@pghctwife at this point I’m so fed up I’m almost ready to jump on your Facebook bandwagon. Alllllmost. I’d be afraid someone doesn’t have a Facebook and we’d be leaving them behind. But I guess that would be inevitable no matter how long we wait.
I have largely given up on the Bump app for my phone, and just use my laptop to read/post. I read the wtf questions and the weekly details, but as far as functionality of the forum or even trying to check your personal messages? Every time I click my Inbox it sends me to the "front page" of the app, then it acts like I don't already have the app downloaded and installed. Stupid.
As for me, the best friend drama reared it's ugly head again this morning first thing when I woke up. I thought it was all over, but no. I am just so over it especially with everything going on with my mom and grandma right now. Yet somehow it's my fault she's fucked up her life. If anyone is needing some reality show worthy drama or has a burning desire to know the whole story, grab some popcorn and inbox me, and I'll spill the beans.
I just want to start playing the lottery and win a million dollars so I can let some company pack up my house, so I can afford to move without selling this house first, buy another house over there, and gtfo here already.
@pghctwife at this point I’m so fed up I’m almost ready to jump on your Facebook bandwagon. Alllllmost. I’d be afraid someone doesn’t have a Facebook and we’d be leaving them behind. But I guess that would be inevitable no matter how long we wait.
Yesssssssssss lol
@neeraja_k unfortunately being 100% mobile there’s no opting out :’(
My wtf. My mil... they are visiting. She’s hated me from day 1... has never given me a chance, talked shit on me, so much to say but suffice to say, yeah.
So long storr short sil died last fall drug od and all sorts of bad stuff about her has come out, her parenting, and dh flipped out on his mom about a looooot, incl my treatment.
So now I’m apparently in her good graces, she is telling everyone what a wonderful mother I am, she actually tonight got her phone to take a pic of my 3 kids who were hog piled on me. NEVER BEFORE. So... wtf mil it takes your daughter dying to actually treat the mother of your grandchildren like someone you tolerate?! It’s good I guess but... we’ve been together 17 years now, too little too late.
I'm also on mobile and I'm irrationally irritated by the disappearing link at the bottom I could go upstairs and get on the computer but I still don't go upstairs most days.
My wtf. My mil... they are visiting. She’s hated me from day 1... has never given me a chance, talked shit on me, so much to say but suffice to say, yeah.
So long storr short sil died last fall drug od and all sorts of bad stuff about her has come out, her parenting, and dh flipped out on his mom about a looooot, incl my treatment.
So now I’m apparently in her good graces, she is telling everyone what a wonderful mother I am, she actually tonight got her phone to take a pic of my 3 kids who were hog piled on me. NEVER BEFORE. So... wtf mil it takes your daughter dying to actually treat the mother of your grandchildren like someone you tolerate?! It’s good I guess but... we’ve been together 17 years now, too little too late.
Umm yea, my MIL began to insist that I call her which I have never done. DH and I have been together for 17 years as well and I received no acknowledgment until I had DD. I guess in my husbands family you are not a part of until you have a child. SMH. I can totally relate.
@pghctwife I feel the same way about most of my IL’s. MIL & FIL had plenty of negative things to say about me when DS was little. Then they realized I wasn’t nearly as bad as BIL’s wife. They don’t badmouth me to others anymore, but the damage has been done.
BIL’s wife, the Rx drug addict, has been “nice” lately, which translates to randomly texting me pics of Star Wars stuff. First, DH & DS like Star Wars more than me. Next, texting a pic doesn’t translate to being nice after 12 years of being horrible to me. I’ll be civil at family functions, but that’s as far as it goes. We do have a few things in common, but while I know her favorite authors, TV shows she likes, the fact that she likes to do her nails, she knows absolutely nothing about me.
@melprop@ssthomps while I’m sorry you deal with this too I’m glad others relate - I was thinking when I posted that ppl who don’t have similar toxic ppl in their lives might think I sound like a total bitch, I mean the woman lost her daughter.
But i mean, she has talked shit on me, on our parenting, for years (bc we don’t spank, we limit tv etc). They let down our kids constantly. I hope they change THAT for their sakes but as for me? Too little too late.
dh is pissed too. They were unexcited for #2 and gave him a hard time with #3 (why are you having more, 3 kids are a lot, kids are $$ - this is the woman who says kids will ruin your marriage, wreck your life). I hated her for that. Now? “Oh I am so excited for this baby blah blah blah”
@pghctwife I get it. We last saw IL’s on Easter. They showed more excitement about a dining table & chairs I’d mentioned my parents are selling than they’ve shown over this pg. DH called them yesterday to see when we can bring over the table & chairs. Somewhere in the conversation FIL said that he doesn’t expect to see this baby since they rarely see DS.
They live 2 miles away from us. They only call us if they need something. If they don’t need our help with anything, we don’t hear from them. They never invite us to dinner, other than the standing Wednesday night “family dinner” they host that we rarely go to because BIL & his wife are always there. They don’t even bother to call us if there is a week that BIL & family don’t come in for dinner, even though we’d go then. They go to everything for BIL’s two boys, 30-45 minutes away, but rarely come to anything for DS in their own town. They never call and ask if they can have DS, or even just ask us if we’d like to come over. If we invite them to our house for anything they decline. MIL hasn’t been here since I hosted Christmas, and I don’t remember when before that. FIL occasionally stops to borrow something from DH, but that’s it.
For their other son, they babysit all the time when BIL & his wife just bring their kids in and drop them off. They have our nephews at least 2 weekends per month during the school year and for at least 6 weeks in the summer. BIL’s wife is a SAHM, so it’s not like they’re providing daycare services. BIL & his wife do everything child-free, including grocery shopping. They drive in on a Friday night, ask MIL to watch the boys while they get groceries, then call MIL a few hours later and tell her they’ll be in Sunday to get the boys. We aren’t rude assholes like BIL & his wife, who just show up and expect that MIL & FIL will babysit for an undetermined length of time. We also don’t invite ourselves over randomly. Even if I did want them to watch DS on a Saturday or Sunday while DH works, I would have to wait until at least 1pm to take him there because they sleep in when they don’t have our nephews. Then it’s not even worth it. DH gets home around 2:30, and we usually have plans after that.
The amount of time they they have our nephews is a huge part of the problem. For example, they won’t come to DS’s events or soccer games if they have our nephews. They’ll ask us to help them with some project, then cancel because BIL dropped the boys off and they’re tired from taking care of them. Then they bitch that we can’t come help the next day when we already have plans. It’s very obvious who they favor, even to DS. So why would we come around all the time and deal with all that?
Ugh. Yeah ours have always done soooo much more for our nephew, time spent (flying to fl to see him vs coming to ct - they hate it here and are ‘punishing’ us). The inequity with the kids is hardest. But I know that while my kids are little and don’t get it yet eventually they will and when our parents are all gone thevrelationshops close to their hearts will be with my parents, who have real relationships with them.
Ladies, do you think that your IL's speak negatively about you in front of your children? I desperately want my child to have as much family as possible but my fiance's mother nicknamed me Satan for taking away her only son. BTW, my fiance loves his parents to death because they took him out of foster care and treated him wonderfully. He does a great job of standing up for me when she's reckless but she honestly hates me. Can I have faith that she will be decent in front of her grandchild because she loves her son or is that too much to ask?
@pghctwife Thanks for sharing. I can now say that I know what to expect regarding the treatment of our son.
@satin_doll yikes! Honestly, it will be up to you to set boundaries. If you find out she’s speaking to you like that regardless of if it’s around your kiddo, your fiancé needs to stand up to her! Or you can set clear boundaries now that she pulls that crap and she doesn’t get to spend time with her grand-baby. It’s up to you how strong a stance you and your fiancé take but I wouldn’t put up with that crap. So sorry you’re dealing with this.
@mrsbubbles-2 Yeah, Ikr. lol. She calls, they talk, she says something rude, he snaps at her, she hangs up. Rinse and repeat. My fiance actually hasn't seen her in about a year and half and wants to deny her all rights to see the baby. I guess, I also feel bad for drawing a wedge between them and want to give her a chance. Maybe we can try warning her first like you mentioned. I feel like I'm gonna regret that but atleast I can say I tried.
@satin_doll that’s all you can do sometimes. Try, see what happens and readjust until you’re comfortable. At the end of the day it’s you baby’s best interests you’ll have in mind, not hers. The decision might be easier than you think!
My IL’s tell DS that we’re mean for basically giving him structure, boundaries, rules, etc, like “Oh your parents are so mean for not letting you drink unlimited root beer.” I don’t think they badmouth us to DS any more than things like that because they don’t badmouth our nephews’ mom in front of the nephews. They definitely hate her more than me, even though they treat her kids better than mine.
However, my own family leaves little to be desired. For starters, the only one who does talk to me is my mom. And that’s only if we are seeing eye to eye. Cuz if not, she’ll shun me for months. The other ones never respond to calls or texts. Just too busy. Meh.
Okay this is prolly a TMI but right now it is a WTF. DEALING WITH UPSET TUMMY ever since I got back from Florida. I never have to get up at night to pee. But I have to get up to poop. Wtf. Twice. Like. This isn’t normal. And of course I go to the kids bathroom so DH can’t hear me. Agh.
@dirtanddiamonds that is so crazy, last week I had two patients come in with abdominal pain after they got back from FL! What is going around down there?!
I guess mine is the opposite. Now the DS is older, we try not to talk negatively about my dad in front of him. We used to used a code name actually lol. But it’s to the point where he’s starting to see my dads quirks and behavior and ask and I don’t lie to him about why he won’t go places etc
My ILs aren’t around enough for them to say stuff but they’re definitely the job rules, fun grandparents since they weren’t actively involved in raising him like my mom was since she watched him for 3 years.
@satin_doll ugh that’s hard. So hard to know how they’ll be! Mine are really never alone with our kids, they don’t see us much. Yesterday I was at work and dh was off, and they opted to not join him and the kids at the playground, instead just sat at home cross stitching abdvreading. They hadn’t seen any of us since thanksgiving.
I doubt they would though bc mil opts for passive aggressive over overt.
I will say we are very very careful to not speak negatively about them in front of our kids.
I agree about not speaking negatively about people in front of the Little’s, but I think you can still layout the facts and be honest. It’s a fine line, but I refuse to lie about why Gma Brenda isn’t around much.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@dirtanddiamonds that is so crazy, last week I had two patients come in with abdominal pain after they got back from FL! What is going around down there?!
Idk but if you figure it out, lemme know. Lol. I’m living in liquid antacid right now. Keeps the tummy calm. But I guess overnight I go so long without taking it, it stirs things up. Lol. Pregnancy is so wonderful!!
@princesslockness That's my mentality too. I figure DS is going to know that grandpa is odd at some point so I just explain to him that grandpa doesn't like to go out and do many things outside of his house and work, that it makes him nervous and scared and leave it like that for now. So now he just gets that my dad doesn't join us for family activities outside of our houses.
Oh if they point blank ask us ‘why didnt they come to the playground’ or whatever I’m not gonna lie or cover up. I’m more likely to say ‘well I’m not sure but we’ll still have fun’
i grew up with a set of very nice grandparents (maternal) and my paternal gpa died when I was littlebut my grandma was (is) awful. Just notva nice person, and particularly awful to my dad (her oldest). My parents didn’t say anything to us as kids and maintained a relationship with her. We saw her on Xmas, etc. as we got older, we saw her for who she is ourselves and as teens/adults my parents then filled us in more. She once wrote my dad this long nasty letter about how he wasn’t selected to have any power over her in her living will bc basically she assumed based on his politics that he’d insist on extreme measures for her - which is not only not even his OWN preference but shows how little she thinks of him that she thinks he’s ignore her wishes - and that she felt it necessary to tell him all that. One example of many lol. It’s gotten to the point where my parents are pretty close to no contact.
Annnnyhowww all that to say I lived it on the kid end too and I have no doubt that my kids will see my ils for who they are, assuming they live that long. The previous visit last summer was so awful, the kids were totally let down and my older two at (then) 6&4 completely noticed and were aware. It sucks bc you hate seeing someone your child loves let them down like that, but I’m not going to try to make my kids think they are people they aren’t either.
Re: WTF week of 4/4
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
As for me, the best friend drama reared it's ugly head again this morning first thing when I woke up. I thought it was all over, but no. I am just so over it especially with everything going on with my mom and grandma right now. Yet somehow it's my fault she's fucked up her life. If anyone is needing some reality show worthy drama or has a burning desire to know the whole story, grab some popcorn and inbox me, and I'll spill the beans.
I just want to start playing the lottery and win a million dollars so I can let some company pack up my house, so I can afford to move without selling this house first, buy another house over there, and gtfo here already.
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
@neeraja_k unfortunately being 100% mobile there’s no opting out :’(
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
So long storr short sil died last fall drug od and all sorts of bad stuff about her has come out, her parenting, and dh flipped out on his mom about a looooot, incl my treatment.
So now I’m apparently in her good graces, she is telling everyone what a wonderful mother I am, she actually tonight got her phone to take a pic of my 3 kids who were hog piled on me. NEVER BEFORE. So... wtf mil it takes your daughter dying to actually treat the mother of your grandchildren like someone you tolerate?! It’s good I guess but... we’ve been together 17 years now, too little too late.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
BIL’s wife, the Rx drug addict, has been “nice” lately, which translates to randomly texting me pics of Star Wars stuff. First, DH & DS like Star Wars more than me. Next, texting a pic doesn’t translate to being nice after 12 years of being horrible to me. I’ll be civil at family functions, but that’s as far as it goes. We do have a few things in common, but while I know her favorite authors, TV shows she likes, the fact that she likes to do her nails, she knows absolutely nothing about me.
But i mean, she has talked shit on me, on our parenting, for years (bc we don’t spank, we limit tv etc). They let down our kids constantly. I hope they change THAT for their sakes but as for me? Too little too late.
dh is pissed too. They were unexcited for #2 and gave him a hard time with #3 (why are you having more, 3 kids are a lot, kids are $$ - this is the woman who says kids will ruin your marriage, wreck your life). I hated her for that. Now? “Oh I am so excited for this baby blah blah blah”
W.T.A.F.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
They live 2 miles away from us. They only call us if they need something. If they don’t need our help with anything, we don’t hear from them. They never invite us to dinner, other than the standing Wednesday night “family dinner” they host that we rarely go to because BIL & his wife are always there. They don’t even bother to call us if there is a week that BIL & family don’t come in for dinner, even though we’d go then. They go to everything for BIL’s two boys, 30-45 minutes away, but rarely come to anything for DS in their own town. They never call and ask if they can have DS, or even just ask us if we’d like to come over. If we invite them to our house for anything they decline. MIL hasn’t been here since I hosted Christmas, and I don’t remember when before that. FIL occasionally stops to borrow something from DH, but that’s it.
For their other son, they babysit all the time when BIL & his wife just bring their kids in and drop them off. They have our nephews at least 2 weekends per month during the school year and for at least 6 weeks in the summer. BIL’s wife is a SAHM, so it’s not like they’re providing daycare services. BIL & his wife do everything child-free, including grocery shopping. They drive in on a Friday night, ask MIL to watch the boys while they get groceries, then call MIL a few hours later and tell her they’ll be in Sunday to get the boys. We aren’t rude assholes like BIL & his wife, who just show up and expect that MIL & FIL will babysit for an undetermined length of time. We also don’t invite ourselves over randomly. Even if I did want them to watch DS on a Saturday or Sunday while DH works, I would have to wait until at least 1pm to take him there because they sleep in when they don’t have our nephews. Then it’s not even worth it. DH gets home around 2:30, and we usually have plans after that.
The amount of time they they have our nephews is a huge part of the problem. For example, they won’t come to DS’s events or soccer games if they have our nephews. They’ll ask us to help them with some project, then cancel because BIL dropped the boys off and they’re tired from taking care of them. Then they bitch that we can’t come help the next day when we already have plans. It’s very obvious who they favor, even to DS. So why would we come around all the time and deal with all that?
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
@pghctwife Thanks for sharing. I can now say that I know what to expect regarding the treatment of our son.
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
However, my own family leaves little to be desired. For starters, the only one who does talk to me is my mom. And that’s only if we are seeing eye to eye. Cuz if not, she’ll shun me for months. The other ones never respond to calls or texts. Just too busy. Meh.
My ILs aren’t around enough for them to say stuff but they’re definitely the job rules, fun grandparents since they weren’t actively involved in raising him like my mom was since she watched him for 3 years.
I doubt they would though bc mil opts for passive aggressive over overt.
I will say we are very very careful to not speak negatively about them in front of our kids.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
i grew up with a set of very nice grandparents (maternal) and my paternal gpa died when I was littlebut my grandma was (is) awful. Just notva nice person, and particularly awful to my dad (her oldest). My parents didn’t say anything to us as kids and maintained a relationship with her. We saw her on Xmas, etc. as we got older, we saw her for who she is ourselves and as teens/adults my parents then filled us in more. She once wrote my dad this long nasty letter about how he wasn’t selected to have any power over her in her living will bc basically she assumed based on his politics that he’d insist on extreme measures for her - which is not only not even his OWN preference but shows how little she thinks of him that she thinks he’s ignore her wishes - and that she felt it necessary to tell him all that. One example of many lol. It’s gotten to the point where my parents are pretty close to no contact.
Annnnyhowww all that to say I lived it on the kid end too and I have no doubt that my kids will see my ils for who they are, assuming they live that long. The previous visit last summer was so awful, the kids were totally let down and my older two at (then) 6&4 completely noticed and were aware. It sucks bc you hate seeing someone your child loves let them down like that, but I’m not going to try to make my kids think they are people they aren’t either.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w