Rants {April}

krash_ · April 2018

^why so tiny???

Also not sure if we need a weekly or monthly thread but if it gets too big we can make a new one.

krash_ · April 2018

It's spring. It's April. It's after Easter. And we're supposed to get 6-11 in of snow the next two days. My coat no longer fits and even when I wear it just unzipped I feel like I'm suffocating. I am so over this.

May14th2011 · April 2018

My mom sent DD a package. Just DD, not DS. It's not DDs birthday, it's just a random package for no apparent reason. Technically, she included a page of stickers for DS, but DD got several coloring things, hair ties, a shirt, and a cool sticker thing.
I anticipated this though, and opened it out of sight from the kids and split it evenly. They're getting old enough now to realize that my mom is being unfair.
Her excuse this time is "well, girls are easier to shop for."
Uh, only because you make it that way. DS is thrilled with all the same things DD likes. He doesn't care about your gender roles, he's happy with the exact same toys. Good grief.

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@May14th2011 what the actual fuck? That's so weird of your mom...

@krashke it's fucking snowing here today in NYC. WTF.

Took my dog out for a walk, and she just flat out refused because of the weather. Spent 30 minutes out in the cold with her before I gave up and let her walk back to the building. Ugh!

krash_ · April 2018

@May14th2011 that is awful. I'm glad your son was happy with the stuff that she bought for your daughter but it sucks that you have to sort through it before they see. While I think kids need to learn that things aren't always equal, i.e. they don't need a gift on another child's birthday, but when it's for no reason it should be a little more equal. I would just tell her that if she can't find something for both kids not to send anything at all and if she does you will just not give it to the kids.

May14th2011 · April 2018

@doxiemoxie212 This is quite common for my mom. She blatantly ignores DS. It's a big reason why we don't see her often. It's not cool

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@May14th2011 does she have an issue with men in general? Is he younger or older than DD (not that it matters, I'm just curious...)?

May14th2011 · April 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I don't think so? She's married to a man, lol. And my sister and nephew live with them. DS is younger than DD, but slightly older than my nephew. My mom dotes on my nephew, so I don't understand it.
Of course she claims I'm making it up, but other people see it too so...

rnielsen321 · April 2018

Why does DH have to rush into the house, drop everything after Easter Dinner at ILs, to go poop. Leaving his very tired very pregnant wife to wrangle 2 dogs, toddler hopped up on sugar. Disappears for 9-16 minutes so I am the one putting pyjamas on, getting settled into tired mode, trying to hold my own weak bladder, and get everything settled. DUDE! witha newborn, you better not drop and run. There will be some serious repercussions.

May14th2011 · April 2018

@rnielsen321 I feel like that's a man thing! DH does that every time too. I'm always like "you are aware you can poop at other places too, right? You don't have to wait until we get home..." *rolling eyes*

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@rnielsen321 @May14th2011 DH's poop habits drive me insane. They seriously control our entire day/night. He says he cannot poop unless he can take a bath immediately after (which I think is weird, but whatever) so if we're out, it's madness. And if we're home, it takes forever. And we only have one bathroom! Like, hello, I am pregnant, I pee a lot. I do try to be patient because I think he has IBS (he went as far as getting a colonoscopy, which was negative for Crohns/Colitis, etc., but he never went back for a follow up!), but it really bothers me that he just accepts this as normal and won't do anything to fix it. On the weekends he spend 3-4 hours in the bathroom each 24 hour period either trying to poop or in the bathtub/shower.

elsie42 · April 2018

Today's rant brought to you by the State of Connecticut. I had been tracking my tax refund on their website because I submitted it via TurboTax on 3/14. So since it was still giving a message that it hadn't be processed I called them today to find out what the deal is. Apparently there's an issue because of my name change after I got married. I got married and changed my name 2 years ago!! I didn't have any issues filing my tax return last year! Why is it now a thing? I even got an updated CT drivers license when I still lived there with my new name. Ugh. So now I need to fax over a bunch of stuff to prove I am who I am. At least I know I won't have to deal with this next year since we don't live in CT anymore.

sunshineandwhiskey · April 2018

@May14th2011 ugh that totally sucks. I’m definitely worried about that just with DH and I but I can’t imagine my ILs pulling that crap. My SIL have a boy and a girl too and her DH absolutely favors their girl. I feel bad for the boy because it is SO obvious.

@rnielsen321 definitely a man thing! And definitely super annoying!

LaceyBee522 · April 2018

@May14th2011 Ugh, that is so tough. I'm sorry your mom does that and you have to sort it out.

@rnielsen321 OMG, MH does that too! I don't have a dog or a toddler to wrangle, so I'll count my blessings for now, but agree - this better not happen with a newborn!

@doxiemoxie212 That is such an intense routine just to go poop! I'm so impatient, I would lose it on MH if he had to bathe after every BM. He is weird about it though. I bought him the Preparation H wipes which he really likes - maybe that would help YH too?

ffw0617 · April 2018

Regarding man poop my best friend (whose in the medical field and specializes in working with conditions like chrons, etc) says that men arent wired to sit and push, like we are. So pooping for them usually requires more comfort. We sit and push everytime we use the bathroom so we’re use to it. Its easier for us to poop different places and different times of day. So what you’re describing is pretty normal (minus the must shower part). Although i poop on a schedule (when I’m not pregnant) and its right before i take my night shower, otherwise i feel paranoid and wipe too much. I’m like if I’m not good after 3 wipes showering is just easier. I actually have a hard time pooping when i travel, it throws me off completely. When I studied abroad I didn’t poop the first week i was there, i got so worried. DH poops in the morning around 8/9 takes about 15 minutes but he takes his phone with him and catches up on his social media & text messages. But he doesn’t shower afterwards.

ramennoodlegif · April 2018

@ffw0617 That makes a lot of sense. And I also have issues with #2 when travelling.
FFMC: In high school, I went to New Mexico with a friend and had trouble going until we (and her neighbor) were on a freaking mountain, about 4 miles into a 10-mile hike. I ended up telling them to go on and lucky for me shortly after TCB, the neighbor's parents drove by and gave me a ride. At that point, I was well into the trip and even though I saw the desert for the first time while I was there, that #2 was the highlight of my trip.

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@LaceyBee522 yes we’re trying wipes, but there are some struggles there. He can’t seem to remember to close the package so they dry out (I foresee this being a fight when baby gets here with her wipes lol). I got baby one of those silicone bum “brushes” and DH immediately said he wants one for himself so he can try out different creams without having to touch it with his hands, but I don’t think he’d clean it properly. Honestly I am being forced more and more to worry about his overall knowledge of hygiene... sigh.

sunshineandwhiskey · April 2018

So I’m starting to get annoyed. DH and I are going on a mini trip with three other sets of couples. All the guys went to high school together and it’s a big trip since they all turn/turned 40 this year. We leave Wednesday and come back Saturday.

Well there is an email going around to all the people about suggestions on what to do while we are there. Everything that has been suggested is not pregnancy friendly. For example: A casino that allows smoking, breweries, wineries, and even horseback riding up a mountain. I get it that they aren’t thinking about my comfort or capabilities but come on people. It’s my vaca too. So, now knowing my luck, I’ll either be dragged to one of these places or I’ll be stuck back at the cabin. Which btw doesn’t have good cell service.

emiliadkay · April 2018

So, based on our sample size of a half dozen, the 'drop everything and poop' routine is a universal man thing, huh? I never knew. MH occasionally loses phone-in-bathroom privileges because he likes to hang out in there even after the deed is done. Not OK.

@sunshineandwhiskey That's incredibly frustrating and doesn't bode well for their consideration during the trip. In the planning stage, I'd encourage YH to speak up for you and remind them there needs to be some balance. (They didn't have to invite you guys on this trip, but they did and so they need to help make it not suck.) Maybe one pointed comment is all they need. I hope so.

@elsie42 Not only is the timing of their name change issue bizarre, it sucks that *you* had to call *them* to find out there was any issue at all.

@May14th2011 Ridiculous and inexcusable. Did she have favoritism issues with you and your sibling(s)? Isn't not making your children/grandchildren feel this way Parenting 101?

May14th2011 · April 2018

@emiliadkay Yes, she definitely favors my sister over me. It's extremely noticeable too, people have pointed it out to me ever since we were kids. I ignore it for the most part now.
I'm also trying to be nice and make sure my kids don't hear bad about her from me. I won't always cover her actions, so they'll just see how she is eventually, but I'm not going to talk badly about her.

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@sunshineandwhiskey that’s so annoying. I def think YH should pipe in to remind everyone you’re pregnant and what those limitations might be. At least the winery might be pretty. Is a spa day an option? Lol

sunshineandwhiskey · April 2018

@emiliadkay the funny thing is, this whole trip was originally my husband and Is idea. And now it seems there has been one ring leader *eye roll* Definitely going to get DH to day something if it continues.

@doxiemoxie212 thankfully pedicures are planned with the girls one day. Otherwise I would be thinking about backing out lol.

catlady1215 · April 2018

@may14th2011 that would drive me nuts. I'd tell her I'll start holding the packages till she sends fair ones.

gonna rant about the weather also. Woke up from our couch nap at 2am, like usual, and saw snow. Wasn't expecting that!! Luckily it went up to 50 today so it's melted. Tomorrow will be up to 67.... but rain... then it's back to the 40s. I just need some warmer SUNNY days.

May14th2011 · April 2018

My dishwasher quit draining again. Maintenance came out not even 6 months ago to fix it and did a crap job (while blaming me for it) and now it's not draining again. I can't wait to move.

silvergreen · April 2018

@May14th2011 Ugh, that blows

I love my DW so much I can't even imagine what I'd do!

silvergreen · April 2018

I've managed to avoid the dreaded constipation, but for me pregnancy poop is like...

P.S. Wet wipes are a godsend.

silvergreen · April 2018

@doxiemoxie212 Maybe you could see if your H would be into one of those bidet toilet seats? My in-laws have a super nice Toto toilet with the bidet built in; I haven't used the bidet part myself but the heated seat is admittedly very pleasing to use.

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@silvergreen I’ve been debating it. One of our friends have that and love it. My only hesitation is id have to install it, and I don’t want to lol.

May14th2011 · April 2018

As soon as we buy a house, I'm getting a fancy bidet toilet. DH can fight me on it haha

amys614 · April 2018

@sunshineandwhiskey would definitely have your husband pipe in. It's your trip too! Maybe the winery has amazing food too?

+1 to the men with poop issues. I like to snuggle in the morning on the weekends. Probably coming to an end anyways with a baby, but geesh he wakes up and like has to poop almost instantly and then spends 45 min sitting there reading the sports highlights on his phone from the day before. Sometimes I text him "times up come back to bed" bc he always uses downstairs bathroom (and I, always upstairs) but sometimes I am over it and just get up myself.

ffw0617 · April 2018

@sunshineandwhiskey ahhhhh i HATE couples things. Hate hate hate. Idc if it makes me weird or a bad wife i just hate it. My husband and I have been on two couples trips and we fought 75% of the time and we even broke up after one trip. I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to going. Its just known now I don’t do couples stuff so we don’t even get invited anymore. Would your husband be left out if you didn’t go?

Amphibious22 · April 2018

@sunshineandwhiskey that's really rough. I also really dislike going on vacations, not just with other couples, but really with anyone other than MH. I just want to be able to make my own schedule/itinerary without anyone else's input. Hopefully they'll back down on the really obviously not pregnant friendly stuff like horseback riding and casinos.

@May14th2011 that sucks about your dishwasher! It is similar to my rant though which is..

We woke up this morning with no hot water in the house. First day of a new job and I had to just do a quick sanitize and dry shampoo because there was no way I was taking an ice shower this morning. Our landlord said he'll stop by tomorrow with a plumber, but it is still very annoying. And made worse by MH who hates mornings and Mondays to begin with and just about lost it when he realized he couldn't take a shower. Made a grumpy man about 10x grumpier.

izza2 · April 2018

@sunshineandwhiskey - Girl, if it was you and YH's idea in the first place, then speak up! Even if they want to do something non-pregnancy-friendly, they need to start looking in to things that you can do. And not just one activity you can do with them aside from meals, like.. every activity needs to be something you can do, except maybe one that you may sit out.
I don't know if it's baby's testosterone getting to me, but I've been so much more outspoken this pregnancy than I normally would, and I would have already told them to be considerate of my limitations or consider not even going. *shrug* I'm also apparently mean while pregnant, though.

krash_ · April 2018

Ranting about MH...

He applied for a job at work that would have been a promotion and a manager role. He didn't get it. The woman that did get it he says he cant stand. He describes her work style as "the sky is falling" type or says that everything is wrong but doesn't say why she thinks it's wrong so that he can either fix it or explain why it's not wrong. However, he does say that she is more qualified for the job and has better experience that lends to it. He is now trying to find a new job because he "can't" work for her. I know part of him is probably just salty that he didn't get the job but I can understand just not meshing well with another person and it affecting your performance.

He has been applying for a few jobs within the company, which would be ideal, but also outside of the company. What really grinds my gears is that we moved here for this job less than two years ago! What grinds my gears even more is that if he leaves before he's been there for two years they could make him pay back the prorated amount that they gave him for moving expenses. He says they probably wouldn't do that, but they could! Additionally, if he gets a new job with a different company he might not be eligible for vacation right away to take off after baby is born. He also doesn't see this as an issue because any interviews he's had he casually mentioned that I'm pregnant and they don't say anything, but that doesn't mean they will bend over backwards for you to take off for two weeks. Lastly, I just feel like he is being immature. He has worked there for less than two years, he was only with the company he was with before that for two years. He isn't necessarily job hopping but he's not establishing himself enough with one company to be able to advance. If they don't give him the opportunities he thinks he deserves by a certain time, he starts looking for something else. He has a good job, with a good company, that pays well and has good benefits, I would really just like him to suck it up and stick it out.

LaceyBee522 · April 2018

@krashke Wow, that is tough. I'm sorry YH didn't get the job. Any chance he'd slow down the job hunt until after Baby Krashke's arrival? I have to agree with you, there is no guarantee a new company will let him take time after the baby is born. If you're counting on him being home (which I assume you are) for paternity leave, that is a big risk. My firm is super-employee friendly, but I don't even get maternity leave because I haven't been here for a year.

All that being said, if he does get an offer from another company, he would have the power to negotiate paternity leave into the offer. That might be a solution, but if they won't agree to it, he'd either have to concede or not accept the role.

MoonOverGoldsboro · April 2018

I didn't have time to check in yesterday and can't believe I missed the poop conversation. This is probably the #1 argument I have with my H. He spends seriously 30 minutes pooping every morning, when he could be doing about a zillion other things to help us get out the door. It drives me banlanas that more than half of his "getting ready" time in the morning is devoted to reading on his phone on the toilet. ARRRGH.

@krashke Switching jobs right before the baby is born definitely doesn't seem ideal. The lack of vacation thing is a really big deal, and I certainly hope he'd get a very clear agreement on that before considering a switch. It is sort of hard for me to believe that this woman is SO terrible that he can't at least just stick it out through the summer. Has he actually started working for her yet? It's quite possible that it won't be as bad as he thinks.

lisa2589 · April 2018

@krashke I wonder if he would be open to a conversation along the lines of staying with this company a while longer will look better on your resume in the future, thus making opportunities and advancements happen more quickly when he ultimately moves on to a different job. I’m with you on being worried that they could make him pay back moving expenses. Coupled with the possibility of him not being able to use leave time when LO comes, I don’t think any of this is what you need to be dealing with right now.

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@krashke obv I feel you on husbands who are unhappy with their jobs lol. But I convinced MH and I hope you can convince yours that it’s probably better to postpone looking until after baby is here. In fact, paternity leave might be a great time for the occasional interview. And just as anecdotal whatever, DHs firm offers 4 weeks fully paid paternity, but the response he’s gotten from most partners after he tells them about my pregnancy is, “but you won’t actually take any time off right?” Lolz. So I think a lot of places just assume men won’t take time off which is bullllllshit.

marcus7676 · April 2018

@krashke my husband and I have been having a very similar discussion, but it resulted (thankfully) in him not getting the offer he wanted (I feel awful for saying that). First, is there anything you could say to convince him to slow things down until after the baby is born? Stability, flexibility, trust, etc., are all good things to have when it comes to the new baby. There are definitely going to be days where he is going to need to leave early / go in late / stay home to help either while you are out on leave or shortly thereafter. Second, if he is insistent on switching now, check the laws in your state. Some states require paternity leave (it might not be paid). Other states require paternity leave after a probationary period (meaning, it won't be protected). But regardless, paternity should be negotiated as part of any new job offer in this situation. Third, having to pay back that bonus, potentially at a time when you are on leave, is honestly not a financially smart decision - - new babies have a ton of expenses associated with them.

krash_ · April 2018

@MoonOverGoldsboro yes she started I think last week or the week before. I texted him earlier just asking how his day was and his response was "I need to find a job not working for her. She's driving me crazy already."

@LaceyBee522 @2589 our discussions have been very open about this and he has said that he wouldn't take a new job unless it was over a certain pay and would offer him time off so I think he understands how I feel but at the same time the more he gets frustrated the less particular he is going to be about a new job.

@doxiemoxie212 I feel like if you were about to convince YH to stay for a little while longer then I should be able to for mine lol. I like using the leave for interviews as a selling point. He doesn't actually have paternity leave just would be using his vacation time but I imagine a new company could agree to give him the time off and then pull the "well we didn't expect you to actually take it"

The only saving grace here is that his current job offers him a brand new motorcycle that he is currently waiting for the weather to get nice so he can pick it up from the dealer. If he leaves he has to give the motorcycle back so hopefully that will keep him with the company long enough that he can take advantage of that perk through the summer.

rnielsen321 · April 2018

@krashke - At least yours will look! Mine is like "took me forever to find something last time. Why bother."

MH was in a job for 9 years he hated, wouldn't look. Got laid off... not good, outta work for 2 years! (partially due to the chip on his shoulder) Literally started a new job we were only too grateful to have 4 days after DD was born.

NOW, is fed up, angry, hates his job and long commute, and won't look for an alternative. ONLY acceptably possible thing (in his mind) will be for him to QUIT entirely and take on an entrepreneurial venture full time. (Cuz now is the time, when we are down to one income for the next year)

Somehow, I am the bad guy for wanting a business plan, income projections, and a contingency plan, perhaps even a transition plan. (i.e. he freelances a wee bit, while getting the venture up and running) Literally the most miserable thing in the world right now. Somehow this is all my fault. (I assure you I wanted him to get this off and running in 2014 when he started the side hustle, but he couldn't see the forest for the trees back then)

So what's a girl to do? Taking a day off work, so we can hash it out while DD is at daycare. I just want a hubby who is somewhat happy at what he does, oh.... AND a roof over our head, food on the table, daycare paid for, car payments, the possibility of retiring one day. You know, not be the only one worried about a life.

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