I've got something to say! (rants 3/19)

marcus7676 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212, we can't afford to have DS at his current daycare and hire a nanny. DS will need to go to a different daycare for us to afford childcare for the LO. We've been trying to move DS for about 9 months, with no openings. I THINK I've found a preschool program for DS starting in September that we will enroll him in as a backup, but we still can't find a spot for LO. We could afford the preschool program and a nanny (his current daycare costs about $650/week, while this one will be $315/week) for a bit, so we can also add a nanny in short term until we can find a spot for LO or hopefully a place for them together.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@kmurdock925 I had given one of the girls a recipe for a cocktail I thought would be easy to make mocktail vs cocktail (and just easy in general - vodka, lemon juice, elderflower liquor or syrup, club soda; generally universally liked, easily modified) and she passed it off to him, and somehow he thinks this means vodka, rum and sour mix. Like, 1) I can't drink, duh, but 2) I would never drink vodka, rum and sour mix mixed together.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@Amphibious22 I just don't think people are getting us gifts really at all. We have 7 people (plus their SOs) "planning" our shower, and I think they feel like that's enough. But that's like half the party. So. IDK. I wouldn't care, but my BFF wants us to open gifts at the shower, and I feel like it's going to be so awkward.

kmurdock925 · March 2018

doxiemoxie212 - I would be mortified. I don't think he realizes that this is a "grown up" party...

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@marcus7676 ugh I see, so it's a crazy balancing act of variables and "if this then that" - it sounds like without some chance/luck you may not have a great option, but hopefully whatever it ends up being isn't terrible. I am sending good waitlist vibes your way. I do not know if the waitlist gods care about my vibes, but hopefully they do not hate my vibes.

Amphibious22 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 oh I see. That is so many cooks in the kitchen! And I know showers are about celebrating with people you love and all that, but also gifts are kinda important because babies are expensive! Hopefully you'll at least get a little something from everyone so you don't have to awkwardly open 3 things while everyone watches. I'm excited/anxious to hear how it all turns out.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

Update: DH's friend who is bringing the vodka, rum and sour mix called DH to say that my friend is the one who told him he had to do this, but she has been IMing me all day saying that DH's friend really wanted to help and this was the only way he was willing to help. The plot thickens.

llamamama14 · March 2018

Just catching up on this thread- for those wondering when the December board ladies will find out they're pregnant, I can give you some time frames:

I got my BFP on April 1st which was day 28 of my cycle. I had a due date of December 9th.

So the earliest December moms (due December 1st) will be on day 28 of their cycles tomorrow, March 23rd. (Some of these early December moms could have gotten positives already but some may not have tested yet.)

I'd actually been thinking about this with the December board opening up. I was getting nostalgic about my BFP for my 1st pregnancy.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@llamamama14 I think some could have ovulated early (CD 10 maybe the earliest?) and then got BFPs around 10 DPO, so then CD20? ETA: oh I see, you're not saying CD 28 is the earliest they could've found out but that many should be starting to find out soon by default.

Amphibious22 · March 2018

Just got off the phone with my mom and now I need a good vent. I may have gotten a little short with her, but I'm tired of the trend of our conversations. Of course all we really talk about is baby/pregnancy stuff and she is so judgmental about 90% of my decisions. I decided to (nicely) call her out on it today and tell her that it bothers me, but she got super defensive about it. She said that she isn't judging, just expressing her opinions. I'm like okay but when your opinions are "cloth diapering is disgusting and I can't believe you're doing it" "are your really sticking with Tiberius as a middle name? Aren't you worried kids will make fun of him?" "swaddling seems cruel to the baby" "being a working mom when you don't have to be is wrong and not fair to your child" "getting furniture at pottery barn is a waste of money" "rocking chairs are a bad idea because baby could get his fingers crushed by the wooden legs" "don't you think a nanny is better than daycare so your baby doesn't get ignored" those would be considered judgments. I'm just so tired of literally everything being the wrong choice or a bad choice because she would do things differently. I'm sorry, but the last time you took care of a baby was 30 years ago and things have changed! And then she gets mad at me saying that I'm too rigid in my decisions and I need to be flexible. Okay obviously if my plans don't work for my kid, I'll change them, but it still makes sense to have a plan. And when I said that she needs to stop questioning my parenting decisions, she said that they aren't parenting decisions until after the baby is born. Grr. Then she ended the conversation by saying that obviously I'm cranky today and to call her back another time when I am less cranky. Umm wasn't cranky until this moment, but okay bye. Really starting to get nervous for her week long visit in June.

May14th2011 · March 2018

@llamamama14 I got my BFP mid April and was due Dec 25th. It does make me nostalgic

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@Amphibious22 ugh that sucks. I think part of the problem with grandparents is they get so offended you aren't doing it their way, like what you didn't think I raised you right? Etc. It's annoying because I'm sure they don't think their parents did everything right. Things evolve! My great grandparents gave their children whiskey when they weren't sleeping - we're not still doing that as a society, are we? lol

I find with my mom, it's better if I don't tell her what my plans are for the baby but instead send her reading material that led me to my decision lol. Sort of like I brain wash her first? Indoctrinate her into my ideas? And then we can talk about the pros/cons, but she's mostly already on my side. My mom loves to read, though, so it's easy to get her into things that way.

catlady1215 · March 2018

@marcus7676 thas stressful. Fingers crossed for your daycare situation.

@doxiemoxie212 I can't remember, are these all unmarried, no kids, friends? That's just crazy and I'd be just as anxious. And nothing wrong with what you said about gifts! Hopefully they think to get gift receipts if they do show up with stuff not from the registry.

Amphibious22 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I wish that would work, but my mom is extremely stubborn with her opinions. I've sent her articles and reading material for countless things (baby related and not) and she usually doesn't even read it. Unless she saw it on CNN or 60 minutes, it can't be real. I think I just need to not engage with her. Just nod along and let her think her opinion matters in my mind.

marcus7676 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 and @catlady1215 thank you. I will selfishly take all the good daycare vibes. After talking with my H tonight, I realized that even if we switch DS to the preschool program in September, we can’t afford the preschool program and the nanny. So we would ultimately have to pull him and wait until spots opened up at the same time for both kids which is highly unlikely. I’m so frustrated.

Austenista · March 2018

@May14th2011 @llamamama14 I've been trying to remember when I got mine. I know it was in April and I knew then when he was conceived that March, but now I'm drawing a blank. I was due Dec 19th, so I'm thinking it was mid April too. My birthday is May 6th and I kept saying to myself that all I wanted for my birthday was to still be pregnant (we'd been trying for nearly 4 years at that point).

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@Amphibious22 I think it’s completely reasonable for you to detach if she’s going to be that rigid. And her opinion doesn’t matter. You’re the mom now. You’re the boss! (Said in “I’m the captain now” voice)

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@catlady1215 yea, one is engaged but none have kids, none of the rest are engaged/married.

BUT I HAVE SOME ANSWERS! It turns out the guys never offered to help with the shower. One friend went rogue and told them to buy cups and bring these weird alcohols, and made them think I’d be really upset if they didn’t. Also she sent them the link to our registry with this information (which they already had bc invites had already gone out).

So at least I’ve found the source of the chaos.

And at least the guy bringing mother fucking cups is going to be on time.

llamamama14 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 yeah I'm just giving the dates I know from memory as a reference point. I actually just edited my first comment slightly (On April 1st when I tested it was day 29, not 28, because day 29/1 is when my period was due.)

Sorry for all the numbers since some of you wanted to avoid math.

@austenista yeah you were probably around April 11th with your BFP depending on your cycle/ovulation date and how impatient/eager you were about testing.

catlady1215 · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 maybe that explains it more... none have had to have a shower thrown for them yet.

But atleast you'll have cups!!

ramennoodlegif · March 2018

@marcus7676 I hope your daycare situation works out. I know how frustrating it is to find your options scant/not ideal. FX crossed for a solution.
@Amphibious22 Sorry your mom is being so negative. Maybe she'll chill once the baby comes? Hopefully, anyway.

In addition to nasty heartburn, my rant is towards U of flipping K: You had ONE job: win this effing game. I have stayed up way too late to watch this crappy crap crap. Ugh.
I don't know what is making me feel lousier.

ffw0617 · March 2018

@llamamama14 i use to have 21 days in between periods plus a 4 day period (so 25 day cycle) so when I got my bfp i was on day 25 (not even 4 full weeks). So its possible for December moms to know already even with home test.

My rants: I’m upset these remedies aren’t giving me any relief. My feet start to swell earlier and earlier in the day. I’m elevating and epsom salt soaking but no relief except sleeping and waking up with regular feet. The inner hip pain is getting worst, i feel like I’m doing everything I can.

Also im appalled at how people treat visibily pregnant women. I experienced my 3rd example today. 1st: Went to help my husband vendor. Had the vendor parking pass, but the cops swore it was full, I told them I would pay (the nearest parking was 1 mile away) I explained I was pregnant and shouldn’t try to walk a mile when im about to work 10 hours outdoors, he said he didn’t care, that it was full. Did the walk and there was plenty of vendor spots available. 2nd: again helping my husband vendor 2 weeks ago (i had a vendor pass to get in) came in with an unopened bottle of water the cop made me throw it away, I showed him it was unopened and told him i needed water (I’m pregnant). It was the last 3 hours of a 12 hour event, it was unseasonably hot and every vendor sold out of water when I got inside. 3rd: today at work (first week at a temp job) a someone complained to management im doing drugs at work.... seriously? I got an email telling me my pills are “distracting” and that those around me have “sensitive hearing” and can’t concentrate with me frequently taking pills. I’m freaking pregnant!!! You think I want to pop clartin, tums, colace, Tyleno and vitamins all day? Wtf would a pregnant woman be doing drugs at work?

amys614 · March 2018

@Amphibious22 sorry your mom is being that way. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself when enough is enough. Your baby, your decisions. Don't feel guilty for doing what you feel like is best for YOUR baby, no matter who it upsets.

@doxiemoxie212 I'm glad you're taking this whole shower thing pretty well and not getting super upset about it. Can't say I'd have the same control, so kudos to you! Have you seen the movie, Bachelorette, with Rebel Wilson? I feel like you may have some cast members in your planning group.

ramennoodlegif · March 2018

@ffw0617 I'm sorry you've not been feeling any better or been treated any better. Sleeping is really the only thing that has ever helped my feet, and as for the inner hip pain, I had to see a PT last time because if I was awake, it hurt. Have you tried youtubing some exercises or yoga? I'm not sure if your pain is caused by the same thing mine was (inner rotator cuff,) but the piriformis stretch and the clamshell exercise really helped.
I cannot believe how rude people have been to you! Sadly, there are a lot of people out there with no sympathy.

emiliadkay · March 2018

@Amphibious22 Yeah, I don't think anyone (rational) would blame you for minimizing communication with your Mom for a while. Maybe once the LO is here and her comments officially become "parenting judgments" (like, What?) she'll cool it. If not, she's going to miss out on a lot of great moments with her grandchild. Which is sad, but you have to take care of yourself and your new family first!

@doxiemoxie212 If time allows, maybe plan a small, mini-sprinkle with just your BFF later in the weekend? It won't solve the gifts issue, but an afternoon of cupcakes, sparkling water, pedicures and girl/baby talk with your favorite could be pretty great anyway. In any case, please don't stress that the weekend will be disappointing for her after making the trip. The more the shower's a disaster (and I still hope it won't be), the more grateful she's going to be to have made the effort and been a bright spot.

@kfren I'm sorry

We were pulling for you. MH's team is the last game of the night tonight and it's probably not going to go well. I'm bracing myself for a rough weekend.

@marcus7676 Daycare is honestly the most stressful logistic piece of this whole pre-baby puzzle. I'm sorry that your experience has been especially rough, though there's still a LOT of time until September and you have so many people's fingers crossed for you. It sounds like you've done everything right, been as proactive as you can possibly be, and you have a plan for even the worst case scenario where you have to keep both kids home with a nanny. Hang in there.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@emiliadkay no she’s the one who has ended up having to do everything. That’s why I feel bad. She’s flying out AND buying everything AND planning everything AND setting everything up when she really only signed up to help support so that’s why I feel bad. The other girls, whose idea it was and who pushed for it, have basically forgotten about it (and one actually forgot lol). It’s been weird.

emiliadkay · March 2018

@doxiemoxie212 Blech. And still, I know you're going to return the favor 10x over whenever it's her turn for a shower. It's not enough, and still so not fair, but it's the one thing you can do.

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@emiliadkay that’s true - hopefully I’ll get the opportunity to return the favor.

krash_ · March 2018

@ffw0617 your co-workers complaining about you having to take pills its incredibly immature. Like how does that affect their life in any way, shape or form? Since it's just a temp position I would definitely find something else.

kmurdock925 · March 2018

Amphibious22 - ugh sorry. That sounds like a beyond frustrating conversation. Like everyone has already said- at least you stood up for yourself and how you're going to raise your child and she has to respect the fact that you're the mom. If she doesn't she will end up missing out.

@doxiemoxie212 - what a cluster

@ffw0617 - that is insane. I feel like I always had the complete opposite experiences. When I'm no longer pregnant I feel like no one holds doors anymore and people just get rude. So sorry you've had to deal with that...and shame on your coworkers about saying you're taking drugs. That is beyond absurd and like telling them that they chew too loudly and it is distracting.

silvergreen · March 2018

Am I misinterpreting this? If not, I have no words...

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/gj/mhkli2dvmj8b.jpg

doxiemoxie212 · March 2018

@silvergreen bear or brother, both seem v v weird

krash_ · March 2018

@silvergreen aside from the fact that putting anything with an "I'd like to F" on a piece of children's clothing is so so wrong, I just don't get it. Like I don't understand what it means...

amys614 · March 2018

@silvergreen urban dictionary says it's a phrase Stewie, a baby?, from Family Guy says---but yes standing for what we are all thinking. Never watched that show. Now I know why.

silvergreen · March 2018

I literally just googled "grey bear onesie" and that came up. So gross. I assumed the B stood for bear or baby.

catlady1215 · March 2018

that is seriously disturbing. cartoon baby saying or not, it wouldn't be on my kid

LaceyBee522 · March 2018

@Amphibious22 (((hugs))) I'm sorry your mom is reacting like that. I hope she comes around and lays off. Her telling you to call when you're less cranky made me frustrated for you! That is such an annoying thing to say.

@ffw0617 Your co-workers need to chill. WTF? Opening a bottle of pills is no louder than typing on a keyboard. Those people need to get a frickin' grip!

@silvergreen That is wrong on sooo many levels! I can't decide how many levels because I just don't even understand it!

ffw0617 · March 2018

@Silvergreen that onesie is disturbing. You’d be surprised at how people who make apparel don’t run things by anyone they just make it. DH is a screen printer and on several occasions throughout the years he’s made mistakes on shirts. He’s forgotten the U before in Southern, he’s added S when something should be singular, forgotten S when something should be plural (or vice versa with the subject & verb). It upsets me bc if he’s selling them on his own retail ( meaning there’s no client (wholesale) to approve it) he won’t run it by anyone else. Its cost him hundreds (especially the Texas Sothern Mom shirt) in messed up shirts and loss sales.

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