Crazy Judgement From Others

temmetime · May 2018

Saw this on another board and snagged it. I thought it would be fun.
I bet we have all been judged or questioned for what we do while growing our tiny humans, and it's impossible to be "perfect" for everyone so...I thought this would be a fun place for everyone to share and vent about the most ridiculous things they have been judged for while pregnant (or as parents).

temmetime · May 2018

I'll start out light -- with DS, a family friend asked how we could ruin the surprise by finding out what we were having. Ummm.. it was a surprise to us when we found out.

texas_t · May 2018

"Oh, your having twins!?" "Hopefully it's a boy and a girl so you can be done!"

Get the eff outta here. Who says I have to have at least one of each sex to be done procreating?

lexidawg · May 2018

Not light but I am sure there is a lot of side eye being thrown my way because we used donor eggs and "didn't just adopt". Like that is so freaking easy.

brittaniahutto · May 2018

I used to work for a reproductive endocrinologist in Florida and let me tell you @lexidawg FET, IVF, IUI, Cryo, GC, and all forms between is hard. You did what you wanted to do and now you have a little blessing on the way. Screw what other people think. Proud of you, girl!

maureenmce · May 2018

My mom is completely horrified that I have any caffeine at all during pregnancy and thinks epidurals "drug the baby." (I swear she is actually educated/smart - she has a master's degree! But yet...) Anyway, luckily, I don't care about her opinions on my pregnancies! Haha.

lexidawg · May 2018

@brittaniahutto Thank you! It’s not something I am ashamed of and took me 2 and a half years to decide! People can feel however they want to feel! This little science driven miracle is more mine then I could ever imagine!

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

I suppose this example isn’t really “judgement” yet- but I think it could be as we get more pregnant. SO & I are happily not married. We’ve been together for 8 years, we might like to get married legally some day, but don’t feel a need too. We’ve already had family on both of our sides ask if we are finally getting married now. No.

You can bring life into the world without having a piece of paper that “legitimizes” your relationship. We’ll get married when/if we want to, not because of an arbitrary deadline.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 Amen! DH and I were happily co-habitating for a while before we said the words. His mom and sister guilted him into asking sooner (he didn't know when he was going to propose anyway), but their concern was that something bad would happen during a deployment and the military wouldn't support me -a valid argument. If he had any other job, we would probably still be dating.

Re: Crazy Judgement
We're still secretly pregnant, so no judgement in that direction yet. I am however a moderately tattooed lady with a mohawk, so I often am not taken seriously or assumed to be poor or uneducated. Luckily people who think lowly of me aren't worth my time, so they're easy to walk away from *shrugs shoulders*

laurench912 · May 2018

@temmetime my parents said the same thing about finding out the gender. we're finding out at 15 week and they seemed so sad.

I am getting judgement from my mom and mother in law for deciding that I will go back to work after my 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. They were literally horrified. Unfortunately, I have graduate student loans and I'm a teacher so we can't really swing it on one income so they will just have to stay horrified.

Gwyneddlesliegrace · May 2018

I am already judged for the amount of kids I have. I’m sure we’ll hear it even more this time. My SIL loves to post passive aggressive comments on Facebook every Christmas about how much Christmas gifts cost her. All the while she doesn’t acknowledge our adopted child... because she’s cruel.

I get judge for a hell of a lot more things with our lifestyle and care not at all. I’m confident in our choices and the life we’ve made. I feel zero shame for bringing another life into this world.

LLynde5 · May 2018

@Gwyneddlesliegrace I am so sorry your SIL is a horrible person. When I read “doesn’t acknowledge our adopted child” my stomach flipped and I feel ill. I can’t understand that type of thinking.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

@Gwyneddlesliegrace I like that you're confident in your lifestyle choices! We may not all agree, but that doesn't matter

Also, that is such BS that your SIL doesn't acknowledge your adopted kiddo!!

I would totally write her out of the will and/or request zero gifts unless ALL children get equal attention. Ugh, what a jerk.

scaredunprepared · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 my SO and I are unmarried, together for almost 15 years, lived together for almost 10. I'm dreading the response from my VERY conservative Catholic family when we tell them we are having a baby. His parents will be thrilled, so I've got that to look forward to at least. My parents have been asking when we will be getting married since forever. I can only imagine what they will say now. I DO want to be married eventually, but SO doesn't want to just yet, and I respect that. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason, so this baby is meant to be, planned or not!

kelseyyh · May 2018

@Gwyneddlesliegrace
I am so sorry for your family & especially your adopted child. That's must be really painful to experience

.

@scaredunprepared
I'm also nervous that some family members will be a little less than happy when we announce. It's sort of an opposite experience in regards to timing.

My family will be happy (at some point anyway), but I'm worried some of them will think it's too early in my career and such (and tell me). My husband and I were engaged at 19, and married at 20 (just a few days shy of 25 now), and one family member in particular was pretty vocal about that - literally exclaiming "no no no" and she still jokes that she wore black to our wedding (she did for real). I'm just worried about judgey comments - mostly because it seems so unnecessary when they'll get on board almost right away cause they all love babies.

CecilB93 · May 2018

Re: marriage. DH and I were basically "forced" to get married ASAP once we found out we were pregnant with DS. Not forced by any family (though I know his mom would have pushed it HARD if we didn't), more because I was still looking for a new job and my dads insurance wouldn't cover maternity costs for a dependent, so I needed DHs insurance lol. We had plans to marry within the next couple years, so we didn't do anything we didn't want to, just didn't get to have an actual wedding. It was going to be too hard to get both sets of parents and siblings in town, so we just did it the two of us, the officiant, and his wife and the hostess of the restaurant he owns (we were married on their patio) as witnesses. Then we stayed for dinner lol.

No judgement yet! I'm sure we'll get the "oh perfect, you can be done!" comments if baby is a girl, and if it's a boy the, "going to try for a girl after this one?" comments.

scaredunprepared · May 2018

@kelseyyh exactly. They will eventually love baby anyway, so why give us grief? Ridiculous. Gotta love family!

kelseyyh · May 2018

Re: comments about families being more complete with boys / girls.

I saw a really good article by a Mom of girls - if I can find it, I'll link it here later. Basically, she was given so many comments in public that it was affecting her kids (comments like "Mommy, is there something wrong with being a girl? Are boys better? Why do they say they feel bad for Daddy"). Our families are made of the people in them - not some recipe of the "perfect family".

CecilB93 · May 2018

@kelseyyh I love that ❤️ I hate that those poor girls were so upset though!!

I know personally I've always wanted a boy and a girl (I want 3, but at least one each) because growing up I always wanted an older brother (I'm the oldest, one younger sister). I love my son and would be perfectly happy with another boy, but I really want a girl this time. And that's just what I want. I know a girl who has 3 boys, and she says she can't even imagine having a girl, and there's 100% nothing wrong with that! Her boys are adorable! I'm just kind of a girly-girl, and I feel like if it's a girl there's a *slightly* greater chance that this kid won't give two shits about FILs tractors (because I sure don't lol).

runrinserepeat · May 2018

I'm worried about the reaction we'll get when we announce. I have a boy and a girl already, so I worry that most people will wonder aloud why we wanted another. Then there's the timing with my mom, which I think a lot of people will question. My dad was pretty vocal about us stopping at one kid, so Lord knows what he's gonna say when he finds out.

Gwyneddlesliegrace · May 2018

runrinserepeat said:

I'm worried about the reaction we'll get when we announce. I have a boy and a girl already, so I worry that most people will wonder aloud why we wanted another. Then there's the timing with my mom, which I think a lot of people will question. My dad was pretty vocal about us stopping at one kid, so Lord knows what he's gonna say when he finds out.

I don’t understand why people feel like they have a sayin other’s reproductive activity.

Thank you all for the love. Thankfully the teenager dislikes them greatly and doesn’t want gifts from them. This past Christmas she said thank you any way, just to make them feel bad. The rest of our family has been wonderful to her.

mag1cbeli3ver · May 2018

@laurench912 +1 for going back to work! My parents and in-laws both think I'm crazy. "You don't want to put a newborn in daycare! They'll get so sick! You'll miss the baby so much and regret it!" I'm sure I will miss the baby, but there's no way I can't go back to work. I'm working extra over the summer just so we can save up a little bit of money to help us make it through the 12 weeks I'm out. And they don't seem to mind that DH is going back to work full time after his 6 weeks of FMLA. I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but right now, it's just not in the cards.

Also, my MIL is giving us flack for our boy's name. She says she loves the girl's name (thanks?) but she isn't really a fan of the boy's name. The first name doesn't have any family connections. So then she got on her phone and started looking up lists of boys names and making suggestions!

"How about this, or this sounds really nice!" Thanks, but no thanks! This is our baby and we already agree on both names, so what you think really has no bearing on it.

CecilB93 · May 2018

@mag1cbeli3ver re: names, I'm shocked my MIL hasn't thrown a fit about our names not being biblical! Both DH and his brothers names are, and by coincidence the middle names we've chosen are, but we chose those names for completely non-biblical reasons.

rosebud332 · May 2018

@Gwyneddlesliegrace I’m sorry you get so much judgement for your big family. My sister has a large family too (4 kids and probably will try for 5), and I know she has gotten MANY comments, even from her fil. “Don’t you know how that happens?”, etc. Also her BIL and his wife basically ignore her kids exist even though they live 5 minutes away. It’s their loss. Your teenager sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders! Good for her for letting them know she notices.

Afm, hardly anyone knows I’m pregnant so no judgement yet. I’m glad I’m not working anymore so I don’t have to listen to people tell me how I shouldn’t be drinking coffee. Though I’m sure I’ll get a few new “1950s housewife”comments. (Eyeroll, eyeroll, eyeroll)

katy0990 · May 2018

We are going to be team green again, which DH and I are very excited about. We did the same with DS and loved it. But, I am dreading the comments about how we won’t be able to plan anything. Last time, I even had a few acquaintances ask if they could find out. To us, it really is not that big of a deal. We designed a nursery for DS that is gender neutral and will reuse it for each child we have.I just do not understand why some people think it is acceptable to comment on so many of these topics.

ab_canada · May 2018

Well, I haven't told many people, so there isn't too much judgement yet.. but my grandma did feel the need to ask me 5 times if I'm still drinking coffee because some lady at church told her that it's bad for the baby. When I said "I already can't drink wine, so at least leave me coffee" she said "oh, wine can't be that bad". Lol wut?

echo-charlietango · May 2018

@katy0990 We're Team Green too! Luckily we do have a very loved transgender person in DH's family, so I don't feel the need to explain that we don't care about biological sex. Kiddo's going to be in diapers for a while, and misidentified anyway so it super doesn't matter. My family will probably just chalk it up to me being stubborn and going against the grain like I always do...so, normal

AdorkablePixie · May 2018

@Gwyneddlesliegrace Oh my gosh, that is terrible of your SIL. She sounds like such a jerk.

kelseyyh · May 2018

@ab_canada Lol to your grandma!

asun123 · May 2018

Yesterday, my coworker (and older man with no children) was talking to me about my trip this weekend to Vegas for mine and my husband's anniversary. I told him I was a little bummed that I can't drink because that's what I was really looking forward to when I booked the vacation. He told me no one would know I was pregnant (since I'm not showing obvi) so I can just drink anyways. I informed him that the alcohol is bad for the baby and that's why I can't drink. I care about my baby's health. He looked at me like I am the lamest person in the world and rolled his eyes. I felt so much judgement from him. But for the stupidest reason.

scaredunprepared · May 2018

I think sometimes men (particularly childless ones) don't actually understand that the reason we can't do this or that isn't because it "looks bad", but because it can actually harm the tiny human we are growing inside of us. I think they might actually be clueless. I saw a post on Pinterest once about a woman needing to educate senior male coworkers on the reason she needed to use the restroom (her period), and they literally had no idea she could not just stop or start her bleeding whenever she pleased. Like they actually thought she could control it. So.... Let him judge away as we judge him. Lol

katy0990 · May 2018

@asun123 I literally rolled my eyes about your coworker.

laurench912 · May 2018

@scaredunprepared I think that too. If we have a boy I'm going to force them to be educated on all the things females have to go through. I hate when grown men are clueless on the facts of life

clawbaby1202 · May 2018

Omg we’ve had so many people say the “maybe you’ll have one of each thing” and it drives me NUTS. like we are done after this regardless so plz just shut up lol

Katzalia · May 2018

@scaredunprepared and @laurench912 So true. My husband who is pretty educated and feminist asked me yesterday if it was “normal” to be this sick in pregnancy. And this is our second! Though in his defense, we were mostly long distance during my first pregnancy for work reasons. He was amazed when I told him the first time was even worse. I think he’s been secretly worrying that something is wrong with the pregnancy because I have been having *totally normal* MS and food aversions.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

laurench912 said:
...If we have a boy I'm going to force them to be educated on all the things females have to go through.

^ yes! I hope schools still do sex Ed, and I totally want to supplement with the female side of things. (I remember boys were moved when sex Ed began talking about female development)

Hopefully DH and I can be a non-creepy united front when it’s time for The Talk.

katy0990 · May 2018

@Katzalia I am also pregnant with our second. It has been less than 3 years since I was in the first tri with DS. I have not had anywhere near the rough time some women have had, but DH asked me yesterday if I was this sick with DS. I was like how can you not remember?!?!?

tunnel · May 2018

In fairness, I've blocked out many things about my pregnancy and birth of my son. My husband has to remind me sometimes!

Katzalia · May 2018

@katy0990 ha, seriously. I am confident I griped regularly about puking 3x/day for 9 weeks. I guess hearing about it isn’t the same as seeing it (or living it!).

@tunnel true, and I am so damn grateful for the selective amnesia. But there is some difference between spontaneously not recalling something, and, when confronted with it again, not recognizing it.

mamaalicie · May 2018

When my DH told his mom we were pregnant again her response was " that's not good" . He was pretty upset. That definatIy put up a wallwin there relationship. I told 2 of my sisters and one of my sisters asked if she could have my baby. I'm pregnant with# 5, she had one, he passed away sadly, and she hasn't been able to get pregnant since. So that was awkward, then my other sister was a bit tipsy at a family dinner ( I wasn't there bc I don't live near my family) and she spilled the beans on accident, which was actually a blessing bc she got to put our mom in her place over it before I got to talk to her and she was happy for me by then . She is normally very negative first, then excited. I remember when my sister was pregnant with my mom's first grandchild, when she found out her first response was, do you guys have a plan, are you gonna get married. That always bothered me. My dad lucky is always happy and excited and never asks personal things about what we are goona do. He is just happy to have another grand kid. He has 10 with one on the way and that includes our sweet boy in heaven. Another thing that drives me nuts is when people say, " boy you got your hands full, or, you do know how that happens." And one I've only had said to me once was someone accused me off being a wellfare mom. Meaning I only have kids to get money from the state. Which is really hurtful, when you know how hard your husband works to take care of your whole family, not that there is anything wrong with wellfare, I have used it in the past. But because I'm a young mom I must be relying on assistance to get me through, is just rude to assume. I've also had people say I hope your babysitting. The rude comments don't end when you have a lot of kids. I will be 27 soon and I'm having baby number 5/ 6 for SO. They are such a blessing.

rosebud332 · May 2018

@mamaalicie Wow I’m so sorry you’ve gotten so many negative comments! I think it’s really a blessing to be able to have a big family. Never understood why anyone thinks it’s their business how many kids someone else chooses to have.

Want a personalized experience?

Crazy Judgement From Others

Re: Crazy Judgement From Others

Choose Another Board

Search Boards