teach my kid about body positivity and sex positivity (in age appropriate ways), while still teaching them about healthy living.  (For me- healthy living includes diet, exercise, and sexual expression, among other things.)

sliztee

^THIS.

jennybean80

Ive definitely whipped out boobs to BF with no shame. I am not small chested either. 
I think I got a surprised look once in a mall, I was wearing one twin in a ringsling and nursing her, she popped off to look around and a nearby woman got a full on leaky nipple peak, but I just kept walking and relatched. BFing two of them made it pretty impossible to cover up most of the time. 

britvahok

I think it's all about doing whatever makes you comfortable and not worrying what others around you think. I don't feel comfortable BF'ing in public without a cover but I'm also not offended when other people BF without a cover. 

krzyriver

It’s funny because my O16 group was having a similar discussion yesterday. One of the girls mentioned that she loves putting her daughter in little bikinis. I made a similar comment that I did here: being Latina, I’m from a culture where we’re not so conservative and I think little girls in bikinis are adorable. We’re a very body positive culture. Someone mentioned that they have concerns about predators because of their line of work. 

I think if I did what they did, I wouldn’t be able to block that stuff out. But I won’t live my life in fear that something might happen to my children. I want to teach body positivity and self expression... and I’ll teach them how to be safe and aware and what to do if someone makes them feel uncomfortable.

I think that’s the best we can do. We can cover them from neck to ankle, but anything can still happen. And I don’t want to teach them to be ashamed of their body or afraid of the world. 


Just my two cents. 

jynjer4

@krzyriver Fully agree with what you said!! For example, I grew up in a very conservative community (covered from head to toe) and that didn’t stop me from being molested as a child. Because I wasn’t taught how to protect myself from that kind of thing, I was very confused and didn’t say anything until years later because I was embarrassed/didn’t realize how wrong it was. Educating your children on the subject is sooo important and will do way more to keep your child safe than just not dressing your little girl in a bikini etc. 

DunkinDecaf

@jynjer91 hugs

krzyriver

@jynjer91 I’m so sorry that happened to you, but thank you for sharing your story with us. Hopefully we can all teach our children how to protect themselves and how to speak up if they need to.

cjx95

I agree a lot with what the rest of you have said, I really want to teach my babies body positivity, and respect to others bodies and choices. Having one of each I think it's going to be an amazing chance to teach them both about sexuality, who they feel they are as people, consent to their bodies, stranger danger, honestly so much more. 
Unfortunately I believe there will always be creeps, pedophiles, and bad people, so I want to teach my babies not to live in fear but be aware, and be empowered by themselves and other inspirations.

SweetSweetTooth

Other side coming in from a new angle. First off, Body positivity is an awesome thing. I feel though that children, kids, teens need to be taught to respect their body, love it, but also not feel the need to show it all off and find that happy balance between the two extremes. I feel there are things to be saved for your partner and not everyone should see it. Plus so many kids don't get to be kids anymore so why rush it? Maybe this should be UO but I also feel this is a good place for it.
 Edit - Bwahahaha! Just realized this IS UO!! OMG such pregnancy brain. Don't mind me... Slowly backs out of the room...

mytrueloves

We're a sex positive household. ODD knows the proper terminology for anatomical body parts (she knows vulva, vagina, penis, and testicles). She's seen a diagram of a penis when she was curious about male anatomy. She knows the basics of what sex is, knows how babies are made and how they are born, and even knows that we conceived this child with the assistance of a third party. We're of the mindset that if she's old enough to ask the questions, she's old enough to get appropriate and honest answers. 

knottieamusements

@SweetSweetTooth

For me, there is a difference between body positivity and sexualizing young kids.  

I’m very body positive.  Sure, it would be nice if I had a BMI in the normal range, but I rarely look in the mirror and think “my breasts are too big” or “gawd I’m so fucking fat.”  (For reference, I am 5’3” and 225lbs not pregnant; obese is the correct medical description for my body.)

On the other hand, I have spent a lot of time in my local kink community, and am one of the few people who doesn’t get naked for play.  On rare occasions, my boobs come out; I can count on one hand, and a couple of those instances were wardrobe malfunctions.  It isn’t because I am ashamed of my body, it is just that the only people who I am okay with looking at my body are my partners- and even then, it isn’t something that happens often.  

FYI - for anyone who struggles with realizing that people come in all shapes and sizes- a night at a local kink party is eye-opening and body affirming.  At least here, you never see someone with a supermodel build- there is flab, deflated boobs, and scars, and those body owners are totally comfortable with it.  

sliztee

What happens at said kink parties, @knottieamusements? And how do you find out about these communities? Do you have to know someone who knows someone?

knottieamusements

@sliztee - It kind of depends on the parties, but generally, the things that happen often include nudity regardless of whether they also include sex.  Generally, you find out about them because you are curious enough to go looking for them.  (It is super easy to find upcoming events through Google.)

I didn’t know anyone in my local community before I attended my first event which was a social gathering commonly referred to as a “munch” rather than a party.  Munches are kind of like a happy hour- people get together, bullshit and eat food.  That said, you often have to have made a few friends before you get invited to a party, and munches are a great way to do that.