@LaceyBee522 ugh yeah they sent out this like 10 page document outlining what would happen. Apparently since our building typically has 24/7 doormen, we'd get a security guard who would do nothing except call the cops if necessary. To enter our building, we'd need a special... picket line pass? Which would be so awkward. I don't want to cross the picket line. I support unions! But I also can't be trapped inside or outside our apt building because of our dog! lol I really hope they (management) give in.
@kfren no joke! He complained to me yesterday because he assembled an IKEA dresser on Monday and his back was "still sore" and he needed a massage. I literally just stood there with my mouth open like you've got to be kidding me right?
@momac1919 MH was complaining of back pain last night, too! I wanted to say "Yeah, can't identify with that at all. Nope." or "You know what really makes my back hurt? GROWING A FREAKING HUMAN!!!"
@momac1919 literally laughed out loud. @LaceyBee522 umm May 15th? What is he thinking?? @dinodna3 yes I actually did go to the Copper Pearl website instead and the one I wanted was one of the few that wasn’t sold out there as well so I got it, discount be damned.
@momac1919 and @kfren my sympathies re your husbands. Mine is the same. He keeps complaining because he's "tired." I haven't slept more than 3 hours in months, yet I'm not allowed to complain or snap at him (he's told me). He had the audacity to tell me that just because I'm tired, doesn't mean he can't be tired. Fine, he can be tired, but one night of bad sleep does not entitle you to (a) a nap, (b) to be an a**, or (c) to complain all day about one night of bad sleep. Suck it up.
+1 to MH thinks he's the pregnant one! He decided to try to go snowboarding at a bachelor party a few weekends ago. He basically just fell down the hill for 30 mins and then gave up and drank beer all afternoon. He had a pretty good bruise on his butt, like literally down the butt crack, for like a week and a half. I think he actually bruised/possibly broke his tailbone. I feel for him, I really do, but if I have to hear one more time about how he can't sleep on his back and it hurts when he sits, I'm going to lose it. I can't sleep in any position and I always hurt. AT LEAST YOU CAN TAKE AN IBUPROFEN AND HAVE A BEER! Get over it!
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@marcus7676 I feel ya. I don't know what is to not be tired anymore. I have saved on my phone a picture of DH sleeping on the chair in the L&D room when I was in labor with DD because it was late and he was tired (insert eye roll here). It's a good blackmail photo that he knows he will never be able to live down
OMG - taking a new job while pregnant was a HORRIBLE decision! I just got off the phone with HR and here are the highlights: - I will get two weeks of paid leave (full salary) - I can apply for short term disability, but because I'm in NY I don't qualify for the company's STD insurance and have to use NY state's which entitles me to $171 per week (for six weeks). - After the six weeks of STD, I can use New York Paid Family Leave for 8 weeks to receive $652 per week - Because I haven't been here long enough, I do not qualify for FMLA, thus they will not continue my insurance coverage and I have to move over to COBRA coverage for me and the two babies which will COST ME $2688.56 per month.
If you do the math above, I'm better off popping these kids out and going straight back to work after my two week leave, just to avoid paying for insurance. I asked MH if we could just be added to his coverage, but he didn't seem to want to be bothered by it. Hopefully he'll be a little more interested after I tell him what it will cost to keep my coverage.
Also, sorry I bitch about money so much, you guys. It was never a big concern for me or MH before, but now it seems like that's all that is on my mind. It is legit causing strain on my marriage - I can't believe I'm saying that, but we're always going at it about the cost of things (i.e. child care, rent, and now insurance...)
@LaceyBee522 No apologies needed. I think everyone can identify with the financial squeeze having kids can put on people. I am so sorry you have to worry about this and that YH is not more concerned. MH and I have never had a budget but now with #3 coming along and the likelihood of my staying home, I am constantly thinking about every aspect of where our money goes and what's going to have to change. It is stressful AF. Hopefully, you two can sit down and figure things out at least to the point of lessening your worries.
@momac1919 yes, the L&D nap. After I delivered DS, H decided he needed a nap. I'm still bitter about it (I didn't nap). I get logically that just because I stayed awake doesn't mean he needed to, but it pisses me off to no end to hear about how "tired" he was because I delivered at 3:19 am. I DELIVERED. Not him. He can be tired but don't complain.
@laceybee522 you should be able to be added to your H's benefits after the baby is born because it is a life event. It does not make sense for you to pay that much per month.
LaceyBee522 ugh...just ugh! Hopefully giving him straight dollars and cents numbers will put it into perspective. The birth of your children count as an "event" and he should be able to add all of you once you deliver. Even though this is our 2nd the concept of the birth of the baby seems to be so abstract to men. That saying that you become a mother once you're pregnant but you dn't become a father until the baby is here is so so true (for many/most).
I'd like to say I'm only here to bitch about the weather, but tbh .... it's about TK
I left one forum. People asked what happened to previous forum, I mentioned a few things that seemed to have happened {awhile ago maybe close to a year} - tbh I was speculating like everyone else - then TODAY one of the old regs came on calling me out on saying I started a rumour? Uhm .... okay, I know most of them didn't seem to like me but wtf on the call out.
I asked where she got her info, and said from my 'post history' I'm taking the higher road on not responding, because I 100% wanna snark and mention how cute it is that she's keeping tabs on me. Like ... fuck off, I don't have the damn patience. You're one of the reasons I moved forums.
@LaceyBee522 definitely give him the financials! Cobra is always going to be ridiculous compared to private insurance. You're married and you're having twins, the financial burden will be on both of you so you shouldn't be paying $2700 a month for insurance if you can be added to his.
Also, I don't understand why NY STD would only be $171/wk but NY Paid Family Leave would be $652/wk. Can you take your two weeks paid, then skip the 6 weeks STD and go straight to 8 weeks Paid Family and then the last few weeks that you want to take do unpaid?
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@MissKittyDanger What's TK? Also, don't hold back on snark, girl!
@krashke Yes, that's what I'll probably do re: not taking the STD. It just blows my mind. If I lived in any other state, I'd get the company's STD and it would be over $1000 per week. Le sigh. Maybe I'll follow @doxiemoxie212 out of this godforsaken place.
@LaceyBee522 TheKnot - honestly, I look at it as there's no point. It's the internet and I wasn't a fan of this person before. I've been trying to have more of a "idgaf" attitude in general, but I swear it's just like .... the fuck?
@LaceyBee522@krashke that's so weird about NY family leave - is it because you haven't been with the company long and it's paid into sort of like social security via taxes? Or because the program is still new and the first phase is lower coverage? California's system has a longer history and is much better for that sort of thing so I hope it improves with time.
As far as insurance, yes, definitely get on YH's because that's really expensive. I got on MH's when I quit my job last January, and it is annoying having to pester him to ask his HR questions, etc., but it's certainly better than the alternative.
And I feel you on $$. I'm freelancing now, so I do make money, but it's no where near what DH makes. And he's been really, really good (for the most part) about not ever bringing that up, but occasionally when he gets really pissed, he'll say something like, "I work all day and pay for everything so no I'm not helping you with that thing, that's your job." Which I think is unacceptable because we agreed to this arrangement together as a team, and I supported him financially and emotionally when he was in law school for three years, so he can support me financially and emotionally for the 1.5 years I was in school/starting to freelance/gestating a child (a child which he pushed for waaaay more than I did). But that's part of why I hate this city. Like, everything is so expensive (and crowded, but that's a complaint for another time) that it makes it impossible to enjoy anything. You work for a law firm so I assume you are familiar with lockstep associate salaries -- like, it's absurd that DH makes what he makes with only 3 years of experience, and yet I'm not sure we actually could afford daycare. It's just this constant HENRY phenomenon (High Earners, Not Rich Yet) where most people I know here work all the time, make on paper what should be good money, and yet rent and child care are so astronomical it's virtually impossible to save any money. /end rant lol
@doxiemoxie212 I will qualify for the new NY Paid Family Leave. I just don't qualify for FMLA (which is a different thing) because I haven't been employed with the same company long enough.
Yes, agree with everything you said in your last paragraph. The combined household income between MH and I is absurd and in any other city we'd be living comfortably and probably own a home. Now that we're factoring in childcare costs, we're going to be struggling to keep our heads above water. And we work SO MUCH. Like, I literally never log off from work. The only time I'm technically unreachable is when I'm sleeping.
Separately, not cool that YH throws him working around when things get heated. However, MH and I have said some pretty petty/shitty stuff when our discussions have gotten heated in the last few months so I have no leg to stand on.
@LaceyBee522 there is a lot of hidden costs/ things you just plain didn’t know you needed to think about. I could never blame you or anyone for bitching about money during this whole experience because it’s just a huge dose of reality. I do believe when you show your H the numbers for your interim insurance coverage he will choke a bit and get over what he’s probably just imagining as a huge hassle to get you all added to his policy. Good luck.
@LaceyBee522 I see, I see, I see. The acronyms alone are enough to make a person lose their mind. I'm pissed on your behalf that your new company won't just let you have the fucking maternity leave. Like, your old company had maternity leave right? IDK, I see it as honoring associate bonuses. I feel like if you come with a good track record they should make exceptions. But I also think every human in this country should get paid family leave, so clearly I am still dreaming.
@LaceyBee522 I'm so sorry you are in such a crappy financial situation. Totally unfair with how hard you work, not to mention what I'm sure it took you to get there. Hopefully your husband will check into his insurance coverage and see the light on that very obvious train very soon.
I feel for you and @doxiemoxie212 over there in NYC. I am in a suburb of Chicago and while I'm not making millions, I have a very nice salary and I'm not sure I could swing regular child care either here, so I can only imagine NYC. My mom is an absolute angel and is retiring so she will have the baby 4 days a week. Very lucky to have her for many reasons. This country's maternity benefits are so very sad.
@LaceyBee522 sorry you’re going through this. My insurance situation was so bad it was actually better to just leave my job. I too am a bit disappointed by my husband’s response to finances especially when we both agreed to have a child. This wasn’t a surprise it was very much planned & saved for. I toured 2 daycares earlier this week (he could have came with me but decided not to) he was disappointed they weren’t as high end as he was expecting. But there is no indication I’ll have a higher paying job after the baby is born, and while I don’t believe you should skimp on childcare I know if theres one year to skimp its the first year when much of the fancy stuff doesn’t make a difference long term (like curriculum, etc bc infants have no schedule they eat & sleep, they don’t play outside, a fancy daycare doesn’t make much difference the first 9/10 months).He made the comment “that amount (cost of a more expensive daycare) doesn’t justify you staying home longer” as if to say don’t you dare use this to try to get out of working. But in my head I’m like TECHNICALLY YOU WORK FROM HOME FOR YOURSELF!!! So if you were the woman we wouldn’t even be having this daycare conversation bc you’d be expected to BOTH work AND take care of the baby. Its only bc your the man it’s assumed the baby won’t just stay with you all day. Its like its on me to make this baby work financially, without any inconvenience to him or his spending. BC if it was my choice we have 4 bedroom house, I have a single mother with 22 years of childcare experience and 2 degrees in early childhood education. I’d just have her move in at no cost, watch our baby & get one other baby to care for just so our child gets to interact and she gets spending money. It wouldn’t be permanent maybe a year (depending on the spacing we decide between the next pregnancy) but that would mean someone else in our home and an inconvenience to him (if it was his mom he’d have no problem I’m sure) even though it’d get us help locally and save us thousands. But I guess that’s why birth of a child ranks #2 as the biggest stress on marriages. You’d think we planned the pregnancy, blessed to conceive & carry, birth a healthy child, the hard part is over. Nope.
MH was complaining this morning that he was tired because...I had the audacity to keep him up with my tossing and turning. Never mind the fact that my hips were in so much pain that I had to get up at 4:45 to walk around the house and considered sleeping in the recliner in the nursery.
Andplusalso, he was snoring so bad that I was giving him death stares into his back and considered making him go sleep in the guest room!
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke I kick my H into the guest room for snoring on the reg. Sorry, dude--I can barely sleep as it is, I'm not listening to you growl like a lawnmower for hours on end.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
I always give people the benefit of the doubt and tip well when I eat out, but I felt very frustrated yesterday. We were at breakfast, and DD projective vomited onto me, into my purse, and on the floor around the table. MH took her outside and I flagged down our server. I felt terrible and did my best to mop up the floor puke with napkins. She brought the check, then disappeared for 15 minutes while the room started to smell. Nobody came to help me clean or give me supplies to do it myself or take the check. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there covered in vomit and I’m sure making others’ dining experience less than great. I finally walked to check up to the front, explained what happened, and paid. It just felt really gross that nobody seemed concerned.
@pupsicle23 Sorry your daughter got sick!! I hope she's feeling better. Agree, that is really weird that no one at the restaurant offered you a rag or to even help clean up.
pupsicle23 -ugh I'm so sorry! That sounds like a miserable experience. I get that no one wants to clean up puke- but ignoring the situation isn't going to make the puke or smell go away...especially since she didn't even give you the tools to do it yourself.
My hubs moved to sleeping on the couch at least a month ago because of my pregnancy snoring.
DH didn't want to change DD's poopy diaper last night (after she specifically said she wanted him to) because he was tired because he worked all weekend...I just said- I'm pregnant...he was like- damnit the ultimate trump card, and got up and did it. holler.
@LaceyBee522 I have very little helpful advice to offer, but will at least commiserate with you on the FMLA woes. I'm due ~2 weeks after my FMLA eligibility date, and that is the #1 reason I hope this babe cooks all the way to term. (Not the obvious health benefits for my child. No, no. That's secondary.) I'm also pretty darn committed to a natural birth and doing the Bradley Method classes and etc., but a c-section would be worth thousands more in STD payments so I also wouldn't mind so much if the baby stays breach. It's rationale but ridiculous.
I'll bet good money (ha) YH comes around on the insurance issue. Not sure why men have to be so stubborn about this sort of thing, but he has to know he's being a bit silly.
And fwiw, I think this is the exact right place to complain about baby-related money troubles. Out in the "real world," the attitude seems to be that a baby is either a blessing you should just be grateful for or, at a minimum, your own personal choice for which you should take full responsibility, and don't you dare complain about the complications that come with having a child. But we can be extremely grateful for and excited about our expanding families and still wish that social programs in this country were set up so that it required less financial and personal sacrifice. Which the women on this forum all get. So rant away.
My manager eats a salad at O'Charley's every day. Periodically, he'll bring me back rolls or a side salad. He brought me a Caesar salad today, which I was really excited about, until I got about halfway through and noticed a teeny tiny (I mean minuscule) bug jump to the side of the container. I stopped counting after the fifth one. I get that there are sometimes bugs, but the fact that I found any at all makes me question how thoroughly, if at all, the lettuce gets washed there.
AFM, we order the 2017 Vista in the color Dennison but decided not to buy the extra seat yet. Well it appears it is now sold out. Like everywhere. I even checked a couple local baby boutiques. I know I can just get a different color down the road but I would prefer they match. Maybe they will come out with the Dennison again before we have a second kid.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@kfren ew. Happen to me once at a fancy restaurant downtown. I was at a work lunch what was embarrassing was someone else saw the bug in my salad but not me. I remember starving that day bc what I got as a substitute was horrible.
Re: Rants {April}
@LaceyBee522 umm May 15th? What is he thinking??
@dinodna3 yes I actually did go to the Copper Pearl website instead and the one I wanted was one of the few that wasn’t sold out there as well so I got it, discount be damned.
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
- I will get two weeks of paid leave (full salary)
- I can apply for short term disability, but because I'm in NY I don't qualify for the company's STD insurance and have to use NY state's which entitles me to $171 per week (for six weeks).
- After the six weeks of STD, I can use New York Paid Family Leave for 8 weeks to receive $652 per week
- Because I haven't been here long enough, I do not qualify for FMLA, thus they will not continue my insurance coverage and I have to move over to COBRA coverage for me and the two babies which will COST ME $2688.56 per month.
If you do the math above, I'm better off popping these kids out and going straight back to work after my two week leave, just to avoid paying for insurance. I asked MH if we could just be added to his coverage, but he didn't seem to want to be bothered by it. Hopefully he'll be a little more interested after I tell him what it will cost to keep my coverage.
Also, sorry I bitch about money so much, you guys. It was never a big concern for me or MH before, but now it seems like that's all that is on my mind. It is legit causing strain on my marriage - I can't believe I'm saying that, but we're always going at it about the cost of things (i.e. child care, rent, and now insurance...)
@laceybee522 you should be able to be added to your H's benefits after the baby is born because it is a life event. It does not make sense for you to pay that much per month.
I left one forum. People asked what happened to previous forum, I mentioned a few things that seemed to have happened {awhile ago maybe close to a year} - tbh I was speculating like everyone else - then TODAY one of the old regs came on calling me out on saying I started a rumour?
Uhm .... okay, I know most of them didn't seem to like me but wtf on the call out.
I asked where she got her info, and said from my 'post history'
I'm taking the higher road on not responding, because I 100% wanna snark and mention how cute it is that she's keeping tabs on me.
Like ... fuck off, I don't have the damn patience. You're one of the reasons I moved forums.
*deep breath*
Okay .... I feel better
Also, I don't understand why NY STD would only be $171/wk but NY Paid Family Leave would be $652/wk. Can you take your two weeks paid, then skip the 6 weeks STD and go straight to 8 weeks Paid Family and then the last few weeks that you want to take do unpaid?
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke Yes, that's what I'll probably do re: not taking the STD. It just blows my mind. If I lived in any other state, I'd get the company's STD and it would be over $1000 per week. Le sigh. Maybe I'll follow @doxiemoxie212 out of this godforsaken place.
As far as insurance, yes, definitely get on YH's because that's really expensive. I got on MH's when I quit my job last January, and it is annoying having to pester him to ask his HR questions, etc., but it's certainly better than the alternative.
And I feel you on $$. I'm freelancing now, so I do make money, but it's no where near what DH makes. And he's been really, really good (for the most part) about not ever bringing that up, but occasionally when he gets really pissed, he'll say something like, "I work all day and pay for everything so no I'm not helping you with that thing, that's your job." Which I think is unacceptable because we agreed to this arrangement together as a team, and I supported him financially and emotionally when he was in law school for three years, so he can support me financially and emotionally for the 1.5 years I was in school/starting to freelance/gestating a child (a child which he pushed for waaaay more than I did). But that's part of why I hate this city. Like, everything is so expensive (and crowded, but that's a complaint for another time) that it makes it impossible to enjoy anything. You work for a law firm so I assume you are familiar with lockstep associate salaries -- like, it's absurd that DH makes what he makes with only 3 years of experience, and yet I'm not sure we actually could afford daycare. It's just this constant HENRY phenomenon (High Earners, Not Rich Yet) where most people I know here work all the time, make on paper what should be good money, and yet rent and child care are so astronomical it's virtually impossible to save any money. /end rant lol
Yes, agree with everything you said in your last paragraph. The combined household income between MH and I is absurd and in any other city we'd be living comfortably and probably own a home. Now that we're factoring in childcare costs, we're going to be struggling to keep our heads above water. And we work SO MUCH. Like, I literally never log off from work. The only time I'm technically unreachable is when I'm sleeping.
Separately, not cool that YH throws him working around when things get heated. However, MH and I have said some pretty petty/shitty stuff when our discussions have gotten heated in the last few months so I have no leg to stand on.
I feel for you and @doxiemoxie212 over there in NYC. I am in a suburb of Chicago and while I'm not making millions, I have a very nice salary and I'm not sure I could swing regular child care either here, so I can only imagine NYC. My mom is an absolute angel and is retiring so she will have the baby 4 days a week. Very lucky to have her for many reasons. This country's maternity benefits are so very sad.
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
Andplusalso, he was snoring so bad that I was giving him death stares into his back and considered making him go sleep in the guest room!
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
...
Is this what men feel like when they have the man cold?
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
pupsicle23 -ugh I'm so sorry! That sounds like a miserable experience. I get that no one wants to clean up puke- but ignoring the situation isn't going to make the puke or smell go away...especially since she didn't even give you the tools to do it yourself.
My hubs moved to sleeping on the couch at least a month ago because of my pregnancy snoring.
DH didn't want to change DD's poopy diaper last night (after she specifically said she wanted him to) because he was tired because he worked all weekend...I just said- I'm pregnant...he was like- damnit the ultimate trump card, and got up and did it. holler.
@LaceyBee522 I have very little helpful advice to offer, but will at least commiserate with you on the FMLA woes. I'm due ~2 weeks after my FMLA eligibility date, and that is the #1 reason I hope this babe cooks all the way to term. (Not the obvious health benefits for my child. No, no. That's secondary.) I'm also pretty darn committed to a natural birth and doing the Bradley Method classes and etc., but a c-section would be worth thousands more in STD payments so I also wouldn't mind so much if the baby stays breach. It's rationale but ridiculous.
I'll bet good money (ha) YH comes around on the insurance issue. Not sure why men have to be so stubborn about this sort of thing, but he has to know he's being a bit silly.
And fwiw, I think this is the exact right place to complain about baby-related money troubles. Out in the "real world," the attitude seems to be that a baby is either a blessing you should just be grateful for or, at a minimum, your own personal choice for which you should take full responsibility, and don't you dare complain about the complications that come with having a child. But we can be extremely grateful for and excited about our expanding families and still wish that social programs in this country were set up so that it required less financial and personal sacrifice. Which the women on this forum all get. So rant away.
AFM, we order the 2017 Vista in the color Dennison but decided not to buy the extra seat yet. Well it appears it is now sold out. Like everywhere. I even checked a couple local baby boutiques. I know I can just get a different color down the road but I would prefer they match. Maybe they will come out with the Dennison again before we have a second kid.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
@krashke That is so annoying! Maybe you can find one on a resell site??