TTCAL week of 3/26

coco2787 · March 2018

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans?

prpl11butterfly · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss @ 11wks, D&E 3-1-18

Status: WTO/TWW/ WFAF (IDFK

)

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Really annoyed that I can't tell if AF is coming or not. If like her to just hurry TF up already. If I'm not going to O, there's no reason for her to delay. I've been having random camping and light light spotting since last week. Temps indicate little to nothing at this point. And Rave, the sun has been shinning all weekend and today. Spring is coming I think!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Took HPT and OPK on Fri just to see where my levels are at. HPT had a shadow of a shadow and OPK wasn't lit so I assume my levels should be just about at 0 (last OPK I did was before my post op and was definitely dark)

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? My parents do a week camping at the ocean so we will spend a couple of days there. DH mentioned checking in with his dad about the family trip. I told him I don't know if I'll be able to handle that with SSIL being due same time I would have been. He seemed irritated but I'm not putting myself in a potentially triggering situation for a week. Sorry dude. We will do a zoo trip and a beach trip or 2 as well.

Edited for spelling

lin0442 · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 1 loss in wk13 5/16, 1 cp 2/18, no diagnosis

Status: cd22, 9dpo

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m the queen of symptom spotting this month, it’s pretty bad. I feel like I’m just taunting myself when I do it. I’m just getting to such a defeatist point in all this, like even if I get pg it won’t work out. I know that might not be the case- every doctor involved in my care is super optimistic, but I feel pretty worn down, even if I want to keep moving forward.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Follicle scan after AF shows up, that’s my next step.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? DH and I are planning on going to a couple concerts over the summer- I haven’t been to one in years! We’re also planning on a quick getaway to Vegas for our 7th anniversary in May.

ChloandCoco · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly I hope your AF shows up soon. The waiting game is the worst. And good for you for knowing your limits with your SSIL.

@lin0442 It's hard not to feel defeated, especially when TTCAL. **Hugs**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

TFAS - 4 early losses in the last 11 months.

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Rant: I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my SIL and the other bridesmaids yesterday. We all liked (and looked good) in the same dress, which is amazing. But the salesperson that was helping us out took our measurements and announced all of our sizes very loudly to the entire group. I know I've gained weight over the last year, but I didn't think I got that big... If we are unsuccessful this cycle, I'm joining Orange Theory and getting my butt back in shape. Also, Progesterone is making me crazy. Rave: I'll get a job offer package later this week and if I decide to go for it we will be taking a break from TTC for a few months.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPTs later this week

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? We are going to Hawaii in May for 2 weeks, and SIL is getting married in July. Should be a good summer.

dpjennifer · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 early losses

Status: CD 11. WTO.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Had a great weekend away with DH and super excited about it! But, now it's Monday and I'm at work and tired and just don't want to adult...

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? DH wants to go to the Food and Wine Festival at Disney World again. Also, probably the beach at some point.

prpl11butterfly Fingers crossed you get AF or a 'sign' of where you're at soon!

ChloandCoco TTCAL is havoc on your body. Between the weight gain with early PG bloat, then weight gain with MC and depression, and ugh.. what a mess! Good luck losing it! I've not heard of Orange Theory...

ChloandCoco · March 2018

@dpjennifer That's great that you had such a wonderful time away with your DH! Did you do anything fun or was it more of a low-key weekend? As for Orange Theory, it might only exist in Canada, but they offer classes and you work out in a group. For me, I need someone telling me how to workout.

eleven_ · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 losses this year

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m really struggling after seeing another BFN today at 12 dpo. I had such high hopes for this cycle and I just feel so broken. Our family from Switzerland is coming to stay with us on Friday and we’ve known they were coming for close to a year. I was so sure that I was going to be pregnant by the time of their arrival. I don’t think I can test early like this anymore. I started testing at 9dpo and seeing a BFN for 4 days is just too much. I spent the weekend crying and completely depressed. I feel desperate for AF to come so I can put this cycle behind me.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Saline sonogram and endometrial biopsy between CD 6-11

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? We love camping so probably a lot of that. Maybe a trip to Moab also.

ETA: fixed autocorrect.

prpl11butterfly · March 2018

@eleven_ sorry about the BFN. So disappointing.

zamoraspin · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly I'm glad you are having good weather! We are still in almost-spring purgatory with lots of gray skies. I hope AF comes soon for you.
@lin0442 I'm sorry you are down, it is understandable to feel defeated. My advice is to let yourself feel it, and wallow, and then you can begin to move to a better place over time naturally. Often we feel guilty for not "making lemonade" when really we need time to be down and there are some events in our lives that do not have a silver lining.
@ChloandCoco That sales person is such a bitch. Why would anyone do that? I always have to really size up in that type of dress, so that may be part of it. Fx for HPTs.
@dpjennifer I'm glad you had a great weekend! I had a not-wanting-to-adult morning. I found out that my dr's appt was canceled and then I just like, didn't leave my house for an extra hour out of frustration. Oh well, sometimes we just need a break.
@eleven_ I'm sorry for the BFNs, that is so hard when you had hoped to be pregnant by a certain time, or have a baby by a certain time, and it's not happening. I hope you have a good visit.

Y'all I've been reading your posts these last few weeks but have been too overwhelmed and short on time to reply and post here. I am so sorry so many of us are dealing with loss.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 first tri losses, no living children, have had about enough of this $hit.

Status: TWW but probably just WTFAF because it's 11dpo and still BFN

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have been crazy busy with work which is a good distraction. At the same time I am feeling really disappointed about ttc for 12 months. We have one more cycle after this one before we move to IVF, and we have a consult in late April for IVF.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just continuing to POAS for a couple more days, even though it seems hopeless. I was supposed to have a regular OBGYN appt today and it got canceled which is super annoying.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Hmm, not really, we are taking a trip to go to a family graduation but the IVF thing is going to loot our savings.

Kabazaba · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly Camping at the ocean sounds equal parts relaxing (sound of the ocean, birds chirping) and horrifying (sand everywhere. every. where.). Do you camp on the sand?

@lin0442 A Vegas anniversary sounds so fun! I'm not super into gambling, but I bet the shows and food are ah-mazing.

@chloandcoco UGH. I can't believe they just measured everyone in front of each other. That's crazy. I'll be with you on the fitness train, though bootcamp not OT. And, CONGRATS on the official new job offer It's a pretty good problem to have (deciding between current and new job). Also, I'm incredibly jealous of your Hawaii trip! That's on my bucket list and we had to cancel a trip we'd been planning there last year.

@dpjennifer I have never been to Disney World but that + Food and Wine sounds like the best possible combo.

@eleven_ Sorry about the BFN. I *think* I'm about 11 DPO, but don't really know, and have been trying really hard to hold out until later this week, because I know that BFN is going to hurt so bad. Sorry you had a rough weekend

Status: TWW I think

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Rave: I love Easter. Can't help it, won't help it. Planning a huge Easter feast even though it might just be DH & I. Sending some family members huge Easter baskets. Rant: MLMs aka Pyramid Schemes. I feel so guilty when friends or friends-of-friends get into these. Like, I have to go to a party to support them emotionally, and then have to buy something since I'm at the party and support them financially. And all I'm thinking is WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF AND TO ME because I assume they're almost all taking advantage of the person in front of me. And, honestly, I'd rather just give a friend cash if they need help than give them a portion of me buying some lotion I don't really want. This rant is brought to you by the 7 HOUR LONG MLM party I was dragged to AN HOUR AWAY FROM MY HOUSE last Saturday by a friend. I feel like I'm still catching up on sleep (didn't get home until after 1am, which is super late for me).

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No, will take a PG test probably sometime this week if AF doesn't start soon.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Yes! Going to Grand Teton and Yellowstone with my dad (a retired park ranger) and his wife.

ChloandCoco · March 2018

@eleven_ I'm so sorry you are having a hard time this cycle. It's especially hard when you have a plan and life just doesn't want to follow it. **hugs**

@zamora_spin Dear friend, I'm sorry you hit the 12 months mark and for the BFNs. It's completely reasonable to feel disappointed after such a long time. But it's good that work is keeping you distracted.

@kabazaba MLM parties are the worst and I can't believe that party lasted 7 hours? How is that even possible? I would love to visit Yellostone park at some point in my life.

holly321 · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
MMC 2/12 and molar MMC 8/17

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Okay. I am surprisingly ok with not getting pregnant this cycle, but my DD is next week and I am already dealing with dread. On another note, I really wanted to have the baby this year, for insurance purposes, and saving money. dH always freaks about the deductible, which we met. I mentioned it the other day, and he was all "who cares, I am enjoying trying for a few months." I am surprised how ok that made me with it, so I will take advantage of the deductible situation and schedule my tonsilectomy and carpal tunnel surgery.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

None

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans?
Not really, but we promised ourselves we are taking a real vacation this year. It helps our friends just moved by the ocean. Bot that we will stay with them, but more incentive to go.
Will be back to tag this evening!

kindbytealikat · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly that’s frustrating with AF, hopefully soon. I do know after my first D&C it took 7 weeks and 6 with the second.
@ChloandCoco That was unprofessional of the dress sales lady, I’d been pissed, I’d like to think I’d said something but I really wouldn’t have. Hawaii I’m jealous

@eleven_ Hugs
@zamora_spin Hugs
@Kabazaba don’t feel guilty telling a friend no. Lipsense gets a no bc I don’t wear lip stuff on the reg and other beauty stuff is to expensive. One of my besties sells that because she truly loves the products. I feel true friends won’t pressure their friends and understand a no I’m not spending money there.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses 8/17,1/18

Status: Self benched but WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just depends on the day. Today is pretty good but rough weekend. FIL is having surgery Thursday and his first treatment at that time so I'm anxious about that. Overall though I am feeling better this week than last. LOL my hormones seem to go their craziest post O. AF is due soon and things seem to be chilling. RAVE: I had a great birthday. Nothing big and fancy just little gifts from the family that were thoughtful and sweet, and showcasing they do pay attention to me, which honestly is something I have been struggling with lately(feeling invisible in my own family, unless someone needs something).

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Nothing concrete. Planning on going to TX early May to visit my in-laws and then maybe again in August, depending and how things progress in the next 6 months with FIL. DH & I would like to do something in June for our anniversary, 5 year, but I don't know that it will be financially sensible.

lokibear89 · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC discovered at 9 weeks (baby measuring 6w4d) followed by D&E

Status:WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Aside from yesterdays shitness, I'm okay. Quite far out from O at the moment (at least a week) so it a pretty chilled out time TTGP-wise as there is little I can do. Work is a bit stressful but I have hopes that will calm down after easter.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Its Autumn here and I have no plans. DH keeps mentioning a trip to fiji or rarotonga when its cold and miserable which would be nice.

KristoKekerooni · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Hi friends. Hope it's okay to just jump right in. I probably could have ages ago, but my losses were so long ago. and I have been mostly dealing with not being able to get pregnant at all the last few years.
Anyway, I had three losses in the first year we were trying. Then nothing for a year, and then another loss, which, honestly, I don't count too much. I don't ever test in the TWW, and my period wasn't late. I only found out I was pregnant because I had to pee in a cup at a PCP appointment, and it was positive, even though I was actively bleeding (which I thought was just my period). I went straight for an US, and there was nothing to be seen. My Beta was above ten, so technically I was. Anyway, for medical purposes, it counts, but I never got the chance to grow attached since I didn't know, so emotionally, I don't count it much. (Does that sound horrible? I'm sure it does...)
Anyway, after not getting KU again, we finally turned to IVF. We did ER in January/February, and PGS tested my embryos. We transferred two, beautiful, perfect embryos at the end of February. One stuck, but I found out at week 6 (last week) it was no longer developing, and by the next US, it was gone. I haven't bled like, at all, so I'm not really sure where it went. I guess now I am just waiting for the bleeding.

Status: Benched, I suppose?

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm very much a wreck. I always knew another loss was possible. how could I not, given my history? But we thought the issues were progesterone and chromosomal, since my H has high DNAF. So we did everything possible to avoid those issues. We PGS tested. I was on progesterone. I was also on a full immune protocol to make sure I didn't reject the kid. So, even though I knew it was possible, I just didn't expect it, if that makes sense. Like. We did everything within our power. How could it still happen?? I just want to crawl under the blankets and not come out.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? This Friday I have a few appointment. I have an appointment to check my HCG, to make sure it's going down. I have an appointment with my PCP to discuss anxiety meds, and I have my WTF appointment with my RE to decide what's next.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? H and I are buying kayaks. We always say we are going to, and then never do. I kayaked a lot as a kid, but H never has.

galactickates · March 2018

@KristoKekerooni - My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw your post. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. There are absolutely no words that can be said to make you feel better or take away the heart ache you must be feeling. There is no silver lining, or upside to be found. This 100% sucks and is so unfair. I am so heartbroken for you. I'm here for you. We're all here for you.

Kath525 · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Ttc since 1/17. CP 3/17. NMC 9/17.

Status: Wto Cd 21

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

feeling frustrated that i still haven't Od. Thinking i might not this cycle which is incredibly frustrating. I am going to make an appointment with my OBGYN after this cycle and stress that I want to begin testing so i can get over to the RE.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans?
We're going to try to make it up to NYC this summer.

@lin0442 sorry you're feeling so down. Hugs.
@eleven_ @zamora_spin sorry for the BFN ladies
@Kabazaba we love Easter too! And agreed about pyramid schemes!
@KristoKekerooni so sorry for your losses.

lin0442 · March 2018

@KristoKekerooni I’m so sorry. This journey can be so, so cruel. We’re here for you.

eleven_ · March 2018

@kristokekerooni Seeing you post here is so heartbreaking. I’m so so sorry you are going through this again. My heart aches so much for you. Vent or cry as much as you need. Like @galactickates said, we are all here for you.

eleven_ · March 2018

@lin0442 I am the same with the SS. No matter how many times I tell myself I will not SS this cycle, it always happens and I start to turn into a crazy person about 6dpo. I’m sorry you feel defeated. TTCAL is just so hard.
@chloandcoco I’ve been wanting to join Orange Theory for so long now! Let me know how you like if you decide to join. FX for you this cycle and I hope you get an amazing job offer!
@zamora_spin I’ve missed you and was glad to see your post! Sorry for the BFN today. 12 months of TTC is so brutal. April will be month 10 for me and it feels like an eternity. I’m so sorry it’s been even longer for you. ((Hugs))
@kabazaba Don’t even get me started on my hate for MLMs. I absolutely refuse to give them any of my money because of how evil they are. Stay strong with your lack of testing! I hope this is it for you.

ChloandCoco · March 2018

@kindbytealikat Ya, I was too shocked to say anything. Happy belated birthday! I'm glad you don't feel invisible in front of you family anymore.

@kristokekerooni I truly am sorry you find yourself joining this group. Just remember that this is not your fault and that it's ok to not be ok.

zamoraspin · March 2018

@KristoKekerooni I am heartbroken for you. We haven't interacted much because I'm usually over here, but I was following along and was elated when you did your grad post. I am so, so sorry. Sorry isn't a big enough word.

diaphena · March 2018

@coco2787 Love the quote you chose to start the thread this week.

@prpl11butterfly FX that AF shows up soon. I’ve always wanted to try beach camping but haven’t done it yet.

@lin0442 It’s tough not to feel worn down even when doctors are optimistic. Your Vegas trips sounds like a lot of fun.

@ChloandCoco Some people have no common sense. All you have to do in that dress situation is write down the sizes, no need to announce them to the world!

@dpjennifer I definitely did not want to adult today either. Mondays are tough adulting days haha.

@eleven_ So sorry about the BFNs. Do something nice for yourself

@zamora_spin Sorry about the 12 month mark. FX that if it isn’t this cycle, that your IVF consult goes well next month.

@Kabazaba MLMs all get a big fat NO from me. I can’t even imagine a 7 hour long MLM party, what a nightmare.

@holly321 Glad the conversation with your DH took a little pressure off.

@kindbytealikat FX for your FIL. Glad you had a good birthday!

@lokibear89 I bet Fiji is amazing, I would love to go someday.

@KristoKekerooni I’m so, so sorry for your loss. How absolutely heartbreaking. Spend as much time hiding under the blankets as you need.

@Kath525 FX O just shows up late for you.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss about 3 weeks ago at 10w-ish, first pregnancy.

Status: Benched til AF comes back

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m doing okay. I’m feeling a little more like myself this week compared to last, even though things definitely still hit me sometimes. And I can tell I’m moody, because my coworker who usually just annoys me a little now frequently makes me wish I could get away with punching him, lol.

Also I’m trying to figure out something nice to do with our ultrasound picture from when we did actually see the baby. It’s been on our refrigerator and I want to take it down from there, but not until I have a nice box to put it in or something. I’m thinking about writing a letter to put with it but I’m reluctant to actually do that yet cause I know that’s going to be really emotional.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nothing

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? We have a short beach trip scheduled in May and in June will spend a long weekend at a mountain cabin with a big group of friends. We try to get together every year, it’s a really fun tradition.

coco2787 · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
3 losses in the last 4 months. MMC dx @ 9 weeks followed by two early losses

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
TWW is always a roller coaster but trying my best to be relaxed about it. My birthday is tomorrow so I’m looking forward to going out to dinner. Rant: One of my fieldwork supervisors came back to work today after maternity leave and everyone was oohing and ahhing over baby photos while I died a little inside. *TW child mentioned in spoiler*

Then on the way home from picking my son up from school he told me that everyone else at school had brothers and sisters and that he really wanted a brother. It’s so hard to explain that I want that too but I can’t make it happen and it breaks my heart.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
HPT on Sunday probably. RE appointment 4/18

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans?
Notning planned yet, usually my friend from Florida and I take turns visiting each other over the summer so hopefully we can still make that happen. Also going to a wedding in early September for one of my BFFs.

kindbytealikat · March 2018

@coco2787 HBD!!!

etnyah · March 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc: CP at 4 weeks and 4 days, January 14th. First pregnancy and no diagnosis.

Status: CD6, but benched this cycle.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? - Things are going okay! Uneventful week at work, husband leaves town for almost two weeks on Friday, and while I’ll miss him I’ll try to stay busy with cleaning and seeing friends. I’m annoyed at the timing of his trip, since we’ll completely miss O day and have to wait for the next cycle to try again. Staying pretty positive though, I think a mental break from trying to time BD followed by incessant symptom spotting (I know, I know. I can’t help myself) is good.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? - Nope! Still early days in my TTC journey.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? - Going back home to Norway for a couple weeks! It’s something we do every summer since my whole family lives there. I only get to see them that one time a year, so I’m always excited to go! This trip will be extra fun since my inlaws are coming with us too for the first time (for reference, I’m from Norway, my husband is from the US, and we live in the states).

galactickates · March 2018

@ChloandCoco I was just reading the ttcal from last week and saw you are 9 dpo tomorrow. Same!! I've been looking for any excuse to test. Now I'm using "well if chloandCoco is so am I. Makes sense right?

suzycupcake · March 2018

@coco2787

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/NOH3IBspBL5fi/giphy.gif

CraftyG · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly Hopefully AF will pop up sooner rather than later! Also it’s amazing that you were able to say that with regards to your SIL, at the end of the day your health isn’t more important than anything else.

@lin0442 I can definitely empathise with the feeling of well if I get pregnant somethings going to go wrong, it’s sych an emotionally draining thing to do. Vegas sounds just what you need!

@ChloandCoco Yeah that’s so rude to announce it in front of everyone I’m sorry. Congratulations on your new job offer that’s amazing! Also sounds like you’ve got a great summer coming up, slightly jealous of Hawaii I’m not going to lie

@dpjennifer Yep adulting sucks ugh. The festival at Disney sounds amazing, food and Disney what more could you want!

@eleven_ I’m so sorry for the BFN it’s so tiring, I think you need wine and a duvet day! Camping sounds great, I used to go all the time when I was younger but haven’t been in years

@zamora_spin I’m sorry for the cancelled appointment and the toll this is taking, it’s great that you guys are planning towards ivf though

@Kabazaba Eww that party sounds gross. I’m usually ok with going to those parties because we just drink and everyone knows that I’m cheap so don’t expect me buy anything haha

@holly321 It’s great that you’re feeling okay about this cycle not being the one and that you have a plan

@kindbytealikat I’m glad that this week is better than last week, fingers crossed that everything works out well with your FIL and really glad that you had a great birthday!

@lokibear89 fingers crossed everything calms down after Easter and Fiji sounds amaze

@KristoKekerooni I’m so sorry to read about your losses, it’s just disgusting and so unfair and I’m so sorry.

@kath525 NY sounds amazing I’ve always wanted to go!

@diaphena Really glad that you’re starting to feel more like yourself now, I think that a little memory box sounds like a beautiful idea

@coco2787 I’m so sorry about your co worker, it’s so difficult when you’re happy for them but sad for yourself.

@grebretso Sometimes it can be really helpful to just try and take some pressure off TTC it’s such an emotionally draining experience when it’s not straightforward.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Loss at 13 weeks Jan 16, loss at 9 weeks Oct 17. I was really active on here before Christmas but since life’s just taken over and TTCAL has just been so overwhelming and I was getting really depressed so I took a break from the boards but I just can’t stay away from you ladies! While we can all agree it’s a horrible thing to go through I’m so glad that we have each other to go through this with

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Rant: I’ve been having horrible dreams recently with regards to finding out I’m pregnant and even giving birth and I wake up and it just completely throws me. Rave: Went out for dinner last night with SIL and her BF which I was nervous about but I think it went really well and we even made it back in time for Walking Dead

Any testing coming up/any recent results? NADA

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Absolutely nothing planned but I think we’d like to go abroad for a little romantic break if we can make that work

coco2787 · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly my HCG took a full month to get back to 0 with my D&C, hopefully you're back at zero soon. I don't blame you for not wanting to spend a week with a pregnant woman, I'm sorry YH isn't being more understanding.

@lin0442 it's so hard not to symptom spot. Isn't it annoying sometimes how optimistic doctors are? I just feel like they're giving me false hope, I'd rather be pessimistic and pleasantly surprised than get my hopes up and be let down time after time.

ouch @ChloandCoco that's awful of the salesperson, I'm sorry. Add me to team gained weight from this whole experience. Talk about adding insult to injury. Jealous of your Hawaii trip, 2 weeks there sounds amazing!

@dpjennifer glad you had a good time with your husband, Monday's always suck even more after a fun weekend.

@eleven_ so sorry about the BFN friend

I hope your upcoming tests give you some answers.

@Kabazaba your Easter sounds fun! I agree that MLM is the worst, I seriously can’t imagine a 7 hour party, that’s insane.

@zamora_spin I'm sorry about getting to the one year mark, I was hoping your absence meant good news. I hope your upcoming IVF consult is at least giving you something to look forward to.

@holly321 sorry about the BFN, but I'm glad you're feeling okay about it.

@kindbytealikat happy belated birthday! I'm glad you had a nice day. I hope everything goes will with your FILs surgery this week.

@lokibear89 Fiji sounds fun! It's so weird to me that it's a different season where you are.

@KristoKekerooni I commented on the thread in N18, but I just want to tell you again how sorry and heartbroken I am for you. I know there isn't much to say to bring you comfort, but I'm glad you found your way over to this group and I hope we can be supportive to you

@Kath525 sorry about the lack of O, I really hope you can get in to see an RE soon.

@diaphena I hope you can write that letter, it will be hard but it will likely be a good step in the healing process.

@grebretso ugh, sorry about missing FW this cycle, it really sucks to lose a month.

welcome back @CraftyG. Sorry you've been feeling down. I have those kinds of dreams all the time, they're the worst.

dpjennifer · March 2018

ChloandCoco Low-key, but we did go to a few wineries, did most of a hike (too icy at the top to go the whole way up), and went to a historical site. Thanks for the Orange Theory explanation. I joined BeachBody because it’s got “do this program on this day” but I can do it in my house. I HATE working out in front of people!

eleven_ FYI (and TMI?), when the saline sonogram is over, they may omit that the ‘bit of liquid’ that comes out of you feels like a RUSH of liquid as if you peed yourself heavily! It wasn’t a big deal, just sort of like “WOAH!?!?” for a second.

zamora_spin Sorry you have to sacrifice trips to pay for IVF. It’s a total bummer that IVF coverage isn’t covered in many plans in the US.

Kabazaba We did a bit of the Food & Wine Festival last year and it was amazing! Also, I hate MLMs as well. I’ve pretty much blocked everyone on FB who has a site or does nothing but post about those things. There are even REALLY good articles about how it just hurts that person and leeches off their friends that you can post. Unless it would be a product I REALLY wanted (HA… although I am doing BeachBody…. Hmmm….) I can’t in good faith show up to their parties nor buy their junk. It’s almost all going to the company and they’re just peddling crap to their friends. Usually these people choose to do one scheme after another as well, and I just can’t support that… If I were you, I’d start saying NO. The only way they’ll stop doing it if they stop being able to make any money by selling/peddling to their friends.

KristoKekerooni It is NOT horrible to not emotionally count a loss you didn’t even realize you had! With everything you’ve been through, not testing can be better for you emotionally! Sorry that you’re dealing with yet another loss. RPL, especially coupled with IF, can be so cruel. It’s so hard when there’s only limited data/testing available, and you’re doing everything you can and you feel so hopeful for the future, only to have it all crash down around you. Again. Take some time for yourself and good luck plotting your path forward.

diaphena Have you checked pinterest for ideas on the ultrasound picture?

coco2787 Happy Birthday!!!! Also, Ugh. My office forwards out pictures of new babies born to ALL of us. And since 80% of our staff is of childbearing age, it can be a lot at times. Actually, one of my coworkers knows my PW and if she’s able to, she’ll hack into my email and delete them before I can see them! Lifesaver!

zamoraspin · March 2018

@Kabazaba @dpjennifer Yeah MLMs are such a scam. It is so awkward to try to rope your friends into buying stuff from you. Don't get me wrong, I admire people who are dedicated to a side hustle, but so many MLMs end up essentially cheating their salespeople (LLR famously makes people hold tons of useless inventory).
@coco2787 Thanks, lady. I really like the quote you put up on the thread this week, btw.
@diaphena That is a nice idea to write a letter, it will definitely be emotional but maybe also therapeutic.

ChloandCoco · March 2018

@galactickates Did you test this morning? I've decided to wait until tomorrow morning.

galactickates · March 2018

@chloandCoco I did... BFN

Ectopic loss at 9 weeks, left tube removed.

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Tw - other people's LO - Our friends adopted a newborn over the weekend. I'm super super happy for them. Happier them I've ever been for anyone ever. But I got really sad this morning thinking about how I should be due in June and our kids would have been the same age. That would have been so awesome. Now it's like, who knows if/when we'll have a kid - tw

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Bfn this morning. Please don't mass tag me "sorry for the bfn" I don't mean to sound Bitchy but I'm already really upset about it and seeing "sorry for the BFN" 10 times is the equivalent of seeing that negative test over and over again, which is the exact reason I'm not participating in the tww daily. It makes me not want share anything personal and I need a place to go.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans?
I'm not sure yet. We're thinking of trying to get to Yellowstone but nothing set because we're working on the house.

eleven_ · March 2018

@coco2787 Happy Birthday, lady! Hope you are able to pamper yourself today
@craftyg Welcome back! I was wondering where you had run off to. I remember your last post talking about how you were really struggling with depression. Are you feeling a little better?
@dpjennifer Thanks for the info on the saline sonogram! That is definitely good to know.

Eta: autocorrect

kindbytealikat · March 2018

@KristoKekerooni I’m so sorry you are here
@diaphena I’m happy you’re feeling better
@CraftyG welcome back, I hope your bump break was a help to you
@galactickates I hope to go to Yellowstone someday because I’ve never been and have heard great things

holly321 · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly, I hope AF gets her butt in gear and shows up already.
@eleven_, I am sorry for all the rough emotions. I hope you can simply enjoy your family visiting, sorry for the BFN.
@zamora_spin, I am sorry you hit 12 months, I know how hat was rough that is. It is so unfair. I hate that you find yourself needing the IVF consult, but I hope all goes well with it.
@kindbytealikat I hope all goes well with your FIL and starting treatment. I am glad you had a nice birthday and felt attention, I understand feeling invisible sometimes.
@KristoKekerooni, there really are no other words than I am so sorry. I can't imagine the heartbreak you are feeling.
@diaphena, I am sorry for your loss. With my first loss, I had a good ultrasound, I keep it in a shadow box with a few other small mementos from the pregnancy, I had been gifted a blanket, an appointment card, etc. I don't keep it out, but I get it out usually about once a year and look at it.
@CraftyG, welcome back. I am sorry about the dreams, they are the worst.

nmbrcrnchr1 · March 2018

@prpl11butterfly up until Friday I was waiting for AF since my surgery, which included a D&C, on 2/27...worst.period.ever! I hope you figure out what your cycle is doing!
@lin0442 I love vegas, I’m actually trying to figure out how we can squeeze a trip in before I’m off the bench.
@eleven_ I’m sorry for the BFNs, I noticed your absence this weekend and I was so hopeful for you, fx its still just early.
@KristoKekerooni I am so sorry, my heart breaks for you. There are no other words, you are in my thoughts and prayers
@CraftyG welcome back!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Ectopic pregnancy, found at 6w, right tube removal on 2/27

Status: benched for 5 more months

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

This week has been really rough. I’m not sure if it’s bc it’s been exactly a month since my surgery, or the fact that AF finally showed up (and holy crap it’s been the worst period I’ve ever had) so my hormones are all out of whack or what, but I can’t stop crying today. It doesn’t help that I’m super busy and stressed out at work. I also read a blog from someone else who’ve been through an EP and that made quite a few feelings resurface. I’ll be ok, but for now I’m not, and I’m ok with that.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Had my HCG follow up yesterday and I’m back to 0! So that’s a positive, at least I don’t have to have more blood drawn or more tests completed for the next few months.

GTKY: Do you have any fun summer plans? Yes, which is what is getting me through this tough time. We have 2 summer vacations planned, as well as a wedding I’m in and a bachelorette party so I have so much to look forward to and I’m trying to focus on that!

ETA: word choices

galactickates · March 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 my first AF after my ectopic was the most painful. The second was less painful but heavy flow, my third was almost what I had before my ectopic. I'm only sharing this because when you're going through it, it's super easy to think this is going to be the new norm and get really upset. Hang in there. You're body is healing after going through something really tramatic. I recommend a hugging a heating pad. It was pretty much the only relief I had.
I'm happy to hear you're back at zero and the hcg tests can finally stop. That was the absolute worst. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I know everything you're going through unfortunately. I'm 4 months out and I I can say it does get better. I wish I could do or say more though to help.

KristoKekerooni · March 2018

Is there anything ya'll recommend for the cramps? I feel like I am dying. I don't remember it being so bad. That, paired with the hot flashes and the gold-ball sized clots are killing me. I hate this times a million.

dpjennifer · March 2018

KristoKekerooni Sorry! Depending on how far along you are, they can feel killer. There are all the staple remedies including motrin, heating pad, etc. I soaked in a warm/hot bath, which was super helpful!

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