Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah

purplegoldfish2

How is everybody planning to handle the holidays with a newborn?  Our family parties are fairly large (on both sides) and I just don’t see everybody getting pertussis and flu shots before the parties, even if we ask them to.  I’m not sure people would skip the party if they’re sick just because we’ll have a newborn there & I really can’t ask people to sit home alone because they have a cold. I’m due on the 24th, so baby will not have had any shots before the holidays (because I don’t see the dr being open on Christmas Eve & even if they are, shots before a party just seems like a bad idea... well, at least the vaccination kind of shots).

I’m thinking about skipping the family parties this year and just doing something small with immediate family. Any extended family that wants to bring our kids gifts (adults don’t exchange anymore in either family) can be invited leading up to Christmas and we can ask them about their vaccine status before they come & to make sure they aren’t sick.  

MH & I usually cook for his side of the family for both holidays though.  I’m sure FIL’s gf will take over once we say we aren’t going. She brought a turkey to Thanksgiving dinner last year... a freaking turkey. We didn’t need it, because we know how to buy enough food, and so she cut it up and sent it home with everybody and it was dry and bland and just the thought of that makes me feel bad for considering skipping holidays this year. And my grandma will cry. But it will also most likely be the least stressful Nov/Dec I will ever have.  I am so torn right now.

tinattt23

DS was a Christmas Eve baby. Needless to say, we skipped Christmas. My parents and the in laws brought some stuff by once we got home, but that was it. Our gifts sat unopened for days.

This year, I plan to play it by ear. If we feel up to going, I’ll just wear baby so people keep their distance. Probably not stay anywhere very long. It’s one year. If we miss out, oh well. Gotta do what works best for our family. 

mariek312

My first was a similarly timed birth and we did everything per usual, however, it's a little different than your situation. We hosted Thanksgiving with around 15 or so people at our house, and travel (by plane) with around 10 members of immediate family at Christmas. I suppose this means my approach is a bit more lax having flown with each of my kids early, 10 weeks and 5 weeks, which I'm sure has greater risks than family parties. Do what feels right for you! 

nugget2ehf

I'm planning on skipping this year, unless people want to come to me. We live away from both our families, but usually we go spend Christmas with mine. It's a 10 hour drive or an expensive plane ride. Plus every year for the past 5 years I've come back sick from someone (usually toddler niece or nephews), so I just really don't want to deal with any of that. I don't know if any of them will come to us since they'll have probably just been here for the birth. I'm sure I'll feel extremely guilty when the time comes, but meh. 

sliztee

This is a great question! I've actually been discussing the holiday plans with my mother most of the day.

My husband has a conference in Atlanta Sunday-Tuesday of Thanksgiving week, so I suspect I'll fly down with him the Saturday before Thanksgiving and stay until the Saturday after. We lucked out with the location of this annual conference, as our folks and all of our friends live in Atlanta. If the babe comes out on his due date, he would be 6 weeks and a few days old on that trip. What's the earliest he can get vaccinated? 6 weeks on the dot?
I won't go without him being vaccinated first.

My folks are going to come up a few days before Christmas and stay through New Years. They thought it might be nice for Jeff and I to have a NYE date while the grandparents watch the babe...I think they're right!

hellopartyof5

DD was born oct 29th and we went to all parties like normal. I mostly just wore her so people wouldn't ask to hold her. It wasn't a big deal and she didn't get sick. 

purplegoldfish2

@sliztee I believe it’s 8 weeks. Appointments are usually at 2, 4, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, & 24 months and then yearly after that.

@mariek312 Is it funny that I’m concerned about a cold at a family party and then thought about taking the kids to Disney for Christmas to get away and not have to deal with either family trying to guilt us into coming?  We’d have to fly. (That’s probably not even feasible this year, but I can dream.)

sliztee

@purplegoldfish2 I'm going to check with a pediatrician to be sure, but if you're right...then we're staying home for the holiday 

ashin121

@purplegoldfish2 @sliztee

I'm due 10/14 but my family of sisters (5) and I always deliver late. The second round of vaccinations can be given anywhere between 6-8 weeks of age per CDC. It takes most vaccines about 2 weeks for it to really kick in and for them to be protected. I plan on going home to my family in California to celebrate Christmas and New year's. I fly from Michigan so it's quite the flight. So I'll be getting him the second round of vaccines at around 6-7 weeks to make sure he's vaccinated and protected 

Do what's best for you and your family . 

kiwi2628

I was probably just going to go to Thanksgiving and Christmas as normal.Maybe drive into NYC instead of taking the train for Thanksgiving but not really altering plans too much.

purplegoldfish2

@sliztee Yes, definitely check!  It’s been 5 years & I’m going by memory. I also didn’t ask to have them done earlier, so maybe they can be, but I thought I was told we had to make the appointment for 8 weeks or older.

tinattt23

@sliztee A lot of the vaccines are also multipart vaccines. So they may have had the first round of something but not be finished yet. 

Also, anyone know if the babies will get the flu shot? DS was a December baby, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t get it. I wonder if he was too little or if it was just already too late into the season?

sammierose464

Our holidays are pretty low key most years. Just close family. I see us going to both sets of grandparents but that's probably it. They're also all close.

sliztee

@tinattt23 CDC says they get a flu shot at 6 months. Theoretically, shouldn't the infant be somewhat protected by you receiving the flu shot before they're born, though? That's probably worth asking the OB.

SawyerRichardson

@sliztee Correct. DD was born in Feb so my OB really stressed that I got my flu shot to make sure she was protected.

purplegoldfish2

sliztee said:

@tinattt23 CDC says they get a flu shot at 6 months. Theoretically, shouldn't the infant be somewhat protected by you receiving the flu shot before they're born, though? That's probably worth asking the OB.

This.Technically it’s never too late in the season to get the flu shot unless they run out of supply.  They are still telling people that it’s not too late to get the flu shot in NY. 

So that means we can get their first flu shot in March, or wait until the next fall when they are a year.  However old they are when you get it, the first year they will need 2 shots. I can’t remember how far apart the shots are, but I’m sure you can look it up if you want to know.

cjx95

DH and I love with my parents and plan on being there through the holidays. I already know my in-laws will take it personally if we don't come down for thanks giving since we were at my parents last year. And Christmas is always split they get Christmas eve and Christmas morning and were back home with my parents for Christmas dinner. With DHs new job unless he gets thursday through the Sunday off for thanksgiving were not going anywhere. With Christmas being on a Tuesday this year idk if we'll being going down unless he gets Saturday to Tuesday off. 
I'm not packing up 2 adults and a baby to go down for just one night and 2 days.. it's too much, I just want to relax with DH and our baby bear. 

SweetSweetTooth

I like the idea of baby wearing at the family parties but I know there is no way in heck they will let baby stay in the holder/wrap if we go. Maybe it will be a good way for me to practice saying no... to all 40 relatives that want to hold LO. I imagine if I mention skipping to DH or going but not letting anyone hold the kid, he will flip . 'All of his siblings did it and were fine' will for sure be said. 

ashin121

@sliztee no they are not (re them being protected via you for getting the flu vaccine). You can protect from everything else as early as 6 weeks by getting the second round of vaccines then. (I'm a clinical pharmacist )

purplegoldfish2

@ashin121 Why is it recommended that we get the shot before birth then?  I always thought it was because antibodies are passed to baby if you get it before delivery.  DTAP too (although last time I wasn’t offered that one until after delivery)?

ETA: I’ve noticed a couple people saying 2nd round of shots at 6-8 weeks.  What do they get at birth?  We were only told of an optional hep b last time.  Has that changed?

DunkinDecaf

@purplegoldfish2 how far away from
the holiday parties do you live? Might be worth swinging by solo to hug your grandma and say hi to everyone and then heading back home if the drive isn’t too crazy for that to make sense.

We will be avoiding all extended family holiday parties until #3 has had the tdap, with the exception of my dads family’s Christmas party because that’s only 15 minutes away. I’ll attend that with my older daughters and leave DH at home with the baby. Thanksgiving will be at my ILs house with immediate family, which is pretty small and all up to date on pertussis shots.

breanneestafford1

We will probably skip out of thanksgiving and Christmas as normal 

purplegoldfish2

@DunkinDecaf My grandma is 45 mins one way if the weather is good.  She’s in the south towns of Buffalo.  Most of the time when Buffalo is on the news for weather, it’s the south towns, not the actual city, so if it’s snowy, the drive could be even longer.  Showing up without all the kids will make her cry too.  She’s gotten a lot more emotional the last few years. I know she misses us all and it’s hard on her. My sister and the only other great grandkids live 4 hours from her.  If we skip the party, we would definitely go visit before Christmas, but since we won’t all be together, she’ll cry anyway, especially if my sister is coming up.

mesamyt

Our pediatrician won’t vaccinate for flu until 6 months but recommends that all in the house get them. When I became pregnant my ob recommended that we all get them, again to help protect since the flu was, and still is, rampant. 

I assume (and am probably wrong) but 1. Being in a hospital setting they would want you protected and 2. Your immunities are low postpartum and wouldn’t want to introduce anything new to your system. 

*Not a doctor and not qualified to offer medical advise. Just a superhuman freak with a crap ton of kids.*

DunkinDecaf

@purplegoldfish2 welp, that sounds very lose-lose. FaceTime?

ladyofarlington

We are hosting Thanksgiving this year! Not sure who from our family will come yet (it’s a 4 hour drive for both sides) but we plan to stay home and open our doors.

DH and I have been debating Christmas. I want to make the trip
back to our hometown (4 hours away) like we do every year, but DH is convinced we should stay home and invite family to join us here. So we’ll play it by ear and talk about it more as the time gets closer.

purplegoldfish2

DunkinDecaf said:

@purplegoldfish2 welp, that sounds very lose-lose. FaceTime?

No internet, no smartphone.  I’m actually surprised she has and uses a cell phone (no texting though).  

It’s hard. She told my sister when my niece was born that she probably wouldn’t live another 10 years.  My niece is 7, so I don’t know if she thinks the end is close (if she even remembers telling my sister that), or if being more emotional is just a natural part of aging for her. The rest of her behavior is normal, so I’m assuming it’s just aging. I still don’t like making her cry though.

chopchop25

Oh jeez, I didn't even think about the baby not having shots yet (or our family members.) Thank you for asking this question!

We were planning to fly out and visit family for Christmas (they're all 3k miles away), but definitely rethinking this now. 

ashin121

@purplegoldfish2 It's so that you don't get sick. If you get sick, it's not good for the baby either. 

Lisa3379

Luckily my family is local and DH’s parents are retired and only 4 hours away, so we’ll probably do thanksgiving and Christmas here like we did when DS was born (which was on December 4). I made everyone get the flu and whooping cough shots - no complaints from anyone. But our families are not that big. 

cjx95

@ladyofarlington I so wanted to do that this year!! Because of financial situations we just won't be out in our own.. but that sounds like the easiest option of them all! You get to see the family in the comfort of your own home and have everything baby will need!

cdepperschmidt

DS was born November 7th. We did not skip holidays. Thanksgiving was fine and so was Christmas. I even took DS to the school I work at for the holiday lunch (but baby wore the whole time).

However, I picked up a nasty cold right after the holidays and ended up giving it to DS. That nasty cold ended up being RSV and DS was in the hospital for 5 days at 9 weeks. I have no idea where I picked up that cold, so there is no way of saying I how could have avoided it. 

If you want to skip the holidays, you’re definitely allowed to do that. You’re also allowed to go to the holidays and refuse to let anyone touch your child or insist on hand washing and sanitizer. It’s your kid and people can get mad if they want.

As of now I have no plans to skip the holidays, but both families are pretty good about not showing up when they're sick. Also #2 will get vaccines between Thanksgiving and Christmas. DH and I are also both teacher and DS goes to daycare so germs are already everywhere.

knottieamusements

For anyone interested, here is the CDC recommended vaccination schedule:

https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/hcp/imz/child-adolescent.html

I'm due 10/3, so even if baby is late, I'll have time to get all of the vaccinations completed before Christmas.

I'm tentatively planning to go to my parents' place for Christmas; it is a 6 hour drive under normal circumstances.  I will likely invite them here for Thanksgiving - although Thanksgiving dinner may be a frozen pizza and a store bought pumpkin pie.  But probably not - my Mom has free reign in my kitchen if it comes down to it. 

purplegoldfish2

@Lisa3379 Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we normally see around 70 different people.  Thanksgiving Day we see the same people as Christmas Day, so there’s overlap there, but it’s a lot of people to ask if they’re vaccinated & to not show up sick (chances are good at least 1 person will have a cold).

Some also have boundary issues and while I have no problem telling them no, they often don’t listen to me and if I won’t give baby up, they’d stick their faces in the carrier.  

The more I think about it, the more I’m thinking we’re going to end up skipping. Grandma’s going to cry and next year we’re going to have to fight to get the holidays back from FIL’s gf - because she’s a PITA & not a good cook (so I don’t want to have to eat her food). At least this year should be stress-free holidays!

Lisa3379

@purplegoldfish2 yikes. I would skip all that and have the holidays at home, and if close family/friends wanted to stop by and say hi, it’s up to them to follow the rules. 

missmaehurt

We skipped all the holidays and had everyone that wanted to come over. It ended up just being our parents and it was nice. I will be doing the same thing this time, no way I’m hauling a newborn to 4 different houses (both sets of parents are divorced) with all them germs.

DunkinDecaf

@chopchop25 another thing worth thinking about is having an unvaccinated baby on an airplane. Our pediatrician strongly advises against bringing a baby on a plane until they’ve had their 4 month shots, because a plane is basically a Petri dish of stranger germs. I do have friends who’ve brought younger babies on planes, but it’s definitely worth thinking about before you make plans.

melbo444

We live 2 time zones away from my mom and 3 time zones away from my husband's mom. My mother-in-law gets jealous if we see my mom, but not her. Last year, we lived in the same city as my mom, and my mother-in-law got mad that we went over to my mom's for Easter. We just grilled hamburgers and had lunch together, but my mother-in-law was mad that she wasn't invited "for Easter." 

When my mother-in-law visits, the pattern thus far has been that she stays longer than she's invited for, she pretends like everything is fine while she's here, but after she gets home, the angry phone calls to my husband about everything we've done wrong go on for weeks. My husband is the oldest (and the sweetest) kid in the family, and he just wants his mom to love him and be proud of him, so he constantly tries to make her happy, and he always gets squashed like a bug.

I know you don't technically *need* a nursery and a crib for a 1-month old baby, but our guest room is absolutely going to be converted to a nursery and the guest bed is going to be gone by the time the holidays roll around!

chopchop25

Exactly why I think we may be postponing our trip @DunkinDecaf! My brother will be super bummed, but I'm sure he'll understand.

mesamyt

@melbo444 I feel you on the crazy MIL. My life has been drama free since they moved, temporarily, to China. I haven’t seen them since July 2017 and won’t see them until July this year. Best 12 months EVER!

BabyRobbinsAdventure

Also had a Christmas Eve baby in 2016. That year we had my parents and brother come over for about an hour to do a quick Christmas about 2 weeks late. ILs from across the country just sent a box for us to open before baby arrived.

This year we plan to make the drive to see my extended family for a couple of days. It is a 9 hour drive (probably broken to be done in 2 days depending on how it goes. DD has made a trip that long, so it depends on the baby and feeding) so it will be like a week long trip. Plan to baby wear most of the time around family so there is a layer of distance. This babe is due at the very beginning of Oct, so not super concerned about vaccines.