Weekly Questions w/o 5.6

echo-charlietango · May 2018

Happy new week! I just noticed that we need a new Q thread for this week. Fill 'er up!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/3otPot3HqxcKRbGkXC/giphy.gif

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

2 questions! Might be mostly for STM+
Does using lotion really help decrease stretch marks? I heard you are either going to get them or not. My mom and sister both got them with pregnancies, and I got stretch marks when I went through puberty (which are all silvery scars now), and a few new ones two summers ago when I gained a bit of weight. I figure I’m just doomed to get more. Aside from lotion being in general “good” for you, does it actually do anything?
Second, I know where I want to register for physical products, but is there a way to organize friend/family help or freezer meals? Is there a registry online where I can add/make that up? For people to claim tasks/months/other “big” help type things? Also, how do you handle family wanting to help but also not being fit to entertain house guests (as I imagine I’ll be feeling post delivery). Final follow up, I love the idea of making freezer meals or having my friends make them, but I do apartment living and we have a basic fridge with small freezer on top. No deep freezer, no intention of getting a deep freezer. Has anyone had success with freezer meals with such limited space?

runrinserepeat · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 IMO, it's kind of luck of the draw whether lotions will help. Some people swear by them, I think those people are just generally lucky. I had a bunch of stretch marks from puberty, and got a bunch from pregnancy. That said, lotion is a good idea to stock up on, because we're going to be big in the winter when it tends to be dry. It's just generally really uncomfortable to have all that skin stretched tight on your belly if it's super dry, too.

WRT meals, a friend did this when she had a baby, and sent the link to her contact list. It was a nice way to organize the meals, I thought. https://www.mealtrain.com/

echo-charlietango · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 I'm certainly not a STM+, but I have some input

Re: lotion & stretch marks - obviously I don't know entirely, but I do know that skin pliability mostly has to do with collagen and hydration. I want to avoid stretch marks as best as possible, and I actually take a liquid collagen supplement that my OB is cool with. Also I try to stay hydrated, but I just don't grow fast (I don't have any stretch marks from normal adolescence). Just for good measure I lube up post-shower with coconut and almond oil.

Re: Freezer meals - check out MealTrain.com. It's popular in the military world because we have a lot of life events without the benefits of nearby family, so we do meal trains for new babies, major surgeries, etc. I understand that if you have special requests they can be made clear to people who want to help.

AGK2015 · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 Check out https://www.mealtrain.com/ if you're looking to organize meals to be brought; otherwise, I believe Babylist lets you add tasks to your registry for people to help with (and you can coordinate it with other registries elsewhere online).

As far as stretch marks: you can't necessarily prevent them, but keeping things nice and moisturized does at least cut down on the itching when the skin starts getting taut, so it may be worth it for that reason alone.

AGK2015 · May 2018

Also, with regards to some of your subquestions: assert your boundaries now. If you don't want houseguests, say it early and often. Decent people (the sorts most likely to want to help you) will listen. If you're uncomfortable with a direct "No, I don't want you to stay with me after I give birth," proposing alternatives can be helpful ("We'd love to see people once things settle down. Check out X, Y, and Z hotels that are convenient if you want to be near us!" or "We want time to adjust right after baby; what do you think about a visit over President's Day weekend instead?"). Honestly, though, that was something I stressed about a lot with my own mom; it turns out that when I raised the topic with the intent of saying something, she immediately chimed in with "Oh, gosh, no, you guys are going to want your privacy for the first few weeks!" Hopefully, people are more understanding than you anticipate they'll be.

We also lived in an apartment with #1, with just a small freezer atop our fridge. My SIL filled it with freezer meals, which was very sweet of her, but honestly a little more than I could keep on top of in the throes of the newborn days. This time around, despite having far more space, we'll probably stick to preparing things that are easily microwaveable.

rosebud332 · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 I think you’re right about stretch marks basically being hereditary and you’ll either get them or you won’t. However, like others I did find that using it made my belly not itch too much when it stretched. For the record, I used it every day and still got the stretch marks.
As far as house guests, I found that people were not expecting to be entertained. Most people know you’re going to be wiped and will just want to hold the baby for a while, maybe help out, and then leave. That was my experience, but of course there’s always the possibility people will overstay their welcome. In which case I would just start talking about how I’m soooo tired.

PensiveCrayon · May 2018

Agreeing with the others on stretch mark creams. I didn't use any and also didn't end up with any starch masks. I'm also an unbelievably stretchy person. It's my theory that I've got some sort of minor connective tissue disorder.

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

@runrinserepeat @echo-charlietango @AGK2015 thanks for the meal train suggestion, I’ll look into that. I’ll check out Baby List too, I don’t think I know anything about that one.

@rosebud332 Hopefully short visits will be ok. All of my family lives 2-4 hours away, which isn’t that far, but I tend to feel guilty if the drive doesn’t feel worth it for them. (Which no one has ever told me, but my anxiety doesn’t care). Hopefully a baby changes all of that and I can chill out and just let people snuggle on the baby.

Katzalia · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 I have no idea re: the science of it. I used Bio-Oil because a family member recommended it. I also moisturized often with my regular body lotion. I didn’t really get stretch marks but dunno if it’s related to what I did or just luck.

Also I definitely agree with the mealtrain rec. a friend used that last year and it was super easy to coordinate meals. That helps a lot with distributing meals over time and reducing your freezer problem.

texas_t · May 2018

I have an idea! Why don't you check out meal train!

coco2787 · May 2018

Yesss @PensiveCrayon I love that video. I hope someone else noticed your starch masks reference

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

@PensiveCrayon speaking of cringe worthy pregnananant questions. I did wrap around care (before & after camp kiddo supervision) for middle school girls at a summer day camp at a university when I was a student. One day they were whispering about something, and one of them finally walked up to me to spill what they were talking about. They asked if it was true that you can’t get pregnant until you’re 16. I told them that idk where they got that info, but that if someone is having sex, and has started their period, and isn’t using some form of protection, then they can get pregnant.

(More complicated than that, but they weren’t my children, so I gave them the 101 lvl answer). The looks on their poor faces! I think I was just as terrified as them though because I was afraid of some parent coming in angry because I gave a sex talk to their kid. (Luckily no follow up to that ever happened).

CecilB93 · May 2018

@katzalia my mom gave me Bio-Oil and I never could keep up with using it daily. So no advice as to if it works, I did use it here and there and got a ton of stretch marks though. My mom swears it helped tighten her loose skin from losing a little bit of weight though! So it works for something!!

Re: stretch marks being hereditary, eh. Idk how much I believe that. My mom didn't get a single stretch mark with myself or my sister, but I got a ton on my stomach, sides, and even the insides of my thighs

So F genetics lol.

coco2787 · May 2018

I don’t think there’s anything you can do to prevent stretch marks. Either you get them or you don’t. I think it does help to only gain a reasonable amount of weight though.

k_m10 · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 I was perusing the WTE forums yesterday and someone posted about how she and her husband used the pull out method and she was “totally surprised and shocked” that she got pregnant.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

@katem987 No words. Oy vey.

Re: minivan full of dogs
DH Approves!

texas_t · May 2018

@katem987 DH and I used that method for quite a while. It worked for us, but we were fully aware that one time it might not. Luck if the draw

k_m10 · May 2018

@texas_t lol! It CAN work, but it’s almost guaranteed to fail eventually. I just don’t get the “totally shocked and surprised!” The only time you can really be totally shocked and surprised is if it’s an immaculate conception, lmao.

nerdeebird · May 2018

@echo-charlietango thanks for starting this! I feel like it's a little more manageable to have a weekly thread than the general never ending Questions Thread we've been using.

CecilB93 · May 2018

@katem987 @texas_t pull out method is how we got my son

of course I knew it could happen and wasn't "totally shocked and surprised" but there was still some shock. More in the sense of, "shit, what have we done?" Lol. It all worked out and I wouldn't change a thing though

texas_t · May 2018

@cecilB93 Girl, we were trying for months and I was still shocked.

runrinserepeat · May 2018

We’ve used pull and pray for sooo long without any slip ups, but we only use that as our only bc if we wouldn’t be too put out if it failed. Idk if there’s any more of that in the cards for us, lol

k_m10 · May 2018

@runrinserepeat lmao “pull and pray.” I have to say, we were actively trying and I was still shocked. This poster was more shocked that her “birth control” method wasn’t very effective, lol.

Gwyneddlesliegrace · May 2018

Pull and pray works for us. Except for that one time when H slipped up and didn’t get out in time. And that is how baby number 6 became.

Katzalia · May 2018

texas_t said:

@cecilB93 Girl, we were trying for months and I was still shocked.

Seriously, this.

kristah2 · May 2018

LOL at all the pull out method comments!
Never trust a man to have that control. We went back to using condoms for the first time since we started dating. We have a little fun first. One time the pull out/put a condom on didn't happen and here I am!

ETA: I literally yelled at him he did a "sneak attack" his response "we tried for 3 months religiously without getting pregnant. No way just one time will lead to a baby" Man logic.

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

Ok, enough people have shared that I don’t feel dumb for saying the “pull & pray” method was ours too. Minus the praying. More like pull & cross your fingers. It worked well for us for 6 years because I was also tracking my cycle length & symptoms of ovulation (but not actually temping/charting ovulation exactly). We’d just use condoms as a back up depending where’s I was in my cycle. We had one oops almost 2 years ago. Which, **TW**, ended in a mmc **end TW**. Starting this past December we decided to ntnp, and when my irl friend got pregnant before me (we were “trying” together), my SO and I stepped it up and actually tried and bam. Pregnant. I was shocked it worked so fast once we were serious about it.

edit to add- I was shocked we got pregnant quickly because I’d always half assumed that our “birth control” worked because I must have some underlying fertility issue, which some family members have and pretty much every woman in my moms family has endometriosis. I haven’t been tested for that because the only way to really know for sure is to have laparoscopic surgery and even then there isn’t really a treatment. They just scrape you clean occasionally. Sorry for the TMI. We also didn’t really mind an accidental pregnancy, otherwise we’d have used something more effective, like real birth control.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

I wish that we had easily gotten pg. We used zero BC for years, no pulling or barriers. I was starting to make a RE deadline for us.

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

echo-charlietango said:

I wish that we had easily gotten pg. We used zero BC for years, no pulling or barriers. I was starting to make a RE deadline for us.

I thought about how my speedy pregnancy probably isn’t the norm around here when I was typing that. I didn’t mean to cause any hurt feelings. Isn’t there a salty nickname on TB for people like me? Feel free to call me it.

k_m10 · May 2018

Possible *tw*
@tumbleweed-1 I feel the same way. We got pregnant the first month of trying. I was “shocked and surprised.” My friend has PCOS and I can tell she’s upset about it but she won’t say anything to me. My heart goes out to her but at the same time I have this sense of guilt that I know I shouldn’t, because I have no control over either situation.

Katzalia · May 2018

We all have such different experiences getting us to our current pregnancies. Fwiw, I think it’s fair to talk about our own experiences — as long as we’re not assuming everyone’s had the same journey.

I’ve been on both sides of this. With my first pregnancy, I got my IUD removed and got pregnant without ever having a normal cycle first. This time, it was really different. We were trying for nearly 2 years with a little break and recently consulted a RE. We were set to start clomid/iui but delayed a cycle due to vacation - and somehow I’m finally ku. At this point, though, whatever led to this point, here I am, happy to be puking away if it means I can grow a healthy baby.

Jens_Hoes · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 there is some definite snark on TTGP for people who get pregnant on the first or second try.
The first time around we tried for about a year and started fertility testing and discussed clomid and IUI, and literally everyone around me was pregnant. It was hard.
This time around, we were literally NOT trying to get pregnant and got pregnant.
It can be a really sensitive subject for a lot of people, because we don't know everyone's journey, so I feel like as long as you are respectful about talking about it, there is not much else you can do.

k_m10 · May 2018

@Jens_Hoes that makes sense.

kadeephd · May 2018

Just realized there was a new weekly question thread after posting on the original question thread. Oops. My husband and I used condoms for about a year after I came of BC (which I was on for ten years), and then I started tracking my cycle. I thought I knew when I would ovulate since it seemed pretty consistent, so when I thought I was out of my fertile window we wouldn't use a condom. It turns out I could not accurately estimate my fertile window. I honestly expected it to take us a long time since I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18 and my parents tried for 10+ years before conceiving after fertility treatments. My mom also has PCOS. I think I was a little too careless because I expected it to be nearly impossible.

runrinserepeat · May 2018

Is there any way to know why some babies come a little early? DS was born at 37w5d, so not like hugely, scary early. But still, we weren't expecting him for at least another two weeks since DD was the day before my EDD. Kind of worried that if the trend continues this one could be even earlier. I suppose there's just no way to know, huh?

maureenmce · May 2018

Question for STMs - have any of you who had really scary birth or newborn experiences gotten therapy for it? I'm realizing that I have a lot (like a LOT) of anxiety about the newborn period because of the postpartum issues I had last time, and I'm wondering if there's a type of therapist you see for that specifically or just if any therapist would work? Or maybe I'm overthinking it and things will definitely be easier this time around because I already know what complications I'm prone to? I don't know.

Jens_Hoes · May 2018

@runrinserepeat I had a conversation with my OB while pregnant and we got on the subject of pre-term labor and all of that. Basically he said that the science isn't there as to why some babies just come early. If they knew WHY, they'd know how to prevent it from happening. Sorry

@maureenmce I don't have any experience with traumatic birth, but as a prior therapist, I'd say you would definitely want someone who was knowledgeable about infants/ppd/birth etc but also someone who specializes in anxiety. You could always check to see therapists that your insurance takes, and then see their specialties.

CecilB93 · May 2018

runrinserepeat said:

Is there any way to know why some babies come a little early? DS was born at 37w5d, so not like hugely, scary early. But still, we weren't expecting him for at least another two weeks since DD was the day before my EDD. Kind of worried that if the trend continues this one could be even earlier. I suppose there's just no way to know, huh?

No real answer, but I know a FTM who (to my knowledge) had no issues. She just had her baby at 36w1d. He's perfectly fine, 6 lbs 15 oz, so I almost wonder if her dates were off? But idk. I'd be okay with going into labor around 38 weeks because I REALLY don't want to go thru induction lol.

runrinserepeat · May 2018

CecilB93 said:

runrinserepeat said:

Is there any way to know why some babies come a little early? DS was born at 37w5d, so not like hugely, scary early. But still, we weren't expecting him for at least another two weeks since DD was the day before my EDD. Kind of worried that if the trend continues this one could be even earlier. I suppose there's just no way to know, huh?

No real answer, but I know a FTM who (to my knowledge) had no issues. She just had her baby at 36w1d. He's perfectly fine, 6 lbs 15 oz, so I almost wonder if her dates were off? But idk. I'd be okay with going into labor around 38 weeks because I REALLY don't want to go thru induction lol.

The thing is that I know the dates with him, as I was charting and had two dating scans and everything lined up. He was 6lbs 2oz and otherwise healthy, but it was a little stressful not knowing whether that would be the case. To be fair with my daughter, I think the dates were off a bit (based on my chart and the dating scan, but they didn't move the EDD because I was within 7 days). So... she was probably a week early honestly. IDK maybe I just have early babies.

Super mostly wondering because my water broke out of nowhere with my son. And plus also it was a pain to have to arrange things at work while I was basically in labor, because my boss hadn't made arrangements before then thinking he had plenty of time. We're going to be more prepared this time, I think.

AGK2015 · May 2018

@maureenmce you can always check the listings on Psychology Today to find someone who deals specifically with things like pregnancy/postpartum issues. I never did seek therapy, but I don't think it's ever a bad idea

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/pregnancy-prenatal-postpartum/ca/los-angeles?sid=1525890246.8466_31066

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