I also think regarding losing part of who you were for a mom identity isn't bad. I love being a mom. I quit teaching because while challenging ds is one of the best parts of my life. I actually do like the mom identity. I am totally not trying to say that those who are struggling with who they are and don't want to lose themselves in the mom identity don't also love being patents but...it took me 2.5 years to be ready to add some personal stuff back in and I'm sure I'll readjust with 2. There is nothing wrong with losing yourself in a new aspect of your life for awhile while you try and figure out how it fits with everything else that defines you, or while you change your dedinition.
@SmashJam maybe it would have been better to call it "liking your new identity" than "losing your identity". Agreed life events, especially the big ones like having kids, are going to change you and your daily life in many ways, but having satisfaction and enjoyment with that new status quo is important. From reading your posts you and most other ladies on this board still have a strong sense of self and have interests outside of motherhood.
I think @runsomewhere and I were more talking about the women we've seen who jump fully in and surrender any individual self - unlike the key word "part" you used. My MIL, for example, never really read, didn't watch movies/TV, didn't cook or craft or have any interests and didn't maintain many friendships; she used to play cards but only with her kids and father. When her nest emptied, she had nothing to do outside of waitressing 3 days a week and started gambling to fill the hole and almost lost her house. An extreme case to be sure, but unfortunately I don't think it's that far off the mark for many women. Even before kids, there were things 28 year old me missed about 20 year old me, that's part of becoming an adult, but there's still aspects of that nose ring sporting, pink highlighted, punk princess with a motorcycle license and killer cupcakes in me, she just makes kick-ass bows for her daughter and stress bakes macarons now ;-)
@gingerbride26 I was being a sensitive sally when I wrote that, thanks for being understanding, lol! I definitely know you meant people who abandon everything else, and totally understand what you are saying.
I morn he loss of my old life every now and then but wouldn’t give up these littles for the world. I think your identity is ever changing as you go through life and that is okay.
My UO is that I don’t want a baby shower. I decided I would put the word out and politely decline. Well I didn’t put the word out fast enough at work. Management is new to my office and the guy’s wife emailed me to say she wanted to have something at her house. So it went from cake in the conference room, which is what we usually do, to a party. I delayed responding as I tried to figure out how to decline without making things weird at work... I ended up saying it was generous but not necessary and then provided available dates like she asked. It is very nice and silly to complain about but I just feel uncomfortable.
@chaser61 I don’t want a baby shower either. I participated in showers for both of my bffs this month and I know they’ll want to return the favor, but it seems silly for me to have one (3rd baby). But yeah if they’re persistent I won’t be a B about it lol
@chaser61 that's extra tough if it's the boss's wife... I feel ya though - didn't really want a shower with my 1st and was excited to not have one this time but I've been warned by friends since it's the opposite sex we'll probably get one... just smile and keep eating cake every time you want to scream/cry/do shots
I don't get the hatred over baby showers. I would love to have a party or get together to celebrate this little one, but my social circle has dwindled to nothing other than immediate family. I think I just miss having friends close by
Not really a hatred, I just feel uncomfortable for various reasons. I like going to other people’s showers and giving gifts though. I am just moody today..hormones.
@cseley321 I think it's also an introvert vs extrovert thing and depends on your family/social circle. I hate being center of attention, especially with DH's family, and get anxiety in large groups of people; also I was asked for preferences/input and both minor requests were shot down (timing/date, jack/jill not all women). All of my girlfriends are out of state, my family is tiny and mostly ill and can't/won't drive the 3-4 hours one-way to where my in-laws invariably throw these things (still an hour away from me/DH). My shower for my DD was like 50-60 friends/family of my MIL (many of which I've met 2-3 times), not a single person from my family, one DH's work friends, and my best friend (whom my husband paid to fly up so I wouldn't be alone) and was an absolute anxiety nightmare where I was constantly criticized by my MIL. My bridal shower was equally nightmarish due to my MIL as are any family holiday gathering; just depends on your family dysfunction level I guess.
Re: UO Thursday 3/15
I think @runsomewhere and I were more talking about the women we've seen who jump fully in and surrender any individual self - unlike the key word "part" you used. My MIL, for example, never really read, didn't watch movies/TV, didn't cook or craft or have any interests and didn't maintain many friendships; she used to play cards but only with her kids and father. When her nest emptied, she had nothing to do outside of waitressing 3 days a week and started gambling to fill the hole and almost lost her house. An extreme case to be sure, but unfortunately I don't think it's that far off the mark for many women. Even before kids, there were things 28 year old me missed about 20 year old me, that's part of becoming an adult, but there's still aspects of that nose ring sporting, pink highlighted, punk princess with a motorcycle license and killer cupcakes in me, she just makes kick-ass bows for her daughter and stress bakes macarons now ;-)
My UO is that I don’t want a baby shower. I decided I would put the word out and politely decline. Well I didn’t put the word out fast enough at work. Management is new to my office and the guy’s wife emailed me to say she wanted to have something at her house. So it went from cake in the conference room, which is what we usually do, to a party. I delayed responding as I tried to figure out how to decline without making things weird at work... I ended up saying it was generous but not necessary and then provided available dates like she asked. It is very nice and silly to complain about but I just feel uncomfortable.