Weekly Questions (6-3)

highsteaks · June 2018

got questions? ask the League.

bonus points for naming that actor and the movie this is from (one of my favs!).

highsteaks · June 2018

alright, this feels like a out of left field doozy. my in-laws just told us that they are doing a mission trip with their new church for 3-4 weeks in kenya. in october. in all likely hood, I may very well be having these babies in october, given that my ob wants these babies out no later than 11-1, and also twins do not unusually come early on their own. so, the in-law’s kenya trip timing is problematic.

for one thing, dh and i were counting on them to watch dd1 during delivery and the days after (which we asked/discussed/understood weeks ago). this is not an end-all thing, though, because my parents will also be here, but they have much less experience watching dd1, and certainly are not the preference because they are too much of a push-over if she starts to become a 3yo tyrant.

for another thing, i am all sorts of concerned about the potential for them bringing back communicable diseases from kenya or even just the airplane trip. i’ve glanced at the cdc chart for required and recommended vaccinations for kenya, and there are alerts for outbreaks of yellow fever, cholera, typhoid, meningitis, and on) so now i’m wondering if i should ask them to self-quarantine for a set anount of time away from the new babies (should they be born while the in-laws are away). the in-laws are fairly reasonable people so i don’t anticipate a fall out or anything... but i’m wondering if it’s even necessary.

i’m just really dumbfounded at where to begin/ i need to figure out my bearings. i will ask my ob at the next visit, and will call my dd’s pediatrician for their advice. but, yea. anyone with advice/experience? thoughts on anything else i should foresee/worry about? anyone want to tell me to suck it up/comfort me that it’s all good? i’ll be selfishly hoping that they decide to postpone the trip for the aforementioned reasons in the meanwhile.

MouseMama817 · June 2018

Oh gosh, no experience at all but when you said missions trip to a foreign country, I immediately thought of them bringing something back and giving it to the babies. Like you said, even if just from the airport. I think it’s absolutely reasonable (and responsible) to ask them to wait a little bit before coming for a visit. Remember they’re traveling during the height of flu season as well. DH nearly always brings home a cold when he travels for work and you don’t want to deal with something even as small as that when you’re adjusting to newborn life again. It doesn’t have to be a contentious or confrontational conversation, just be honest about how nervous it makes you. They are the ones making the decision to go. They ought to understand the risks.
I hope it gets figured out and (better yet) that they postpone. Their timing sucks but on the flip side you have in-laws who are big hearted and do missions trips lol.

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

@highsteaks No extra advice, I think asking your doctor is a great starting point place and hopefully your in laws will be understanding.

I'm also questioning in laws travel schedule. FIL wants to come around New Years, but I actually think I'd like for him to come sooner. MIL, too. FIL is flying from Montana and MIL from Minnesota and I'd rather have them come right away, before the worst parts of winter (and cold/flu season) or wait until spring. MIL has already made remarks to DH about how my family will get to see new baby for the holidays... Blah blah blah. My family lives here.

What do you ladies think would be the better/more reasonable request, come and see the new born or have to wait until spring?

highsteaks · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy oh, yikes, tough call too. the first two months are the toughest if babies get sick. but, asking them to wait until spring may anger your in-laws. since they are the grandparents, i’d err on they come earlier before cold/flu season takes off, and require that they wash hands before holding the baby. anyone else, i’d ask that they wait until spring. but, if they insist on holidays because it’s easier for them, i’d probably not die on that hill.

melicee14 · June 2018

FTM here! What were yalls opinions on taking classes (birthing, breast feeding)? My husband and I have never been around infants our entire lives and I'm feeling a little anxious about all the things I just may not even know about. My mother and MIL will be helping us and are close by, but I kind of feel like I want to have some knowledge prior so we can make our own choices and preferences with baby girl. I don't want to just rely on what they suggest or say (even though they are amazing moms). Were they worth it? Not really? Any websites or books that were more helpful? Or was the hand on experience more beneficial? Obviously everyone is different, but wanted to hear from other mommas!

MouseMama817 · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy I agree, they might be upset if you ask them to wait until Spring. I remember wanting to have 2-3 days at home just me, DH, and the new baby so I could get my bearings. When DH relayed this to his parents he misspoke and said we wanted a few hours after getting home from the hospital before they came and they were furious. Over a few HOURS. Babies do funny things to people lol

@melicee14 I think the more you know, the better. Especially if you’re having anxiety about it. And although your mom and MIL will be a wealth of knowledge for you, keep in mind that AAP guidelines have changed a lot since they were raising kids so it’s best to know what the safety guidelines are going in. Honestly, I know women who had babies 5 years ago who think it’s okay to put baby to sleep on their stomach (it’s not).
If you have a Publix near you, they will give you a free AAP handbook (it’s enormous and I still read it for my 2 year old). You can call and find out how to get one. Or your local library might have one. As far as breastfeeding classes, I totally say go for it. I opted out and if I had gone I might have had more success getting DD to latch.

MouseMama817 · June 2018

@melicee14 The book looks like this:

highsteaks · June 2018

@melicee14 i don’t have time to write out a detailed response, do i’ll just say that i’m glad i took the breastfeeding class. didn’t take/need the birthing class because i chose an epidural which limits your laboring options and the nurses told me what to do. if you are interested in classes on how to care for a newborn, my hospital offered mommy/daddy bootcamp classes where volunteer parents brought their slightly older babies to talk to the new parents and for the new parents to see how to feed/change them.

piping_panda_mom · June 2018

Anyone else feeling less energetic instead of more, going into the 2nd trimester?? Ugh, I sleep 8hrs a night and still can nap so easily at any point of the day...

emjohn517 · June 2018

@melicee14 if the hospital you are delivering at offers a class, I recommend taking it. Ours was a one day, all day, class that went over pain management, normal delivery process, possible situations and walked us through the c-sec process and their hospital policies for common situations. They went over visitor rules as well. They also gave us a tour of the maternity ward. It settled a lot of anxiety for me, being able to picture the place of birth, feeling comfortable with the staff procedures.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@highsteaks So, I think it's hard to ask someone to cancel a trip they want to take just in case the babies come early. But I do think it's fair for you to say that you will have to find someone else to care for DD since the babies might come while they are away (and feel annoyed that your first choice is gone). I am not a doctor, but I have been to Kenya before, so here are my two cents for whatever they're worth. As for the diseases, some of the ones you mentioned aren't usually communicable from person to person like a cold (yellow fever is mosquito borne and cholera and typhoid usually are contracted from drinking contaminated water or eating contaminated food). I would assume that they would get all the recommended vaccines for travel? Usually if there is an outbreak of a disease like yellow fever or typhoid (both should be vaccinated against) in an area, you have to have documentation that you have been vaccinated in order to leave the area and reenter the US or you will have to remain in quarantine. So, unless there is a specific outbreak of something, or they are working in a hospital with person-person communicable diseases, a trip to Kenya wouldn't necessarily be something that would alarm me any more than travel generally would anywhere. I think it would be fair to ask for a few days after they return from traveling anywhere to make sure they don't have a cold/flu/stomach virus that could be easily passed to baby though.

@melicee14 I don't think you'll ever regret getting more information. The benefit to classes is that you can ask questions that you can't ask of a book. The instructors will also be able to give you information for local resources should you need them. So, you might have an easy time BF, but if you don't they can give you info about the local la leche league or something similar in your area. You also might hear info from other moms you didn't know about. Even if you don't end up using much of the info on labor and delivery, for example you have a scheduled C sec or everything just goes according to plan, it can still be useful information. Like, they can go over a lot about pre-labor and early labor so you're not constantly questioning if you're in labor or not or when to go to the hospital or if it's normal for your mucus plug to fall out but not go into labor immediately.

offtoneverland · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 gives great advice re: the trip to Kenya.
@highsteaks I know this wasn't part of your question, but personally I wouldn't worry about your parents being too much of a pushover with your kids if they watch them while you're in the hospital. I know there are some types of kids who require much more structure (maybe yours are like this?) but I also think it's okay for kids to sometimes get spoiled. I loved getting spoiled when I was little.

Getting a bit spoiled might make it easier for the kids for when you get home with two new babies and the older ones aren't getting as much attention. I imagine your ILs will get all the vaccines required for their trip, so I wouldn't worry about them bringing any diseases back, but I do agree that it's fair for you to ask them to wait a few days after their return to make sure they don't get sick before seeing the babies.

@melicee14 I definitely agree with everyone else that you should take some classes. Even though both moms are great parents, so much has changed in the last few years, let alone the last 20-30 years, that it's essential you make sure you know the basics of baby safety, as @MouseMama817 already said. Lots of older people will try to convince you to put baby to sleep on their stomach, but that is NOT safe at all, so you'll need to know the reasons why so you can say no. Our local hospital had some classes on basic baby care, breastfeeding, and childbirth. I didn't love the childbirth class myself, but it's still a good idea to take one for the reasons the others said. Our hospital also had a quick baby care class that we were required to take before we left the hospital with DD. It was maybe an hour long and just talked about safety topics like bathing, car seats, sleeping, feeding.

mockingjay1 · June 2018

@melicee14 - If your hospital has classes, I would take them. Watching videos is better than nothing, but hands on experience is best. Even just practicing putting diapers on a doll or breastfeeding positions with a doll is better than watching a video. Newborns are typically a lot harder than parents anticipate (especially breastfeeding and the lack of sleep that goes with it). If I didn't already work with babies I would have taken classes. The more knowledge the better.

@highsteaks - I agree with PPs and also asking the OB & ped. Hopefully those little babies will stay put until your ILs come back!

@middleschoolmommy - I feel like if I put myself in ILs shoes waiting until spring would kinda suck. You wouldn't get to see baby as a squishy newborn so I'd try for sooner as long as everyone is healthy, had their flu and tdap vaccines, and is diligent about hand washing.

highsteaks · June 2018

thank you everyone for your thoughts/advice! thank you, especially to @lifesabeach85. that’s exactly what i was hoping to hear, from someone more familiar with the area. i did try to talk to fil 1on1 for a bit about it later this morning, casually asking how set in stone they were and gently letting him know that the babies may come during their trip; he admitted they were confused and thought that the babies wouldn’t come until 11-1 at the earliest (not the latest). he ended up saying that they may likely postpone the trip for the following mission a few months later, in light of the timing. so, i’m feeling a lot better about it.

@offtoneverland definitely agree with you on the benefits of being spoiled by grandparents!

i was more worried about my parents not being able to get her down for naps/bedtime because she’s goooood at pulling those heartstrings. also, just day to day stuff like reminding her to try to potty or making sure she eats something healthyish. she’s pretty good about not going too off the wall, but she feels and acts much better if she follows a routine, so that consistency without feeling like i need to check in while at the hospital would be nice.

pelorunningmama · June 2018

@highsteaks does she usually bounce back pretty quick after being off her schedule? If so, it may not be worth your energy worrying as long as you know she is well cared for. I can’t even believe I’m going to say this because it is so against everything I ever thought I would do in regard to how my in-laws handle our kids, but I now take the “it’s your problem” view. We run a pretty tight ship day to day. My in-laws just don’t understand our rules and I’ve given up fighting them. It is such a battle. When we are away, I know my kids are drinking juice, eating junk, and waking up at 5 am because they don’t make them adhere to a schedule. Luckily, mine bounce back quick. After a day of being home they are usually back to routine.

All that to say, if my in-laws want to give them juice and 29 cookies, it’s their problem. They can deal with no sleep, meltdowns, etc. I try to prepare myself knowing the kids will need a 24 hour detox period, but remind myself that they were loved on a bunch while I was away.

melicee14 · June 2018

Thanks for everyone's replies! I think I'll definitely ask my OB about any options the hosptial offers when I go in this Wednesday for my appt. I'm a teacher and have the summer off so I'll probably have some time to research any outside rescources as well. I appreciate everyone's knowledge and honesty! Thanks again mommas!

highsteaks · June 2018

@wannaflickone yea the older that she gets, the less persnickety i get about how she’s cared for. all i expect is that she’s happy, safe, and healthy and i have less energy to care what happens in between.

i didn’t think of it at the time, but maybe the reason i’m concerned is that my parents are 12 years older than my in-laws, and they have less energy for a 3yo, which is why it becomes worrisome to let her reach a point with them where she may get unruly. i’ve seen my parents watch her, and they kind of shut down if plan a doesn’t work (and with preschoolers, how often does plan a work?

). dd will survive, but i’m also concerned that my parents may not if they were 100% on their own figuring things out for a week. they’re in their late 60s. maybe that helps add some perspective? i’d rather things were as close to normal when we get home with two new babies and the craziness really starts. any other time, sure, but it will probably be madness at that time.

laurenshep · June 2018

Hey everyone! I’m 17w3d with baby 2. Haven’t felt him move yet... I can’t remember when I did last time. I know I shouldn’t worry, but I’m laying here awake and desperately hoping to feel something.... anyone else in a similar situation?

preggersabroad · June 2018

Hello Ladies! Are there any mamas to be out there that have used or are using uterogerstan? I've been having some minor cramping throughout my pregnancy so I am still on the suppository at week 15 (started using it with IVF).

I have 3 Philippine doctors (long story) and each are telling me something completely different and I cant find much on google.

If you've used it, how long did you stay on it?

@highsteaks - I have many work colleagues who live and work in kenya- in fact one is returning to the states next week since she is 7.5 months pregnant. I'll be there for a field visit work trip when I'm 6 months pregnant. If they are going with a church/organization, they will most likely be well taken care of and not exposed to anything dangerous- and if they are they will know quick. Depending on where they go, your in-laws should be safe because:
Yellow fever- there is a vaccine for this
cholera, typhoid- are easily avoidable as long as they dont chug local untreated water or eat very unsanitary food
meningitis- most likely they are vaccinated for this

wildrainbow · June 2018

So, this is TMI, but I need to know what y'all would do. I've had diarrhea several times/day since Saturday. If it were once per day, I wouldn't be all that concerned, but multiple times/day has me a little stumped. I will say that my diet hasn't changed, so I dunno why I'm having it. Should I just ride it out or just call my dr and see what they say? I know it's kind of dumb to not call, but there really isn't anything I can take, is there?

smulrich16 · June 2018

@melicee14 I agree that more information is better. I actually just talked to the APN about this at my last appointment and she said that if you're planning to breastfeed, you should definitely take a class on that and to 100% take an infant CPR class.

Also, @highsteaks That's Chris Evans in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

blovemama · June 2018

@melicee14 I didn’t take any classes when I was pregnant with my son. This was not by choice! By the time I got around to signing up for them, they were all filled until after my due date. So it might be smart to sign up sooner than later. That said, my mom and the NICU nurses were more helpful than any breastfeeding class probably would have been. I’d also recommend signing up for a tour of the hospital. They’ll tell you helpful things like where to park and how they handle visitors. You might be able to pre-register, which saves you from filling out paperwork mid-contraction!

highsteaks · June 2018

@wildrainbow imodium per directions. from my ob handout:

@smulrich16 ding ding ding!!!

iheartbooks · June 2018

Anyone have a rec for a good lotion? I’m having the WORST itchy skin/nipples. I never had this with DD and I’m dying.

melicee14 · June 2018

@iheartbooks Aveeno has sime really good options. I use an oatmeal one thay really helps with dry skin. As for the nipples I'm not sure if there's something specific or just regular lotion. Hope you find some relief!

melicee14 · June 2018

@wildrainbow I would definitely call my doc just because of how long it has lasted. They'll probably give you some directions similar to what @highsteaks posted. I'm sure all is well and it's just one of those things that come and go! I would also make sure to bring it up at youe next appointment...maybe they can take a urine sample to see if there's anything else causing it. Best of luck!

serabjorn · June 2018

@laurenshep I am a FTM and about one week behind you at 16w2d. I *think* that I feel him a tiny bit every once in awhile, but I am not sure as I have never experienced the feeling before. Perhaps other STMs+ can speak more as to when to expect movement, but try not to worry too much (and I will do the same!).

I have a general question about receiving pre-loved baby things from others. Hubby and I are working on fixing up our master bedroom and the baby's room (purging things, new flooring, paint, trim, etc). In the past week we have had two offers from a friend and from my SIL to give us baby/toddler things (bouncer, breast pump, chair, cradle, car that you push around, and a car walker). I am very appreciative of their generosity, but also a bit overwhelmed (mainly, I think, due to where to store it all and since we have these other projects going on). Do we take everything that they (and others) offer to us, and just figure out what baby will like later? What would you do?

Thank you very much in advance!

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2018

@serabjorn If the items offered are in good condition and are things that you think you want than I would graciously accept and just find somewhere to put them for now. Although there's no harm in asking if they'll be willing to hold onto them until you have your project mostly completed/have space cleared out. I don't think it'd be rude to specify which items you would like and just take those (or let them know that you will be donating the items you don't anticipate needing/using). Otherwise there's nothing wrong with just blanket stating, "thank you so much for the offer; however, we don't have room for XYZ or don't plan on getting ABC at this point."

Also, not from experience but I believe you have to be VERY careful about 2nd hand pumps. A breast pump is one of those things that I think you need/WANT to get brand new.

troystory17 · June 2018

@wannaflickone haha I say the same thing my son needs to detox after spending time with his grandmother. Sometimes I feel like shes never dealt with children.. and shes my mother

lostarz14 · June 2018

@highsteaks, I think that’s Chris Evans? But I have no idea what movie

@melicee14 DH and I took a one-day class offered through the hospital we were delivering at and I found it beneficial.

@piping_panda_mom, ugh yes! Some days lately I’m just so damn tired and I totally feel like I’m getting enough sleep at night!

@laurenshep I’m a STM too and I’ll be 16 weeks on Wednesday and my midwife said I could start feeling movement as early as 16 weeks (maybe even earlier) since I know what it’s like this time around, but it wouldn’t be constant and not to worry about only feeling very occasional movement. I haven’t felt anything yet…I don’t think lol

@wildrainbow, I had the same issue last week and I kind of just let it run it’s course. I swear it’s either that or I can’t go at all lol. I just bought some probiotics to start taking so I’m hoping that will start helping.

@iheartbooks, I just watched a youtube video and a chick mentioned this, https://www.palmers.com/cocoa-butter-formula/25-massage-lotion-for-stretch-marks.html. You can use it all over your body.

@serabjorn depending on the condition of some items, like a previous poster mentioned, maybe ask if they can hold on to them for now. My SIL/BIL offered up their crib and a dresser to us but that was something I wanted to pick out new and buy ourselves and they totally understood saying they were the same way. I mean, you really don’t know what your kid will be into so it’s up to you how much stuff you want sitting around for awhile.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@laurenshep I don’t think it’s weird to not be feeling movement at that point. You may have an anterior placenta or just a chill (but perfectly healthy) baby. I bet if you’re really worried they’ll let you come in for an extra Doppler session though.

@wildrainbow if it’s been two days I would go ahead and call. It’s probably a stomach virus but they will want to be aware

@serabjorn hmmmm. Sometimes I think hand me downs are great, and sometimes I feel like people use it as an excuse to get rid of things they don’t want, but really aren’t in great condition to be passed along and then it’s annoying. (My ILs do the latter all the time). If it’s in ok condition I would try and keep it, you never know what baby will like. But if it’s not or you really don’t have room, then it’s ok to say no.

MojieJo · June 2018

This is a really dumb question, but I'm a STM and not a TTM because, even though I have twins, this is my second successful pregancy, right?

I'm not sure how to classify myself for the purposes of the board (obviously in "real life" I'm a soon-to-be mom of three).

highsteaks · June 2018

@serabjorn yes! accept most everything that looks like it’s in good condition and you have room to store. all of the little baby stuff you need along the way really adds up over time, and you never know what will be randomly really useful. i’d probably pass on a breastpump because 1)sanitary reasons, 2)you should get a free pump through insurance (in the USA) and 3)any old pumps will typically be less powerful than a brand new one.

runningyogimama · June 2018

@MojieJo I’d say your a STM, since it’s your second pregnancy?

MojieJo · June 2018

@runningyogimama That's what I was thinking. Thanks.

offtoneverland · June 2018

laurenshep said:

Hey everyone! I’m 17w3d with baby 2. Haven’t felt him move yet... I can’t remember when I did last time. I know I shouldn’t worry, but I’m laying here awake and desperately hoping to feel something.... anyone else in a similar situation?

I wouldn't be worried at all just yet since the baby is still so little. You should probably start feeling it really soon. What worked for me to start feeling movement was to sit in a chair and lean forward (like in a desk when I'm typing at my computer). I heard from someone else that that position worked for her too to start feeling a little movement. Maybe you can try that to see if it works for you?

@serabjorn I agree with everyone else about not accepting a used breast pump. Definitely accept used toys or clothes though, only if they're in good shape and you have somewhere to store them. Don't feel guilty about not accepting it if you don't want it or don't have the room! Kids toys take up sooooo much room, especially the big ones, so I would probably try to limit how many big ones you take, unless you have lots of extra room.

laurenshep · June 2018

Thank you everyone for the advice and helping me relax. I’m sure it’s fine... I just miscarried super early in a pregnancy about a year ago now, so I’m counting my lucky stars and still constantly holding my breath this time around!

offtoneverland · June 2018

@laurenshep I completely understand. I experienced early losses last year too, so I wasn't able to really feel confident in this pregnancy until I had my anatomy scan last week and finally knew that the baby was 100% healthy and growing on track. Hopefully the next few weeks go by quickly for you until your anatomy scan, and I hope you start feeling movement any day now!

wildrainbow · June 2018

This is a weird, random question. So, baby only moves by doing gator death rolls as I call them, seriously, all he does in there is roll. He only kicks if I get the Doppler, no other time, even if I poke my belly. Does that seem weird? Ds was a kicker and a puncher and only rolled when he couldn't move as much.

emjohn517 · June 2018

@wildrainbow I’m not feeling kicks yet, def feeling the rolls, and I can feel baby like curling into a ball then stretching out.

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