I hate seeing my little one passed around it gives me so much anxiety. One child had the flu at the Christmas with my BFs family. Just step up if you think someone shouldnt hold your child due to sickness.. I didnt and he got sick when he was 4 months because some idiots think its ok to hold my baby if theyre sicl and have their sick baby all over them and trying to grab my son. Speak up people!!! It will save you sleep and worry.
Thanks giving will be my parents and brother (who will not hold a baby, they scare him) and maybe my in-laws (if they decide to fly in from over seas.) My grandparent in-laws will be there.
Christmas will just be us, my parents and my brother and DH' s family on Skype.
They already know I want them to have shots before being near the new baby (same as last time) and keep away if sick.
I hate seeing my little one passed around it gives me so much anxiety. One child had the flu at the Christmas with my BFs family. Just step up if you think someone shouldnt hold your child due to sickness.. I didnt and he got sick when he was 4 months because some idiots think its ok to hold my baby if theyre sicl and have their sick baby all over them and trying to grab my son. Speak up people!!! It will save you sleep and worry.
This. Culturally, I deal with a lot of older people wanting to kiss on my kid or stick their fingers in their mouths...and I don't even mean like great grandparents. It was so bizarre to me BUT the upside was it taught me not to be afraid to tell people to get off my kid. We're definitely going to still do Thanksgiving, Noche Buena, and Christmas day but like other posters have said I'll probably baby wear. When I'm not, I'll have the grandparents hold them with strict instructions not to share. Our family has been really good about not coming to events if their sick, DD was the first baby in the family in a while so they've been pretty respectful of her space. I'm expecting that to continue with this one. Flu season definitely has me scared for next year but we'll all get vaccinated and hope for the best.
We’ll be having family come to us for the most part. We’ll do thanksgiving about 40 minutes away at the in laws and I’ll babywear to keep baby close and away from germy hands. Christmas we’ll be staying home, as I already laid down the law on that this past year for our 2 year old’s benefit. We had always traveled from Florida to NY for Christmas before kids and for the first year with my daughter, but I don’t think that’s fair to her and want our kids to get to experience Christmas magic in their own home while they’re small. We’ll probably travel for New Years, and in that case I’ll be baby wearing again for all travels and hand sanitize to the max.
Husband and I decided we would not take the baby to Atlanta, regardless of the vaccination situation. We, too, will have people come to us if they wish. I feel relieved!
When my mother-in-law visits, the pattern thus far has been that she stays longer than she's invited for, she pretends like everything is fine while she's here, but after she gets home, the angry phone calls to my husband about everything we've done wrong go on for weeks. My husband is the oldest (and the sweetest) kid in the family, and he just wants his mom to love him and be proud of him, so he constantly tries to make her happy, and he always gets squashed like a bug.
My Husband's grandma is like that. We're in MI and she's in Cali. Although, she doesn't keep her opinions to herself when she's here. Last time she bought my FIL a new coffee maker because she didn't like his and hers "was better", she complained about my in-laws not having placemats and so much more. My FIL got upset and yelled at her. She hasn't been back since - including missing our wedding (which was because they didn't have the money or vacation time..but went on a 10 day vacation 2 weeks before our wedding).
Also to add...I'd be hesitant to take a baby to the airport without their MMR vaccine. There was a confirmed case of measles at the Detroit Metro airport (and several others) a few weeks ago. I'll avoid my anti vax soapbox, but it's things like this that piss me off people don't vaccinate their kids.
I didn't go for the holidays last year since I am not a fan of my in laws. MIL is trying to make things better for me now that she knows how I feel about them and why, especially now that I'm pregnant. Maybe things will be different by then. I don't have family here, they all live across the country. Sooo no plans yet.
We can't really skip out on anything since I've got older kids, so aside from me not doing my usual hosting Thanksgiving for 25, we'll roll with it. Blessedly my family is pretty good about staying away from babies if they're sick (all of my relatives work in healthcare).
Next fall I'll have one in pre-K and one in 1st grade, so this baby will be exposed to a lot of people between all of their holiday parties and programs - I'm just gonna babywear and do the best I can.
We'll be traveling to Central America for Christmas and I'm due Oct 31st. I'm hoping this baby comes mid October so he/she gets 8 week shots before we leave. Thanksgiving is with my immediate family so we'll be okay.
@elynds@pluckypickle It’s definitely harder to avoid the germs with older kids. This winter has made me a bit more germophobic. My kids normally only get 1 cold a winter and then we’re good. They got two this winter, which is not bad at all, but the first one turned into pink eye and the second turned into a double ear infection leading to a burst eardrum and pneumonia. We were very fortunate this year that they didn’t pick up more at school (pre-k). Between dr visits and the pharmacy, all the healthcare professionals were saying what a bad year for everything it was around here, not just the flu. It’s definitely changed the way I’m looking at “just a cold” especially with a newborn next winter.
Typically, we host all the big holidays with our parents, siblings, and ~6-8 friends. It's awesome and we love it. But I doubt I'll be up for making Thanksgiving dinner for 12-15 people a month after having a baby.
Maybe I'll still invite our families to our house, have my mom cook a turkey in my kitchen, my MIL do dessert (since those are the things they love to make) and then make sides in crockpots. Keep it small and simple.
And I know the grandparents especially will want to come over a ton, and hold and kiss the baby. My parents don't really see doctors and haven't had a vaccination in decades most likely. Other than making sure they wash their hands/sanitize, I can ask them to get their vaccines, but I can't force them.
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@sarahzett FYI, if they don’t want, you’re parents don’t have to actually go to a doctor to get the shots. Most of the pharmacies that do flu shots also do the Tdap. Quick and easy.
When my mother-in-law visits, the pattern thus far has been that she stays longer than she's invited for, she pretends like everything is fine while she's here, but after she gets home, the angry phone calls to my husband about everything we've done wrong go on for weeks. My husband is the oldest (and the sweetest) kid in the family, and he just wants his mom to love him and be proud of him, so he constantly tries to make her happy, and he always gets squashed like a bug.
My Husband's grandma is like that. We're in MI and she's in Cali. Although, she doesn't keep her opinions to herself when she's here. Last time she bought my FIL a new coffee maker because she didn't like his and hers "was better", she complained about my in-laws not having placemats and so much more. My FIL got upset and yelled at her. She hasn't been back since - including missing our wedding (which was because they didn't have the money or vacation time..but went on a 10 day vacation 2 weeks before our wedding).
oh mann I can relate. My mom has a great heart but her way is always best, she does what she wants, and she is not so good on the listening lol. "I got you this because it's better than what you have." "why do you do this when my way is so much better?" "Do you need anything? No? Well I got you 5468304 things that I think you should have even though I know you hate clutter." "I know you said not to give your dog people food but I wanted to." Ahhhh parents lol
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
We will do holidays as normal this year. I host every year and we live with my parents so that's easy. My siblings will come over as well and anyone that wants to come is welcome. SO family may show up, may not. They're a weird bunch so we may just see them later that week but they all live with in 45 mins of us either way.
The twins will be here early, likely in September, so there will be lots of time for vaccines to be in place. We usually do a few local dinners at Christmas (FIL and MIL are divorced, so we see them separately) and my parents usually have one. And because there is two babies, I’ll probably hand them off to anyone with a pulse (as long as they wash their hands)!
I wish I could skip holidays... But there's no way family, especially on DH's side, would let that happen! And I guess I'd feel bad for our older three kiddos to miss out.
I really appreciate everyone’s posts and experience. We live in Germany (my husband is active duty military) and we are due Oct 8th. We are discussing going home for Christmas so our families can meet the baby. Otherwise, no one besides our parents will meet him/her until we move back to the USA in the summer of 2019. That is a long flight with multiple connections and a lot of airports which has me nervous about baby’s health. Baby is the most important, but it would be nice to celebrate the birth of our first baby with our family.
@whitbit108 That is a long time, but that flight x3 (there and back and then back to the US at the end) does not sound fun with babies/toddlers (or really at all - I get stir crazy on 2-3 hour flights). Maybe Skype/FaceTime?
I really appreciate everyone’s posts and experience. We live in Germany (my husband is active duty military) and we are due Oct 8th. We are discussing going home for Christmas so our families can meet the baby. Otherwise, no one besides our parents will meet him/her until we move back to the USA in the summer of 2019. That is a long flight with multiple connections and a lot of airports which has me nervous about baby’s health. Baby is the most important, but it would be nice to celebrate the birth of our first baby with our family.
I'm looking at a possible (short) trip in December for a professional event (I would be going to a city where a close friend lives and could help—and she was a baby nurse for a long time), and have found there's a lot of advice from people who have had to travel with young babies for one reason or another, and many have been fine. My friends that have done overseas flights with babies have even said that it's not too bad in the first six months, since there's so much sleeping and eating, and it's not like the baby is going to have the urge to run around the plane!
Of course, unfortunately, vaccines are more of a concern than they were not too long ago. I think the part I'm most nervous about is leaving from SFO...I feel like the unvaccinated population is probably a bit higher here.
@melbo444 that’s interesting, I’ve never once thought that there might be more anti-vaccine people out here. Maybe that’s counteracted by the fact that we also have a pretty highly educated population that knows better? Fingers crossed for that one.
@Lisa3379 Educated, upper middle class are more likely to be anti-vax than poor and/or high school or less educated people.
Interesting. I don’t know a single person who is anti-vaccine. I also read somewhere that those that are anti-vaccine tend to doubt climate change and believe in conspiracy theories.
I know one person who's anti-vaxx. I don't even get into it with her, because clearly I'm not going to change her mind. I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes I wish their babies would get a (mild!) preventable disease and they can see how hard it is on their baby and how they could have prevented it.
I would be SO upset if my baby caught a disease that they are too early to be vaccinated for but because someone decided not to vax their kids, mine have to suffer.
@Lisa3379 Educated, upper middle class are more likely to be anti-vax than poor and/or high school or less educated people.
Interesting. I don’t know a single person who is anti-vaccine. I also read somewhere that those that are anti-vaccine tend to doubt climate change and believe in conspiracy theories.
I know several anti-vaxxers. They all (the ones I know) believe in climate change and are very into everything natural - they seek out homeopathic remedies, spend a lot of time in nature and try to be as environmentally responsible as they can. I don’t know any of them well enough to know if they believe in conspiracy theories since I know them online and not in person (& the one I know in person is my husband’s coworker’s girlfriend, so not exactly cose to her).
I can’t remember where I saw the article, because it was a few years ago, but it looked at vaccination rates among different populations. Among the lowest rates were children of white, middle to upper middle class, educated women and the highest rates were found in poor urban minority areas and immigrants. The article said vaccines are free with health insurance and getting sick/going to the dr is expensive, both in time and money, and the anti-vaxxer’s economic status gives them the privilege of choice when compared to poor households where parents are working multiple jobs and risk losing those jobs if they need time off for a sick child.
@Lisa3379 My aunt doesn’t vaccinate her three kids. It’s a religious thing. They believe if God wanted you to be immune for those diseases, he’d have made you immune. She’s also all about the essential oils and won’t give her kids any western medicine. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t believe in climate change, we flat earners, any of it. Terrifying let is she also homeschools her kids so they’ll never learn any different. So glad they moved a few years ago and we don’t really see them much anymore. Keep your polio to yourselves pleas and thanks.
@tinattt23 That’s a very colonial view. When the smallpox vaccine was available there was a lot of resistance to it for several reasons, one of which was a fear of angering God because God sent the illnesses for a reason and if you weren’t supposed to suffer through it, then you wouldn’t get it. Another reason was that people were afraid that the vaccine would cause the illness and lead to outbreaks, so they didn’t want it for themselves or their communities (can’t really blame them for that view then because vaccination was new and they didn’t have years of research on it... no excuse for that view now). (I just watched a show last night where there was a smallpox outbreak and got all interested in the accuracy of the show and looked up smallpox info, otherwise I never would have known all that - but it was perfect timing for this convo.)
@Lisa3379 It is, but they tell people to research it after putting doubts about safety and effectiveness in their heads, making people more inclined to pay attention to the articles that show just what the anti-vaxxers just told them. Once they start thinking about it and get deeper into that line of research it becomes easier to find evidence that vaccines are bad. Add to that people’s unwillingness to listen to anything that doesn’t agree with their views and you have the anti-vax movement. Anti-vaxxers actually paid for a study to show that vaccines cause autism and when the study showed that they didn’t, they turned on the study and said it was flawed instead of accepting the results or even questioning their beliefs.
I know a couple of antivaxxers - they are all white upper- middle class people. The majority have had something bad happen that they blame on vaccines (either a legitimate reaction or something they've decided needs a cause, like autism). They are very smart well educated people. It's definitely a scary situation for sure.
I don’t personally know any anti-vaxxers. However, there are some moms in my N15 group who vaccinated #1 and not #2. Basically, they claimed that they know better now about all the bad things in vaccines. They seem to be the more natural type and plan to homeschool.
I’m a bitch about this topic. Give me all the vaccines! And keep your unvaccinated children away, unless they have a legit medical reason why you can’t vaccinate.
Will go on record as “all the vaccines please and thanks!”
I don’t want older daughter to miss out on family time, so we will probably stay put for thanksgiving (unless someone wants to stop by) and then travel for Xmas. But fam on both sides are only a 2 hour drive away so not the worst - and if things go south we aren’t stuck there.
My daughter was born 11/2 and went to Thanksgiving and Christmas that year. It was our own families and there wasn't anyone touching the baby that hadn't already touched her in the hospital or at our house after she came home. We won't skip anything with this one either. It's our family. Besides, if there was concern then I would just tell people that I was the only one holding the baby. Oh, my daughter also attended the funeral of my great-grandmother at 2 weeks old. me or DH just help her the whole time. We didn't pass her around or let others get too close. Everyone understood and was great about it.
My daughter was born 12/21 and we went to Christmas like usual, so we’re not even going to stress about the holidays this year. Our families are really good about not holding/being near a baby when they’re sick though. My family is overly cautious about it In fact, they’ll even avoid sitting near the babies if they’re sick. That Christmas we had three new babies on my husband’s side of the family. They were all two months apart with mine being the youngest. And we had another new baby on my side so people were extra cautious. I also figure that my son and I bring home so many germs from school and daycare that a family holiday isn’t going to be too much worse.
Re: Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah
Christmas will just be us, my parents and my brother and DH' s family on Skype.
They already know I want them to have shots before being near the new baby (same as last time) and keep away if sick.
Married: 12/16/12
TTC #1: 06/15 BFP #1:07/13/15
D&C: 08/28/15
BFP #2: 09/26/15
M: 06/03/16
BFP #2: 02/12/18
L : 7/26/18 (SIUGR, micropreemie)
Next fall I'll have one in pre-K and one in 1st grade, so this baby will be exposed to a lot of people between all of their holiday parties and programs - I'm just gonna babywear and do the best I can.
I figure the baby is going to be exposed to germs at the grocery store, whatever my other kids bring home from school/daycare etc.
You do what feels best and screw whatever anyone else thinks.
Typically, we host all the big holidays with our parents, siblings, and ~6-8 friends. It's awesome and we love it. But I doubt I'll be up for making Thanksgiving dinner for 12-15 people a month after having a baby.
Maybe I'll still invite our families to our house, have my mom cook a turkey in my kitchen, my MIL do dessert (since those are the things they love to make) and then make sides in crockpots. Keep it small and simple.
And I know the grandparents especially will want to come over a ton, and hold and kiss the baby. My parents don't really see doctors and haven't had a vaccination in decades most likely. Other than making sure they wash their hands/sanitize, I can ask them to get their vaccines, but I can't force them.
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
oh mann I can relate. My mom has a great heart but her way is always best, she does what she wants, and she is not so good on the listening lol. "I got you this because it's better than what you have." "why do you do this when my way is so much better?" "Do you need anything? No? Well I got you 5468304 things that I think you should have even though I know you hate clutter." "I know you said not to give your dog people food but I wanted to." Ahhhh parents lol
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@sammierose464 I agree about the MMR
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
Of course, unfortunately, vaccines are more of a concern than they were not too long ago. I think the part I'm most nervous about is leaving from SFO...I feel like the unvaccinated population is probably a bit higher here.
I would be SO upset if my baby caught a disease that they are too early to be vaccinated for but because someone decided not to vax their kids, mine have to suffer.
I can’t remember where I saw the article, because it was a few years ago, but it looked at vaccination rates among different populations. Among the lowest rates were children of white, middle to upper middle class, educated women and the highest rates were found in poor urban minority areas and immigrants. The article said vaccines are free with health insurance and getting sick/going to the dr is expensive, both in time and money, and the anti-vaxxer’s economic status gives them the privilege of choice when compared to poor households where parents are working multiple jobs and risk losing those jobs if they need time off for a sick child.
@Lisa3379 It is, but they tell people to research it after putting doubts about safety and effectiveness in their heads, making people more inclined to pay attention to the articles that show just what the anti-vaxxers just told them. Once they start thinking about it and get deeper into that line of research it becomes easier to find evidence that vaccines are bad. Add to that people’s unwillingness to listen to anything that doesn’t agree with their views and you have the anti-vax movement. Anti-vaxxers actually paid for a study to show that vaccines cause autism and when the study showed that they didn’t, they turned on the study and said it was flawed instead of accepting the results or even questioning their beliefs.
I’m a bitch about this topic. Give me all the vaccines! And keep your unvaccinated children away, unless they have a legit medical reason why you can’t vaccinate.
I don’t want older daughter to miss out on family time, so we will probably stay put for thanksgiving (unless someone wants to stop by) and then travel for Xmas. But fam on both sides are only a 2 hour drive away so not the worst - and if things go south we aren’t stuck there.
Me 32 and DH 40
Fur-baby named Bella
1 MC Nov. 2013
DD born Nov. 2, 2014
Little 2 EDD Oct. 1