The Baby Shower Thread!

stothi · March 2018

Seems like people are ready to start talking about baby showers, so let's do this!

I think these discussions go the best if we all remember that "normal" is relative and that here on the Bump we are talking with parents to be from not just all over the country but all over the world! All different ages too. Traditions will vary and local customs won't all be the same and that's more than just ok, it's really interesting and a wonderful opportunity to learn about how others celebrate a new life coming into the world

So, that being said- are you having a Baby Shower? A Sprinkle? A Sip and See? A Coed BabyBQ? A Dads/Dudes and Diapers party? A Baby Brunch Mini Quiche and Cocktails Celebration? Who's hosting? Who's invited? What are you the most looking forward to? Anything you are worried about? Questions? Comments?

P.S. please, please, pretty please, don't complain about how you're being thrown too many showers and being given too many gifts if you are fortunate enough to have 6 different parties held in your honor. Please just be grateful for the love being shown to you, or politely decline the offer for more showers than you want to attend.

SkilledSailor · March 2018

No one has offered to throw us a shower yet. It's a really bad time for both of my besties (one is moving away this summer, the other is struggling with IF). My mom might offer once she realizes my friends haven't but I haven't brought it up. Since this is our first, I really want to celebrate their life so if we don't end up having a shower, we'll host a Sip & See (no gifts expected) just to celebrate the little one. Preferably on the day of our newborn photos since I'll already be dolled up, haha.

AdmiralKitty · March 2018

I’ve already told anyone who has asked that I don’t want to do anything this time around. Two girlfriends asked if they could throw a casual brunch at a restaurant just for a few friends but I really don’t even want that- I hate being the center of attention. I was incredibly fortunate to have 2 big showers for DS and we’re really all set on baby gear. DS’s birthday is in November so we’ll probably just have people over for that and everyone can meet Baby’s girl at that point.

stothi · March 2018

@AdmiralKitty I just had the one shower last time, but it was fun and I loved it and was so thankful to have been given one. We really have just about everything we need at this point so I don't want or need another shower. That being said, I'd actually love a casual ladies brunch with just a handful of my closest friends. I don't get a lot of time away from my kiddo and would love to get together with my friends and do something where I'm not in charge of another human and can just relax and hang out.

My son's birthday is after this baby's EDD, too, so I was kinda thinking the same. That people could meet this little guy at buddy's birthday party.

AdmiralKitty · March 2018

@stothi I know it would probably be fun, but considering how much effort people (including these ladies) put in last time with DS I’d feel uncomfortable allowing them to do so again. I love them dearly, but I 100% don’t trust them to keep it small and casual.

I am completely miserable when I’m the center of attention and while I was super grateful that people wanted to celebrate me and DS, I hated my baby showers. I’m a high introvert, felt like a huge bloated whale, and was hot as hell (in September- hottest month here in Northern California). They were both basically my worst nightmare.

ashh2018 · March 2018

DH and I were just talking about this, and we’re starting to research and decide what we need and starting to think about making a registry. I don’t expect a shower, bc we are across the country from our families and don’t have many friends here yet (sad but true, it just didn’t happen. Tough to make friends in your 30’s, and busy with work and making the big move). So... DH asked, how do we tell people we have a registry without sounding like we’re asking for or expecting gifts? I said word of mouth. We’ll tell our parents and they’ll tell the other older relatives, who are itching to give us gifts already (we’re blessed to have them). Right? I mean, I’m certainly not going to send out some kind of announcement telling people where we’re registered...is there an obvious way I’m forgetting?

SkilledSailor · March 2018

@ashh2018 I have friends and family asking already so I just tell them I'm registered at Babylist. If they ask for the exact link then I send it to them.

klj0228 · March 2018

@ashh2018 I think you’re correct that you tell your parents who will spread the word. You may have some friends from home ask as well.

MandyMost · March 2018

@ashh2018 yeah, just spread the word via your parents and when people ask. Your younger friends/family likely know how to find your registry online and just have something shipped to you. All my friends who lived far away did this without even asking. For your older relatives, make sure you register at stores that have physical locations near them...they’re probably not used to doing it online, but they might be pleasantly surprised if the store offers to ship it for them!

I had a “traditional” baby shower thrown by my mom (although my mother-in-law desperately wanted to help, and my moms best friend and my sis-in-law chipped in too). It was in a room at a restaurant. In my family people typically only spend $20 or so on gifts, so I got lots of clothes and little stuff. Virtually nothing off my registry, but I expected that going into it. A couple people chipped in on one thing (I don’t remember what!), and my mom bought the mini pack-n-play I had registered for, but that was the biggest.

For this his one I expect my mom may insist on a “sprinkle”...basically just our closest female friends/family at brunch or something, where they give me some cute baby clothes. If not, I won’t do anything.

I’ll definitely send a birth announcement though, and some people may send something after that.

smsaulino · March 2018

All of my friends and relatives live in different states so it'll be hard to get together. My MIL & SIL have been talking about throwing a shower here in Texas and just have DH's family fly in.. they'd be the only ones that would most likely be able to fly down. It honestly doesn't matter too much to me if we have one or not. I'm kinda worried that my SIL will surprise me by announcing to everyone she's the godmother, when she's not... she pulled a certain scenario regarding being maid of honor right before we were to walk down the aisle and my best friend just let her so she wouldn't cause a bigger scene.

Me and DH have been planning for this child for over a year.. and we are good with getting everything that we need. If we have a child when DH is out of residency and fellowship, and are more settled in a house instead of apartment, I might think about it then.

JLyn821 · March 2018

I had a lovely shower when I was expecting DS. My mom and MIL threw it and it was great. About 50-ish people. My co-workers also surprised me with a little shower at work. That was completely unexpected.

I had had always been very anti-sprinkle or anything like that for a second+ baby. Then when I was expecting DD, I was telling my mom about how sad it made me that she wasn’t being as celebrated as DS. My mom ended up having a sprinkle/tea for me at a local tea house with just our closest female relatives and my BFF. I did not expect any gifts but everyone brought something. Totally surprised me.

This time, my SIL has already talked to my mom about having another tea for this baby. I told my mom that I’d love it but to please make it known that it’s just a fun ladies day out and to not bring gifts. We’ll see how much everyone listens. I think that because we’re Team Green this time, it’ll help out with the no gifts thing.

jumpy57 · March 2018

I totally get not needing gifts for the 2+ babies, and I don't plan to have another shower or anything for this baby, but I absolutely love buying gifts for any friend having a baby even if it's their second+. So I guess this is me admitting that even if you tell me no gifts I will get the baby something anyways because I already love them

I had a couple showers for DD because our family/friends are spread out. The family parties were fairly standard family gatherings (with cake!) And my friends are awesome at coming up with creative games that are coed friendly. I'm super pumped to be returning the favor for our friends having a baby in May. There will be lots of awesome food, drinks and mocktails, and minute to win it style games that are baby themed.

I know there is a wide range of personalities and I lean introvert so opening gifts isn't my favorite, but it helped focusing on the person who gave the gift, knowing that they are there because they support our family, and being able to thank them for their gift as I opened it (I totally followed up with hand written thank you notes because my mom would have murdered me otherwise, and it's polite)

I can't wait up hear about everyone's shower plans and how they went after!!!!

stothi · March 2018

@EErin86 I always buy something for every new baby too, even if there's no party. Or I get something that's kinda sorta for the mom but baby related like a diaper service for cloth diapering mamas, I usually do 3 months if I can afford it, or a big basket of breastfeeding snacks, or some cute sleepers (with the receipt) that catch my eye and a pack of diapers (also with the receipt.)

yosemite2018 · March 2018

My word of advice for showers: try to schedule them before you are 8 months. Granted that’s probably during the hottest time of year for most of us, but I have heard so many stories of women missing their showers because they went into early labor. Also, speaking from personal experience, when I was 8mo pregnant I did not feel very cute and the heat will only make things worse. There were so many pictures. Do it around 6-7 months if you can (or earlier if you want) when you will feel your best. Plus earlier showers means that you will have more time to buy the rest of the stuff on your registry before baby comes, and enough time to write thank you notes (which will probably be the last thing on your mind after baby arrives).

Lcardinal04 · March 2018

I had a great shower with DD hosted my mom and sister. For this little one we won’t have a shower. I come from a family where that is just not done. My sister had her first baby last month and made pointed remarks that baby showers were gift grabs and they didn’t want it... so feeling amongst my family are cemented.

I would have liked a sip and see or something not gift related to celebrate the life of this new one, but I don’t see that happening. I think too many of my family would side eye it. I could see doing a small lunch with my coworkers though, just to celebrate. We’ll see!

I can’t wait to see everyone’s pictures and decorations! For DD’s my godmother took over decorations and the diaper figures were amazing!!! Just loved them...

Edited: pictures too big.

MandyMost · March 2018

@yosemite2018 totally agree. Last time my shower was at 7 months and I thought that was good. I still had time after do buy everything else we needed, and time to open and set up stuff pre-baby. Spoiler alert for first time moms: practically everything needs to be assembled. And some requires tools and stuff!

i went to a shower last year where the mom went into labor and had the baby the night before. They had to call everyone and be like “look, the Hall is rented and the food and cake we all made...it’s too late to get our money back, so we’re still having the party!”. They printed out pictures of the baby to hang up, the Mom Skyped in for a min, and the dad showed up for a little while.

nackie · March 2018

@yosemite2018 yes! I felt like a whale from about 7 months on. I felt huge and uncomfortable at my shower at 7.5 months, but was still able to have a great time. Any later than that and I would have been too uncomfortable to enjoy myself.
My office threw me a surprise shower when I was 38 weeks. I had actually spend most of the previous evening in the hospital getting checked out because I thought my water might have broken. They lucked out with the timing of that one, but I don’t think anyone doing the planning was really thinking about the fact that due dates are estimates

southernlady07 · March 2018

With my DD (5.5), I had four showers (family/friends in town, family in another state, my coworkers and my DH's coworkers) and felt that was excessive (although each one was much appreciated!) I have been on the fence about a shower for this baby, but after having several friends ask when my shower is and if they can help, I think I will likely end up with one shower/sprinkle in town for all of our family and friends, and I know my coworkers will do something small at work as well. We have a decent amount of stuff from DD, but my showers were over five years ago and we did lend out and sell some of our stuff so we didn't have to store it. If baby #2 is a girl, I may kindly request "no gifts" and just have a low-key celebratory shower/sprinkle, but if it's a boy it would be nice to get some non-pink items!

One thing I know for sure is I do NOT want any sort of party after baby has arrived. 1) Breastfeeding is super hard in the beginning and I don't want to worry about that on top of getting ready for a party and 2) this is my second September baby and there are so many germs going around in the Fall that I would prefer to have a few visitors at a time.

DanyTargaryen · March 2018

I assume no one will offer this time because showers for 2nd+ kids are not a thing in my circle, but if anyone does I will thank them and decline.

For DS my mom threw me a shower with my MIL's help. It was a brunch at a local country club and we had a great time. We didn't do any traditional games, but my mom set up 2 activities that guests seemed to have a lot of fun with.

The first was my mom put out a bunch of diapers and markers and 2 baskets - one labeled Mom's MOTN Diapers and the other Dad's MOTN Diapers. Guests wrote messages on the diapers - anything they wanted. Actual tips, heartfelt thoughts, jokes, etc. We didn't end up saving them for MOTN but it was really fun to read what people wrote to us.

The second my mom put out pictures of MH and I's faces along with a blank face template. Guests cut up our pictures and glued the pieces to the template to make our baby. They then lined up all the pictures and I picked winners, and my mom had a couple bottles of wine for prizes. Some were so scary they were hilarious, others actually came out pretty good.

JLyn821 · March 2018

I’ll absolutely agree with having your shower earlier than you think. I asked my mom to have my shower for DS by the time I was 32 weeks. I wanted to be able to really enjoy it as well as make sure we had a good amount of time to get everything else we’d need and get the nursery finished by 38 weeks.

My coworkers threw me a shower when I was about 37 weeks. It was fun and thankfully on a casual Friday. Haha. They thought they were pushing it on how late it was, but I worked up to the end and my last day was 41+4.

stothi · March 2018

They did the notes on diapers for my shower but they wrote the messages on little notecards and tucked the cards into the diapers. I liked it cause I could save all the little notes. I taped them up by the changing table for a couple of months and it was really amusing to reread them.

treeofcheem · March 2018

We had two showers with our first; one at our church, because that's what we do there, and another for friends/family (almost all of whom don't go to our church, only a couple of people were at both and knew they were invited to both because we love them, not expected to bring another gift, etc.)

My mom and/or aunt will throw us a small shower this time. Our family does that, they'll want to celebrate a new baby, and it's not at all unusual around here. Would it be weird to ask them to do a party where we can assemble freezer meals instead of a regular shower/sprinkle??? Only half-kidding. I'd even bring and buy the ingredients; just having help putting everything together would be fantastic! You don't ask guests to do work, though, I guess.

My mom asked if we were doing a registry and I wasn't sure what to say. We are, but mostly just so I can keep track of things and get the discount, which is what I told her. I'll have to think about it differently if we actually share it; right now it's got things like a booster seat for DD and a new stroller - things I do NOT expect anyone to buy for us and I don't want it to look like we're asking for them. Maybe I'll take them off, put them on a separate list, then add them back later?

stothi · March 2018

@treeofcheem I would totally enjoy assembling freezer meals as a baby shower activity. I like feeling useful and I like cooking, so I'd say yes to a party like that.

Wishilivedinflorida · March 2018

I doubt anyone will offer a sprinkle, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I would decline anyhow. We don't really do second showers where I'm from unless there is a big gap between kids (like 6-7 years or more). I anticipate probably some small baby gifts from my coworkers and close family and friends after LO arrives, which is fine!

I had never considered hosting a Sip and See, but after experiencing the PP phase, I would never consider hosting one ever. I was exhausted, and even having grandparents over every few days with a constantly nursing newborn was rough. For anyone considering one, I wouldn't advise against it completely, but would recommend keeping it low key and small so that you don't burn out from playing hostess.

Redpuma119 · March 2018

@wishilivedinflorida My ILs are out of state and my husband has mentioned that he would like them to come out for the birth. Obviously, you never know what the baby has planned, so that's a dumb idea by itself. But I don't love my ILs and hearing you mention that it was hard to have grandparents around kind of solidifies that I don't want them staying with us around that time.

nackie · March 2018

@treeofcheem I would think that was a clever idea if I was invited to a stock the freezer type shower.

stothi · March 2018

Redpuma119 said:

@wishilivedinflorida My ILs are out of state and my husband has mentioned that he would like them to come out for the birth. Obviously, you never know what the baby has planned, so that's a dumb idea by itself. But I don't love my ILs and hearing you mention that it was hard to have grandparents around kind of solidifies that I don't want them staying with us around that time.

I would have told my husband right where he could stick that idea. And then to make sure he understood I'd use small words like, "no," or, "hell no."
He suggested we take our 1 month old to fly across the country during cold and flu season to go meet the in laws. I just laughed at him for that one. I told him that his people were more than welcome to come visit here when the baby was about 3-4 months old or that we'd bring him out in the summer sometime between 6&9 months.
Unless whoever is coming to visit, is a close comfortable person and they are going to work- cook, clean, baby diapers, laundry, ect, so that I can just sit and nurse and hold my baby - they ain't invited.

klj0228 · March 2018

@treeofcheem I would love the food assembly idea for a shower especially for someone’s 2nd child. I think in general, people would think it was fun and a good way to help you.

@Redpuma119 completely understand how you feel. my mom wants to be here for the birth, and expects to come a week before I am due and stay a couple of weeks after. I love her for thinking of this, but I really want to find a way to decline without hurting her feelings. I’m sure the help would be great, but I don’t want someone else in my house while we are trying to make our own routine. I understand where that is helpful, especially if a husband can’t take time off, but my H is actually quitting his job a couple weeks before the baby comes and will be a SAHD so I will have his help.

Redpuma119 · March 2018

@stothi Oh he knows how I feel about them. They like to turn my thermostat up or down, rearrange my furniture and how my kitchen is set up. Last time they were here, I made coffee, which they apparently didn't like. They dumped it and made their own!! I understand that they're his family, and they can come out later. I will just have to phrase it appropriately to them. I don't need the stress of them out here while we are trying to get in a groove just us.

klj0228 · March 2018

@Redpuma119 I think just about how you said it above is a good way to tell them. Thank them for offering to come. Then let them know you understand how exciting it is to be welcoming a grandchild but that you really need a few weeks at home as a family to get in the groove and get settled. And by tell them I really mean your H should be the one to tell them.

DanyTargaryen · March 2018

nackie said:

@treeofcheem I would think that was a clever idea if I was invited to a stock the freezer type shower.

As long as I knew what I was getting into when I was invited! Would not want to expect a traditional shower than be surprised with help me assemble food. But otherwise I agree it could be a fun get-together with people you're close with!

jhjocelyn · March 2018

@treeofcheem I’m totally hoping someone offers to do some sort of shower so I ask for a freezer-meal party instead. I have a big kitchen and would love to be hands on working alongside my friends over sitting around making small talk!

spottedginger · March 2018

We had three for DS (distinct geographic areas) and will not have one for this little. Second showers/ sprinkles aren’t a thing in this area or my social circle and I would be uncomfortable accepting one. There are things that we will need (new bottle nipples/ pacis, camera for video monitor, etc) and I will add to a private registry for the completion discount.

jhjocelyn · March 2018

We had 2 showers w dd, one by my mom w my family & friends in my hometown and one by mil w dh’s family and more local friends. I have no idea what to expect this time. Around here some do showers for everyone, some don’t. It’s been 5 years, but we still have all the big stuff in good shape. I don’t want a sip n see, we’re super anti-social during cold & flu season to keep dd healthy. I would not want to be passing around an infant. I’ll be fine if we do nothing, though I’m betting mil will want to do something, if so I’ll steer her towards a freezer meal making party...

arbell615 · March 2018

We had 4 showers for DD (my family, the in-laws, friends, and DH’s work). Amazing to be so celebrated. This time I’m hoping to have some celebration for baby, if only so they don’t feel ‘less than’ when looking through all their baby stuff. My younger sister still brings up the fact that I have a baby book and she doesn’t (She’s 27) so I’m wanting to create a space to celebrate this baby where we’re not asking for gifts. I love the idea of assembling freezer meals, or even a recipie- share at the gathering so I have lots of ideas of easy meals to prepare ahead of time. That’s the one thing I wasn’t on top of last time! And I agree with some others: the idea of a ‘sip and see’ just doesn’t sound appealing to me. I had a tough recovery last
time and struggled with breastfeeding. I don’t want to host anyone not willing to let me cry while they clean our kitchen

SkilledSailor · March 2018

Thank you all for your honesty about Sip & Sees! I'm still thinking I will do one, but a couple of weeks later than I originally was thinking. So it would line up with my birthday as well. Hopefully that will give us more time to settle in.

kayokosaeki · March 2018

@yosemite2018 good idea having the shower early, but not to be morbid, you should consider not having it earlier than 28 weeks pregnant because that's like the point at which if you go into labor, your baby has a 90% chance of surviving. I remember this because my sister was due early January and wanted to have her shower in september/October because she didn't wanna run into everyone's holidays, and my mom was super worried about this so she pushed her to have it at her 28 week mark just to be safe. I mean, anything can happen at any point in pregnancy, but just to save yourself from the extra heartache.

runninginva · April 2018

I have a question for you ladies. I grew up out of state from where we live now, and my parents wants to throw me a baby shower there. I'm super excited for that one because all my closest friends from childhood and college will be invited. We don't have any friends where we live that are close enough to us that I would expect them to throw us a shower. We do have several friends here, though that I expect would be interested in attending one. My husband and I have discussed having a barbecue at our house and calling it"the last hurrah" or something along those lines. We'll say gifts are not expected but welcome if anyone feels so inclined and give them registry information. Do you think this is inappropriate, like we're throwing our own shower?

yosemite2018 · April 2018

@runninginva I think the idea of a BBQ and "last hurrah" before baby sounds fun, but I would not mention the registry unless people specifically ask. I would say gifts are not expected and some people may bring them anyway. Or I've seen cute poems that ask for books (new or old) with a sweet message to baby. That way people don't have to spend money if they don't want to and if they are the type of people who would come to a shower anyway they probably will.

stothi · April 2018

@runninginva I think a last hurrah party/bbq before baby would be great. I'd leave all mention of gifts off the invite and pose it purely as a party. Some people will just automatically bring a gift, others will ask about a registry and you can give them that info one on one. No need to say gifts aren't necessary at that point, cause if they ask for registry info it means they want to bring one. Anyone who doesn't want to bring a gift just won't ask.
As an aside, personally- and I know I'll get flamed, whatever it's cool- I think it's fine to throw one's own shower. I mean if you are willing to pay for food and drinks for everyone, why not? I mean the etiquette used to be that no one related to you at all could host the shower because it couldn't appear that anyone in the family would benefit from the shower, but now it's totally ok and expected that a close family member like a mom or a sister would give the shower. Times change, so whatever works.
I do think your idea is enough of a party and not a "shower" per se that most folk would be totally cool with it.

Lcardinal04 · April 2018

@runninginvaa BBQ sounds like a blast! I agree with what’s been said that if you are going to say it’s a last hurrah then leave off mentioning presents.

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