Post your advice to moms in first pregnancy

shastasky · March 2018

Hi guys,
This is my first progressing pregnancy. I know nothing of what to expect during pregnancy (or after birth for that matter). Can some mommas who are 2nd, 3rd (or more) pregnancy please give me, and other 1st time moms, advice on these topics:

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?
What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

Those are a few topics to get started, but anything else you wish to share is welcome!

CopperBoom86 · March 2018

I think this will be a fun and useful thread! Thanks for starting, @shastasky!

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? My first pregnancy was pretty awesome. I felt great for probably 98% of it! The few things I experienced that I wasn't prepared for were: 1) Having little to no symptoms. Everyone else was talking about sore boobs, puking, food aversions, etc and I was sitting over here thinking "I completely get how all those girls ended up on 'I didn't know I was pregnant'" because if not for that little pink line, I wouldn't have known, at all! That messed with my head a lot and I wish I'd just chilled out and enjoyed the ride. 2.) Digestive issues were huge for me (and are this time around, too.) Constipation, diarrhea, and gas galore! 3.) Later on in my pregnancy, I had a TON of tailbone pain. I couldn't sit for longer than 5 minutes without having to get up and walk around.
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? Best advice is really no advice, at all, haha. I read and studied constantly about my pregnancy. I didn't really need anyone to tell me anything. Plus, every pregnancy and every baby is different, so a lot of advice that may have been super useful for someone else, might be completely useless for you.
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? This is only my second, but the only thing I plan to do differently is not to stress out and run to Dr. Google over every-little-thing.
What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? Maternity: anything BUT black leggings and comfy tees, haha. I wore a few "cute" outfits, but mostly, I just wanted to be comfy. I wore the same 4 v-neck tees from Motherhood a billion times. After baby: I overspent time and energy on trying to force breastfeeding to work. I missed out on the joy of my first baby's first month because I was obsessed with trying to BF. If I could give you one piece of advice, it's to roll with the punches. Don't get too hung up on doing things a certain way. Find out what works for you and your baby and roll with that.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? Not sure about this one. I'll have to come back to it!

sarcaztic1016 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? The crazy amount of vaginal discharge really surprised me the first time and when the baby kicks you in the vagina from the inside. It really hurts!
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? Best advice... when all the 1st time moms get closer to their due dates you will be wondering how you will know if you are in labor. Trust me you will know! Also that it’s time to head to the hospital, call the midwife, etc and you are in real labor when you can’t walk or talk through your contractions.
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? I learned not to buy into all the gadgets for babies and to not try to keep a feeding schedule in the early weeks just focus on feeding baby on demand and taking care of yourself. I also second the yoga pants/leggings and a comfy oversized shirt outfit after LO is born. Oh, and bamboo breastpads are the best, don’t even bother with disposable. If you choose to breastfeed know it won’t be easy. It will be so hard and those first few weeks to a month you will be in pain, actual pain, but after that it gets so much easier. Don’t quit on a bad day, if you decide to quit do it after you are feeling ok and have really thought about it.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? a bouncer seat was a total waste of money. The swing is where it’s at. I also never really used a changing table with my kids after the 1st like 3 months so I would just go with a dresser and a changing pad on top.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? A few weeks prior to your due date start meal planning and storing freezer meals. Plan to be tired after birth, get your SO on board to take care of you. You will be so focused on the baby it is so easy to just forget to drink enough water or eat. Enlist H to help make sure you are being cared for and getting the things you need.

Take advice from others with a grain of salt. Use what you want and leave the rest. You are the authority on your baby and your body.

lachnessmomster · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? Aches and pains in my groin area beginning probably in second tri. I never got it officially diagnosed or anything, but Google suggests it was symphysis pubic dysfunction? All I know is that it hurt to stand on one leg to put on pants, and I did not love it.
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." Kind of cheesy, but it's something my MIL always says that helped when I got too in-my-head and worried about things.
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? This time around, I'm going to try to be more open-minded about my birth plan. With DS, I swore I was going to have an unmedicated, birth center, water birth experience. In reality, I was transferred to the hospital via ambulance, immediately said yes to an epidural when asked, and ended up having an emergency c-section. So my game plan this time is whatever is going to get us through birth safely.
What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? I was a minimalist when it came to baby things, so I truly can't think of something I wish I hadn't purchased.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? Toward the end, try to meal plan! Make casseroles and such that you can stick in the freezer before baby arrives. Friends or family might bring by meals as well, but just in case, have some things handy! And have healthy snacks around that are easy to grab while nursing an infant. I crushed cocoa-covered almonds in those early days. They were my favorite!

Clobert · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? I had a very typical pregnancy. I got migraines for about a month in 2nd trimester
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? Less reading about birth and breastfeeding and more preparing for the crazy newborn stage.
What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? I was pretty minimalist and like most things I got. I think I could have done without the arms reach cosleeper and gotten a pack n play with bassinet.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? Make freezer meals that other people can make easily for you. It was so hard to feed ourselves. Read about sleep and baby stuff because you won’t be able to read anything after the baby’s born. Learn how to use the pump and get a hands free pumping bra. Find resources for breastfeeding ahead of time and find classes or groups for newrborns and new moms. We got just a dog walker and I had a 3 day labor and 2 day stay so I would make better plans for our dog and now our older child.

josie12367 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
Be prepared for the unexpected! My first pregnancy was so so easy that I thought I was ready the second time around... well, a bout of colitis, a kidney stone, and hospitalization for hydronephrosis (swollen kidney) changed that! EVERY pregnancy is different. Just don't get to worked up if you have a few surprises on the way!

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
It's okay to not know something... ask questions! It's your body... you have authority over what happens to it and your baby. Know your options.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?
Always have snacks and a bottle of water! Hanger and hormones don't mix. ETA be kind to yourself and give yourself a little grace. Nap when you can... practice self care now and prioritize it even after baby. You can't take care of a helpless human if you're running on empty

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?
Gear like swings, bouncy chairs, jumpers, and other things that depend on baby preference buy used! You'll save loads of money that way. Lots of items can be at thrift stores or specific baby resell stores

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?
Hospital bag should be ready around 34 weeks just in case. Even if it's just toiletries and an extra pair of pjs. Know what your hospital provides so you know what to pack. Don't pack too heavy...I only used a fraction of what I packed. 2.) If you're going to travel... try to do it in second trimester.

Biggest thing is to DO YOUR RESEARCH! Giving birth has so many things and variables... be knowledgeable about what options you have so you can make an informed choice. Just because something isn't in your birth plan doesn't mean it may not occur to you or your baby.

KellyT22 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? My oldest was a preemie, second was full term, but I did progesterone shots. CS under general anesthesia with the first and a successful VBAC with #2.
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? Try for a VBAC. I’m so glad I listened to my OB and avoided another surgery.
What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? Get things done as early as possible. Seriously. Now is the time to clean out the spare bedroom, paint, clean your house, etc. by the third tri you are way too tired.
What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? I bought a second pack and play that we really didn’t need. My oldest used one but youngest never did.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? Pack your hospital bag early. Nothing scarier than hoping DH knows what to grab if you go into early labor. Eat well. I know you’re hangry and stuff but baby weight is a bitch to lose.

lifesabeach85 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

Like @CopperBoom86 I wasn’t prepared to have so few symptoms with my first pregnancy.

Last time, my digestive issues, specifically constipation, was a third trimester issue. This time, it’s been since the beginning.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

My Mom - take advantage of using pregnancy as an excuse to go rest whenever you want and don’t feel bad about it.

The best pregnancy book I read was Expecting Better by Emily Oster

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

I guess relax more about everything? Not have so much anxiety about every little thing.

But it my advice is to find a doctor you really trust and feel comfortable with. Someone who listens to you and treats you with concern and respect.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

It’s unfortunately impossible to say what your specific baby will or will not like, and they do have opinions! We went through a gazillion different types of swaddles, for example.

The best gear advice I have is to have something to set baby down in in every room you regularly spend time in. So like bouncy chair in the kitchen, swing in the living room, playmat in the master etc

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

Be very clear about who will be allowed to visit in the hospital and in the first days home. Don’t feel bad about saying no! And anyone who comes of stays HELPS.

Get a lot of todos done (visit the dentist, get your hair done, get your oil changed, clean the house) before your due date. Do a babymoon if you can!!! So much harder when baby is here.

The most important advice I wish I had taken sooner is to take time for yourself after baby is born. Your baby will be the most important thing in your life, but shouldn’t be the only important thing. So, let dad hold baby while you take a bubble bath, let grandma babysit while you and DH go to dinner, hire a babysitter and go out and get your nails done. You need a break for your sanity!

argyleagain · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
Rule one of pregnancy: everything is a pregnancy symptom. It's a wild ride. Hot? Yes. Cold? Yes. Feet change size? Hair changes from straight to curly? Yup. Anything can happen in pregnancy. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't call if you're worried, especially for sharp pain or any possible amniotic leaking.
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
Hmm.
One: breastfeeding. If you can make it to 2 months, you've probably made it. I had lots of trouble, but I held on to that goal, and it was true. By then I had it.
Two: cheesey time. "The days are long but the years are short." This was my mantra in the beginning.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?
Mostly MS strategies. Eat small amounts often. Lemon flavors help. Sour hard candies too. Keep crackers by the bed and eat some first thing. Water makes it worse--take small sips often, with food. But if you know you're going to vomit, chug water. It'll come up easier. Trust me, this matters a lot. Sparse foamy vomit can be painful and lasts longer.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?
Maternity clothes that I couldn't nurse in. Button down is your friend. Also nursing bras and tops. Lots of regular ones work fine.
What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?
No idea. But, go ahead and do the things you don't need to do until much later, like decorate the nursery and baby proof things. When the time does come you'll be glad it's done!

argyleagain · March 2018

One last thing: your milage WILL vary. Not everything will apply, you won't be normal in every way. For example, I went to the hospital because my water broke, but it turned out they were measuring major contractions I couldn't even feel. And my doctor gave me shit about gaining too much weight and said I'd have a "battle" getting it off, and then it turned out nursing drained my body so much I became underweight. So, yeah. Hardly any rule is universal.

wamam027 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

- We did Bradley Method classes and I wound up with pretty severe pre-eclampsia in my third trimester which meant interventions I wasn't "planning" for. My Bradley instructor walked me through typical protocol for pre-eclampsia and explained to me my different options for having a delivery more in line with my desires for unmedicated birth. She explained to me that my ob worked for me, not the other way around and as long as baby and I were safe and not in danger, I had the power to be my own advocate and have the delivery I wanted (obviously with some unwanted measures due to the pre-eclampsia). Without this pep talk my delivery would have gone SO much different and I felt so empowered and proud of myself for ensuring I got what I wanted while ensuring the health of myself and DD regardless of some hiccups thrown our way. Be your own advocate. Educate yourself so you're prepared to make decisions because things rarely go according to plan and you need to be prepared for that.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

-Believe in myself. I was so unsure, anxious, worried about my abilities last time to be pregnant, deliver and care for a baby and that really affected my experiences with all of those things.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

-Every baby is different and will like different things. I bought 3 different baby carriers and DD HATED baby wearing. I bought the play mat and she hated being on the floor and instead wanted to be up and involved in the action always. I wouldn't say I don't need these things, because this baby may be different and may love baby wearing and the play mat, just know that where your friend's kid may love the swing, yours may despise it and you have to be flexible.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

A lot of good points already covered by others so I'll just throw in there that things happen and this baby can be here ANY time. I walked into my 37 week appointment fully expecting to have up to 5 more weeks without baby (first time mom and it was beat into my head that most go to 41 or 42 weeks if there aren't any complications) and I left that appointment trying to deal with the fact that I'd be having a baby in 2 days instead due to induction. Complications arise, babies have minds of their own. Be as prepared as you possibly can be for baby to come anytime whether earlier or later than expected.

brookepdavis · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

I never had morning sickness. I had very minimal pregnancy symptoms at all other than being a little more tired. This time around I still don't have many symptoms, but I am beyond exhausted. I want to take an afternoon nap every day and go to bed at 7pm with my toddler.

I had a scheduled c-section due to breech positioning. Around 32 weeks she was still breech and I knew I was having a c-section because they odds of her turning on her own were super low because of my bicornuate uterus. It turned out to be pretty darn easy.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

Trust your instincts. Right after giving birth, DH and I were asking a ton of questions to the nurses and the nurse said "Listen, the fact that you're asking these questions means you're going to be just fine." It calmed me down so much to know that my instincts were on target. Listen to your body and trust yourself.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

I would like to say relax more, but I don't think I'll be able to relax until I get out of the first trimester. I was never super strict on pregnancy rules. My doctor always told me I could do anything in moderation and my body would tell me when to stop. I ate deli meat (mostly warmed up), ate sushi (mostly cooked), drank caffeine, and did most things in moderation.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

We were VERY frugal with our first. I bought most big ticket items second hand and shopped sales like crazy for the new stuff. We probably had too many toys, but at almost 18 months, she's still playing with most of them.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

Enjoy your alone time and time with your SO. We made a conscious effort to enjoy even the simple afternoons watching a movie the whole summer before DD was born. I knew it would be the last time for a while that we could do just nothing for a whole weekend. Also, try to keep moving as much as possible. I went on a 1-2 mile walk every day until the last two weeks. I really think it helped to keep moving. When I would skip it for a day or two I would feel achy and uncomfortable.

vrj0522 · March 2018

I suck at typing on my phone so I'll just say this: unless there are specific concerns/risks that your doctor has pointed out for your pregnancy, try not to be too scared of everything. You will most likely be perfectly fine if you eat cold deli meat and soft serve ice cream, and drink some coffee, or miss your prenatal vitamins sometimes. I'm not saying not to follow suggestions for a healthy pregnancy but it would take whole lot for you to mess up an otherwise healthy pregnancy. And I mean, a whole lot. Also, working out is perfectly fine as long as you keep it comfortable. And I'm not saying don't push yourself, I'm just saying be careful that you don't hurt yourself or push to where there is the bad type of pain.

As far as unnecessary expenses, I have 3 kids and I think we have used the PNP once on an overnight trip and my son wouldn't even sleep in it.

phoenix870509 · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
Lightning crotch. Some fellow mama's would be upset with me if I didn't warn you FTMs about lightning crotch. You're sitting there minding your own business when all of a sudden BAM, you don't know what's just hit your crotch. This is normal. Annoying, but normal. Lot of discharge, get panty liners. When baby starts to move, keep track of movement and try not to panic if baby doesn't move so much one day. Baby could just be sleeping at an abnormal time. Drinking something sugary will wake them up, but then you'll have a hyper bouncy baby in there and you won't be able to get anything done.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
Sleep is more important than a clean house. Seriously. Don't worry about the dishes or dusting. If that baby is sleeping, SLEEP! Wear the baby and do the dishes later, or have someone do them for you. Also, if someone offers to help then let them help! And do not worry about playing host to people who want to visit after the baby is born. If they want to come over, make it clear they need to be useful.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?
Do not worry about what foods you are eating. Yes, trying to eat healthy is important, but first tri, especially if you are having bad morning sickness, any food you get into you is good enough. Baby will take exactly what it needs from you. If all you can eat is crackers, don't try and force yourself to eat something more nutritious. With my first I stressed about not being able to eat properly and was so afraid DS wouldn't develop properly. With this pregnancy I'm not stressing if I can't eat. I eat what I can and call it a day.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?
I insisted on getting a bottle warmer, since I stressed that DS would refuse pumped milk if it was cold. This child was a unicorn child and drank milk at any temperature. And toys are great, but the boxes they come in are even more amazing.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?
Kegels are important. Do your kegels. Expect the unexpected. Babies come whenever they feel like it. Mine needed to be evicted, but we were prepped to go to the hospital as soon as 36 weeks when I was told any day now.

melicee14 · March 2018

This thread was so awesome to read! I too am a FTM and like most others are freaking out over every little thing. It's so nice to hear and see that what they say is true...every pregnancy is different. This really helped put my mind at ease. Thanks for starting this @shastasky !!!

jkmartin723 · March 2018

I second everything @melicee14 said. As a FTM there are so many questions especially in this early stage and this thread has been extremely helpful and reassuring. Thanks @shastasky, glad we all have one another.

TheSouffleGirl · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?
Here is a (short) list of Things That Made Me Panic That Were Just Fine:
1) Bleeding at 10 weeks when I ran a 5k. (I guess exercise can irritate things!)
2) Fevers (2) in the high 101s during the first trimester. (Control via Tylenol and no problemo!)
3) Black spots and light streaks in my vision. (Not pre-eclampsia like Google suggested! Sign of stress!)
4) Constant white coat hypertension. (They gave me a cuff to measure at home.)

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?
"1.2% alcohol? That's more or less drinking water. Drink some water." - My OB, on a beer my husband brewed me in the 3rd trimester.

(For the record, orange juice is .5%. Basic math is your friend! Half a super low-alcohol beer is basically a glass of orange juice!)

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?
I heartily regret not doing my Kegels the first time around. DO YOUR KEGELS. End of story.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?
Basically everything involving the baby's sleeping, eating, carrying arrangements (i.e. anything the baby might have an opinion about). Baby's gonna do what baby wants to do no matter how many reviews you read or how much you spent on that Ergo, My Brest Friend, or Mamaroo, and while you're figuring it out you may as well borrow from friends or buy used for $15 off Craigslist.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?
Okay, this may also be a UO, but I'm going to take this question in a different direction for people who have personalities similar to mine: I'm going to say that if you don't want to plan certain things/feel planning them would stress you out more than help you, that's okay. Don't plan them.

I personally chose not to take a birth class or to create a birth plan, and in the end felt happy with both decisions. I had really pushy friends who were constantly asking me if I had read a variety of books or visited XYZ hospital/birth center or taken XYZ class. They showed me their birth plan checklists and recommended doulas and lactation consultants and couldn't believe I hadn't booked them in advance. When I did read some books or look at the options different hospitals had, I felt immediately overwhelmed by all the contradictory opinions, especially because I knew I was unqualified to wade through all the science and counter-science and pseudo-science.

Instead, I read What to Expect and the Bump weekly newsletters, chose a doctor I trusted who worked at a hospital I liked, and only asked questions of a couple of registered nurse friends I have found to be wise. My doctor and I talked about what decisions surrounding the birth I needed to make beforehand, and I read the basic account of birth in What to Expect. During the birth, he and my nurses were great and told me everything that was happening and presented me with options as they arose.

I know that this path isn't for everyone, and that there are some basic things everyone needs to know (I am definitely not advocating for total ignorance), but I think that at a certain point it's important to do what will decrease your stress. Know yourself, and realize if feeling the pressure to plan, buy, master, and pack everything will cause more problems than it will solve, there's no need to give in to it. Read basic information, and get advice and assistance from medical people and friends you trust who are similar to you. Then call it a day, put away the books and the internet, and sit on the front porch with that virgin pina colada.

MojieJo · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

* Crazy dreams
* Crazy discharge (so much watery CM that it was like I was peeing myself!)
* Feeling like I wasn't pregnant, even though I had a very noticeable bump! No morning sickness, minimal pelvic and back pain (in spite of having twins)...just felt like myself but more tired most of the time.
* Itchy hands and feet (although that can be a sign of cholestasis, which isn't good but it's treatable, so get it checked out - mine was just one of those weird things)
* The feeling like someone was cranking my ribcage open from the inside towards the end (but I did have twins and one was firmly ensconced up under my ribs, so YMMV)
* Feeling like my period was coming even late into pregnancy
* That weird feeling when a head or butt makes a huge, visible bump in your bump! Bizarre!

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

Don't panic. There's a huge range of normal things that can seem scary. When in doubt, call your doctor. They're there to answer your questions!

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

Try to enjoy it! You're going to be stressed, maybe even panic now and then, but if you don't let yourself enjoy the experience (even when it's unpleasant), you're going to regret it.

I sorely regret not savoring every minute of my first pregnancy. I spent so much time and emotional effort getting pregnant that I spent the whole time scared something was going to go wrong and got too caught up in the fear to be really present.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

So many clothes we never even took the tags off of! They just grew too fast to stay in each size for long, but it's so tempting when the clothes are so cute.

Maternity-wise, I bought too many jeans. Cute, but not the most comfortable. I ended up wearing nothing but dresses and skirts towards the end and I am NOT a dress/skirt person.

Also, buy non-maternity clothes that will still work post-baby. I loved stretchy maxi dresses and skirts and I still wear them now! They're better choices than specifically maternity clothes.

No need for maternity PJ's, either. Just wear your SO's if they're big enough (my husband is a M/L and I wore his t-shirts and PJ pants all the way through birth).

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

I honestly don't even know and I've been through this before. I still feel like I don't know when to start planning anything this time around. I'm sorry. I'm useless on this one.

tinypikachu · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

I think the biggest thing was how shocking all the unexpected symptoms were. If you’ve ever watched “What to expect when you’re expecting”, I was Elizabeth Banks’ character through my entire pregnancy. The lightning crotch, swamp crotch, RLP, throwing up until delivery, night sweats, etc. I tell people that no one tells you the truth until you ger pregnant and then everyone’s like “yeah, been there” lol.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

To take it one day at a time. People say to “sleep while you can!” as if you can somehow set up a savings account for hours slept. Ignore them! The best thing is to just slow down and reminds yourself that it’s one day at a time. I also am always really anxious about little things and a nurse at my OB’s office told me that peace of mind is one of the most important things during pregnancy and that being worried means you just want the best for your littles, which already makes you a good mom.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

Relaaaaax! And not be so desperate for time to fly by (except the first tri, that ish can whiz by, tbh). To just enjoy the baby kicks when you get there; they’re the best part of pregnancy aside from the delivery! Also, enjoy the attention from everyone lol

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

We were pretty minimal, tbh. I didn’t want a swing or anything other than a pnp and a crib and changing table. I was really glad I kept it that way because I prefer to just keep it to the minimum.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

I have no idea how anyone manages to set up a nursery with a newborn, those moms are superwomen! We’ll keep baby in our room for at least 6 months but we’ve always still spent a lot of time in the nursery changing baby and nursing, etc. But that depends on family dynamics, really. A nursery also isn’t necessary! I also think planning mesls beforehand for the first few weeks with a newborn is huge. Everyone told me freezer meals were not worth the trouble so I didn’t make them but I so, so wish I had!

linz36 · March 2018

This is such good advice! Do you guys think it’s sticky worthy?

jkmartin723 · March 2018

@linz36, I do!!! I literally get peace of mind from reading these quotes. As a FTM and still 2 weeks out until ultrasound, I have so many questions. DH is so excited (as am I) however I worry about every little pain or weird symptom. These comments have helped me to start relax and just enjoy this moment. I appreciate all of the advice ha.

linz36 · March 2018

@BumpAdmin Can we get a sticky please!!!!

thebobloblaw · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

Lightning crotch scared the crap
out of me until I learned it was a thing. I had no concerns about having GD as I had no risk factors, and was proved massively wrong. Also that I completely spaced out at all my appointments. Thankfully my SO went to just about all of them and could remind me of what was said or what happened. Baby brain is a real thing yo.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

Still figuring that out, lol. This is my first time being a second time mom!

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

So much baby stuff. They go through things so fast the first year. If you think you can live without it, try. Otherwise get used. Maternity clothes also - buy stuff that is functionable after delivery, especially if you plan on trying to nurse. I can’t stress that enough! I had no clothes that worked after I had her and had to spend more money (and no one wants to go shopping with a brand new baby in the middle of winter!)

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

I couldn’t agree with @TheSouffleGirl more on this question. I tried not to set up too many expectations and looking back I think this was the best thing I could’ve done as nothing really went the way I imagined.

pelorunningmama · March 2018

I think there is so much great advice here, so I am going to focus on post-partum advice because it is an area I received very little info on. I promise I'm not trying to scare or be negative, but I just want to share the very real things that happened to me that I was unaware of.

- You will want a stool softener for after you come home from the hospital. It may be a few days (or longer, took me 8) to have your first bowel movement after baby. I was terrified of this and the stool softener daily helped ease some of my anxiety.

- If you plan on breastfeeding, babies do this thing called "cluster-feeding." It will make you feel crazy because most doctors advise to feed new babies every 2 to 3 hours on a schedule. With my first, I followed that schedule and did not listen to my baby's cues. Second baby, I fed on demand. Cluster feeding begins anywhere from 1 to several weeks postpartum. Typically at night, a baby will want to nurse every 30 minutes or so for a large chunk of time (mine was on the boob from 5pm to 11pm or so every 30 minutes). It is exhausting, your hormones will be whacked out, but this brings in a solid, healthy supply. It is completely normal.

- Coconut oil is a fantastic alternative to lanolin for chapped, beat up nipples.

- You will want very large pads or Depends undergarments for post-partum bleeding. There will be a lot of it and it will last 6 weeks or so.

- Some moms have terrible hot flashes and night sweats. I did. I slept on a towel from maybe 4 week until 3 months or so as my body shed the water weight at night through sweat.

- Your hair will likely shed around the 3 month mark (maybe sooner or later). Mine came out in mass around 3 months and continued to come out for months after.

- Don't worry if your nursery isn't perfect or even done when baby arrived. With both of mine, they did not sleep in their nursery until at least 6 or 7 months. We could have survived with a bassinet, dock a tot, diapers and onesies and been just fine.

- Each baby is so different. My first experience was SO difficult. My DD hated being put down, hated sleeping and cried a lot, which resulted in me hardly sleeping and crying a lot. I had some mild PPD and had moments where I thought "what have we done." Second baby was world's easier. I fed on demand. He slept. He was so go with the flow. I had more of an idea of what to expect and overall was much easier on myself. If we all make it to a facebook group post-babies, try not to compare you baby to others. It is all a phase and you will make it through! You will hear the expression "the days are short, but the years are fast" so many times. It is incredibly true.

phoenix870509 · March 2018

Following off what @wannaflickone said, those mesh panties are THE BOMB! I took as many as I could from the hospital and wore them for weeks. And I managed to get 2 peri bottles. Take these. They are your friends.

Destin spray was a life saver. You can make your own ice packs or get some single use ones from the first aid aisle. I did not make padsicles with the witch hazel, but I really didn't feel like I needed it. Destin spray and single use ice packs were my friend for weeks.

After DS was born (vaginally), I felt like I had to poop. Like, could not lay on my back in so much pain, needed to push. Of course, I didn't, and the nurses told me it was normal. The sensation went away after a few hours, but boy was it uncomfortable.

And if you are having the baby vaginally, they tell you you'll know it's time to push when you feel like you have to poop. Not my case, I felt pressure on my cervix, like the baby was crowning and it was time. The nurse originally dismissed me, but DH, my mom and I all insisted she check me so she did. I was 10cm and ready to go. Listen to your body and SPEAK UP! Make sure the people you chose to have in the room with you are willing to speak for you, as well, in the case where you cannot.

TheSouffleGirl · March 2018

Okay, finally remembered a (serious) piece of advice I want to add. Well, it's not really a piece of advice, but it was a comment someone once made that will change how I face pregnancy this time around: often, in the modern world, we think of pregnancy as a pathology. That's unnecessary.

Medically, pregnancy is not an ailment, and it does not need to be heavily "managed" or "treated" to go well. I don't need to feel like my pregnancy is tending by nature towards some disaster which can only be averted by me checking off twenty things I'm doing to "help" it every day. Being pregnant is like digesting food: most of us won't need any intervention; when it's needed, it will often be very simple (just like for a stomach ailment!); true emergencies are extraordinarily rare.

Pregnancy is also not best thought of as a personal affliction. I was definitely a cranky pants the first time around, because I was so attached to drinking cocktails, wearing pretty clothes, and going on long runs. I resented every change in my body that I saw as an "unnatural" ailment that took me away from my perception of myself for nine months. Yes, there were some genuine sufferings (swelling, heartburn, insomnia, one or two moments where I thought something really bad was wrong), but I was really thinking of even the healthy parts of pregnancy as a malady, and all it did was make me really resentful and unpleasant!

This time around, my goal is to think about being pregnant as little as possible, and think about being me more.

I mean, when I got the BFP, my immediate reaction was "Oh no, guess it's worth it, but here we go with nine months of feeling medically imperiled and Not Myself." And then I was like, "Wait. It doesn't have to be that way." I'll let you know how I do with that.

lifesabeach85 · March 2018

TheSouffleGirl said:

Medically, pregnancy is not an ailment, and it does not need to be heavily "managed" or "treated" to go well. I don't need to feel like my pregnancy is tending by nature towards some disaster which can only be averted by me checking off twenty things I'm doing to "help" it every day. Being pregnant is like digesting food: most of us won't need any intervention; when it's needed, it will often be very simple (just like for a stomach ailment!); true emergencies are extraordinarily rare.

Yes! I think the same should be said for childbirth, in a low risk pregnancy and birth without major risk factors.

bgoodwin4 · March 2018

Ok, so I only have a few things:
1) if you have horrible morning sickness,try to eat some strawberry jello. Or whichever flavor doesn’t make tou

bgoodwin4 · March 2018

Sorry hit done too soon. Ok the jello. Makes vomiting slightly less miserable. Tends to take some of the vomit take away.
2) The Baby Bargains book. Best purchase ever. Used it for my entire registery.
3) If you get a heavy stroller like the Bob, also get something lightweight that is easy to toss in the car. Make sure it has a basket underneath and a cup holder.
4) stock up on coffee.
5) the night sweats about 2-3 weeks after birth were miserable. At least the heat will be on for most people in Nov, but buy comfortable sleeping layers (easy boob access if you’re BF).
6) don’t overpack your hospital bag. They have most stuff you’ll need at the hospital. Comfy slippers and loose pjs were key.
7) be prepared to worry about everything. It’s normal.
8). THE MOST IMPORTANT: if you think something doesn’t seem right, call your dr. Listen to your body and your gut instincts. Be firm and push for what you want. I had a situation come up that I had checked out but was more passive when the dr said it was fine. Low and behold, it resulted in my induction at 38 weeks. I think back about what could have been had I not been forced to see a new Dr at my 38 week appt. I will be more aggressive this time around.
9) Not every birth experience is miserable. Keep an open mind and know your birth plan may not work out. Regardless of what happens, it’s 1000000% worth it.

joannadial88 · March 2018

1. Take as many naps as possible
2. take what other moms say with a grain of salt, but still listen.
3. don't buy everything you get recommended. You really don't need as much as you think.
4. ALWAYS take the time for your mental health. You cannot pour from an empty glass.
5. Ask for advise and help, and don't feel weak for doing so. It really does take a village.
6. Determine your support system early on, and rely on them!
7. breathe

MouseMama817 · March 2018

Such a great thread!!

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? I had little to no nausea, but lots of food aversion. Thank goodness for The Bump because I thought something was wrong with me. I also had tachycardia pretty bad and in my last few months I couldn’t stand for long w/o feeling like I was going to pass out.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? I was very into research when I was pregnant so oftentimes, I would bring things up to my doctor before she remembered to tell me (like the strep test and TDAP shot). But I did just recently hear a piece of advice from a podcast I listen to, which is to have a ready-made, catch-all comment for when someone questions your decisions such as “We’ve done our research and we’re happy with our decision.” As a FTM I was so insecure and defensive. It would’ve made me feel better to have a one and done answer for the thousands of busy bodies.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? I’ve realized how much things can change in the AAP recs and I’ve watched my SIL’s have second babies and think they don’t need to do any sort of research because they knew what to do last time (putting your baby to sleep on their stomach was apparently okay 6 years ago?). I’m not so overly confident that I think I don’t have anything new to learn, even though my first is only 2.5.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? A nursing bra. I could never figure the stupid thing out and it was uuuggglllyyyy. This time I’m just going to buy a bunch of Amazon sports bras.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? I think freezer meals and extras of the little things. I didn’t follow this advice and I remember some tough nights when my family expected dinner and I was too exhausted but starving. I can’t even remember what we did during this time! Probably a lot more take out than I’d like to admit. And stock up on extras of things like toilet paper, toiletries, etc. When you’re exhausted and haven’t showered in days, you’re not going to run to the store for these things.

therealfrizzle · March 2018

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies?

I guess nothing that would be considered out of the ordinary, but when the baby gets hiccups the first few times, it's really weird.

What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member?

Judge yourself as you would judge another person in your situation. You'd give a pregnant mama some slack for eating a burger but criticize yourself? Stop.

Take in every moment because they go by too fast. One day, you won't have the wiggles in your belly. Your baby won't cry for you through the night. Your toddler won't need you to cut his food. Your child won't need you to hold their hand. Even the rough moments, take them in, because they don't last. This thought pattern helped me through some of the worst nights when DS was a newborn.

What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies?

Since this is my 2nd, nothing much lol. I will most definitely have a different attitude towards all the unwanted advice. Some of it is stupid or so particular that it doesn't apply. I'm also not going to judge myself as harshly for weight gain. I gained 67 pounds with DS, 10 in the first tri. I lost 65 pounds by his first birthday.

What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)?

I bought a lot of things used and DS thankfully liked what we had. Don't spend a lot of money on bouncer seats, swings, RnPs, PnPs until you know what your baby likes. Then splurge away. Also, I bought a Boppy that was never used due to difficulties breastfeeding. That's one that I regret, but couldn't have known beforehand.

Do splurge on leggings, yoga pants, and oversized shirts. I was even wearing H's boxers as PJ shorts late in the pregnancy. Anything that will be comfortable. And if you find something you like, buy two pairs. Helps when you just don't want to do laundry.

What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy?

Make sure you know what you want and tell people now so they have time to complain, whine, and be rude but accept your decision. I have back problems, had two surgeries by the time I was 24. Told everyone I would not do more than one shower and it had to be near home because I had no idea if I was going to be on bed rest or able to manage much travel. People had issues, but my health and baby's health came first.

One of the best things a friend set up for me towards the end of the pregnancy was an online sign up to bring food on different days. We knew who was coming when and what they were bringing. People loved coming by and having the spreadsheet made it easier. Not saying you should do it yourself, but definitely something worth mentioning to a close friend or your mom/MIL.

hollyeva · March 2018

This is awesome! I don't recall a thread like this with my first, but I would have loved it.

What were some strange and unusual things from your other pregnancies? With my second pregnancy I got an extremely bad case of pregnancy rhinitis during the second trimester. Luckily it wore off by about 28 weeks but it was really hard to breathe through my nose! I also had a problem where I was in and out of labor for the last two weeks because the baby was positioned towards the front.What is was the best advice given to you by a doctor or family member? No matter what anyone tells you, it's never going to be the same as their experience. Follow your instincts. Don't expect everything to go by your plan, but make a general plan to help you feel like you have options.What did you learn to do differently subsequent pregnancies? Definitely keep an exercise regimen going, and go swimming if you can in that third trimester. It helps the baby get into a good position for labor. Meditate, or do something to help you focus on nothing at all. Practicing yoga breathing during my first pregnancy prepared me to handle labor well. The second one I got out of practice, I needed that reinforcement. What do you feel you overspent on and didn't need after baby came (or maternity)? I ended up not needed the breastmilk leakage pads very much, I got tons of them from friends but only used a few.What are the most important things new moms should plan, and what stages of pregnancy? Exercise. Start small if you don't exercise currently, but definitely keep it going. Plan to keep yourself occupied with small but intensely fun activities while you're waiting out the last few weeks.

linz36 · April 2018

Bumping this up as the information is so good and I want all the FTMs to see it!

blue2mango · April 2018

I am going off the suggested questions.

Have a birth plan but expect the complete opposite can happen and its okay. I wanted a natural, no meds birth with my son. After watching a friend want the same thing and she ended up with a c-section and pain meds I decided to keep in the back of my mind that might happen and it was okay. I am a planner so when things don't go my way I get anxious and I knew that anxiety wouldn't be good during child birth. I ended up getting meds at the very end of labor to calm me down in hopes I could get the last cm dialated. This decision saved my sons life. I calmed down and they started monitoring his HR because they do that when you use meds. His heart rate dropped drastically with every contraction. I had an emergency CS. The cord was wrapped around his neck and body. A natural birth was not safe. My decision to try some pain meds saved his life. Just keep that in mind.

bridalbump · April 2018

Thank you for this thread! I’m a FTM and don’t have many friends who’ve had children......so I feel like a lost puppy. This is great, thank you ladies!

wildrainbow · April 2018

Ok. I'm going to add my few cents on this as well.

* There is always going to be something that doesn't go according to plan, your job is just roll with as best as possible. All the planning in the world will not account for everything.

* About day four PP you have a hormone dump that puts any hormonal outbursts from pregnancy to shame. For instance, my H came home from grabbing dinner to find me crying unconsolably because I thought our ds hated me. He was asleep. The hormone dump is serious and my H looked at me like I was an alien.

* If you plan to BF see an LC. I can't stress that enough. Ds was born at 35 weeks, because of that I had to triple feed for the first 6 weeks of his life. It was awful, hard, and I wanted to quit so many times, but the LC saved our BF relationship.

* Hand me downs are amazing! If you have someone who has had a baby that is several months older than yours, ask if they have anything they want to get rid of. My friend has two boys and ds gets all their hand me downs, I haven't had to buy him hardly any clothes from newborn until now (he's two). Also, hand me down baby toys and other things like swings, strollers, etc. are a huge money saver!

* Most of all give yourself grace in all stages of pregnancy and motherhood. It's hard. Some days you won't like your baby (it does happen), some days you hate your H and wonder how you got in this mess. Find your tribe, whether that is us here on the board, local mom friends, whatever, find them and connect. Motherhood can be a lonely island if you aren't careful. Find some people to connect you back to land.

internationalbumpie · April 2018

THANK YOU so much, ladies, for sharing! Your suggestions were so helpful. Thank you @shastasky for starting the discussion.

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